Guys, Feelings and expressing them!

[Deleted]

So i think its safe to say girls have an easier time expressing their feelings to eachother or to a guy or towards their friends.
When the boyfriend broke up with the girl or her parents are so unreasonable today! Hanging on the sofa with one of your friends crying about life or comforting eachother doesen't sound that weird.

But How do guys generally deal with these things? Do they do the same and im completely mistaken with what i think or is it much more dificult?
Do guys rather say " I don't care" when something bad has happend and keep it to themselves or are they indeed open about it?
Do Guys go to their friends and talk about how inlove they are with their new girlfriends.
Do guys cry out with their friends when their girlfriend has cheated on them, Doesen't spend much time with them anymore or treats them bad?

Whenever i ask my male friends they pretty much put up the "cool wall" And well aren't that open about anything when it comes to their feelings.
As this is a forum and things are a bit more anonymous i figured some people would answer? So how do you deal with your feelings and how do you express them? Do you indeed keep it to yourself or talk to your male friends or rather a girl?

Anyone?

Oh and if what i wrote is completely wrong feel free to say what and why

Edit: Do you look down upon men who do share their emotions with other men/women?

[Deleted]

Most men do not cry in public, nothing wrong with a good cry in private though. Thats how men tend to deal with things, privately, maybe discuss things with a close friend or 2.

[DEATHETERNAL]

Feelings? What feelings?

[Deadvolcanoes]

I don't hide my feelings because I'm a guy, I hide them because its a more effective method of coping, for me.

This is, of course, completely dependent on the person. Some people gain a lot by talking and sharing their feelings. I get almost nothing out of it.

If I can make sense of a problem or situation in my head, there's no need for me to burden other people.

[Spectral]

I don't hide my feelings anywhere outside of work.

[Wolfbear]

Just have to deal with it.

[acoolnamehere]

i only really discuss it with my closest friends, and even then, they have to ask me about my relationship bc i wont open up to them. Some guys tend to keep things to themselves. it really depends on whether the guy feels he can take care of it on his own

[weedsurge]

this is a very complex and deep process for us so i'll lay it out in a step by step format.

1) get drunk
2) bang random girl

hope this helps. if a man is really emotional and just broke up with the love of his life he may have to repeat these steps 1 more time.

[Calzaeth]

It's not that I actively hide my feelings, it is just that I have an easier time of explaining them than expressing them.

On the flipside, I'm a verbal maestro

[Deleted]

this is a very complex and deep process for us so i'll lay it out in a step by step format.

1) get drunk
2) bang random girl

hope this helps. if a man is really emotional and just broke up with the love of his life he may have to repeat these steps 1 more time.

Yeah, not many people would actually do that after breaking up with a long term relationship. Getting drunk is very common though.

[Deleted]

I'd rather have them suppressed or not think about them than to bore someone with my problems. ;p

[anveena]

I bottle them up and deal with them when I can't keep them bottled up anymore. Whenever I do get around to having to deal with them I do it privately.

[hiragana]

Just get drunk, it all comes out then.

[Tsuna]

I can't help but feel like coping mechanisms can't be TOO different between men and women, most just won't talk about it. When I'm depressed about something or other I often take some time for myself, eat pizza or chocolate (or both) and watch tv or play video games. When I'm confused about something and don't know how to approach a problem I ask my friends, guys tend to confide personal things to their close friends just as I'm sure girls do. But how much we confide in one another is dependent on the person and situations. As some other folks here mentioned, most guys tend to mask their emotions while working, it just helps get the job done, it's just wearing the right persona for the right situation.

[Mortai2]

I firmly believe a lot of it comes from what society has "made" or "taught" us men folk to be like. We're "supposed" to be tough, keep our feelings inside, show nobody but our closest partners (for example) our true feelings. Be stoic, resolute, unwavering, macho, etc.

We're just as capable of emotion as females, and in the same way, we're just tuned against it from our environment.

My favorite example of environment dictating our actions would be that if somebody points a gun at you (grizzly hypothetical, I know), you will instinctively put your hands up. Why? In the first Futurama movie (Bender's Big Score), he goes back in time to Egypt and points his gun at the Egyptians carrying a sarcophagus. The Egyptians put their hands up. Think about it...they wouldn't really put their hands up, they wouldn't know to do that because they've never seen that weapon before and their environment has left them with absolutely no idea with how to react.

It'd be like some alien appearing before you and holding a gated light source over their head and telling you to stop moving. Suppose putting your hands up is an expression of hostility to them and the alien kills you on the spot :P

Anyway I'm getting sidetracked. Environment, expectations, movies saying "This is how REAL men act," etc have all come together to basically tell men that wearing their feelings on the outside would make him a wuss. That's simply not true.

Think about it!

[Deleted]

I bottle them up and deal with them when I can't keep them bottled up anymore. Whenever I do get around to having to deal with them I do it privately.

Doesen't that give more "stress" when you do deal with them? Not that you have to deal with everything right then and there whenever problems show up but having a lot of problems at the same time sounds like a bit much to me. Or is this the way that works out for you best after trying diffrent methods? ( if you have )

I'd rather have them suppressed or not think about them than to bore someone with my problems. ;p

Does that mean when someone has problems and think you're the right person to talk to you rather have them not either because you don't?

[Deleted]

Well, I keep it to myself more often than not, and this may sound like "Holy hell i'm such a badass" but I don't get overly emotional, for instance last time I cried was at my grandfathers funeral two years ago, before that I can't even remember.
As to how I deal with things, I generally keep it to myself, unimportant things like "Fuck that went to hell, now I feel like shit" sure, but anything serious I keep to myself, and if people ask about it I just give a brief explanation of what happened, for instance a girl I was seeing a few months back, it ended very suddenly and my friends all wondered how I was doing and my exact response was "Meh, shit happens, I'll just move on" because that's the way I deal with life, there's no reason to go about being depressed about something you cannot change, so just drop it and move on.

*EDIT*
Does that mean when someone has problems and think you're the right person to talk to you rather have them not either because you don't?
Well I can't talk for the person who made the original statement, but in my case I don't mind, I enjoy feeling that someone trusts me enough to want to share whatever has happened to them, but I don't feel the need to do the same, and I do rather keep it to myself.

[Sorrior]

Talk to close friends and family myself. Buuut TBH stress for me is best dealt with by say sleeping since i'm not allowed to fight a good friendly bout with some friends.

But yeah it REALLY depends. I don't like drinking and random bangings aren't my style. So for me talk to close friends/ get depressed and sleep or simply fight.

All work well for me.

[Zdrasti]

For the most part I deal with emotional issues privately. That being said, I'll discuss some things with buddies and even some girls just for a sanity check. But the more serious heavy lifting only I can do myself and I tend to work those things out alone.

I'll also stress that it seems to take me some time to work things out because I tend to go through the emotional range at a slower rate. Girls seem to have this ability to experience many emotions all at once. Not me. If I'm mad about an issue today, I'll likely be mad about it all day regardless of how long I think about it. I work through everything associated with being mad. Then a day or two later I'll be tired of being angry and another emotion will come to the surface and I'll work through that one. I know that about myself and try not to make any important decisions if I haven't yet worked through my angry stage.

But as for your original point, I wouldn't talk to someone about something emotional unless *I* wanted to talk to them about it. If they ask me and I don't feel like talking about it, don't feel like they are someone I should talk about it with, etc etc etc, I simply won't.

[Deleted]

Does that mean when someone has problems and think you're the right person to talk to you rather have them not either because you don't?

No, no. If people have problems and they want to share with me, I'll let them, it's normal, and I'll gladly listen and help if necessary, but when it's me that needs to spill something out, I'd just rather not to do that because I don't like to bother people.