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  1. #1
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    Violent, Naked, Pooping, Masturbating, Bullet-Dodging Home Invader!


    Pictured: Gregory Matthew Bruni, aged 21, pooped and furiously masturbated in the Land's Florida home.

    In Florida, there are violent people, naked people, poopers and masturbators -- but rarely is one man the total package.

    When Tony and LaDonna Land discovered naked carnival worker Gregory Matthew Bruni on their roof, the night had just begun. Bruni, 21, allegedly assaulted Tony Land, trashed the couple's North Fort Myers Home, and then defecated and masturbated inside the house, WTSP reports. The Lands told police they were in their bedroom at around 7 p.m. Monday when they heard a noise that sounded like thunder, according to Fox 4 Now. Tony went outside and says he saw Bruni on top of the roof, completely naked. Bruni allegedly jumped down on top of Land, ABC 7 reported, then knocked him over by hitting him in the shoulder.

    The Lands say Bruni ran into the house, pulled a big-screen TV off the wall, and spilled the contents of a vacuum onto the floor. Around this time, LaDonna grabbed a gun and began firing at the nude intruder. She missed, and the couple called 911. "I don't know who the hell he is -- he's naked and he ran into my damn house," Tony can be heard saying on the recording. The Lands told authorities that after shots were fired, Bruni began whacking the mole in their living room before heading into their son's bedroom to rub some clothing on his face.

    When deputies arrived, they attempted to control Bruni, who they say was wildly flailing around and speaking nonsensically. They also discovered that Bruni had defecated on the floor in two spots within the home. At some point during the ruckus, investigators say, Bruni sucked up the contents of the vacuum, then spit it back out. Bruni was taken into custody and transported to a hospital for evaluation, where doctors reportedly told deputies they planned to conduct tests to determine "what Bruni was on."

    Bruni has been charged with criminal mischief, battery, occupied burglary and resisting arrest without violence.

    Let's Recap The Allegations Against Bruni:

    -Got naked, climbed onto the Lands' roof.
    -Attacked Tony Land by jumping on him and hitting his shoulder.
    -Ran into Lands' house, knocked down a TV and spilled the contents of a vacuum on the floor.
    -Dodged bullets fired by LaDonna Land.
    -Masturbated in the living room.
    -Rubbed clothes on his face in the Lands' son's room.
    -Defecated on the floor in two places.
    -Drank the contents of the vacuum.


    Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/0...ef=mostpopular

  2. #2
    Merely a Setback Reeve's Avatar
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    Germany or Florida?
    'Twas a cutlass swipe or an ounce of lead
    Or a yawing hole in a battered head
    And the scuppers clogged with rotting red
    And there they lay I damn me eyes
    All lookouts clapped on Paradise
    All souls bound just contrarywise, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!

  3. #3
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    I DONT want what he is having : /.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by scamander View Post
    I DONT want what he is having : /.
    Sounds like bath salts are back.

  5. #5
    "And the MMO-Champion 'Best Thread Title of the Year Award' goes to ..."

  6. #6
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    A typical case of Shit and Run

  7. #7
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    This is awesome.

  8. #8
    Warchief Letmesleep's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperMechatronGamer View Post
    Sounds like bath salts are back.
    Lol exactly. Kids, stay away from drugs.

  9. #9
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    I don't know what to say...

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Reeve View Post
    Germany or Florida?
    I don't understand this comment. Is it a reference to something?

  11. #11
    What happened to just having the munchies?
    Probably running on a Pentium 4

  12. #12
    I'm actually very upset that the ladies bullets missed.

  13. #13
    Titan Sorrior's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bigbazz View Post
    What happened to just having the munchies?
    I already could barely speak due to laughing so hard i couldn't even LOL...And you made it worse. GG man.


    As for my take part of me wants to give him a medal for sheer fucking insanity in an isnanely and perversely awesome way...

  14. #14
    this really sounds like bath salts. Did you know there's a new variation of bath salts out that is more potent then the original stuff?.
    Intel i5 3570K @ 4.5 GHz | Asrock Z77 Extreme4 | 16GB G.SKILL Ripjaws X Series | EVGA GTX 780SC with ACX cooler| Crucial M4 128GB | Samsung 840 256GB| Western Digital Caviar Blue 500 GB |Western Digital 1 TB Black | CM Hyper 212 Evo (with a push/pull config) | Fractal Design Arc Midi | SeaSonic S12II 620 Bronze | Corsair K60 | Razor Naga |JVC HARX900 | BenQ RL2455 | Samsung Syncmaster S24B300

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  16. #16
    Warchief Tokru's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by noepeen View Post
    Average German student's life
    Seriously, what has Germany to do with that? o.O

  17. #17
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    Well this was a very entertaining read.

  18. #18
    Merely a Setback Adam Jensen's Avatar
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    They heard a noise that sounded like thunder

    Man, he was fapping furiously, wasn't he?
    Putin khuliyo

  19. #19
    Yeah, sounds like drugs or crazy.

  20. #20
    The Lightbringer Waaldo's Avatar
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    Florida is such a fucked up place. I need to move.
    These aren't the spoilers you're looking for.

    Move along.

    Quote Originally Posted by Blueobelisk View Post
    Now, Waaldo is prepared to look for this person like Prince Charming testing everyone to see just how bad their psychological disorder is if their foot fits in the glass slipper.

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