"There is no teacher but the enemy. No one but the enemy will tell you what the enemy is going to do. No one but the enemy will ever teach you how to destroy and conquer. Only the enemy shows you where you are weak. Only the enemy tells you where he is strong. And the rules of the game are what you can do to him and what you can stop him from doing to you." -Mazer Rackham - Ender's Game Orson Scott Card
Not going to write much, but...
When I was little, I had some problems with my belly. So I had to take some medicine to make it fine. However, I didn't like the medicine, so I secretly poured it into a little plant in a pot on the table in my livingroom. After a few days, the plant died.
I didn't think much of it at the time, but... a couple of years ago I came to remember it. D: .. I was scared for my life! - For all I know, my parents could try to kill me. It wasn't till I brought it up for them that I was informed it was medicine.
People I tell find the story adorable. Some people asks me if I drink heavily and sobs during the evenings! ..............yes D: (loljk)
Not sure if I have any sex related stories...well not sure if I wanna tell any sex related stories.
Could tell of the time I had my first GF back at the long forgotten age of high school. My first year actually. Anyways we were making out for the first time and were for quite a few minutes and then well...burped straight into her mouth made make out. Yay go me. My face was more red than a tomato.
uh....what else...hmmm...well there is the always classy having your gf jerk you off under a blanket on the couch while watching a movie...with her whole family, mom dad and brother. Guess it was more awkward if anything seeing as they didn't find out....but still.
Not a sexual story like most I've seen here, but...
Back when I was about 13, I was hanging out with my friends at our "meeting spot", which happened to be a group of trees/bushes etc with a clearing in the middle (we hung out here because the police station was nearby and it provided us cover to smoke, drink underage, etc). One day, I had to take a crap so bad, the only bathroom close by was at the bowling alley, and I fucking REFUSED to use that bathroom, unfortunately I lived about a 15 minute walk home. I thought I could make it home so I started walking, but man was I ever wrong. About 2 minutes into my walk home I started to realize I wasn't gonna make it, and I almost started crying(lol) because really, what teenager shits themselves. So I started to speed walk and did the best I could to keep my ass clenched... another 2 minutes up the road though and i KNEW I wasn't gonna make it. This was an industrial road, but there weren't many buildings around that weren't completely surrounded by parking lots or other open areas.
What a horrible feeling this was... thankfully up ahead was some kind of christian religious building with a hill/ditch beside it, there was still a clear view of the road, but it was evening and I really had no other choice. I saw some cinder blocks laying next to the building which I quickly set up as a kind of makeshift toilet, sat down and let loose... then I was left with the dilemma of how do I now walk home without being completely disgusting, so I debated socks, or boxers... took my pants off, took my boxers off, and used that as some makeshift toilet paper... and then walked home commando LIKE A BOSS.
Every time I had to walk past that building, and anyone was with me, I was quick to point out my pair of boxers laying there as proof of my unfortunate circumstances that day... I guess some might find that embarrassing, but I have no problems telling that story
Well, not sure if this is as funny or embarassing as some of the others that I've read so far here, but.. here goes. Share my pain:
I was approx 19-20 and I'd been invited up to visit a friend at college for the weekend who was about hour and half drive from where I was living. My boyfriend at the time had been invited as well, so he drove. We'd gotten a late start after work and my grandparents who owned an 80 acre sheep farm at the time, invited us for dinner / to crash at their place before going to visit our mutual friend on Saturday. We arrived at my grandparents and they were not yet home from their community choir practice and they'd told us just to hang tight and wait if we got there before them, as we didnt have keys to get in. (paranoid grandparents didnt give keys to almost anyone in family).
Soooooooooo, me and the boyfriend got a bit 'friendly' sitting in the car, and we'd parked down out of the way of the main drive, since the farm had a big circular entry way and a huge tractor garage on one side before you got to the big farmhouse. Apparently, we were parked out of view too much behind the garage and didnt /couldnt see my grandparents arrive home. At this point, we're pretty much forgetting where we are / what we're spose' to be waiting for, and fail to notice a figure walking down the drive towards our parked car. Our first sign that something wasn't kosher, was the knock on the driver's side window. My boyfriend jumps up, fumbles around for the button to lower the window, and there my grandfather is, with a freaking SHOTGUN in his arms, nonchalantly waiting for a response from us. Meanwhile, I'm sitting in the passenger seat, trying non obviously to pull my shirt back down without him noticing.
Grandpa asks why we were 'hiding' behind the garage and didnt we know we 'coulda been shot on sight' as intruders, for not being in a more 'acceptable' parking spot? He then tells us to drive up to the house, and we go in, have home-made pie and chat as if nothing happened, but ohh my lord... we were pretty terrified / embarassed for a bit after that. Took me awhile to go visiting them again after that as well. /grin