Page 1 of 2
1
2
LastLast
  1. #1

    How long should you wait for someone?

    My own situation right now is that of being very close to a girl whom I like a great deal. I've been honest with her from the start about it all and she's told me that she wants things to work, even told me how she wants to sleep with me etc when we meet up for a holiday in March. The only issue is her constant doubt and uncertainty about everything involving any kind of relationship, she's never sure and never wants to commit which at times has led me to wonder if I'm wasting my time entirely.

    My question is simply: how long would you personally wait for someone who has a myriad of doubts and worries about everything? Would you give them the benefit of the doubt or would you flee if they weren't ready to reciprocate any feelings right away?

  2. #2
    As long as your feelings hold out. You shouldn't force yourself to try to continue loving somebody nor should you try to force yourself not to.

    Bergtau's Law: As an online discussion grows longer, the probability that somebody will mention Godwin's Law approaches 1.
    Hitler wasn't all bad, I mean, he DID kill Hitler.
    An accident is something that you did not mean to do at all. A mistake is something that you regret doing.

  3. #3
    The Lightbringer N-7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    3,574
    Basically said, when your negative feelings about them outweighs your positive feelings or when you think that you've found a better match somewhere else.

  4. #4
    Epic!
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Behind your Bakaneko.
    Posts
    1,518
    There isn't a number, just a gut feeling or instinct when it is time to bail if its putting too much of a toll on you.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Netherfall View Post
    There isn't a number, just a gut feeling or instinct when it is time to bail if its putting too much of a toll on you.
    Basically this; no one can tell you you'll just know when whatever kept you before isn't really there anymore.

    I'm basically in the same situation more or less. We've both admitted our mutual feelings for each other, she just had a real rough time with her last bf who really messed her up. Also I'm pretty stupid with relationships, but that could or couldn't be the problem. Still talk to her every night, but kinda holding out for something more.

  6. #6
    I am sorry to say you, but my experience with that situatsion is next:
    Girl look at you`r facebook (or what ever side) and made a picture about you, what u are not and when you meet each other, then the girl understand, that you are NOT that person, what she imagine about.

  7. #7
    TBH you should just tell her about your doubts and see where it takes. Remind that you've been patient and you will be, but you can't wait forever. "Put the cat on the table", as the saying goes.

  8. #8
    Mmyeah, she knows all about it in my case. It's not something I tried to hide or what-not yet I'm still expected to wait, hence the general question raised to see who else has been in this situation :>

  9. #9
    Unfortunately, many people suffer from "wanting what they cannot have". Once you tell such people how much you desire them, it actually creates doubt in their mind. They have attained you, and whether they are conscious of it or not, you are no longer a challenge and these types of people want challenge. yes, it is illogical, but that is how many people are.

    Many people, when in your situation, are forced to tell the other person they cannot wait forever, and perhaps begin to seek out others, just because doing so threatens to make you unattainable to her again. If her problem is "wanting what she cannot have", this could push her to make the decision to be in a relationship with you. If that isn't the problem, it could backfire.

    Everyone is different, but this is the most likely probability.

    There's an old saying that goes something like "Never ever tell your girl how much you love her." This is why.
    Last edited by Grummgug; 2012-12-31 at 07:51 AM.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Grummgug View Post
    Unfortunately, many people suffer from "wanting what they cannot have". Once you tell such people how much you desire them, it actually creates doubt in their mind. They have attained you, and whether they are conscious of it or not, you are no longer a challenge and these types of people want challenge. yes, it is illogical, but that is how many people are.

    Many people, when in your situation, are forced to tell the other person they cannot wait forever, and perhaps begin to seek out others, just because doing so threatens to make you unattainable to her again. If her problem is "wanting what she cannot have", this could push her to make the decision to be in a relationship with you. If that isn't the problem, it could backfire.

    Everyone is different, but this is the most likely probability.

    There's an old saying that goes something like "Never ever tell your girl how much you love her." This is why.
    Very relevant and something I've considered myself to some extent!

  11. #11
    Probably about 15 minutes. They already know what they want, so you should be decisive in figuring it out.

  12. #12
    Legendary! darenyon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Cho'gall (US)
    Posts
    6,071
    until you get tired of it. when its not worth it anymore you'll know.

  13. #13
    Provided that she isn't trying to wiggle her way out of saying she wants to see other people, or already is, there's nothing wrong with having caution and taking things slow. If she's cautious, it's for a reason. As for how long to wait, I'd say until you can't or won't wait anymore. That's not a deadline you can be told, you'll just know it if it happens.

  14. #14
    Warchief Reqq's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    England
    Posts
    2,110
    Yeah I'd have waited until she finished the sentence then started looking elsewhere. She's keeping you as a possibility incase she doesn't find a better offer.

  15. #15
    I would say now is the best time to walk away. She is uncertain riding your emotions like a roller coaster. When a person says they are not ready to commit. (aka I'm not done partying) then you might want look for someone that would be able to appreciate being in a one on one. Unless you do not mind keeping a friend on the side for sexual things. I doubt she would be a serious long term thing though.

  16. #16
    In my opinion you waited enough.

    The way the most guys (and girls as well) go in such situation - they start dating another girl(boy). At some point you'll have to choose between two girls and you might get some sort of drama, but its still better than not to have any girlfriend because you can "wait" for that particular one for months and years just to hear "lets stay friends" in the end.

  17. #17
    Brewmaster orangelemonrain's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,351
    Depends on the circumstances, since you are not waiting for her to leave someone else you could wait until someone else comes your way tbh.

    That being said you should never have to feel like a plan B, and if you think its quite clear that you are a plan B maybe she's not worth your time?

  18. #18
    Mhm, nobody else is likely to be coming my way in the foreseeable future to be fair, she would be my first which is why waiting for the sex maaay be slightly appealing! Realistically though my concerns come up because being in this position can hurt a bit, it's one I've been in before with someone else and it absolutely didn't work out then which is why I'm wary of the same outcome now.

  19. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by Animma View Post
    Mhm, nobody else is likely to be coming my way in the foreseeable future to be fair, she would be my first which is why waiting for the sex maaay be slightly appealing! Realistically though my concerns come up because being in this position can hurt a bit, it's one I've been in before with someone else and it absolutely didn't work out then which is why I'm wary of the same outcome now.
    Just don't appear needy/desperate and make it clear that waiting equates to "looking for other potential partners on the side" for you aswell (for her, it almost certainly means that).

    Those are some of the steps to make sure you're not becoming her doormat, which would be the worst possible result from "waiting", as she would lose any respect for you, completely take your affection for granted and cease to see you as a potential equal partner for a future relationship.

  20. #20
    I would not wait since if you do she will jump on the first lowlife scumbag she comes across thinking he is the one (making this decision over the course of 30seconds).

    If you got nothing else going for you then wait keeping this in reserve but not expecting anything to actually come from it, that way it is a no loss situation.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •