What do you do when someone close to you dies?

[Jaylock]

Has anyone had anyone close to them die? I just recently had my father pass away from a freak heart attack (in the last month), and it sucks not being able to talk with him anymore... How have you coped with the loss of someone you love / were close to?

[breadisfunny]

i had my grandfather pass away last summer.

[Taftvalue]

well my grandfather died when I was 5 or 6 years old, didnt really understand it back then tho also my parents didnt take me to the funeral so yeah

[Ebildays]

I have had both my parents and all my grandparents die over the course of about 7-8 years, my twenties sucked very badly.

Dealing with loss is different for many people. I am not one to cry or be very "emotional" so I took it one day at a time. If I felt sad I would just feel sad but I put a limit on the amount of time I gave into it. I have this 90% rule that I live by which is to try and be happy 90% of the time. Yes, I try to spend my time being happy even if I have to fake being happy for a little bit. Now you may be different you may need that whole day to sitting around in your jammies and feel sad or feel angry or just feel nothing at all.

The thing to remember is that you never really get over losing a loved one but it does get better. For me I keep my loved ones memory alive with me, I will eat a favorite meal of theirs and remember good times. But most importantly I keep moving on because at the end of the day death and lost is a part of life. I know my loved ones would have wanted that as well.

[RICH1471]

I turn to drink for a few days then try to get on with life.

[Mehbooba]

Stay with them to look in their eyes as they glaze over I suppose?!

[Jackmoves]

I just let it all out, I'm not ashamed of that, and it feels like a huge weight gets lifted off your shoulders after a good cry(I don't cry often though, years usually pass between those occasions). After that I have been able to mostly remember all the good memories, which basically means I can have a good laugh talking about the person rather then get all depressed about it.

That might just be how I'm wired though. I don't think there is a universal cure for it, we all deal with it differently.

[Adam Jensen]

I cast Resurrection.

[Sam the Wiser]

I cast Resurrection.

If only this was possible !

[GoodNewsEveryone]

Hits everyone and yourself differently every time. It's been a year (or two) of death for me.

1st was my granddad in August 2011. He was 95 and had been deteriorating for the last year so we knew it was coming. Still hit me hard though as this was the first "death" I had experienced. Coped by spending some time with my family (as I had a week off for the funeral) and learned a bit about his life.

2nd was my boss who went off sick in November 2011 and then died of cancer in March 2012. I liked my boss but I'm embarrassed to say I didn't feel a thing even when I attended the funeral and met the family. I guess I didn't know them well enough.

3rd was a good friend of mine who was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 23, declared to be in remission in about April 2012 and then declared terminal in June 2012, he died at the age of 24 a few weeks after. Hit me VERY hard as he had just completed his degree, moved out from his parents place and was looking to get married to his fiance in the August. Still recovering from this, a friend tried to "toast" him during New Years Eve and the party almost ended there.

And the 4th and last was in November 2012 when my gran died of complications after a random stroke. Didn't hit me until the funeral as it all happened so fast. Again spent some time with the family and learnt about her life.

Hope you get through it OP.

[Deadvolcanoes]

I've lost all my grandparents and one of my best friends, as well as a few pretty close friends. I cope by understanding, to the best of my ability, the process of life and death.

Believe it or not, this quote has helped me deal with death more than any talk with any therapist ever has:

[Darsithis]

My mother unexpectedly passed away this past October. Talked to her the night before about seeing her that weekend (or the next weekend), to see Hotel Transylvania, and then I was getting a call that she'd collapsed. She was already gone by the time I got to the hospital.

I don't have any special activities or anything that I did to cope. I just let it all happen as it did and over time it got easier to bear.

[Reqq]

In the past we've normally just done a wake, the funeral, then spend the rest of the day drinking savagely and reminiscing about all the good times.

[bigbadbrawler]

After being generally screwed over by humans for approximately 37 years, I have developed what modern linguists refer to as misanthropy. I prefer to look at it as an evolutionary eventuality.
If humans were fresh out of caves I MIGHT buy the "human nature" argument but after millions of years of evolution and a functioning brain, people still use this overly simplified excuse, to justify their own behaviors and actions.

So for me nearly everyone who dies in my lifetime, as far as I'm concerned good f*cking riddance.

[risks]

All my grand parents passed in course of 4 years. Cried my eyes out at funerals and few nights after that... But there is nothing really else to do than accept it.

edit: just wanted to let you know that I was not 'really' close to may grandparents, and don't have a clue how I would react if someone closer to me died. I believe it would be at least week long deep depression.

[Aquarela]

Last year my grandfather died, he was like my father (I mean, I was closer to him that I ever was with my father) and it really sucks, I miss him so much, but he always used to tell me that our souls are our energy, and energy doesn't die it just transforms, and when we die our energy releases to everything around us, so our souls are in the air, the water, the earth, etc. I don't think he really believed that, he was a man of science and I think he just said that just to make me less sad by his death, but I it kind of works, I still miss him and cry sometimes, but I know part of him will always be with me.

[Kurioxan]

I thank Life for giving us time together and blow a kiss to Lady Death and move on.

People die, its natural, no point in being sad.
Cherish the moments you had, cry if you must, but dont tarnish the memories and experience.
Always hated the christian view on death and its ways, such hypocrisy in my mind and much prefer other cultures where there are even parties to celebrate, having everyone in grim moods and rituals doesnt help much with the pain process.

[Jayburner]

Sorry for your loss. The first few years you will think of him constantly then eventually it will be every other day then finally once in a while. The pain never really goes away but it lessens as the years go by.

[Tyandor]

People die, its natural, no point in being sad.
Cherish the moments you had, cry if you must, but dont tarnish the memories and experience.

There is a damned point in being sad. Why? because you can't be sad about someone passing away if you were never happy with them anyway. Happiness without sadness is just plain indifference.
That said the death that had the biggest impact on me was the one of my grandfather. He was amazing, everything you could wish for in a grandfather. Yet he had to go through a suffering with cancer for 5 months before he left us, something he didn't deserve. That said, when he passed I was at peace with it. Sure I was sad and cried, but I already started the road to acceptation. I saw him 24 hours before it happened and I wanted him to go. That heap of misery was just not my grandfather anymore.

Our family has its history with cancer. Unfortunately it came too close this time for me. My father (60) was diagnosed with liver cancer with came from spread of rectal cancer. Something that could have been prevented if the doctors hadn't screwed up multiple times. Not that that buys us anything this time. Anyway he is two surgeries further, but unfortunately he has to go a third time sometime soon, because there was some remission (although we somewhat expected it, because the last operation was a bit too good to be true). This time they're gonna cut away 40% of it (you need 30% minimum of liver) and remove the small new spots. My father was 'lucky' his physical condition was quite good, because it's the reason the can keep helping him. We have good hope he can get cancer free, but still it's heavy on us. I don't know if I could even accept if he died, because he's still too young (hell I'm 28 myself)
If one such a situation wasn't enough, the whole ordeal with my father made some us a bit more aware and guess what my sister (36) was diagnosed with breast cancer. 'Lucky' enough it seems that we were in time (half year later could have been very dangerous). Her heavy treatments are almost over so the road to recovery has almost started. However the situation of my father cancelled her wedding (and it would have been a grand one at that). She also wanted to start with children now, but chemotherapy might have killed that dream as well. For us the last 1.5 years has been a freakin' nightmare not helped by the fact that we got to bury an aunt (also 60) because of.... well guess fucking what. It's the uncertainty that keeps constantly nagging at you. I'm hoping for a good ending and it can happen, I know that, but it has to end sometime, because if you have to live in constant fear... well you might best be dead already.

[pallydan]

Has anyone had anyone close to them die? I just recently had my father pass away from a freak heart attack (in the last month), and it sucks not being able to talk with him anymore... How have you coped with the loss of someone you love / were close to?

Take care of your mom, make sure she is not depressed. Call her often to check up.