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  1. #1

    Embarrassingly Funny Stories

    So I think I might be a sex offender. Here is the story.

    The other day my wife is on her way home and right before I hop in the shower she pulls up. So I go to surprise her with a naked husband in a towel. Right when she walks up and I open the towel a school bus full of kids goes right by the big open window. So I exposed myself unknowingly to like 30+ kids. Talk about a record.

    So let's hear some more funny embarrassing stories.

  2. #2
    Pit Lord Martinussen's Avatar
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    a 13 year old girl pulled down my pants cus she wanted to see my dick and i were too drunk to comprehend wtf happened so it took my a while to get them back up.

    (legal age is 15 here in denmark)

    So yea, im a sex offender aswell. Welcome to the club mate!
    "When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you'll be successful"
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsSC2vx7zFQ

  3. #3
    I live with a roommate for 5 out of 7 days at Uni.

    Once after I took a shower I realized I hadn't taken either new pair of undies NOR a towel. >.>
    The only way for me to get dressed was going back in the room with him there.. I covered whatever I could of myself with the dirty pair of underwear I had before entering the shower and went to my room. Carefully navigated to my drawer, took my shit and gtfo-ed faster than a bunch of robbers leaving the local bank.

    Luckily enough for me he was too busy playing on his PC to notice my random nakedness and the speed with which I left.
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  4. #4
    Lol. I did that in college as well. Except I just yelled "Super rock hard American penis number one!" as my best friend and asian gf sat there as I ran through.

  5. #5
    My second week in college my roommate brought a girl back to the room while I was sleeping. I was really thin back then, so thin that in his drunken state he didn't even notice I was in my bed covered by a thick quilt and assumed I was out. Anyway, I woke up midway through them screwing, and was faced with the decision to either let them finish and hopefully not notice me, or just announce my presence and get the hell out of there. I went with the latter... I've never heard a girl scream louder in my life than when I pulled back my covers and walked out of the room.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Dhurn View Post
    My second week in college my roommate brought a girl back to the room while I was sleeping. I was really thin back then, so thin that in his drunken state he didn't even notice I was in my bed covered by a thick quilt and assumed I was out. Anyway, I woke up midway through them screwing, and was faced with the decision to either let them finish and hopefully not notice me, or just announce my presence and get the hell out of there. I went with the latter... I've never heard a girl scream louder in my life than when I pulled back my covers and walked out of the room.
    Hahahah, kinda same story with a previous roommate, he got her in while I was still half-asleep, even introduced her (talking about being drunk). I went to sleep and woke up on them, decided to just try and sleep and not ruin his pickup, sadly they decided to make noise for the next 3 hours -.- worst time of my life, listening to their drunk talks and shit.. Finally I noisily went to the bathroom, when I came back all was quiet. He couldn't talk to me out of shame for the next three days.
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  7. #7
    Not strictly an embarasing story, though it had the potential, and I'm sure I'll find it funny... eventually... maybe after a couple of decades...

    It was a tranquil Saturday morning, nice cosy weather in the spring. I was lazing around in bed, playing with a butterfly, just generally enjoying myself. I had only just received it, and with a fresh pack of batteries they were pulling quite a punch. Then out of nowhere, there was two loud bangs and I snapped up to find my mother bellowing at me next to my bed.

    Apparently I forgot to lock up before going to sleep (again), allowing her to open both the screen door and the actual door, then barge right in before I could even react in my hazy state. Fortunately, the butterfly was harnessed on and hidden underneath my clothes (foresight!). So there I was, on the verge of getting off, while my own mother unsuspectingly ranted about some business trouble she's having with her partner, in between berating me over my sleeping habits and choice of attire...

    One of those rare moments of my life when I'm glad my mother is so extremely self-absorbed and noisy
    Last edited by semaphore; 2012-12-16 at 07:20 AM.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by semaphore View Post
    Not strictly an embarasing story, though it had the potential, and I'm sure I'll find it funny... eventually... maybe after a couple of decades...

    It was a tranquil Saturday morning, nice cosy weather in the spring. I was lazing around in bed, playing with a butterfly, just generally enjoying myself. I had only just received it, and with a fresh pack of batteries they were pulling quite a punch. Then out of nowhere, there was two loud bangs and I snapped up to find my mother bellowing at me next to my bed.

    Apparently I forgot to lock up before going to sleep (again), allowing her to open both the screen door and the actual door, then barge right in before I could even react in my hazy state. Fortunately, the butterfly was harnessed on and hidden underneath my clothes (foresight!). So there I was, on the verge of getting off, while my own mother unsuspectingly ranted about some business trouble she's having with her partner, in between berating me over my sleeping habits and choice of attire...

    One of those rare moments of my life when I'm glad my mother is so extremely self-absorbed and noisy
    I laughed. Twice actually. The first time was when I thought it was a real butterfly. The second was when I realized what it actually was.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Shmeh View Post
    I laughed. Twice actually. The first time was when I thought it was a real butterfly. The second was when I realized what it actually was.
    Hehe, I wondered how many people would have picked up on that. Though a real butterfly so up close (down there!) would give me the creeps

  10. #10
    Stood in the Fire lazypeon100's Avatar
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    A few years ago, when the Wii was still new I was playing some Super Smash Brothers Brawl with my friends using the Wii's online feature. Now, I play very seriously in any game I intend to do well at, and brawl was just one of those games where I was going to be as competitive as possible with my friends. I had stayed up the previous night practicing to play better, hopefully learn some new tricks. Anyway, the day I'm playing against my friends, I'm sitting out in the middle of the living room on the arm of the leather couch we own in my house. I was so focused on the game, and too tired to even realize it, I was sliding off the couch, and before I knew it I fell, hit the coffee table on my way down, and broke my arm.

    My friends think I broke it from falling down the stairs.

  11. #11
    Probably not that funny but definitely embarrassing. When I was 15 years old I drove a $500 vehicle that I (mostly) paid for myself. I was pretty happy to have it, having just got my driving license, even though it was a piece of shit. In fact, having a junky vehicle is awesome because you know that if you mess up and wreck/damage your vehicle, it's like, "Eh whatever. A few hundred bucks down the drain."

    Anyways it broke down on a busy intersection in the left turn lane. My dad never really taught me much about cars, I got my driving license and junker car and went right to driving. A nice fellow got out of his vehicle to help me push my car, I didn't know about the steering wheel locking so as we pushed it and gained momentum, I couldn't turn it. Ended up hitting a plumbing truck in front of the gas station, put a pretty big dent into it.

    The guy helping me quickly bounced without saying a word. I was kind of flipping out at this point. Really stressed about the whole situation. The plumbers get out and help me push the car into the gas station parking lot. The whole time they were laughing about it and joking around. One of them noticed a copy of Final Fantasy VII sitting in my backseat and was like, "Hell yeah man, damn good game. Oh and don't feel bad about pushing your car into our vehicle. I mean, it's pretty funny and honestly I did worse when I was your age. One time I went off the road and into a cemetery. Smashed a bunch of grave stones. Hahahaha. Good times." Anyways, they told me not to worry about the damages and to call them later just to confirm. Their boss gave me the same answer over the phone, "don't worry about it, that's pretty funny how much damage you did pushing your dinky little car into our plumbing truck." I still remember the company, I will always do business with them now.

    Anyways tl;dr version: whenever someone asks me if I've ever been in a car accident, I can say, "Yeah, once. I pushed my car into a plumbing truck."

  12. #12
    Mechagnome GotMoxie's Avatar
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    Also probably not funny but absolutely mortifying -- although my fiance cackled when I told him.

    Background: We live in an enormous duplex, but basically have run of the entire place because our neighbours live on the other side of North Carolina and only come up a handful of times per year. Our neighbours are elderly and often bring elderly friends or their son and grandchildren with them. They also usually give notice so we can arrange to have a barbeque on the deck.

    I was dancing around the living room, doing chores while buck-ass naked, freshly showered and singing along loudly to Bootylicious, when I heard coughing. I looked up and saw my neighbour's son with his back turned to me at the open blinds, coughing pointedly to get my attention. When I'd stopped singing and was standing frozen to the carpet, he said, back still turned, "Hello, nice to meet you finally" and walked away.

    Always close your blinds, kids. Or wear a towel.
    This concept of wuv confuses and infuriates us.

  13. #13
    The Patient
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    Never had a girlfriend. Sadly, that was the reason of this story.

    New years eve last year, i was drunk as fuck. I saw a friend of mine standing and kissing with his girlfriend, and i suddenly feel extremly lonly. So i walk up to them, while they are kissing, starting to poke the girl, and say: Lise (was her name) i'm lonly. do you have the number of some lonly girls in skoby? (skovby is the city she comes from, which is like 1 kilometer from my town)

  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by Shmeh View Post
    I laughed. Twice actually. The first time was when I thought it was a real butterfly. The second was when I realized what it actually was.
    You are so right! that happened to me as well, i thought it was a real butterfly as well, which made it sound ridiculous haha

  15. #15
    This thread delivers on the funny shit - although I did wonder how in the hell a butterfly was getting you off until I was like CLIIIIICK. (really should grab some coffee)

    Sorry, no real funny stories here just the usual dumb drunk stuff.
    Koodledrum - Balnazzar EU - 85 Priest - Retired.

  16. #16
    Scarab Lord Arkenaw's Avatar
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    I go out of my way to avoid getting myself into embarrassing situations, however I do often say tactless things that I regret almost immediately.

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Despite View Post
    You are so right! that happened to me as well, i thought it was a real butterfly as well, which made it sound ridiculous haha
    What's ridiculous about playing with butterfly?




    You people have no appreciation for some adorable innocent fun in the gardens!
    Last edited by semaphore; 2012-12-16 at 02:11 PM.

  18. #18
    The Lightbringer Deadvolcanoes's Avatar
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    My boss, who happens to be a female, called me in the middle of the night and woke me up from a pretty deep sleep. At the end of our conversation she said, "ok, I'll talk to you in the morning." And for some reason I said, "ok, love you, goodbye," and I hung up. My wife turned over and goes, "did you just tell your boss that you love her?"
    It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere.

  19. #19
    Scarab Lord Arkenaw's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deadvolcanoes View Post
    My boss, who happens to be a female, called me in the middle of the night and woke me up from a pretty deep sleep. At the end of our conversation she said, "ok, I'll talk to you in the morning." And for some reason I said, "ok, love you, goodbye," and I hung up. My wife turned over and goes, "did you just tell your boss that you love her?"
    That sounds like something I would do. I am notoriously disoriented after waking up.

  20. #20
    Scarab Lord slime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shmeh View Post
    I laughed. Twice actually. The first time was when I thought it was a real butterfly. The second was when I realized what it actually was.

    Actually - Ill go one step further.. I thought it was a real butterfly - and for whatever reason that immediately made me think she was telling a story from the perspective of a cat. o,O

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