You only see each other on weekends. How much more of a break do you need? Out of 7 days, the majority of that time is spent apart.
Sure it would be shit and you wouldn't be able to function for a week, but (queue cliche!), you're 20, there are TONS of fish in the sea.
Something else to consider: You mention a page or so ago that you've both discussed kids, living together, etc. That's pretty much up there with "making life plans". So it's a pretty serious relationship (I guess I'd like to assume thats pretty serious..kids aren't just for christmas presents!)
If she needs "space" from your already diminished interaction (only on weekends as you say)...then how in the world would you cope if you were living together in the future?
From what I can gather from your phonecall, you've agreed that you wont see her on weekends anymore (just do your own thing), for a *while* (how long? - maybe I missed that if you already mentioned it), but you'll still talk on the phone..
Sorry (and I really mean it ), but I think her interest level in the relationship is way lower than yours.
On the plus side, in the country you live in, there are a plethora of ways that aren't legal in other countries, to get over her if the "giving her some space" doesn't work out!
Good luck dude
We will see eachother on the weekends for now, but if we keep argueing, she'll want that space. But hey, if we keep argueing, it's clueless to keep having the relationship...
And we've never had more interaction than only weekends, apart from a few vacations of course, but she's always begging me to come over when I can.
It's just the argueing, she's sick of it, although she's half of the problem, but hey, can't fight with a woman.
It's not the that interest in the relationship has diminished but rather that she wants to stop argueing [which is understandable] and wants to recollect her thoughts because she's gone through some shit lately.
So yeah, instead of fighting this weekend, I'll be kind to her and even pamper her a bit, whenever she wants to focus on school, I'll just go play WoW. :P
Be smart and understand that no one committed enough to deal with your petty problems for long and boring years to come would want to insult that commitment with shit like "relationship pause" from girl's magazines.
She is 18, she probably feels the urge to explore more and she will, whether you like it or not. You both are still children and inexperienced, experience more before you get to the level of "x is the love of my life and i will do everything for her/him!".
And please, don't make a fool of yourself again by asking relationship advice from a forum populated by level 90 virgins, mostly.
And hey, my mum and dad have been together since they were 17, pretty sure some of that is in my genes.
Oh and, yeah, her parents are like that too, plus our method's of thinking are the same. [apart from her being a girl].
Let things go...she's making the decision here let her have what she wants...if she wants you she will get back to you and u will make ur own rules then...but trust me let her go dont accept the pause...if she truly loves u she will oversee everything and get back to you...
Gluck...hope this will be as much painless as it can be
you will grow into it trust me...
A super experienced guy.
That happened alot in year 2 of my relationship with my current GF, i just gave her some space she needed. But even if its a break for a time, dont treat it as a break. There is time during the day to say a couple nice things to reinforce that you do love the girl. Everything takes time amigo, don't try and rush her through it. (Now on year 5 of relationship currently after my little "break" )
I once had a weekend relationship and the problem was my bf came over the weekend and wanted me to be there for him but at the same time he wanted to be with his other friends too. So I needed to go with him all the time to those friends but he didnt have really time for me and us. The other problem was, that all my friends had gratuated school and had only time on weekends where I didnt have time, because my bf wanted me to be with him and his friends. That led to the problem that all week long I was sitting at home because my friends didnt have time and on weekends I couldnt see them either, so I lost some of those friends. It can be hard because you want time with your partner, but time on weekends is limited.Maybe your girlfriend needs some time with her friends too and doesnt has it because she is with you on weekends. That and of course the stress you said she has can make someone feel like they dont have a life of their own so she needs to feel she can do what she wants with her bit of free time without worrying that she needs to be with you in this time. Do you get what I mean? English is my second language so I have problems to find the right words sometime.
We've learnt to deal with that issue, so it's cool now.
As many people have said OP, it might be hard at the minute but the reality is that when your girlfriend asks for a "pause" its because she is no longer committed to the relationship, its their way of paving the way to a breakup or to a comeback if they feel lonely.
It seems you have been in the relationship for a considerable amount of time ( 2.5 years ), and its natural even for her to feel a bit unsure about moving on, its the whole "shopping around" scenario people have already explained here, she will have her pause and either move on to find someone else in the meantime without feeling guilty about it because you are on "pause" and if she does she will basically come back to you and say that she had sometime alone and that she wants to stay that way.
If it doesn't work out for her that way then she might get back to you after a while, you have been apart for a bit so it will freshen things up for a while, but once the novelty wears off again this cycle will restart, unless you can really change her mind about the relationship in that short period of time.
Also when making these decisions to have a "pause" and why, do not have them over the phone, arrange to meet up at least one last time to talk about it and actually try and figure out what is going on, its impossible to know exactly what is going on when people are behind a phone and can just say whatever they want, easier to read a person face to face, being on the phone and far away makes whatever decision she is gonna make guilt free and more emotionally detached. And if it comes to the point where there is a "pause" do *not* go into a mode where you essentially start blaming yourself and want her at all costs ( read: beg ).
if things are at the end of the line for her and I know this sounds strange but some girls do take a different approach to this, and seeing you too attached to let go, might trigger another response which is, "you are too attached and im not, and I dont want to hurt you so its best if we break up now and just become friends", which then again may be just another excuse to break up there and then. But if it ever gets to this point, its over.
This is coming from someone that just came off a 7 year relationship, where we spent the last 6 months, having "pauses" and "space".
Last edited by Fallenraven; 2012-12-04 at 04:02 PM.
Almost always when I have had some delicate/serious/sad/frustrated/crisis discussions that relate to my relationships, the situation hasn't got any better after that phone call. I might be the world's worst person to discuss such matters over the phone, but just my 2 cents there.
Relationships are hard work. People grow apart sometimes, whether they want to or not (I'm not saying this is the case in your situation). After being with my guy for a very long time, living together, I needed a break. We are still together, just not living in the same apartment any longer.
We still love each other, our feelings are clear. We want the other person to be happy, whatever that means. We see each other every weekend, we take trips/vacations together, we spend the holidays together. It's just taking a step back and trying to figure out what you want. Again, I don't know if this is the case with you, but being in a relationship, one person can get lost. "I" becomes "we," and things just seem to happen that way. Essentially, I'm just trying to back up my point that taking a break is not always a bad thing, like most people here seem to believe. Whatever you two decide, gl!
I threw in my two cents before, but after reading more I just wanted to update my thoughts on the situation...
I'm glad you two are communicating & seem to be figuring it out, but I'd still be wary about the relationship & yourselves long term. From everything I've read it sounds like the main issue is arguing is adding to her personal everyday stress & creating even more tension. So really arguing in general is the true issue here. It sounds as though she probably wouldn't need this pause if you two were getting along better.
If it's so bad that she needs to take a pause from time with you just to avoid fighting, then I think you guys really shouldn't just be blaming the current stresses in her world. Really crappy stuff happens sometimes & life is full of stress, if you can't learn to tackle that together & boost each other up rather than fight, neither of you are really going to have a healthy relationship with each other or anyone else for that matter.
Time apart in a relationship (especially one that's intended to last a lifetime) really isn't always an option. Time apart is also just a temporary patch, it's not a real fix to anger in a relationship directed in the wrong places or expressed in the wrong way. You don't want to grow to resent each other, you want to learn to rely on each other. If she's been let down in the past as you've said, she can't bring that to the relationship or use that as an excuse after years together of you not letting her down. After a certain point the excuse becomes empty/lazy & is just a barrier for you two growing closer. You both need to better yourselves so you can treat each other better too.
Hope this helps in some way. You know what you want more than anyone else here & what makes you happy vs. what you can just live with. So in the end it all just comes down to your choices & the world will keep on spinning regardless of how you two handle things. Just don't make yourselves miserable, a relationship should be fun... it's not always easy of course, but if it's never any fun either then it's really not worth the time.
Last edited by Gupkyn; 2012-12-04 at 10:40 PM.
I read the title and just thought the body would say:
"She plays Alliance and I play Horde, what can we do??"
Maybe I live in this happy little single world where couples get on well. Who knows.
OT: "pauses", "breaks", "time apart", "alone time", whatever you want to call them often do lead to the end. If you're happy with a break (up) then go for it otherwise you need to have a serious talk with her to find out what's going on. It's quite possible that you won't patch it up but you can at least try.
Basicly, yeah.Originally Posted by Gupkyn
But she's been in the best mood since a long time, I hope we can work further like this.
We had a great chat on the phone yesterday, better than we've had in a long time, she felt good, energetic, unstressed.
She had a good night sleep, and things started to look up for her, which is great.
She slept really bad lately and her sister going away for 4 months with her laptop being stolen and all, caused a lot of discomfort for her.
So yeah, all in all, yesterday was sublime.
You guys might just be breaking apart, it is why people shouldn't get married while they are too young. Chances of fighting the right person right away is very very slim, unless the two have two seriously settle for each other.