What do you do...

[Zyl]

When your BF doesnt want to have sex with you anymore? My BF asked me to move in with him 6 mos ago, I moved in mid Sept and the intimacy was awesome. I felt wanted and needed and anything a female is supposed to feel. About a month and a half ago the intimacy went downhill. He would rather a bj than sleep with me. Its definitely not another girl as whenever he or I leave the house, we are together. We're pretty much together a lot. I tried to spice things up last week while he was raiding, by wearing something provocative to excite him, and he was... until after his raid when he went into the other room to go smoke weed with his brother. I didnt even get any sort of intimacy that night. I dont know how to make him understand how I feel, especially since when we started talking, before we had sex, we would talk about it and we were on the same path about how sex is important in a relationship. He says its not me and that he just doesnt feel like doing it at the moment... but theres a difference between not feeling like it at the moment and not doing it at all. Could I possibly get a sensible honest male to please tell me why this is happening? I know I wont get all honest answers and will mostly get trash ones but for once can someone or anyone please have an open mind and or heart and give a girl a thought out answer and possible solution? Thank you.

[Deleted]

Heres the best advice you will get on this forum. stop asking others for help, sit him down one evening and talk to him, don't let him go until you have a straight answer.

[semaphore]

I think I am completely incapable of offering good advice on such topics, but...

He would rather a bj than sleep with me.

Sounds like he's just being lazy and selfish. Talk to him about being considerate of your needs?

[Xanjori]

he or I leave the house, we are together

That could be an issue? Spending some time apart is healthy and good for you, I know when my GFs out for most of the day I feel good when she comes home because Ive missed her.

[Skez]

Is he taking any other drugs to treat pain maybe (or recreational)? Synthetic opiates (or all opiates generally I guess) for example will decrease ones libido to almost none.

[Deadvolcanoes]

For some guys and girls, after having sex with the same person for a while, it becomes less exciting, and more of a routine. I'm guessing it has gotten to that point in your relationship.

[Lumennon]

First of all, the fact that he'd rather have a BJ than sex doesn't say a whole lot. He's a man - many of us prefer BJs.

THAT SAID

we still have sex with our women, though, because we know that she doesn't get a whole lot out of a BJ. So the question is, how long has this been going on for? Few days? No biggie. Anything longer and, as has been said already, you should have a talk with him. Don't make it like an ultimatum or anything, a lot of men don't like feeling pressured or pushed. Just pick his brain and calmly, but CLEARLY state your problem.

Also, and this should be quite obvious,

whenever he or I leave the house, we are together. We're pretty much together a lot.

This is not good. Sooner or later, being around him all the fricking time will tire you out as well. Abscence makes the heart grow fonder, as they say - maybe this is your queue, for both of you, to start doing things on your own from time to time?

Hope this helps.

[Zyl]

Is he taking any other drugs to treat pain maybe (or recreational)? Synthetic opiates (or all opiates generally I guess) for example will decrease ones libido to almost none.

He started smoking weed again and thats when it pretty much started.

For some of the other replies: We didnt even really have sex until I moved in, we werent both virgins, my last partner was about 8 mos before he came into my life and his was 3 years before me. What sparked me to ask was for 2 reasons; 1: This morning he woke me up with him pleasuring himself and he asked me why I had woken up, then stated if I wanted him to, he would go in the bathroom, and I had asked why we couldnt just have sex and his response was "I dont feel like it".; 2: Ive tried talking to him before and he just gets defensive about it when I ask why we havent and I ask if its me or if he doesnt like me anymore. His usual response is no to it being me, and that hes in love with me. Mind you if he doesnt like something he has no problem saying so and I am the same when I dont like something.

Also with the previous poster. His other GFs never gave him a bj and he had never really had one before me, but when I first moved in he was all over me and that didnt even really become his "choice of pleasure" I guess you could say until recently. Recently being about a month and a half now.

[breadisfunny]

this sounds like it might be a side effect of the drug if it started right after he started smoking weed.

[Sunseeker]

If you ask me, it's right there in your post. He was excited until he went and smoked weed. Weed can be a relaxant, a downer even for some people. Perhaps it affects your BF in such as a way as to kill his libido. I would suggest talking to him about kicking the habit.

[Chaochamp]

To me this sounds like an issue of being together too much. Try spending more time apart, that will make the time you do spend together a lot more special and perhaps get him back into the mood. As others have said, certain strains of cannabis do make you relaxed, tired and unmotivated so try saving the weed for afterwards.

[crakerjack]

this sounds like it might be a side effect of the drug if it started right after he started smoking weed.

Try not to speak on matters that you clearly have no idea what you're talking about. thanks.

OT:

It's probably his first relationship where he's lived with his gf... almost all guys go through this phase... it also could be that he just wants the climax and not all the things that are involved... having sex with a girl isn't so much all about yourself... it's kind of like a competition and you have to play to a certain extent... You can't just go and stop when you feel the urge... you have to hold it if they're not done etc... It's a lot easier to just go into the bathroom and do it yourself in under a couple minutes than it is to get really sweaty with your partner and partake in actions that would go atleast 15 minutes. Take some time apart and go on with your days without having to be next to him throughout the entire day... eventually you'll have a strong urge to be around him... Don't sketch too much about the weed part, there shouldn't be any issues there unless he's dumb and is buying sacks when you guys barely have any money for rent.