What's socially acceptable in the situation?

[Deleted]

Wait he's staying with his ex 3 months every year?

[Deleted]

Wow, some of the advice in this thread is so shockingly distended from real world scenarios its unreal.

Bottom line: You have feelings for her. Great. You told her, super great and good for you. She's not interested though, at all. She has a boyfriend now, whom she got with after you told her about your feelings. Its crystal clear. Lucky for you, she values your friendship, and you have a chance to continue a great friendship but you're going to ruin that too if you cant get over the fact she doesnt return your feelings.

You said yourself you havent met the boyfriend yet, he may or may not be a nice guy. Probably is to be fair, i mean, your best friend obviously thinks he is and if you're best friends you should be on a similar wavelength.

Get over it and let her bring him, and enjoy your party. Any other course of action is pretty immature tbh.

[Gandrake]

If you can't get over it, I'd advise cutting her out of your life.

Not out of spite, but because I think that a lot of us have been in this situation. It's torturing yourself, and it's going to meet a dramatic end anyway if you don't make an effort to control the outcome.

Take the opportunity to speak to her alone during your birthday when (if?) she comes down. Clear the air, make sure there is nothing left between the two of you and make your decision right then and there, then forever hold your peace. If she doesn't come for the party because you don't want her boyfriend to come, tell her you need to talk about something important anyway, in person.

She is probably naive (most girls are) and believes you are over being rejected. I cannot emphasize enough, by the way, that ending any kind of relationship over a phone or the internet is stupid.

In earnest, I don't think there is the slightest chance that you will ever get with your friend. But you owe it to each other to try to end it on good terms.

And if you aren't going to end it, I really do hope that you get over it. Because you're just going to look like a douchebag* every time you bring it up.

*Andrew from Anger Management (2003) is an exemplary douchebag. He is a guy who still has a thing for his college girlfriend he never slept with and hits on her despite the fact she's in a relationship where marriage is a realistic possibility.

Get over it and let her bring him, and enjoy your party. Any other course of action is pretty immature tbh.

So basically

"be who I say you should be, or you're a failure"

I think that you could use some of this distinguished gentleman's criticism.

Wow, some of the advice in this thread is so shockingly distended from real world scenarios its unreal.

[Deleted]

Your friendship is probably not going to work out.

[Deleted]

Wait he's staying with his ex 3 months every year?

Yes, he is. And not only that, he goes to another country to do that, on some island and claims he has bad internet connection there. Draw your own conclusions, I drew mine and this is one of the reasons adding to me originally not wanting to invite him.

I talked to her today and told her it's her choice, I don't mind either way, she said ok.

[Deleted]

Yes, he is. And not only that, he goes to another country to do that, on some island and claims he has bad internet connection there. Draw your own conclusions, I drew mine and this is one of the reasons adding to me originally not wanting to invite him.

I talked to her today and told her it's her choice, I don't mind either way, she said ok.

Well my conclusion is probably close to yours. Your friend really doesn't see that?

[Sicarus]

EDIT - and also, everyone is ignoring that when someone you are good friends with is in a relationship you usually want to meet them and get to know them and be supportive. Not uninvite them to your parties.

Mehhhhhh, I wouldn't in this case.

The dude is likely 19 years older than the OP, if he's 19 years older than his friend.

I wouldn't want some dude coming to my birthday party who's probably got a pedo stache and balding.

[jax]

She's doing what a vast majority of people would do.

This is the crux of your problem in bringing this here. The ideas and opinions are as varied as you would expect... each and everyone colored by that persons life experiences.
You will not and can not find the right answer here because you are the only one that can answer your question, being the one person that has your total life experience so far.

I see people making a big deal out of her dating someone that is 19 years older than her. I see no issue there as I have always dated younger girls. My best friend cant understand why as he has always dated older girls. I see people saying you cant date your friend because your in the friend zone, but I have seen countless friendships turn into long term relationships, I have also seen them fall apart due to what you said to her.... there is no "right" or "wrong" here.

I could go on and on but the only immutable fact here is that each and every persons opinion does not and can not take into account that:

Only you can decide what to do based on your life experiences.

Analizing someone else's life and relationships from an outside point of view is full of guess work and slanted views based on that persons experience.

My advice to you is:
Do whatever will allow you to not have to look back in 3 years and regret whatever decision you made. In my world that is the main theory I live by and try and teach to others... at the end of the day try and live your life with no regrets.

[Deleted]

Thank you all for advice. As party is tomorrow, I think the issue has run its course. I read all replies and all ideas are appreciated.

Well my conclusion is probably close to yours. Your friend really doesn't see that?

To be honest no. If she likes him though, I won't go in between them. I can just hope it will all turn out well for her. And if it doesn't, I'll be there to help her and she'll learn a lesson. If I just say "hey, you know, I think there might still be something between those two" I don't know if I'm saying it because I belive it or because I'm subjective (though the fact that you, an unknown person, had same conclusion based on same facts kind of shows at least some of my concerns are founded) so I'd rather let her find out on her own.

This is the crux of your problem in bringing this here. The ideas and opinions are as varied as you would expect... each and everyone colored by that persons life experiences.
You will not and can not find the right answer here because you are the only one that can answer your question, being the one person that has your total life experience so far.

I see people making a big deal out of her dating someone that is 19 years older than her. I see no issue there as I have always dated younger girls. My best friend cant understand why as he has always dated older girls. I see people saying you cant date your friend because your in the friend zone, but I have seen countless friendships turn into long term relationships, I have also seen them fall apart due to what you said to her.... there is no "right" or "wrong" here.

I could go on and on but the only immutable fact here is that each and every persons opinion does not and can not take into account that:

Only you can decide what to do based on your life experiences.

Analizing someone else's life and relationships from an outside point of view is full of guess work and slanted views based on that persons experience.

My advice to you is:
Do whatever will allow you to not have to look back in 3 years and regret whatever decision you made. In my world that is the main theory I live by and try and teach to others... at the end of the day try and live your life with no regrets.

Well yes, but in the end I don't know exactly what will I think in 3 years with the experience gathered until then. In time, my pint of view on things changes as I find new things.
That said, I didn't chose to agree to have her come with her boyfriend if she wants because people here tell so, rather because I thought some of their points are right and I wasn't fully thinking at the fact that gives me an opportunity to meet the guy and see, is he nice or not? Then I can either put my fears to rest or... make a new thread lol. Nah, joking now.

Thanks for advice though.

[iceberg265]

Because there is nothing wrong with a 23 year old dating a 42 year old.

It's unlikely hes a creeper. I doubt a 23 year old female would feel comfortable around a creeper, let alone date him. He's probably a nice guy.


It's a bit like me saying you are a young criminal that should be locked up in a juvenile home simply because you are 12 years old.

Dude has a kid with another woman (whom he lives with part time) and is picking up girls half his age through job interviews...he is definitely a creeper.

[Deleted]

Dude has a kid with another woman (whom he lives with part time) and is picking up girls half his age through job interviews...he is definitely a creeper.

Or he doesnt exist beyond the mind of said girl.

[Deleted]

To be honest no. If she likes him though, I won't go in between them. I can just hope it will all turn out well for her. And if it doesn't, I'll be there to help her and she'll learn a lesson. If I just say "hey, you know, I think there might still be something between those two" I don't know if I'm saying it because I belive it or because I'm subjective (though the fact that you, an unknown person, had same conclusion based on same facts kind of shows at least some of my concerns are founded) so I'd rather let her find out on her own.

I think every sane person would jump to that conclusion if they hear that someone's partner is spending 3 months on a secluded island with his ex. I knew a girl whose boyfriend was a marine and he was always away and came up with excuses why he couldn't call her, like it was too expensive and stuff. She would buy it, because I think she couldn't think rational about the whole situation, cause she was in love.

If you really want to stay friends with that girl, you should probably accept that guy and not try to convivce her that she shouldn't trust him, because maybe she'll think you're just saying that, because you're jealous. Try to let the situation cool down, maybe try to date other girls, so she'll see you're over her. If that guy is really still into his ex, she'll probably get suspicious sooner or later, and then you can still talk with her about that. My experience is that with girls in love, you can't reason with them anyway, so they have to find out the hard way.

[Deleted]

Possibilities:
he. 'Lovestruck idiot' or worse. >> " I decided to tell her it's her choice if she wants to come with him, I don't mind either way."
she. Sadistic/Asperger


3. I think you don't know what i know.

It's amazing how anyone on the internet has a platform to spout anything and pull random stuff out of their arse.

[ThePotato]

At the end of the day regardless of what you wanted from the relationship between the both of you she chose someone else over you and you're gonna have to be mature enough to accept that. Just because you say you like someone doesnt automatically make them have to like you in that sense in return.

Also gathered from what youve said it would seem you're not happy with her current boyfriend and inviting only her to your party would seem on her part like your trying to drive a wedge between them and trying to break up a relationship for your own gain is being a serious asshole.

you have pretty much 2 options, either remain just friends with her but forget any chance you'll have with her romantically or you can slowly distance yourself from her and move on with your life. There are other people in the world and you're still only young.