1. #1

    Do you ever think aboit the relationship that got away while in another

    Ok well need to find out if what i go through is normal so im going to post the whole story here to see if anyone else has dealt woth this.

    I was in high school, im 29 now, I was dating a girl not from my high school so noone really knew her. I had a girl i was interested in that i went to school with.and went out a few times with her behind my girls back, but nothing ever got physical but we were close and she knew i was dating the other girl. I was very much so more attracted to the friend. I ended up getting my girl at the time pregnant so you can infer i felt obligated to stay with her even though i didnt want to. My girl found out i was hanging out with this other girl and called my best friend to find out what was going on. He told her nothing that we just hang out. Well needless to say i was told not to go near this girl even though she was in well my clique of friends. When the other girls i hung around with heard what was going on they laid into her baddly. They basically shunned her to the point that she didnt even want to go to school. I took this about as hard as she did because i had genuine feelings for her but felt i had to stay on the side of the pregnant girl. Well needless to say nlne of it worked out. I ended up leaving my girl after i went to college and had a few more relationships, but never was able to talk to the other girl again.

    I am now married 8 years with the same woman for 10 years. Yet its about weekly i feel degected still by what i did to this girl. Ive wrestled with it for years feeling like i could have done more. Ive made attempts to apologize in the past but she still held a real sour taste in her mouth for me. I guess im still paying for letting what happened happen as punnishment for it but i still for some reason cant get over it sincethe feelings were so strong for this girl. Has anyone else dealt with something like this? I mean i dont want to pursue this girl but i think about her often wonder how shes doing and i havent seen her in 11 years. Last time i saw her i tried to apologize and got smacked for it. It just eats away at me still as the biggest mistake of my life and i dont know why.

    ---------- Post added 2012-12-14 at 12:19 PM ----------

    Damn phone always screws up my spelling.

  2. #2
    Mechagnome Liagala's Avatar
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    I think everyone has a "the one that got away" story. It's pretty common for people to think about someone from their past who had a big effect on them but things didn't work out for one reason or another. You just have to remind yourself that the boat has sailed - playing "what if" can and will happen, but don't let yourself get wrapped up in it. You'll make yourself miserable.

  3. #3
    If there's doubt in my mind I simply end the relationship. I have no desire to "stick it out", if I'm regretting anything then it's better for everyone involved that I simply leave, they will get over me and be happy with someone else soon enough. To answer the question, I do have one who got away but if at any point I wish I should've done something better, I'll soon make myself single because my current relationship is clearly not engaging enough.

    I'm not saying I'd end a marriage, but I'd never get in that scenario to begin with. Nothing against you but my world view is totally different, I view relationships as simple fleeting events.
    One cannot simply quit wow his way into Mordor.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Felfury View Post
    If there's doubt in my mind I simply end the relationship. I have no desire to "stick it out", if I'm regretting anything then it's better for everyone involved that I simply leave, they will get over me and be happy with someone else soon enough. To answer the question, I do have one who got away but if at any point I wish I should've done something better, I'll soon make myself single because my current relationship is clearly not engaging enough.

    I'm not saying I'd end a marriage, but I'd never get in that scenario to begin with. Nothing against you but my world view is totally different, I view relationships as simple fleeting events.
    Nah its not so much the what if scenario but more the guilt i feel for what happened. Maybe i made the tittle wrong. Probably why to i still feel guilty 10 years later over something so insignifigant. It has no effect on my relationship now. Just still feel guilty over ruining a part of someones life. It was bad what happened words cant even explain it while o watched it and did nothing. I just dont get why i still think a out it.

  5. #5
    Mechagnome Osyrus's Avatar
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    no leave her alone. Seriously I was that chick that someone emotionally cheated on with. She would rather be left the hell alone then to drag all those feelings up.

    You did what you did. Happily married right?

    Leave her alone. Its better for her. What to do something nice? Leave her alone

  6. #6
    Hmmm towards the question on topic, no.

    I feel that the past has no right to interfere with the present, and when it does it needs to be solved or go.
    Hardly ever think of girls ive dated, never kept contact nor wanted to, even though i never had a "bad break up", i simply feel that ex's belong in the ex's category, and wont have them in my life to avoid any potential problems with currents.
    Keeps my mind clean, never find myself looking back and wondering "what if".

    From experience talking with friends, that does happen a lot to people who are facing current relationship problems, they always turn to the past, emotions on the past start being filtered, you dont remember the bad nearly as much, and the good things become sweeter, its how memory works...

    In the case of that girl, personally, I would send her a letter, so there is no comebacks, there is no ifs and whats.
    A simple letter letting her know that you feel, and always felt really sorry for it, never meant any of that to happen and were a coward to not step up, but never had to courage to apologize, but you are doing it now as something made you remember her and you felt you needed to do the right thing, no need for further contact, just a simple apology.

    If you are stuck with that, she likely also has.
    You cant open old wounds, either they never closed or they are already healed, either she will get closure or she will smile and keep on with her life.

    I did some bad things as well in my youth, we all do, it wasnt a relationship but still a bit of emotional bullying to two girls, and after 6 years i did apologize, recognizing i was being a coward.
    It felt good, really did, and they were already fine with it, we chatted a bit and still do time to time, the errors of the past... we were kids back then, should not define who we are nowadays.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Kurioxan View Post
    the errors of the past... we were kids back then, should not define who we are nowadays.
    Regardless of choice, our past will always define us. The present & future should be used to dictate who we are today.

  8. #8
    Pandaren Monk Auloria's Avatar
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    I understand what you mean. I feel guilty about my actions have affected others in my relationships when I was younger.

    However, everyone has to go through that, you learn from your mistakes about what's important, how to treat others, this prepares you for the relationship you have now. Don't dwell on the past, be grateful for what you have now. You definitely don't want to dwell on it as the "one that got away" or you might find your marriage turning into the one that got away. Let the past be, that girl has moved on and learned from it, and you don't want to contact her and drag out old bad feelings and add emotional confusion to the mix.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Blackeyecycle View Post
    Regardless of choice, our past will always define us. The present & future should be used to dictate who we are today.
    No, i dont fully agree, unless im misinterpreting.

    The past will be used to judge us, but it does not define us.
    Unless you are talking about learning from mistakes and successes, then yes, but that is a whole different matter, i dont see it as defining us, more of shaping us.

    Then again there are 3 different type of persons, and each type subdivided into 2... past oriented, present oriented, future oriented, each has a negative and positive branch, they can intermingle ofc.

    Im present-future oriented, the past, to me is meaningless, it is the future we should care for and use the present to shape it, what is gone is gone and has no right to interfere with the present.

  10. #10
    I screwed up any chance with any girl in my high school, it was that bad.

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