Dating women with children.

[Crunkosaurus]

This probably comes up alot, but.... Is being completely turned off by a woman with any amount of children a dick/shallow move? It's not that I don't want kids or that i dislike/don't get along with them, I just would rather not get involved that way without the child being my own. I am 20 years old and girls with children seems to be a common place now that I get older, i'm pretty sure i'm not the only guy that's like this out there. For those who have taken the leap of faith, is it as bad as it seems from the outside or do I just have false illusions about it?

[Mongoose19]

Why on earth would you want to "raise" some other's douchebag kids? Big NOOOOO

[Jamber]

If you're turned off from a woman because she has kids, consider that a blessing for you an her. You're (probably) not ready for children at 20 (really, who is?), so, why should you be chastised for not deciding to date a woman with kids? It's a huge responsibility, and you shouldn't feel bad or let anyone else make you feel bad because you feel you're not up to the huge responsibility that is child raising.

That being said, you might feel this way because you are 20, but I'm willing to bet that there have been plenty of males who felt the way you do now at your age, and when they got older, perhaps had a kid of their own, they wouldn't be turned off as much as it isn't "their kid", since they'd be bringing their own kid to the table. All in all, I'm saying you probably feel this way now because you're smart and know you don't want a responsibility dropped on you that you don't want. Smart move, don't think yourself less because of it.

[Vargur]

Am I the only one that read that as women dating with children?
................
As long as the child is older, it's OK.

[bals]

I don't think it's a dick/shallow move. It's something that is very serious and if you are not very serious about it then you should save everyone and move on.
Also where do you live that there are so many 20 year old single ladies with children?

[Deleted]

pretty rare for women to have children at 20 and be single at that.

not quite sure where you live - Alabama?

anyway you're 20. you're not even remotely old in the eyes of most of the world and depending on where you life getting children is something more common for someone approaching 30.
of course you're not ready to take on fatherhood - and why should you make that commitment with a child that isn't even yours? there's so many more women out there without children that I can't even believe you're having troubles finding them! unless of course you're from Alabama. nothing like a good ol' redneck joke.

[Letmesleep]

I agree that it's not a dick move. It's reasonable to not want to start half-way into the story with a new girl. Props to the man that does though because that's a high amount of commitment. I think the older you get the more reasonable (and inevitable) dating someone with children sounds, but at 27 it's still a turn off for me. I wouldn't do it unless both the woman and child were amazing.

[pateuvasiliu]

No, it's completely normal.

[Priestiality]

I don't think it's a dick/shallow move. It's something that is very serious and if you are not very serious about it then you should save everyone and move on.
Also where do you live that there are so many 20 year old single ladies with children?

I take it you're not from the U.S. then...

[Crunkosaurus]

^Not quite^

Poor choice of words when I used 'commonplace'. Guess i'm just not used to seeing it and i'm not exactly a 'turbo-dater'

[bals]

I take it you're not from the U.S. then...

I am. I only know a couple people who had children that early. I'd say 23+ is where it started to become more common, but still far from the norm. Especially the single with children part.

[ripponesan]

Do NOT do it!

[Deleted]

It's a trap!

[Priestiality]

I am. I only know a couple people who had children that early. I'd say 23+ is where it started to become more common, but still far from the norm. Especially the single with children part.

In most major population centers the number of single mothers is ridiculously high. Teenage pregnancy is also at an all-time high. Hell my ex is younger than I am and has a daughter starting middle-school in the fall, neither of us is 30 nor will be within the next year.

[Kisho]

No, not really shallow. You know what/who you want, nothing wrong with that. I mean, if you were hurling abuse at them for their life choices then that would be wrong, but you're not, so eh. It's fine.

Wanting to date a woman with children from previous relationships is either something that comes with age (or rather, it's never 'want', more 'accept that it's incredibly unlikely you'll find a woman without at least 1 child when you reach a certain age'), or just something you don't want to do, ever.

Personally I doubt I'll ever want children, so obviously I don't want to date a woman with a child either. Not really a big deal.

[Deleted]

Why on earth would you want to "raise" some other's douchebag kids? Big NOOOOO

I'm separated from my son's mother so that makes me a douchebag? My ex-wife is free to see whoever she wants but let's just clarify one thing her future partners are not there to "raise" my son. I still do a perfectly good job of that.

[Priestiality]

I'm separated from my son's mother so that makes me a douchebag? My ex-wife is free to see whoever she wants but let's just clarify one thing her future partners are not there to "raise" my son. I still do a perfectly good job of that.

This. Not every guy that has a kid from a previous relationship is a deadbeat.

[Deleted]

It'll take some time before any sensible woman would let you raise her kid(s) Dating one does not mean responsibility for you right away.
And surely you wouldn't be raising it.
But you're only 20, Fresh out of your teen years. It's very normal for people of your age to not want anything to do with pregnant women or women with kids.
It's very likely to change though once you get older, As the amount of girls without kids will be decreasing. As people are getting kids earlier and earlier these days, You'll have to have an open mind about it later. (not meaning when you're 21)

pretty rare for women to have children at 20 and be single at that.

Why rare exactly? There are so many teen girls out there with children, Of wich the guy has bailed on.
I'm not saying they're a majority, But rare? I wouldn't say so.

[Catbrain]

If you date a woman with a kid there will always be another man in your relationship, whether its the nice fella you have to meet and greet as he comes to pick up his kids, the deadbeat who infuriates your mrs so much that you have to deal with the aftermath, or the dearly departed against whom you are never really sure if you measure up to.

If you can deal with that go ahead, you are a better man than me. Less singles with kids in the dating pool for the rest of us

[Lemons]

No man, you're 20! When you get to 21 however...you might wanna start thinking about it. *cough* old maid *cough*