Thread: Liquid Ass!?

  1. #1

    Liquid Ass!?

    Though they won’t reveal the ingredients in their secret recipe, the manufacturers of Liquid Ass promise their “power–packed, super–concentrated liquid begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine, foul butt–crack smell with hints of dead animal and fresh poo.”
    Sounds delish.

    And while this olfactory assault in a bottle may seem like the natural domain of 10-year-old boys, a Michigan father recently proved that you can be 10 years old and a biological adult at the same time when he was charged for allegedly spraying the stinky stuff inside his son’s school… immediately after the boy had been suspended for precisely the same activity.

    As Fox 2 reports, Jason Festerman was called in to Marine City Middle School to collect his Liquid Ass-spraying child.
    The boy admitted to releasing a stream of the foul-smelling spray both in the cafeteria and the classroom, causing disruptions that landed him in hot, hopefully cleansing, water.

    He said he had stolen the bottle from his parents’ room where they keep ample supply, as it is apparently a Festerman family tradition to enter public spaces together and unleash the scent of excrement and dead animals upon an unsuspecting crowd.
    "We've gone to Kmart. We've had our kids with it and were spraying," he told the news network. "We've done it at like Dollar General. Everyone laughed."

    By “everyone” Festerman did not elaborate as to whether that number included anyone outside his immediately family.

    So when he was asked to pick up his son from school, those killjoys in the administrative office were – shockingly – none too impressed when the elder Festerman allegedly retrieved the can from the garbage, depressed the Liquid Ass nozzle, and demonstrated what garbage could really smell like if it just put in a little more effort.
    School officials called the police.

    Festerman’s story, and he’s sticking to it, is that he was just “checking the canister to see if anything was in it.” A test he no doubt felt compelled to perform at his son’s school rather than in the safety of his own home.
    “They charged me with disorderly conduct. That’s way above and beyond,” he sniffed.
    Police disagreed. An officer told Fox News the grotesque smell ended up making people on the premises sick and that they believe Festerman acted “out of spite” for his son’s punishment.

    “It was just a harmless prank. Now I'm looking at 90 days in jail and up to $500 in fines," Festerman countered.
    It’s easy to understand his displeasure. Just think of how many bottles of Liquid Ass he could buy with that money.
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  2. #2
    Elemental Lord Soisoisoi's Avatar
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    Mar 2010
    Why people even make these things (read: Liquid Ass) is beyond me, all they do is create trouble and annoy people. Kids will be kids, but when it disrupts a whole class in school or lunch time for them it's just stupid. The guy should have known better, good example to the kid I guess though...

  3. #3
    omg wtb!

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  4. #4
    Have never smelled this but I cant see it being that bad.
    It is not like its Fox OC spray.

    Since my guts are rotting and Im dieing on the inside I have no need for this product.

  5. #5
    Over 9000! Haven's Avatar
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    Wow. How mature.
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  6. #6
    Herald of the Titans Theodon's Avatar
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    Feb 2010
    It would piss me off if someone walked in to a shop and sprayed that all over the place, especially if I hadn't done my shopping. There's a time and a place for practical jokes, and a school isn't it as an adult.
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  7. #7
    Epic! Blockygame's Avatar
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    Shrike Abyssal
    Is it only strange to me that his name is Festerman?

  8. #8
    LOAD"*",8,1 Fuzzzie's Avatar
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    This is what happens when children reach the same maturity level as their parents.

  9. #9
    Banned This name sucks's Avatar
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    At least he didn't spray axe, that would have been way worse.

  10. #10
    Merely a Setback Didactic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Treelife View Post
    Why people even make these things (read: Liquid Ass) is beyond me, all they do is create trouble and annoy people. Kids will be kids, but when it disrupts a whole class in school or lunch time for them it's just stupid. The guy should have known better, good example to the kid I guess though...
    We live in a world where there are n different cures for erectile dysfunction, is it really that surprising?

  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by phenix View Post

    Not even sure where to begin! Happy holidays!
    Oh man the way this report was worded had me bended over hahahaha.

  12. #12
    The dad sounds like a massive prick tbh. Hardly the kids fault with such a sterling role model.

  13. #13
    Liquid ass...? don't know what to say

  14. #14

  15. #15
    The Insane DeltrusDisc's Avatar
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    This is absolutely hilarious! Happy holidays indeed!!
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  16. #16
    I did that when I was 8, teacher knew it was me and my friend immediately because we were giggling uncontrollably.
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  17. #17
    Legendary! Yunru's Avatar
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    Nov 2009
    Jagged Pass
    I would totaly use it agaist our politisans .

  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by Methanar View Post
    At least he didn't spray axe, that would have been way worse.
    Liquid Ass, doesn't bother me.

    When you mentioned axe, I gagged.

  19. #19
    Immortal Austilias's Avatar
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    Aug 2011
    Antrim, Northern Ireland
    I can just imagine the product testing...
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  20. #20
    It seems to me that the guy knew what he was doing, but I don't know if the punishment fits the crime. It seems a little severe. Why not perform community service instead of jail time?

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