In a terrible position, I don't know what to do!

[StationaryHawk]

I can't imagine anyone having to discuss their porn-watching habits with their parents/siblings-in-law. Talk about awkward. This definitely sounds like a situation where you should have discussed and solved the issue between the both of you, as it's a rather private matter. Or, at least, speaking to your family should have been a last resort.

For the record, I entirely agree with you. I'm not sure where I'd stand on a husband/wife watching porn, but I definitely don't think it's appropriate to do so while they're watching their 2 year old child.

[Jtbrig7390]

Wow, what an insane thread and what an even more insane overreaction by you.

Going to his work to discuss it asap.. it's a little weird but I get that because of the home situation it was the right call. This is where the whole situation should have been over..
Either he told you exactly what happened and that the child wasn't exposed to anything and you drop the subject, or you find out the child WAS exposed to it (doubtful) and as a result you immediately go home and pack his shit and call a divorce lawyer.

I feel like we're missing an important step, like.. what actually happened? Did he tell you what happened? Were you okay with his answer?
Going to your parents was a massive mistake and it will put a huge strain on what you've already described as a troubled relationship.

she already admitted to trust issue's with him so really no matter what he said would have made her happy kinda why she talked to the family and here after.

I get talking on MMOchamp thats fine we don't personally know you or him or anything. but like i said now he has to come home everyday to a family that may think of him as a perv or worse.

[Usako]

Everyone,

I am honestly not trying to bail but I seriously need sleep. My daughter is asleep and I would love to take a nap right now. So much has happened today, and I just finally need to finish unwinding before he comes home and get my thoughts completely together and in order. I appreciate all the feedback I have gotten and in a couple of hours if the forums isn't locked from all the name calling, I will be back to read everything else that anyone else might have said.

Everyone's feedback did help and I took everything seriously that everyone has said and it really has helped me to handle the situation much better and I hope to handle any future situations even better but hopefully they won't occur.

[Vinho]

I get talking on MMOchamp thats fine we don't personally know you or him or anything. but like i said now he has to come home everyday to a family that may think of him as a perv or worse.

This, I've had awkward moments with my girlfriend's parents. If I ever found myself in this sort of situation I'd honestly feel like shit and never want to visit her family ever again, let alone live there.

You need to sort out your trust issues.

[starkey]

Yeah big mistake involving your family, it has nothing to do with them, i dont watch porn i have a girlfriend why do i need to order out when i can get it cooked at home.

[Jtbrig7390]

Yeah big mistake involving your family, it has nothing to do with them, i dont watch porn i have a girlfriend why do i need to order out when i can get it cooked at home.

Sometimes take out can be better....at lease with food and thx now I'm hungry

[raechuul]

The OP said she's caught her husband lying about other things, so it's pretty normal to have trust issues. I have trust issues from much less. That being said, it's all about how you handle it. You need to stay calm and communicate with your partner if you stumble across a lie or something that makes you feel strange.

From what I've read, she's done fine, except bringing it up to her parents whom her husband also lives with. Too personal, and she didn't know the whole situation it seems before she went to them.
Stopping into his work is not out of line... if he's on a break or lunch, what does it matter? Especially if they're in the car with the windows up? As long as it isn't a scene, everyone else around probably thinks she just brought him lunch or is talking about bills or something.

My advice is just take a deep breath, it seems like you've talked more in depth to your husband about it and it seems like things are starting to work out. Best of luck.

[Jtbrig7390]

Stopping into his work is not out of line... if he's on a break or lunch, what does it matter? Especially if they're in the car with the windows up? As long as it isn't a scene, everyone else around probably thinks she just brought him lunch or is talking about bills or something.

But the thing is it could have been a scene or something. she could have waited for him to get home and they go somewhere "even drive around the block" to talk about it.

Point is there was many better ways to handle it.

[Shmeh]

Your husband works 10 hour days, I'm assuming 5 days a week, he watches the kid in the mornings and evenings, that adds even more to his day. While you... sleep? Since you're not working. He lives with his inlaws, wife and daughter. You told his inlaws, that he fucking lives with, about his porn watching habits and now he's going to have to have a conversation with them about it.

The fact that you even mention that you suspected it of being child porn, or him of touching your kid just based on the fact that he watched porn is ludicrous. An issue this small causes this large of a shitstorm? I don't blame him for lying to you, if this type of insane shit is his alternative.

[Deleted]

I didn't fuck off, I actually went to his work to talk to him alone with no one around or butting their heads in. It worked out quite well.

It didnt work well as you then felt you had to/decided you wanted to go and talk to your family about an incredibly embarrassing. Now either you think your husband is a child molester in which case you should have gone to the police or you had absolutely no right to involve your family and you still have told us nothing about your conversation with your husband other then that it went well, so why ask your family?

[mvaliz]

To help everyone understand, I did talk to my husband first.

No offense... but why are you avoiding telling us what he said in response?

I really would need to know what his reasons were before taking any action.

FYI - husbands watching porn isn't a bad thing... in fact, one wife I knew got upset about it at first, thinking he was "looking at other women" - but then I suggested to her that she looked at it from a different angle. What she did was watched the porn he was watching - and analyzing what he was watching, realizing that perhaps her husband had sexual ideas he wanted to experience - but were afraid to mention it to her about it.

She changed up their "routine" and tossed in a few new things she saw as reoccurring themes in the kinds of porn he watched... and BLAM - their relationship got better, and he stopped watching the porn.

Don't know if that helps you, but consider that there's more than one reason he may watch it.

[SirRobin]

You know, reading through this. I think the biggest takeaway, for me, is that I am so relieved that I don't have the energy for drama anymore. Neither direct, nor voyeuristic. While getting old sucks. It has an upside too.

[Jtbrig7390]

You know, reading through this. I think the biggest takeaway, for me, is that I am so relieved that I don't have the energy for drama anymore. Neither direct, nor voyeuristic. While getting old sucks. It has an upside too.

I'm 22 almost 23 and I got no time/energy for drama.

[Deleted]

You know, reading through this. I think the biggest takeaway, for me, is that I am so relieved that I don't have the energy for drama anymore. Neither direct, nor voyeuristic. While getting old sucks. It has an upside too.

There should have been no drama this should have been sorted out by 2 mature parents. However one of them who still lives with her mother despite being a parent herself decided to involve her own family. I think that using an anonymous forum as a soundboard is valid since the poor husband doesn't have to come over to my house like a reticent schoolboy and explain himself.

In my opinion she has ruined her marriage either in the short term or the long term. Believe me he will NEVER forget this humiliation and its going to fester till the very end. I feel sorry for the child as I doubt the mother is mature enough to raise a child, I hope granny is young enough to take over (perhaps this is why they are still at hope)

[HeroicOrder]

watching it and doing what most men do when they watch it to a guy are 2 totally different things, just explain to him a more appropriate time to watch it and he will understand.

[poser765]

But the thing is it could have been a scene or something. she could have waited for him to get home and they go somewhere "even drive around the block" to talk about it.

Point is there was many better ways to handle it.

yeah you really don't know enough about anything to make that assumption. I'm not bothered at all that she went to his work to talk to him, because in MY own experience I can get as much privacy at work as I want. Talking to him at work may very well have been the best thing to do.

To many people are heckling this lady. Sure she could have handled the situation better, but I really do think she sees that. Also, anyone that says you would leave you wife over something like this...the mother of your child...is exactly why it should be hard to get married...so you would think twice about just cutting out when things get tough.

Bottom line, marriage aint easy and it's not obvious. Mistakes get made all the time. Some big and some small. She made a mistake, but so did he. You work through that...not throw up your hands and say fuck it.

She seems to be trying to work through it.

[Wafflemonster]

They did over react but I feel once my husband comes home and has a nice talk with them things between them will be sorted out as well.

If he ends up apologizing for the act of watching porn, thats not fair to him at all. If he apologizes for doing it near his daughter then well thats fine. In my opinion he was an idiot to do it near his daughter and on a computer everyone uses. I'm somewhat confused as to why he just sits and watches it and does well... nothing. Some comedian said I believe it was Luis CK that "Everyone watches porn or jacks off, of course there are exceptions but if your rather normal friend says he thinks porn is gross he's lying his ass off.

[SirRobin]

I'm 22 almost 23 and I got no time/energy for drama.

Really? I had the energy for it all the way through my early thirties. My time with a cajun voodoo queen were the last drama days for me.

[poser765]

There should have been no drama this should have been sorted out by 2 mature parents. However one of them who still lives with her mother despite being a parent herself decided to involve her own family. I think that using an anonymous forum as a soundboard is valid since the poor husband doesn't have to come over to my house like a reticent schoolboy and explain himself.

In my opinion she has ruined her marriage either in the short term or the long term. Believe me he will NEVER forget this humiliation and its going to fester till the very end. I feel sorry for the child as I doubt the mother is mature enough to raise a child, I hope granny is young enough to take over (perhaps this is why they are still at hope)

Holy Hyperbole, batman

[Wafflemonster]

Yeah big mistake involving your family, it has nothing to do with them, i dont watch porn i have a girlfriend why do i need to order out when i can get it cooked at home.

You never order pizza or Chinese?