Just not the same anymore

[Bwutty]

Update:

Hey guys.. saw my topic is still running and.. I haven't updated you on it..

Two days ago he wanted to go to a disco with me but I was under the weather so I told him I can't, but he can still go if he wants (we were going out with common "friends"). So he did. Last night I got a text from a girl that went with them (it was a pretty large company), with an attached picture.

It was him making out with some random girl at that disco. He didn't know there are any pictures of this.

I'm done with him.

Thank you all for your time and great advices, sorry to have wasted them.

♥

I have this really complicated situation in my life right now..

About 11 months ago I started dating this guy.. for the first couple of months it was great, he was really sweet and kind, it was a great experience.. I could say I loved him and he loved me too..

But then something happened (I don't know what) and we started seeing each other less, distancing from one another.. I still had feelings for him and he claimed he did too.. we eventually broke up after 7 months..

I didn't want to let him go but he wanted it that way.. said he can't give me everything I deserve and I told him we might not be right for each other.. I went through a tough period for the next month, crying and staying home alone a lot.. He didn't contact me, I didn't either..

About two months after breaking up he called me and asked to see me.. I agreed and when we met he was the kind and sweet boy I fell for once again.. he begged me to take him back, saying what a fool he was and what not.. And I did..

But ever since then it's not the same.. He admitted he dated another girl while we were broken up and that really hurt me.. Because I never gave up on him or looked for another.. And while he's sweet and doing nice things for me I can feel deep inside that something's wrong..

What should I do? Whenever I try to talk to him about those things he's saying I'm worrying too much and that all bad experiences should remain in the past.. Is he right?

[Deleted]

I'm sorry but i have no idea how to give relantionship advice to people I don't know, all i could say is do whatever feels right. :P

[jmcoo7]

Just do what your heart tells you , that way if it does not work out you at least you wont question your decision.

[Venant]

Seems like deep down you feel like he might have met this other girl while you were still dating him, considering the time period involved and the fact that he left you, this assessment has a high probability of being accurate. Did he really come clean about everything that happened? Did you live together for any period of time? You describe him as a 'sweet boy' which I find odd, deep down all human beings are complex and nobody really fits such a one dimensional description. Take it as a given that everyone lies, and even when you really really want to believe in something, always consider that possibility. You have instincts so that you can survive, learn to decipher what your instincts are trying to tell you.

[PuppetShowJustice]

I didn't want to let him go but he wanted it that way.. said he can't give me everything I deserve and I told him we might not be right for each other..

He admitted he dated another girl while we were broken up

I can't help but get the feeling that these points are related. I've known guys to break up with one girl just to immediately go after another. Not saying for sure that's what happened; I obviously can't tell from here. But this looks to me like the grass wasn't greener on the other side and he came back to something familiar when it didn't work out.

Honestly; if the relationship feels uncomfortable now, don't be in it. Trying to fix it might just be an effort in futility. Especially considering he already just up and ditched you once. Why believe he wouldn't do it again if given the chance?

[slime]

Well dating someone else while you two were officially broken up seems kinda normal, weird you have a problem with that. Some people arent gonna sit around for 2 months thinking about a person that they loved, pining for them and not doing anything. Some people are go getters and will just move right on with their lives. If anything you should be happy about that, because it seems obvious once he dated another girl or two, he could then see in comparison how special you were to him.

The second time around is usually not going to be as special as the first, but don't undermine what you feel you want because of petty jealousy.

[vizzle]

The bastard broke up with you because he wanted to try another girl, when she dumped him he decided to go back to you.

Don't waste your time.

[Venant]

Well dating someone else while you two were officially broken up seems kinda normal, weird you have a problem with that. Some people arent gonna sit around for 2 months thinking about a person that they loved, pining for them and not doing anything. Some people are go getters and will just move right on with their lives. If anything you should be happy about that, because it seems obvious once he dated another girl or two, he could then see in comparison how special you were to him.

The second time around is usually not going to be as special as the first, but don't undermine what you feel you want because of petty jealousy.

Seems like she has labeled him as a 'nice guy' and the truth is that 'nice guys' don't immediately go on the rebound, or what is more likely they don't start dating other people while still in a relationship. Now I guess you can argue whether or not 'nice guys' actually exist, perhaps it is an impossible ideal to live up to, but it is clear this fellow tried to establish a certain image with the OP that may be questionable.

[jmcoo7]

Seems like she has labeled him as a 'nice guy' and the truth is that 'nice guys' don't immediately go on the rebound, or what is more likely they don't start dating other people while still in a relationship. Now I guess you can argue whether or not 'nice guys' actually exist, perhaps it is an impossible ideal to live up to, but it is clear this fellow tried to establish a certain image with the OP that may be questionable.

You have a point nice people do not go on the rebound so quickly.

[Deleted]

Sounds like he started dating that another girl while still with you, things went wrong with her so he's thinking he might as well take a shot at you again because he knows you're hung up on him. The guilt might still eat him away a bit hence the awkwardness.

Dump him and move on.

[Deleted]

Sounds like a golf ball mate.. not good for you.

[Spectral]

What should I do?

Split up and call it a day. I don't generally think it's a great idea to attempt to salvage relationships.

[Deleted]

Time to get over it, If he's the same but you don't feel the same about him anymore. Not much reason to stay

[Bwutty]

I didn't (at least intentionally) try to put labels.. He just acted sweet and did cute little things for me that I've never had in any of my previous relationships.. That's what I meant.

What he told me was that after we broke up he met the other girl.. and it was "just sexual attraction".. He claims he had no feelings for her, unlike me.. But as some of you said, I get the feeling I'm kind of a backup plan for him..

We're trying to make it work again but for the first time in our relationship I sometimes catch myself doing a fake smile when inside I'm not that happy.. I have feelings for him but that makes me feel hurt for the fact he went to another girl..

And yes, I understand and know that it's absolutely normal for a now-single guy (or a girl) to date someone else and not wait few months, but.. he's back with me now.. And I find myself thinking about that girl being with him..

[Hyve]

Move on. Things won't end well in this relationship, and preparing yourself for that now will save a lot of pain in the future.

There is generally one thing I have learnt in life, taking breaks in relationships, or even ending them and getting back together never works. Sorry.

[Trassk]

How old are you and him if I may ask?

I only ask because how often I heard stories of young love and quick break ups when I worked for a youth center. I've come to understand young love is often fleeting, but the older you get the more chance your want to settle down with someone.

[Catta]

The bastard broke up with you because he wanted to try another girl, when she dumped him he decided to go back to you.

Don't waste your time.

And when is asked he deflects. Classic.

[Deleted]

If it feels wrong, it is wrong.

[Itisamuh]

The bastard broke up with you because he wanted to try another girl, when she dumped him he decided to go back to you.

Don't waste your time.

This is most likely true. I find if someone dumps you once, they probably will again if you are naive enough to take them back.

[Deleted]

And yes, I understand and know that it's absolutely normal for a now-single guy (or a girl) to date someone else and not wait few months, but.. he's back with me now.. And I find myself thinking about that girl being with him..

It is, but if he truly had earthshattering feelings for you he wouldn't have. Not to mention he wouldn't have dumped you in the first place. Took me a year to even think about another woman after my last relationship, even if I've before that been the kind of guy who grabs the first available female after a breakup and dives in.