Can I put my sausage in your crust now?
My Cracked articles, writing blog, and Twitter.
The problem with the internet is parallel to its greatest achievement: it has given the little man an outlet where he can be heard. Most of the time however, the little man is a little man because he is not worth hearing.
Want to chat with people who aren't idiots? Join our IRC.
You:Would you like to try my special sauce?
*judge her reaction*
Bad Reaction: Pull out garlic sauce.
Good Reaction: Brew up a batch of your special sauce.
When she goes to give you a tip:
YOU: "Oh, no thanks. Just seeing your beautiful face was enough to make my night" (I cringe when I say this one because of how horrendously corny it is)
You: You know, I also deliver orgasms. (I know, you'll get fired)
Usually I don't go for pick up lines I just observe something and try to make it giggle-inducing.
Also, being thankful that another guy wants to hit on your girl shows nothing but lack of confidence, being proud of the fact that you need someone else to confirm your decisions or even justify them to yourself is poor.
When they tip you, say "I haven't given you your lap dance yet".
"You girls order the extra meaty meat feast? Because there's plenty to go around!"
Either way you will probably get A: Stabbed or B: Shot or C: Beaten to a pulp by their daddies.
" hey, would you like to go to dinner sometime?"
if she says yes pay for her pizza, sit on her porch, and be like "now a good time?"
Last edited by Senarx; 2012-12-27 at 03:33 PM.
I can get one of these to take with me too.
---------- Post added 2012-12-27 at 12:00 PM ----------
Last edited by crawdaddy029; 2012-12-27 at 04:31 PM.
Oh and I didn't say you want random guys hitting on your girl, I said you should be proud of the fact that you have a girl that random guys would want to hit on. If you aren't you don't deserve her. Has nothing to do with having confidence in what you picked out of the litter but more for the confidence in yourself that you are the man she wants to be with, you show her the respect and love that she wants and that's all you need to do. Believe me, if you even have a girlfriend right now and she read everything you and I have posted on her she will most likely have second thoughts about being your girlfriend anymore.
Last edited by crawdaddy029; 2012-12-28 at 03:18 PM.
Last edited by openair; 2012-12-28 at 03:17 PM.
" If only you looked half as good as this pizza there would be a slight chance that i'd fuck you.. " though im sure thats probably more insulting than anything.
And if I see the pizza guy (of all the people) hit on my gf (and your lines can sound kinda creepy if you read them in the right voice), I'll make extra sure that he loses his job. And I can confirm that it's very easy to do.
For example, I remember that one time. I was at the post office, with some cranky employee. Apparently I didn't talk quite clear enough, so she dropped a statement, similar to "can't you talk properly".
I got home, sent a letter to their HR department, quoting her sentence, time and date of my visit, and the name she had on her shirt. I also added a statement, saying that I was disabled (for all I know, I may be), can indeed not talk properly, and thus take great offense.
Ever since I returned the week after, I haven't seen her in that office again.
Last edited by choww; 2012-12-28 at 03:30 PM. Reason: Engrish