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  1. #141
    Mechagnome Liagala's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xanjori View Post
    Haha I was half tempted to poke my snake into being awake.
    That sort of thing is best done in private.

    Quote Originally Posted by semaphore View Post
    If it's big enough to eat you, be sure to stream it on the internet :3
    Also, this. I know I just said it ought to be private, but if it's big enough to eat you, that stops being true.

  2. #142
    I am Murloc! Tiili's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xanjori View Post


    I'll show you my big snake if you really want, but it'll have to be done via PM, dont wanna get banned.
    Oh my.. :')
    Close your eyes and smile.
    [15:53] <PizzaSHARK> you have such a cute accent! ^_^

  3. #143
    Quote Originally Posted by Xanjori View Post
    I'll show you my big snake if you really want, but it'll have to be done via PM, dont wanna get banned.
    There's rules against showing pythons? D:

  4. #144
    Bloodsail Admiral Rendia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xanjori View Post
    Ahaha thats brilliant. Reminds me slightly of another one.

    Me and my GF managed to break our bed (Ikea told us it was gaurenteed for 10 years!), when they came out to fix it my GF had left her sex-toy right on the bookshelf next to the bed, so the guy comes in, looks at the bed, looks right and see's the sex toy. Turns to my GF "That yours is it?"
    I've been that guy plenty of times... I used to deliver furniture for Macy's. I cannot count how many times I lifted a mattress and found various sex toys between the matt and box-springs. My only conclusion is it HAS to be intentional. You KNOW that is where you keep it and you KNOW we are coming to bring you a new bed.
    "There is no teacher but the enemy. No one but the enemy will tell you what the enemy is going to do. No one but the enemy will ever teach you how to destroy and conquer. Only the enemy shows you where you are weak. Only the enemy tells you where he is strong. And the rules of the game are what you can do to him and what you can stop him from doing to you." -Mazer Rackham - Ender's Game Orson Scott Card

  5. #145
    Legendary! Xanjori's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rendia View Post
    I've been that guy plenty of times... I used to deliver furniture for Macy's. I cannot count how many times I lifted a mattress and found various sex toys between the matt and box-springs. My only conclusion is it HAS to be intentional. You KNOW that is where you keep it and you KNOW we are coming to bring you a new bed.
    Na, we totally forgot it was there, like its normally kept in a drawer so we just didn't even think about it. I mean even when the guy mentioned it she still didn't realise it was there at first.
    [08:44:11] Kurioxan: as long they get big im alright with that

    http://webchat.quakenet.org/?channels=MMOC-GenOT

  6. #146
    What? People don't keep toys under their pillows?

  7. #147
    Legendary! Xanjori's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by semaphore View Post
    What? People don't keep toys under their pillows?
    Don't wanna wake up with a neck-ache.
    [08:44:11] Kurioxan: as long they get big im alright with that

    http://webchat.quakenet.org/?channels=MMOC-GenOT

  8. #148
    Stood in the Fire Seiken3's Avatar
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    Not going to write much, but...

    When I was little, I had some problems with my belly. So I had to take some medicine to make it fine. However, I didn't like the medicine, so I secretly poured it into a little plant in a pot on the table in my livingroom. After a few days, the plant died.

    I didn't think much of it at the time, but... a couple of years ago I came to remember it. D: .. I was scared for my life! - For all I know, my parents could try to kill me. It wasn't till I brought it up for them that I was informed it was medicine.


    People I tell find the story adorable. Some people asks me if I drink heavily and sobs during the evenings! ..............yes D: (loljk)
    Love without pain isn't really romance.

  9. #149
    Quote Originally Posted by Xanjori View Post
    Don't wanna wake up with a neck-ache.
    Well the larger ones I keep next to my pillow. Under the mattress seems bad =/

    ---------- Post added 2013-01-15 at 01:37 AM ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by Seiken3 View Post
    I didn't think much of it at the time, but... a couple of years ago I came to remember it. D: .. I was scared for my life! - For all I know, my parents could try to kill me. It wasn't till I brought it up for them that I was informed it was medicine.
    That is adorable indeed

  10. #150
    I am Murloc! Tiili's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by semaphore View Post
    What? People don't keep toys under their pillows?
    No? Mine be in a drawer.

  11. #151
    Titan PizzaSHARK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xanjori View Post
    Don't wanna wake up with a neck-ache.
    But it's just a muscle massager...
    http://steamcommunity.com/id/PizzaSHARK
    Quote Originally Posted by Ryan Cailan Ebonheart View Post
    The best you people can do is throw insults and lay your perspective on what a real adult is onto me but I will continue to reject them. And you will try and try again, force me into submission but I will continue to press on.
    MMOC IRC!

  12. #152
    Legendary! Xanjori's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PizzaSHARK View Post
    But it's just a muscle massager...
    We've got no batteries...the one time we did have batteries we stole them from one of her daughters toys. That sounds bad...
    [08:44:11] Kurioxan: as long they get big im alright with that

    http://webchat.quakenet.org/?channels=MMOC-GenOT

  13. #153
    Not sure if I have any sex related stories...well not sure if I wanna tell any sex related stories.

    Could tell of the time I had my first GF back at the long forgotten age of high school. My first year actually. Anyways we were making out for the first time and were for quite a few minutes and then well...burped straight into her mouth made make out. Yay go me. My face was more red than a tomato.

    uh....what else...hmmm...well there is the always classy having your gf jerk you off under a blanket on the couch while watching a movie...with her whole family, mom dad and brother. Guess it was more awkward if anything seeing as they didn't find out....but still.

  14. #154
    Not a sexual story like most I've seen here, but...

    Back when I was about 13, I was hanging out with my friends at our "meeting spot", which happened to be a group of trees/bushes etc with a clearing in the middle (we hung out here because the police station was nearby and it provided us cover to smoke, drink underage, etc). One day, I had to take a crap so bad, the only bathroom close by was at the bowling alley, and I fucking REFUSED to use that bathroom, unfortunately I lived about a 15 minute walk home. I thought I could make it home so I started walking, but man was I ever wrong. About 2 minutes into my walk home I started to realize I wasn't gonna make it, and I almost started crying(lol) because really, what teenager shits themselves. So I started to speed walk and did the best I could to keep my ass clenched... another 2 minutes up the road though and i KNEW I wasn't gonna make it. This was an industrial road, but there weren't many buildings around that weren't completely surrounded by parking lots or other open areas.

    What a horrible feeling this was... thankfully up ahead was some kind of christian religious building with a hill/ditch beside it, there was still a clear view of the road, but it was evening and I really had no other choice. I saw some cinder blocks laying next to the building which I quickly set up as a kind of makeshift toilet, sat down and let loose... then I was left with the dilemma of how do I now walk home without being completely disgusting, so I debated socks, or boxers... took my pants off, took my boxers off, and used that as some makeshift toilet paper... and then walked home commando LIKE A BOSS.

    Every time I had to walk past that building, and anyone was with me, I was quick to point out my pair of boxers laying there as proof of my unfortunate circumstances that day... I guess some might find that embarrassing, but I have no problems telling that story

  15. #155
    High Overlord
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    Well, not sure if this is as funny or embarassing as some of the others that I've read so far here, but.. here goes. Share my pain:

    I was approx 19-20 and I'd been invited up to visit a friend at college for the weekend who was about hour and half drive from where I was living. My boyfriend at the time had been invited as well, so he drove. We'd gotten a late start after work and my grandparents who owned an 80 acre sheep farm at the time, invited us for dinner / to crash at their place before going to visit our mutual friend on Saturday. We arrived at my grandparents and they were not yet home from their community choir practice and they'd told us just to hang tight and wait if we got there before them, as we didnt have keys to get in. (paranoid grandparents didnt give keys to almost anyone in family).

    Soooooooooo, me and the boyfriend got a bit 'friendly' sitting in the car, and we'd parked down out of the way of the main drive, since the farm had a big circular entry way and a huge tractor garage on one side before you got to the big farmhouse. Apparently, we were parked out of view too much behind the garage and didnt /couldnt see my grandparents arrive home. At this point, we're pretty much forgetting where we are / what we're spose' to be waiting for, and fail to notice a figure walking down the drive towards our parked car. Our first sign that something wasn't kosher, was the knock on the driver's side window. My boyfriend jumps up, fumbles around for the button to lower the window, and there my grandfather is, with a freaking SHOTGUN in his arms, nonchalantly waiting for a response from us. Meanwhile, I'm sitting in the passenger seat, trying non obviously to pull my shirt back down without him noticing.

    Grandpa asks why we were 'hiding' behind the garage and didnt we know we 'coulda been shot on sight' as intruders, for not being in a more 'acceptable' parking spot? He then tells us to drive up to the house, and we go in, have home-made pie and chat as if nothing happened, but ohh my lord... we were pretty terrified / embarassed for a bit after that. Took me awhile to go visiting them again after that as well. /grin

  16. #156
    Titan PizzaSHARK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xanjori View Post
    We've got no batteries...the one time we did have batteries we stole them from one of her daughters toys. That sounds bad...
    Just trading batteries from one toy to another toy, right?
    http://steamcommunity.com/id/PizzaSHARK
    Quote Originally Posted by Ryan Cailan Ebonheart View Post
    The best you people can do is throw insults and lay your perspective on what a real adult is onto me but I will continue to reject them. And you will try and try again, force me into submission but I will continue to press on.
    MMOC IRC!

  17. #157
    Legendary! Xanjori's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PizzaSHARK View Post
    Just trading batteries from one toy to another toy, right?
    Indeed, parents gotta play too!
    [08:44:11] Kurioxan: as long they get big im alright with that

    http://webchat.quakenet.org/?channels=MMOC-GenOT

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