Should I tell him now or...

[Deleted]

If you can't tell him. I can do it for you via text.

Little odd though, a random person telling him: she likes you!

[Zavri]

Tell him about the Asperger's. Don't tell him about the ponies.

Yeah, Asperger's is the least of your problems

[Rukentuts]

Don't just blurt the Aspie-ness out. Wait for context in a conversation. It tends to work better.

[Reeve]

I think I'd like to know ahead of time that this is usually what you're like on the first meeting. I wouldn't use the word Asperger's right away though. Just say that you're often a bit nervous and distant on a first date, but that if he can stick with it, you usually open up eventually. That way he isn't sitting there thinking you're just totally not into him.

[raechuul]

If he likes you and you like him, go for it. The best that will happen is that he'll accept you for who you are, and the worst is that after a short period you'll find out that he isn't cool enough to put up with you. Then you'll find someone that can.

[Cthulhu 2020]

If you decide to start dating, go on a few dates first. If you both have chemistry, tell him before it gets too serious so he can decide if he wants to back out or not. This way, you can both test the waters with each other without giving him any prior knowledge that may affect his decision (i.e. he may shy away without first getting to know you for you if he knows too early). After a few dates he'll already know if he likes you or not, and the knowledge that you have asperger's may only have a minor impact on his decision.

[mookspal]

Offer him cookies. Everyone likes cookies.

[Rorillane]

If you decide to start dating, go on a few dates first. If you both have chemistry, tell him before it gets too serious so he can decide if he wants to back out or not. This way, you can both test the waters with each other without giving him any prior knowledge that may affect his decision (i.e. he may shy away without first getting to know you for you if he knows too early). After a few dates he'll already know if he likes you or not, and the knowledge that you have asperger's may only have a minor impact on his decision.

I feel this is the best way to do it. However its a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" kinda thing.
If you tell him off the bat, in context or however, he may or may not be as accepting of who you are and how you are.
If you wait to tell him after a few dates, you may not make it to those "few" dates. He might have treated/reacted/talked/interacted differently with you than if he otherwise knew.
Its your call on weather or not he seems like a person that could be like "Okay I understand you have this disability, we're going to have a great night together" or if he would act differently because of it.

Edited for typos.

[Stir]

OP: Asperger's is quite common, so he probably knows about it, and it won't be such a big deal if you tell him up front.

It's way better than having him in your group of friends, and someone telling him: "Hey, you know that guy you're getting along well with and with whom you might hook up soon? Yeah... He's not telling you all you need to know..."
That would be awkward.

Also, as someone else has remarked: Probably not that great an idea start off with the pony thing. Take that a bit more easily. Having an infatuation is fine, but there's a stigma of creepiness to that... Guys tend to get a bit creeped out by men who are really into the pony thing. Everybody needs a hobby, of course, but people tend to associate an infatuation with child-like innocence with pedophilia. I'm not saying that you're a pedophile; merely that you should be aware how people respond to such things, and why.

[Themius]

OP: Asperger's is quite common, so he probably knows about it, and it won't be such a big deal if you tell him up front.

It's way better than having him in your group of friends, and someone telling him: "Hey, you know that guy you're getting along well with and with whom you might hook up soon? Yeah... He's not telling you all you need to know..."
That would be awkward.

Also, as someone else has remarked: Probably not that great an idea start off with the pony thing. Take that a bit more easily. Having an infatuation is fine, but there's a stigma of creepiness to that... Guys tend to get a bit creeped out by men who are really into the pony thing. Everybody needs a hobby, of course, but people tend to associate an infatuation with child-like innocence with pedophilia. I'm not saying that you're a pedophile; merely that you should be aware how people respond to such things, and why.

Lol he's known I watch MLP for weeks now. I mentioned it in passing and he asked if I was a brony.

[Stir]

Lol he's known I watch MLP for weeks now. I mentioned it in passing and he asked if I was a brony.

Okay; you're good to go!
Good luck in your pursuits!

[Somebodyelse]

I have the same problem OP and it helps people to understand and find me "less weird" when they know, so I tell to the people I care about. I'd recommend you do the same...it helps them understand us better and not think we're "just crazy" at times...

[Themius]

Aa well I did and he just said "Well that means I'll have to bring my A-game."

[ohshift]

Asperger's is the new bipolar

[mvaliz]

Date him. Ignore your disabilities, you are who you are, everyone's beautifull etc. etc....

I'm with this guy. Just go with it and see... don't mention Aspergers as it is only a "problem" if it's obvious. If the person likes you for who you are, he won't care what label some Doctor tries to attach to it. :P

---------- Post added 2013-01-08 at 02:14 AM ----------

Asperger's is the new bipolar

I'm glad I'm not the only one who believes that. ^_^

---------- Post added 2013-01-08 at 02:15 AM ----------

Aa well I did and he just said "Well that means I'll have to bring my A-game."

Can never go wrong with a Pinkie Pie quote. ^_^

[Themius]

I'm with this guy. Just go with it and see... don't mention Aspergers as it is only a "problem" if it's obvious. If the person likes you for who you are, he won't care what label some Doctor tries to attach to it. :P

---------- Post added 2013-01-08 at 02:14 AM ----------



I'm glad I'm not the only one who believes that. ^_^

---------- Post added 2013-01-08 at 02:15 AM ----------



Can never go wrong with a Pinkie Pie quote. ^_^

It is quite apparent in me when it comes to many social things, unrelated to work social things = people noting how odd I am. Easily stressed as well. I went to a bbq last year and I only knew one person and it was loud as hell as people were trying to talk to me and I couldn't handle it. I ended up spaced out stimming against a wall almost in tears. Was on the verge of a melt down and the person I went with didn't want to leave and they kept getting sucked into conversations and I was just standing next to them going out of my mind.

Up until 2 years ago I couldn't even go into WalMart UNLESS I was one the phone with one of my friends to distract me from the hectic stuff around me.

[Stir]

It is quite apparent in me when it comes to many social things, unrelated to work social things = people noting how odd I am. Easily stressed as well. I went to a bbq last year and I only knew one person and it was loud as hell as people were trying to talk to me and I couldn't handle it. I ended up spaced out stimming against a wall almost in tears. Was on the verge of a melt down and the person I went with didn't want to leave and they kept getting sucked into conversations and I was just standing next to them going out of my mind.

Up until 2 years ago I couldn't even go into WalMart UNLESS I was one the phone with one of my friends to distract me from the hectic stuff around me.

Doesn't need to be Asperger's.
ADD can cause this. So can agoraphobia.

It's true that Asperger's is overdiagnosed. Before that, it was PDDNOS, and before that, everyone had Bipolar disorder. Not saying you don't have Asperger's, just saying that, seeing as how common an Asperger's diagnosis is, people are kind of getting used to it. :P

[cpillow]

Just tell him. But don't make it all "dramatic". Or make sure it sort of goes along with a conversation you're having - blend it in. Like...bring up a famous person with aspergers and say something like, "..I just thought it was cool because I have aspergers too ." Such as Adam Young from Owl City! (Yes I like Owl City, minus this new album, no hate please.)

[Themius]

Doesn't need to be Asperger's.
ADD can cause this. So can agoraphobia.

It's true that Asperger's is over diagnosed. Before that, it was PDDNOS, and before that, everyone had Bipolar disorder. Not saying you don't have Asperger's, just saying that, seeing as how common an Asperger's diagnosis is, people are kind of getting used to it. :P

I wouldn't say it's over diagnosed. That reminds me of what some people say "Autism numbers have risen" like it's some type of pandemic. Nothing has changed except for how things are being classified. As far as Asperger's (which is now somewhere on the autism spectrum and no longer called Asperger's) that really wasn't being diagnosed much until the 90s, and more and more so in the 00s, we are barely out of the 00s and in an era where people with high level autism spectrum disorders are getting diagnosed versus going undiagnosed and diagnosed with something else entirely.

When it comes to people being diagnosed with things we must think about when they started being diagnosed, what years, and what research the psychological community was doing. Before we say x is over diagnosed.

I don't have ADD or agoraphobia. I do have Asperger's (according to my psychologist of many years *DSMIV*) and SAD.

---------- Post added 2013-01-08 at 12:19 AM ----------

Just tell him. But don't make it all "dramatic". Or make sure it sort of goes along with a conversation you're having - blend it in. Like...bring up a famous person with aspergers and say something like, "..I just thought it was cool because I have aspergers too ." Such as Adam Young from Owl City! (Yes I like Owl City, minus this new album, no hate please.)

Already done, didn't say I have Asperger's though just told him what to expect and he said he'll bring his A-game.

[cpillow]

Already done, didn't say I have Asperger's though just told him what to expect and he said he'll bring his A-game.

You got him in the bag then!