In a terrible position, I don't know what to do!

[Sodka]

I actually LOL'd so hard thank you for this

Infracted.

Post constructively.

wow if you think this is funny you have A LOT of issues.

[raechuul]

But the thing is it could have been a scene or something. she could have waited for him to get home and they go somewhere "even drive around the block" to talk about it.

Point is there was many better ways to handle it.

Maybe there was a better way to handle it, but two mature adults know how to avoid causing a scene. I have bad anxiety, and I have visited my boyfriend at work while having a panic attack before and was able to be polite with everyone around and act normal, and asked him if he could take his break. Then when we got to my car I would start to cry or whatever and no one ever knew.

[Deleted]

Yeah big mistake involving your family, it has nothing to do with them, i dont watch porn i have a girlfriend why do i need to order out when i can get it cooked at home.

You are missing out, why not have both? Most people do.

[Neurodilation]

I just have to echo what a lot of others said in saying that telling your family is beyond messed up. So yeah, you talked it out with him at work and all that; and now he wants to speak to your family directly. Guess what? He has to. He truly has no choice in the matter unless he wants to look as terrible as possible to them. At least by talking to them directly, he can save a little face by coming across as a man who can own up what he does and maybe attempt to explain the situation away. But in the end, you said your family is a porn = pure evil, no exceptions kind of family. So the man has to basically prostrate himself before your judgmental family, humiliate himself, and still walk away looking like a whipped puppy and an evil sicko in your family's eyes. Lose/lose situation there. This situation was handled terribly.

Thank god you guys are moving out into your own place. Although I know that if I were him, I would never want to see your family again. And truly, like many others said, I don't know how much I'd want you to know about what I do in the future for fear that it would end up everyone I know's business.

[Arch0s]

You sure about that? At age 3 I was nearly murdered when my alcoholic, abusive father fought with my mother and tipped the fridge onto its doors. It crushed my toes, I still have some disfigurement from it. I remember ALL OF IT. So please, tell me more about how she won't remember it.

Flashbulb memory....... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flashbulb_memory

Child watching a father figure watching something on his laptop and playing with his wee-wee isn't really an emotionally charged / consequential event that would be remembered

[Jtbrig7390]

Really? I had the energy for it all the way through my early thirties. My time with a cajun voodoo queen were the last drama days for me.

Lol I learned early life is to short to waste on drama.

[This name sucks]

Which can include trauma. We don't know what kind of porn he's looking at. He could be looking at artsy, airbrushed stills or he could be watching some seriously fucked up BDSM/rape-fantasy shit. Also, what YOU view as life-changing or traumatic is most likely perceived very differently by a 2 year old mind.

Whats wrong with bdsm?

[Auloria]

I don't get why there's so much emphasis on keeping this a secret. If the child had seen the porn and tried to copy it, and the grandparents observed that, they'd be blaming it on sexual abuse. Now there is a rational explanation for that behavior. You only have a right to privacy to the extent that other people aren't getting hurt. What if the brother had seen some other off-the-mark behavior from the husband, and with the porn they could put 2 and 2 together and realize he was abusing the child? Should they both required to keep it secret so as not to hurt his feelings? Give me a break, he's a grown ass man, he can take the consequences of HIS ACTIONS.

Anyway, the family doesn't have their pedo pitchforks out, calm down. Getting a little embarrassed over porn is a stupid reason to divorce your wife, especially when she was legitimately freaked out. If you can't emphasize with another person's point of view, marriage isn't for you anyway.

[Zavri]

So what kind of porn was it?

[poser765]

So what kind of porn was it?

I think this is a really important question

[Kraenen]

You sure about that? At age 3 I was nearly murdered when my alcoholic, abusive father fought with my mother and tipped the fridge onto its doors. It crushed my toes, I still have some disfigurement from it. I remember ALL OF IT. So please, tell me more about how she won't remember it.

seeing some images of some girl being uncomfortable on a computer screen with no context about nudity or even the notion of lust, is quite different from having an abusive father drop a fridge on your feet

[Deleted]

seeing some images of some girl being uncomfortable on a computer screen with no context about nudity or even the notion of lust, is quite different from having an abusive father drop a fridge on your feet

Seeing it once or twice may not matter as much but if it happens a lot i think they could remember for quite some time.
If she were to see it more than once and maybe try to copy whatever she saw on her dads screen with her friends, Maybe it sounds unlikely but children don't really have to know what something is about to start doing it.

And OP if there is the urge to watch porn while watching the little one, I can only think of there being problems in your sex life? That is private ofcourse but i can't help to think otherwise.
I guess its something he does without thinking as it needs to happen then and there. I don't think thats healthy.

[Deleted]

this forum needs a "view other posts by the OP" button, people keep on responding to the OP's first post.