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  1. #1
    The Lightbringer Skytotem's Avatar
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    Did you know the greatest pirate to ever live was a Chinese woman?



    There is literally nothing better than a sexy, badass lady.
    CHING MOTHERFUCKING SHIH

    This lady was such a badass, I can’t count the ways, but let’s try.

    She got married to an already successful pirate, Zheng Yi, and took over when he died. She was crazy strict to keep an iron fist over her fleet of pirates, and the punishments for stepping out of line were brutal. If you stole or looted from a town that provided assistance or tribute to the pirate fleet, Ching would chop your fucking head off with a battle axe and dump your lifeless body in the ocean. If you stole from the pirate treasury, or she thought you were stealing from the pirate treasury, Ching would chop your fucking head off dump your lifeless body in the ocean. Raping any captured female prisoners was punishable by immediate death. Fuck, if you had consensual sex while on duty you got your head chopped off and the woman was chucked off the boat no matter where they were at. Ching wasn’t fucking around, and she wanted to make damn sure you weren’t fucking around when you should have been working.

    Two years after she took over, she got so notorious for ransacking towns and taking taxes on them that she pissed off the entire Chinese government, and sent out a massive fleet to bring her in line. Most pirates probably would’ve said this was out of their pay grade and taken off to hide out or ransack some other country.

    Ching Shih said fuck that.

    She not only faced them head on, she wiped the floor with them, killing hundreds and capturing sixty-something ships from the Imperial Fleet. Prisoners were given the choice of joining up or being executed on the spot. The Admiral of the Chinese navy, Kwo Lang, was so afraid of being captured by her or going back to admit he’d been beaten by her that he committed suicide.

    For the next two years, Ching Shih not only kept on pirating, she fought off Chinese forces as well as Dutch and British warships that the navy called in to help. Finally the government gave up and offered her amnesty as well as amnesty for her then SEVENTEEN THOUSAND crewman. Ching Shih got to keep all her plunder, so she retired to the countryside where she opened up a brothel and lived until she was 69.

    tldr: I’ve come to terms with the reality that I’ll never be as terrifyingly badass as this woman was. -Goddessofcheese tumblr

    http://www.thewayofthepirates.com/pi...e-captains.php

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ching_Shih
    You are now future Jack Noir.

    Presently, you are trapped in a single moment, which increasingly feels like an eternity. Your boredom is surpassed only by your all consuming rage and contempt for existence itself.

  2. #2
    The Unstoppable Force RICH816's Avatar
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    Edward Teach was the best, he set his fucking beard on fire to scare his enemies.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Batman View Post
    So you seriously think ISIS is going to come to your home and take your wife and kids hostage?
    Quote Originally Posted by Alixie View Post
    9/11 says Hi.

  3. #3
    yeah maybe EARTH pirate :P but we all know space pirates are way cooler
    "I was a normal baby for 30 seconds, then ninjas stole my mamma" - Deadpool
    "so what do we do?" "well jack, you stand there and say 'gee rocket raccoon I'm so glad you brought that Unfeasibly large cannon with you..' and i go like this BRAKKA BRAKKA BRAKKA" - Rocket Raccoon

    FC: 3437-3046-3552

  4. #4
    The Lightbringer Skytotem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RICH1471 View Post
    Edward Teach was the best, he set his fucking beard on fire to scare his enemies.
    Except he got his ass killed and died...
    You are now future Jack Noir.

    Presently, you are trapped in a single moment, which increasingly feels like an eternity. Your boredom is surpassed only by your all consuming rage and contempt for existence itself.

  5. #5
    Pandaren Monk Klutzington's Avatar
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    Meh... Black Beard.

  6. #6
    Technologically advanced Pirates are the greatest pirates to ever live. Have you seen some of the stuff people do out there? Literally MILLIONS of songs / files.

    On-topic : That's pretty Badass. Not a bad looking woman either. Would have 'worked' for her.

    Aveline's amazing work!

  7. #7
    The Unstoppable Force RICH816's Avatar
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    He died a legend, whereas few know of this woman. He died as he lived, loud, fast and dangerous.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Batman View Post
    So you seriously think ISIS is going to come to your home and take your wife and kids hostage?
    Quote Originally Posted by Alixie View Post
    9/11 says Hi.

  8. #8
    Banned Jayburner's Avatar
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    Arrrhh!!!1 me have a boner now

  9. #9
    The Lightbringer Skytotem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RICH1471 View Post
    He died a legend, whereas few know of this woman. He died as he lived, loud, fast and dangerous.
    He died in eighth place and we only know him because we live in a society where we don't celebrate anything not done by rich old white guys.


    EDIT:

    Youz a stoopid ork makinz dat quote. Get back in line ya grotz youse outta yor league.
    You are now future Jack Noir.

    Presently, you are trapped in a single moment, which increasingly feels like an eternity. Your boredom is surpassed only by your all consuming rage and contempt for existence itself.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Jayburner View Post
    Arrrhh!!!1 me have a boner now
    lol I totally imagined you saying this in the voice of Beavis

  11. #11
    Yeah she's pretty cool, but she didn't wear a tricorn hat so...
    Quote Originally Posted by Tojara View Post
    Look Batman really isn't an accurate source by any means
    Quote Originally Posted by Hooked View Post
    It is a fact, not just something I made up.

  12. #12
    The Lightbringer Skytotem's Avatar
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    Wow, sexism abounds :\
    You are now future Jack Noir.

    Presently, you are trapped in a single moment, which increasingly feels like an eternity. Your boredom is surpassed only by your all consuming rage and contempt for existence itself.

  13. #13
    isn't jack sparrow the best pirate in the world?

  14. #14
    Well I certainly learned something new today.

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by RICH1471 View Post
    He died a legend, whereas few know of this woman. He died as he lived, loud, fast and dangerous.
    Ha.... I'm sorry but she is actually quite famous in China with a bunch of movies made after her.

  16. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by RICH1471 View Post
    He died a legend, whereas few know of this woman. He died as he lived, loud, fast and dangerous.
    He was considerably less successful than other pirates like Henry Every and Black Bart, but hardly anyone remembers them. Which pirates were remembered and which forgotten came down to which had the best press (well, the worst press really...).

    *EDIT*

    Totally awesome thing I found out after reading up on Blackbeard: the wreck of his ship, the Queen Anne's Revenge, was discovered in 1997 and about a third of it has so far been excavated. Apparently there's diving footage of it on the internet but I can't watch it here at work due to the filter.
    Last edited by Mormolyce; 2013-02-05 at 04:22 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tojara View Post
    Look Batman really isn't an accurate source by any means
    Quote Originally Posted by Hooked View Post
    It is a fact, not just something I made up.

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by myffi View Post
    Ha.... I'm sorry but she is actually quite famous in China with a bunch of movies made after her.
    as many as jack sparrow?

  18. #18
    Remind me not to piss my girlfriend off.

  19. #19
    1800 ships, wtf? Never even heard of her before.

  20. #20
    Jack sparrow will make her.... Um I don't think it's appropriate to say...

    She was a asian prostitute so y'all know what I mean.
    Quote Originally Posted by Validity View Post
    If rogues become shit, all they can become is a different type of shit.

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