What do you do when someone close to you dies?

[Jaylock]

My mother unexpectedly passed away this past October. Talked to her the night before about seeing her that weekend (or the next weekend), to see Hotel Transylvania, and then I was getting a call that she'd collapsed. She was already gone by the time I got to the hospital.

I don't have any special activities or anything that I did to cope. I just let it all happen as it did and over time it got easier to bear.

Sorry for your loss man, it hurts, but im moving on with my loss as well. My mom is 61 and disabled so she isnt working, so i moved in with her to help her pay the bills and such until things stable out.

I suppose I think of my dad pretty often right now because it too was unexpected, but im not too sad, only sad that I cant talk and laugh with him anymore. Life goes on I suppose.

---------- Post added 2013-02-01 at 09:20 PM ----------

After being generally screwed over by humans for approximately 37 years, I have developed what modern linguists refer to as misanthropy. I prefer to look at it as an evolutionary eventuality.
If humans were fresh out of caves I MIGHT buy the "human nature" argument but after millions of years of evolution and a functioning brain, people still use this overly simplified excuse, to justify their own behaviors and actions.

So for me nearly everyone who dies in my lifetime, as far as I'm concerned good f*cking riddance.

Wow. This is all I have to say. I'm literally at a loss of words with your response.

[Kurioxan]

There is a damned point in being sad. Why? because you can't be sad about someone passing away if you were never happy with them anyway. Happiness without sadness is just plain indifference.

I dont agree with that, but people view things in different ways
That is indeed a nasty situation, i hope for the best for you and your family.

I'm hoping for a good ending and it can happen, I know that, but it has to end sometime, because if you have to live in constant fear... well you might best be dead already.

Yeah, keep that hope and yes, we all die, it is natural, that is why i dont feel sad, i dont feel anguish over it i accept it as normal, to me the pain before death is worst than death itself.
But dont we all live in constant fear? it is by accepting death that you conquer that fear imo, i do hope for the best for you and your family and keep such though away such as "might be best be dead already", death is inevitable but no point in rushing it.

[Toxigen]

Quickly remove my pants...

[Saphyron]

Don't think about it and live your life.

[Taurenburger]

My father has been dead for almost 11 years now, at that time I was 9 years old. It was a quite hard time after that, but as my mother is a strong woman she could still take care of me and my siblings be it with the help of my father's sister. I still have troubles with talking about him person to person even though I hardly can imagine having a father now.

Aswell my father's father and my mother's mother died of cancer, however it is much easier coping with that (logical, imo).

[Noomz]

Has anyone had anyone close to them die? I just recently had my father pass away from a freak heart attack (in the last month), and it sucks not being able to talk with him anymore... How have you coped with the loss of someone you love / were close to?

Friends and other family members. I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope that you'll find the strenght to carry on. Personally, I feel that one should remember those that have passed on not with sadness but with joy. Remember them fondly.

[Jackmoves]

I thank Life for giving us time together and blow a kiss to Lady Death and move on.

People die, its natural, no point in being sad.
Cherish the moments you had, cry if you must, but dont tarnish the memories and experience.
Always hated the christian view on death and its ways, such hypocrisy in my mind and much prefer other cultures where there are even parties to celebrate, having everyone in grim moods and rituals doesnt help much with the pain process.

You can still have a party, or wake. Thats perfectly normal, always been that way here at least, but there is a time for mourning as well, it's not normal to not miss a person, a person close to you dying is about the best reason I can think of for being sad for a while. Now how people express that sadness is highly individual.

I think one of the best healing processes is to talk good memories(or any memories really) with people who was also part of that persons life. Being the "listerner" has often fallen on my lot, people tend to open up and mourn when you just sit around the kitchen table at 6 in the morning after a bender, I got two nicknames "maskinen"(=the machine, because I'm a tireless mother effer) and "prällen"(="priesty", because I'm easy to talk to). ;P

Edit: Also, OP sorry for you loss.

[Kurioxan]

You can still have a party, or wake. Thats perfectly normal, always been that way here at least, but there is a time for mourning as well, it's not normal to not miss a person, a person close to you dying is about the best reason I can think of for being sad for a while. Now how people express that sadness is highly individual.

I think one of the best healing processes is to talk good memories(or any memories really) with people who was also part of that persons life. Being the "listerner" has often fallen on my lot, people tend to open up and mourn when you just sit around the kitchen table at 6 in the morning after a bender, I got two nicknames "maskinen"(=the machine, because I'm a tireless mother effer) and "prällen"(="priesty", because I'm easy to talk to). ;P

Edit: Also, OP sorry for you loss.

yeah different people have different ways to cope with death, a lot of it is a sudden realization which is something that due to an early trauma i had right away, so i expect people to do anytime and when it does happen it doesnt really affect me, i miss them ofc, and cherish the memories, but i dont get sad per se as i knew it was going to happen, to me nothing is more sad when someones death takes more than one life... life goes on, death is natural and normal, live for the person that died and honor their memory, is how i view it

[Deleted]

I break down

[Ihnasir]

Reminisce on the good moments, and ensure that that's the way you'll always remember them. Happy moments that bring a tear to your eye and a smile to your face simultaneously.

[Powerogue]

No one that close to me yet, I should consider myself lucky. :/ A few distant family members that were nice people, we visited occasionally, but no direct family I live with or anything.

[geewhiz80]

I have had both my parents and all my grandparents die over the course of about 7-8 years, my twenties sucked very badly.

Dealing with loss is different for many people. I am not one to cry or be very "emotional" so I took it one day at a time. If I felt sad I would just feel sad but I put a limit on the amount of time I gave into it. I have this 90% rule that I live by which is to try and be happy 90% of the time. Yes, I try to spend my time being happy even if I have to fake being happy for a little bit. Now you may be different you may need that whole day to sitting around in your jammies and feel sad or feel angry or just feel nothing at all.

The thing to remember is that you never really get over losing a loved one but it does get better. For me I keep my loved ones memory alive with me, I will eat a favorite meal of theirs and remember good times. But most importantly I keep moving on because at the end of the day death and lost is a part of life. I know my loved ones would have wanted that as well.

I feel your pain. Over the course of 18 months, lost all 3 of my living grandparents, and my father.

[Management]

I could never bare losing someone close to me. I have lost an uncle. I myself of course thought it was sad, because he was kind of young, however watching my mom being sad was almost worse.

I also lost my grandma when I was around 13-14 years, which was really sad. Her last weeks/months alive were just awful. She was around 94 years, and she was at an hospital. It was in the middle of the winter and she somehow got out of the hospital unnoticed, even though she was so old. The personnel later found her lying in a pile of snow nearly frozen to death. Just some days later she fell, or something, and had to amputate her legs. She was very sick for about 2 weeks before she passed away in her sleep. Also, the last 2-3 months she just lost her brain function more and more, til she finally couldn't even recognize her son (my dad), and this was before all the things happened. What I don't understand though was why wouldn't they just let her die? She always said that she never wanted to be a vegetable kept alive by machines. She wanted a quick death. And yet they "tortured" her right til the end.

Anyways, I didn't really have to cope with it. I went to her funeral, so I guess that was a way of saying goodbye. I just thought that it was better for her now, and remembered her for who she was before all of this. I think the most important is that you don't forget the person you have lost.

[Kellerx12]

My uncle just died last night. It was weird as I handled this situation more comely then when my uncle, aunt, and grandpa died.

I use humor. I have always taken serious situation and told jokes about them. It helps to take away the stress and emotional drain of a situation not just for myself but for others a swell. My mother was a complete mess last night when she got the call from my grandpa. When she called to let me know, after she told me how it happened, the first thing I did was crack a joke. Her crying stopped after that and she could talk without the tears. She was still sad, but it helped her out.

The best thing you can do is help the other people in your life that are affected by the persons death. It can help to make you feel better.

[Jayburner]

when it comes to your own mother the shit gets really real.

[vindicatorx]

I'm not really the person to give advice since it only bothers me for a short while I don't know how to say it I just move on quickly I guess. I'm not sure how to phrase it and not sound insensitive I just don't hold onto feelings I guess in general.

[Dedweight]

Depends on how close the person is, I had two friends die in a car accident back in high school and cried for an hour or so and moved on. Death happens, you can't change the fact that it happened so just remember them for who they were and continue on with life. However if it was a Girlfriend/Wife or whatever I'd probably be a mess for a few days but I'd eventually get over it.

[Deleted]

After being generally screwed over by humans for approximately 37 years, I have developed what modern linguists refer to as misanthropy. I prefer to look at it as an evolutionary eventuality.
If humans were fresh out of caves I MIGHT buy the "human nature" argument but after millions of years of evolution and a functioning brain, people still use this overly simplified excuse, to justify their own behaviors and actions.

So for me nearly everyone who dies in my lifetime, as far as I'm concerned good f*cking riddance.

you must have a fun life with lotsof friends

[Deleted]

Just get on with it really.

[Throren]

Hopefully I don't have to find a way to cope. My grandfather has lung cancer and going through his last few treatments because it just started to develop in December so it's still small enough that they might be able to operate and get it out. Fingers crossed.