Guys, Feelings and expressing them!

[Narveid]

Hmm .. I think I prefer just thinking about it myself, rather than talking to people about it.

[Deleted]

You guys have pretty low self esteem if you think your feelings are not a concern of your family and friends. And if they aren't a concern, I would get new friends.

I don't have low self esteem, I just dislike to bother people, whether it's to share my feelings or not, it's uncomfortable.

[Cafua]

So i think its safe to say girls have an easier time expressing their feelings to eachother or to a guy or towards their friends.
When the boyfriend broke up with the girl or her parents are so unreasonable today! Hanging on the sofa with one of your friends crying about life or comforting eachother doesen't sound that weird.

But How do guys generally deal with these things? Do they do the same and im completely mistaken with what i think or is it much more dificult?
Do guys rather say " I don't care" when something bad has happend and keep it to themselves or are they indeed open about it?
Do Guys go to their friends and talk about how inlove they are with their new girlfriends.
Do guys cry out with their friends when their girlfriend has cheated on them, Doesen't spend much time with them anymore or treats them bad?

Whenever i ask my male friends they pretty much put up the "cool wall" And well aren't that open about anything when it comes to their feelings.
As this is a forum and things are a bit more anonymous i figured some people would answer? So how do you deal with your feelings and how do you express them? Do you indeed keep it to yourself or talk to your male friends or rather a girl?

Anyone?

Oh and if what i wrote is completely wrong feel free to say what and why

I'm sorry it just sounds like the guys you are talking about are still in this whole "I'm a bad ass with swagger so I get drunk and fuck bitches" phase. Part of becoming a MAN in my opinion is showing the people around you, both genders, that you don't care about what people think of your actual feelings toward any situation. The "cool wall" is just something that immature guys do because they still haven't realized what being an adult with responsibilities is like. I have a girlfriend that I've been dating for a year and we're actually having a baby soon. When we first dated I was still un-loyal and talked to other girls but I've really learned responsibility and trust, also having a baby is putting my life in perspective.

So pretty much the guys you think are the majority of guys aren't the majority. They're still boys. You haven't met enough men in your life.

[Turin]

Hmm, I don't usually share my feelings for 2 reasons I can think of right now:

First, I simply dislike feeling bad, so I sorta don't. I simply ignore bad feelings, though I doubt that works for many people.
Second, I don't want to create a sad atmosphere. I prefer to simply have fun, rather than talk sad stuff. I don't mind other people speaking about their feelings though. Helping friends doesn't bother me, but it bothers me, having to be helped.
Come to think of it, I don't suppose that's a good thing

[jbhasban]

I don't have low self esteem, I just dislike to bother people, whether it's to share my feelings or not, it's uncomfortable.

Why do you think it is a bother to them? Does it bother you if a friend of yours needs to talk to you about their feelings? If so, that is not very empathetic of you. If you think your feelings are a bother to others, that suggests you do not think your feelings are important. If you do not think your feelings are important, then you have low self esteem because your feelings are an important part of what makes you you. Now, I do not think that means you need to tell people when you get rejected by a girl you asked out or when a pet dog dies. Those things may be hurt but in the grand scheme of things they are not that big of a deal. But having a gf betray your love for a few years by cheating on you constantly or something along those lines are not mere emotional slights.

[Choptimus]

Just man up

[jbhasban]

Hmm, I don't usually share my feelings for 2 reasons I can think of right now:

First, I simply dislike feeling bad, so I sorta don't. I simply ignore bad feelings, though I doubt that works for many people.
Second, I don't want to create a sad atmosphere. I prefer to simply have fun, rather than talk sad stuff. I don't mind other people speaking about their feelings though. Helping friends doesn't bother me, but it bothers me, having to be helped.
Come to think of it, I don't suppose that's a good thing

No, it isn't. Part of growing up is learning how to take help and appreciate help. Both in your personal and professional life. If you always help people and never let them help you, you are allowing people to use you. You may not care but those people who you help will lose respect for you. Every relationship you have should be give and take.

[Pfeff]

1) Get fucked up
2) Feel nothing
3) Get over it
4) Don't tell anyone. Ever

Repeat step 1 until step 3 is complete

[LilSaihah]

pet dog dies.not that big of a deal.

get ouuuut

[Deleted]

Why do you think it is a bother to them? Does it bother you if a friend of yours needs to talk to you about their feelings? If so, that is not very empathetic of you. If you think your feelings are a bother to others, that suggests you do not think your feelings are important. If you do not think your feelings are important, then you have low self esteem because your feelings are an important part of what makes you you.

I don't know, that's just how I think. No, like I've said in previous posts, it doesn't bother me if other people want to share their feelings with me.

No, no, I think my feelings are very important, I think about them and I try to over come them, by myself, I don't want people to mess or have anything to do with them, generally because I rarely know of anyone, and sharing with my family is something I don't like considering the current "situation".

[jbhasban]

get ouuuut

Oh, don't get me wrong. I love my dog and when she dies I will probably feel sad for a bit. I may even tell people that she has died. But I have had pets die in the past and the type of emotional pain involved is not even close to heartbreak or when your parents die. Plus, I am getting a puppy in a few weeks.

[Turin]

No, it isn't. Part of growing up is learning how to take help and appreciate help. Both in your personal and professional life. If you always help people and never let them help you, you are allowing people to use you. You may not care but those people who you help will lose respect for you. Every relationship you have should be give and take.

This confuses me a little bit.
How are they using me? By abusing my 'kindness' while never being 'kind' back, or..?
And why would they lose respect for me?

[Raidenx]

What are you talking about? My male privilege and patriarchal superiority means I have no problems! Get lost you goof.

[Hyve]

A man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he's a man.

- Gus, Breaking Bad

I pretty much follow that train of thought in life. I man up, and deal with it. Nothing wrong with feeling upset and worried, but you just have to move on and do your job.

[LilSaihah]

What are you talking about? My male privilege and patriarchal superiority means I have no problems! Get lost you goof.

They're the same thing! I think you meant your whiteness or your heterosexuality; they're the only other privileges I can think of that you might need to check.

[Deleted]

the way i deal with my feelings is vie my own music, helps so much for me atleast

Edit: it can be heard on my Soundcloud in my sig if you want to hear it

[Raidenx]

They're the same thing! I think you meant your whiteness or your heterosexuality; they're the only other privileges I can think of that you might need to check.

Actually I'm black and bisexual, so luckily for me I'm not nearly as oppressive as you likely are. You should apologize to me.

[LilSaihah]

Actually I'm black and bisexual, so luckily for me I'm not nearly as oppressive as you likely are. You should apologize to me.

oh god i'm so sorry

[jbhasban]

This confuses me a little bit.
How are they using me? By abusing my 'kindness' while never being 'kind' back, or..?
And why would they lose respect for me?

It depends on the situation. If you get something from them, then it may not be use. If they help you with work or invite you into their social circle that you would feel too uncomfortable to be in otherwise, then you are getting something in return. But if they come to you whenever they have a problem and rarely include you in anything otherwise, that is use.

Would you respect a gf who bought you gifts, did anything you asked of her, and allowed you to do anything you wanted (sleep with other girls, go out to bars on her birthday)? It is very hard to respect someone who allows themselves to be exploited. You may have a friend who is a lawyer. You may ask them for advice. But if you ask them to do substantial legal work for you, and they do it, wouldn't you feel weird?

[ranku]

I find that in general I don't RECOGNIZE my feelings other than the simple ones (such as anger, joy etc) which i have found to be a bad thing as it causes me to not know how to express them and really everything is bottled up. this has been changing for the better recently but whenever drama happens or anything that would cause an extreme reaction, i tend to shut down more than anything, i just can't figure out how to react to my own emotions really.