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  1. #1

    [Relational - Women] - Love them 100% but show it 70%?

    Hello,

    Sometimes I feel my girlfriend doesn't appreciate what I do for her or the sacrifices that I make. I guess this is where knowing your value comes from. My dad always said to love a woman in your heart 100% but only show it 70% in order for her to maintain a healthy respect, appreciation, and desire for you (assuming you do what you can to treat her right [i.e not an abusive relationship]).

    Could I ask the veterans? (newly weds and up OR those in a relationship for at least 1 year); thank you. I know women love attention but sometimes I think I give my girlfriend too much. Not sure what to do.. I don't want to disrespect her but in parallel, I want to ensure that she isn't taking me for granted.

  2. #2
    Warchief Knight Gil's Avatar
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    You guys, stop blaming yourselves for your girlfriends / crushes being unappreciative of your efforts. There isn't a special method to make a girl appreciate you. Either she does, or she doesn't. She does, fine. She doesn't, move on. It takes two to do the tango, you know.

  3. #3
    70% is too much. Maybe 40%. Remain aloof; it's part of the appeal. Women say they want attention, but they only want attention from people who don't give them attention; conversely, a woman will no longer want your attention if you give it to her.
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  4. #4
    Legendary! Reg's Avatar
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    I feel like your dad watched the movie Hitch too many times.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Knight Gil View Post
    You guys, stop blaming yourselves for your girlfriends / crushes being unappreciative of your efforts. There isn't a special method to make a girl appreciate you. Either she does, or she doesn't. She does, fine. She doesn't, move on. It takes two to do the tango, you know.
    Sorry, I just want to make sure I don't mess things up. I'm new at this.

  6. #6
    Just don't be obsessive. Sometimes you need to back off so that she misses you, and when she does she'll want you more.
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  7. #7
    Well its not really about being obsessive. If I don't check in with her she feels neglected so I want to make sure that doesn't happen. But when I'm always available I feel I'm diminishing my value.

  8. #8
    Makes me feel you only treat her good so she shows appreciation lol :P

    Showing appreciation is the thing of "medium relationships" really, just like with a friendship it reaches a point that you do appreciate that person above anyone else, and you would even die for that person, but you wont "show" it because there is no reason to show it, the other person should know it to start with.
    Like all the best friends meme's, it also goes for a good relationship :P

    A gift time to time for no reason, or choosing you on top of someone else time to time, or respecting your wishes and going along with what you believe in, shows appreciation already, but its not needed.
    Trust her, trust your relationship and forget all about it.

    If that trust is broken, move on.

  9. #9
    Women are like cats. If you constantly show it affection, it will avoid you. If you ignore it, it wants your attention.

    of course people are different. Ive known some women that have to be around me all the time. Others not so much.

  10. #10
    Moderator Alysmera's Avatar
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    lolwut @ some of these responses.

    I want my boyfriend to show appreciation. Maybe not all the time - I don't to be suffocated - but even a "thank you" or an "I love you" or "I'll pwn your face, noob" every once in a while is more than welcome. Small gifts are nice, too - we like to surprise one another (granted, I'm poor thanks to student loans, so I do what I can if I can't do as much as he can).

    Granted, we've been living together for a year and a half now, and probably spend about an hour or two of quality time together a week in either a date or watching TV. The rest of the time, we're on the computer in the same room. Dif'rent strokes for dif'rent folks. Edit: early on, when we were just dating, we obviously went through the romantic stage where we showed one another attention 24/7. That went away probably around 3 months in, and we settled into the routine we have now.

    I know I don't show him appreciation as often as I probably could, but I know he's like me - if I followed him around telling him how much I appreciate him like a sick puppy, he'd feel awkward. But an "I love you" morning/evening and a kiss when he gets home can make his day.

    Like Kurioxan mentioned, sometimes you just grow used to it, and you appreciate them but don't outwardly show it. My boyfriend and I have had to learn to overcome this, because it really strengthens a relationship if you show your appreciation in small ways.
    Last edited by Alysmera; 2013-01-24 at 09:24 PM.

  11. #11
    Warchief Knight Gil's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by munchkin View Post
    Sorry, I just want to make sure I don't mess things up. I'm new at this.
    Just be yourself. Show affection when you need to show, don't when you don't feel like you have to.

    If you're around a girl 24/7, then sure, it might be annoying. But in case you don't, who would make a deal out of it, or be unappreciative because of it? Unappreciative people are like that because that's how they are, most often than not. Some people, though, will see your efforts and appreciate it.

    And never play hard to get. Seriously, most girls, at least non-dumb ones, know when you're doing it, even though they might not tell you. And those girls will often despise guys who do it.

    In resume, never play games.

  12. #12
    Perhaps you should have a look at this:

    http://personalitycafe.com/articles/...explained.html

    Basically there are essentially 5 different ways that people can communicate appreciation/love. BUT each personal naturally only uses a few (of course we can all learn to understand the others). So if two people are using different methods from each other, well then neither of them will feel the love/appreciation despite the other trying to show it.

    Take this couple for example:

    The guy has learnt to communicate appreciation via words and touch (touch being the whole range of physical contact from hugs to sex.)
    The girl has learnt to communicate via words and words and quality time.

    Now obviously when they use words to tell each other how much they appreciate/love each other then they will both understand and feel the love/appreciation that the other is communicating.

    The problem comes when they try to communicate using the other methods. The guy could give her all the kiss and hugs in the world, but she will still feel unappreciated because he isn't communicating in the way she understands - by spending quality time with her. And when she tries to show how much she cares by trying to spend all this time with him, he wont see it as an expression of her affection and could possibly take it as her being 'clingy / suffocating'.
    _______


    The point of this, munchkin, is that your girlfriend might be trying to show you her appreciation / affection, but just in a way that you don't get. eg. Quality time doesnt mean that much to me, but to my gf it does. So I make sure to spend a lot more quality time with her that I would normally feel a need to - because I know that it makes her feel loved and appreciated. And she knows that quality time isnt a way I naturally communicate these things, but touch is, so she keeps me happy

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by munchkin View Post
    Hello,

    Sometimes I feel my girlfriend doesn't appreciate what I do for her or the sacrifices that I make. I guess this is where knowing your value comes from. My dad always said to love a woman in your heart 100% but only show it 70% in order for her to maintain a healthy respect, appreciation, and desire for you (assuming you do what you can to treat her right [i.e not an abusive relationship]).

    Could I ask the veterans? (newly weds and up OR those in a relationship for at least 1 year); thank you. I know women love attention but sometimes I think I give my girlfriend too much. Not sure what to do.. I don't want to disrespect her but in parallel, I want to ensure that she isn't taking me for granted.
    How do you show someone only 70% of your love? Love is not a percentage.

    What do you mean by giving your gf too much attention?

  14. #14
    Don't play mindgames by trying to titrate how much affection you show, with hopes you'll get a response. That's basically being passive aggressive, and it's just as likely to backfire by making your girlfriend think you no longer care about her. In that scenario, she may not respond by giving you more affection to fill the gap, but instead just decide to leave.

    Try talking to her and letting her know your feelings. If she gets angry or dismisses them as being ridiculous, well, it shows a new side of her, and maybe she isn't the one for you. More than likely she doesn't know you're upset about this, and once you mention it, she'll make a bigger effort. Communication is key to any successful long-term relationship.
    I know that you are reading this, and I approve.

  15. #15
    Legendary! Reg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seirith View Post
    How do you show someone only 70% of your love? Love is not a percentage.

    What do you mean by giving your gf too much attention?
    It means you only spend 70% of the price of the item you would have bought when you fucked something up.

  16. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by munchkin View Post
    Sometimes I feel my girlfriend doesn't appreciate what I do for her or the sacrifices that I make.

    You made a post in Dec saying your girl was essentially head over heels in love with you and she was concerned she was too clingy. Then you said she didnt enjoy he vegas trip cuz you werent there with her.



    I dont understand how your perception changes so fast. Tbh (not being rude, just honest) you seem like an emotional overreacter. Stop worrying about every little detail and enjoy your life....not the life someone else thinks you should be having or their perception of it.

  17. #17
    You mean "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen"?

    I think the point is, don't smother her.
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  18. #18
    The Lightbringer Kerath's Avatar
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    First off, 'rules of dating' are generally bullshit. Relationships don't follow a script and they vary greatly depending on the individuals involved.
    If there is something about your relationship that is bothering you, I suggest you communicate with your girlfriend about it like an adult.
    Some people are simply not very demonstrative with their loved ones. Perhaps your girlfriend is one of those people. If it's something you're worried about, sit her down and talk to her about it. Don't be confrontational, don't be hostile or defensive. Just have a chat about things.
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  19. #19
    Herald of the Titans theredviola's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Knight Gil View Post
    You guys, stop blaming yourselves for your girlfriends / crushes being unappreciative of your efforts. There isn't a special method to make a girl appreciate you. Either she does, or she doesn't. She does, fine. She doesn't, move on. It takes two to do the tango, you know.
    This.

    If the girl you are with can't handle you showing how much you love her, then she doesn't diverse you. I had 3 relationship before I met my fiance. When I told her how I had to restrain myself with them she had a perplexed look on her face and asked "WHY?!" Since then, I always show my lady how much I love her. I love her 100% and I show it 100%
    "Do not only practice your art, but force yourself into its secrets, for it and knowledge can raise men to the divine." -- Ludwig Van Beethoven

  20. #20
    I'm skeptical there is even such a thing as love. I've never seen it. What I see is that people respond positively to positive stimuli. If a person suddenly starts getting negative stimuli from that source, that start responding negatively. True love is unconditional, but I have never seen that in my entire life. There are always selfish conditions in any display of affection. People are out to get what they want, and if they don't get that, they move on.

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