Is it worth giving a shot?...

[Kayen]

Hi everyone I'm 16 years old and yesterday my girlfriend and I broke up. The problem was... She lives in Canada and I in Sweden. It's been almost a year and a half since we met and now we figured that I found it too difficult to move to Canada in the future and she didn't want to leave her family to move to Sweden...

I now feel empty. I feel sad and confused and I don't know what I should do now that I'm alone... What is my future? I barely socialize with others outside of school. I think that maybe she was the right one for me? I still feel that I love her and I actually don't want to give her up. I would still be able to make things right I believe... But as I said in the title, would it be worth a shot? Is it hard to move to another country, it being Canada? I read that they only take in specific people who match certain requirements and apparently it's a big headache while moving to Sweden would be more easy for her...

I could really use some help right now... Any suggestions on what I can do?...

PS: We met last summer for a month and I had a really good time with her, which also explains why I feel so attached to her even though we live so far away...

[manbeartruck]

I hate to be the responsible adult here, and you're not going to want to hear this, but give it a thought.


You're 16. I'm assuming she's around the same age. Neither of you are mature enough, let alone legally able, to just up and move to another country for another person. Keep contact with her if you'd like, but it sounds astronomically unlikely that you'd be able to make this work in the long run.

Also, you'd have to be willing to leave everything you've known behind for her. Your friends, your family, your surroundings, your entire life up to this point.
What about your education? University? Are you willing to do that? Would you be willing to let her do it for you? At 16, everything is a tragedy and feels like the biggest feelings ever but you really need to keep a level head and consider if it's worth the risk.

Being in an international relationship is hard work, as one of you will always be the odd one out. One of you will always miss their family, miss out on birthdays, deaths, weddings etc. It's doable, but hard work. And you really have to be realistic about whether or not it will last.

[Kayen]

I hate to be the responsible adult here, and you're not going to want to hear this, but give it a thought.


You're 16. I'm assuming she's around the same age. Neither of you are mature enough, let alone legally able, to just up and move to another country for another person. Keep contact with her if you'd like, but it sounds astronomically unlikely that you'd be able to make this work in the long run.

Also, you'd have to be willing to leave everything you've known behind for her. Your friends, your family, your surroundings, your entire life up to this point.
What about your education? University? Are you willing to do that? Would you be willing to let her do it for you? At 16, everything is a tragedy and feels like the biggest feelings ever but you really need to keep a level head and consider if it's worth the risk.

Being in an international relationship is hard work, as one of you will always be the odd one out. One of you will always miss their family, miss out on birthdays, deaths, weddings etc. It's doable, but hard work. And you really have to be realistic about whether or not it will last.

Well I suppose you're being reasonable... And you're right about that it would save me a whole lot of trouble and pain if it just was over... As much as I hate to admit such. All I am worried for it that I might regret it for the rest of my life. But maybe it's just a shock that came out of that it happened so recently. I just hope that I will be able to find someone else eventually and not, as I said, regret not going through with this until I'm dead.

[manbeartruck]

Well I suppose you're being reasonable... And you're right about that it would save me a whole lot of trouble and pain if it just was over... As much as I hate to admit such. All I am worried for it that I might regret it for the rest of my life. But maybe it's just a shock that came out of that it happened so recently. I just hope that I will be able to find someone else eventually and not, as I said, regret not going through with this until I'm dead.

Yeah, they're pretty common feelings after a break up. And ultimately, you're the one who has to decide what you want to pursue but just keep in mind that it's not as simple as trying to get the girl who lives across the street. There's a metric fuckton of implications no matter if it works out or not. And you're 16, so I doubt you've exhausted your pool of eligible females just yet

[PizzaSHARK]

Well I suppose you're being reasonable... And you're right about that it would save me a whole lot of trouble and pain if it just was over... As much as I hate to admit such. All I am worried for it that I might regret it for the rest of my life. But maybe it's just a shock that came out of that it happened so recently. I just hope that I will be able to find someone else eventually and not, as I said, regret not going through with this until I'm dead.

You're 16, bud. You got plenty of time to find someone

And don't worry about finding "the one." There's no such thing as "the one," it's just someone you happen to get along really well with. That said, you're missing out on an awful lot of really important stuff by having such limited means of communication with someone.

You can still be friends with her if ya'd like, just... don't let yerself get so caught up in it

[Jackmoves]

If you really feel so affactionate just wait till you have graduated the Gymnasium and look into studying in Canada. Thats a couple of years down the line and chances are the relationship will have gone south for other reasons then the two of you living in different locations(a lot of things can change). Thats how it is for most people, very few people meet their "one" when they are 16 years old.

http://www.csn.se/utomlands/olika-lander/kanada
You can get 4 557 SEK max from CSN studying in Canada, each week. Not sure how expensive Canada is, so thats up to you to figure out.

Also without wanting to be a jerk, but how well do you guys know eachother? How did you meet her? Have you ever spent time together? Moving to another country without at least having spent a decent amount of time with eachother seems quite mad. I'm a bit skeptical to "internet" relationships, or even long distance ones, I know. But it's really important to spend time together for real.

[Eschbach]

You say you are alone now, but you have been alone the whole time! Opposite sides of the world alone. You're 16. Go get another.

[Kayen]

If you really feel so affactionate just wait till you have graduated the Gymnasium and look into studying in Canada. Thats a couple of years down the line and chances are the relationship will have gone south for other reasons then the two of you living in different locations(a lot of things can change). Thats how it is for most people, very few people meet their "one" when they are 16 years old.

http://www.csn.se/utomlands/olika-lander/kanada
You can get 4 557 SEK max from CSN studying in Canada, each week. Not sure how expensive Canada is, so thats up to you to figure out.

Also without wanting to be a jerk, but how well do you guys know eachother? How did you meet her? Have you ever spent time together? Moving to another country without at least having spent a decent amount of time with eachother seems quite mad. I'm a bit skeptical to "internet" relationships, or even long distance ones, I know. But it's really important to spend time together for real.

Well, as I said its been a year and a half almost and we did meet for a month last summer, I lived with her family and it all felt happy you know? Being with her everyday made me happy. So its been 30 days living in the same house pretty much.

And thank you for showing me the CSN thing, how much would studying there help me to be able to move there though, do you think?

[vizzle]

No, you're 16 man. It's going to be a lot of time before you can do anything that would make you guys together. Just don't go down that road...

Keep her Facebook, keep her friendship. See what happens in 5 years.

[atsawin26]

You're 16, you've got years and years to find "The One".

Focus on school and the friends you do have. At this stage in your life the most important thing is setting the foundation for success and happiness later. I know that's not the cool and popular thing to do, but good grades, good networking, and some hard work now will help you immensely later in your 20s, and put you in a good place for a full, active social life, and make you far more attractive for going out there and meeting women.

It's a big, life-changing decision to uproot yourself to another country, don't do it for a girl you spent 30 days with, especially at your age. I live far, far from home, I live in the US and I'm from Greece, and it's so hard to be in a strange land at times.

Also, she's (assuming) a teenage girl, she (and you) still have a lot of growing up to do, and that will include mental and emotional changes which may affect your or her feelings or tastes to change and no longer be happy with each other.

Just focus on school, networking, and setting yourself up for the life you want.

[Maelle]

Well, as I said its been a year and a half almost and we did meet for a month last summer, I lived with her family and it all felt happy you know? Being with her everyday made me happy. So its been 30 days living in the same house pretty much.

And thank you for showing me the CSN thing, how much would studying there help me to be able to move there though, do you think?

There's no way I can say this without sounding like an old person giving advice but...

Those 30 days were like... a holiday, a honeymoon period if you like. They were not really representational of what your everyday life would be like. Would you be living with her parents? Or alone? Either way would be stressful in the long term, most people wouldn't have a great time in relationships where money is very tight, or the couple lives with their parents imo. Have her parents and yours even agreed to this?

What if your relationship ends after 6 months or a year and you are stuck in a country thousands of miles from home with little money? Struggle on? Or go home and try and pick up a similar course back in Sweden? Who would foot the bill for your moving to Canada (and possibly back), and visits to see your family?

I have some perspective on this for 2 reasons:

1, I moved out of my mums when I was 16 and in with an older guy who had his own place. Even though it was not far away, it caused a LOT of drama and a huge rift in my family that took years in my dads case to heal (why I asked if your parents were cool with it). No-one could talk me out of it, and we stayed together for 5 and a half years, and although I don't view it as a "mistake", I know I mostly did it to get out of my mums house, otherwise I think it might have fizzled out sooner. In your case I would be a little concerned you are rushing things not to escape your family, but because you think it will fizzle out if you don't see each other regularly.

2, Three years ago I moved to Denmark from the UK to live with my partner who I met online. Before we made the decision to move in we spent over a year taking visits with each other and working through the practicalities both with his family, and mine, and between ourselves. Something else you might have to bear in mind is that while I can move anywhere in the EU as an EU citizen with minimal hoop-jumping... that isn't usually the case for moving to other countrys. You have to have a reason for being there, be that work (and you will get booted if you are out of work in that case), study - great but after you finish studying, you will have to find work fast to stay in the country - and I have a feeling you might be restricted as to the fields you can enter. Personally before I started out working I was almost "sponsered" by my partner - he had to prove that he had several thousand in savings so he could support me if I was out of work long term, and take care of my living expenses. Other than that, getting married or having family there is acceptable ( but not recommended xD)

Good luck whatever you decide, I know that at 16 nothing much would have changed my mind on my moving out, but maybe in your case the logistics of the move will make you think really hard about it.

[Kayen]

You're 16, you've got years and years to find "The One".

Focus on school and the friends you do have. At this stage in your life the most important thing is setting the foundation for success and happiness later. I know that's not the cool and popular thing to do, but good grades, good networking, and some hard work now will help you immensely later in your 20s, and put you in a good place for a full, active social life, and make you far more attractive for going out there and meeting women.

It's a big, life-changing decision to uproot yourself to another country, don't do it for a girl you spent 30 days with, especially at your age. I live far, far from home, I live in the US and I'm from Greece, and it's so hard to be in a strange land at times.

Also, she's (assuming) a teenage girl, she (and you) still have a lot of growing up to do, and that will include mental and emotional changes which may affect your or her feelings or tastes to change and no longer be happy with each other.

Just focus on school, networking, and setting yourself up for the life you want.

Well... That all is true but... I just don't feel like I'd be able to get a girl another way... All feels so dark. I don't like to drink and I plan on living my life sober, and next to that I don't like partying either which seems to be one of the more usual ways of meeting a girl. I am more of a staying home person which probably is why I haven't encountered a single girl around where I live which has shown interest in me, or maybe I just need to try more...

I know that moving like that can be a huge mistake for someone young like me but I'm just so afraid that I'll never find someone like her again. I also, still love her, of course.

But if you feel lost in America at times, how come you went to live there? And how hard was the journey? I can imagine that its more difficult than getting permit and everything to live in Canada...

[Jackmoves]

Well, as I said its been a year and a half almost and we did meet for a month last summer, I lived with her family and it all felt happy you know? Being with her everyday made me happy. So its been 30 days living in the same house pretty much.

And thank you for showing me the CSN thing, how much would studying there help me to be able to move there though, do you think?

A month isn't a lot. But nevermind ;P

You would probably be able to get a study VISA, it's not hard for us Swedes to get work/study VISAS in other countries, we are generally deemed to be a reliable lot less prone to become illegal immigrants... not sure how strict the Canadians are, I'm sure someone from Canada can answer that, but I would guess so.

[atsawin26]

Well... That all is true but... I just don't feel like I'd be able to get a girl another way... All feels so dark. I don't like to drink and I plan on living my life sober, and next to that I don't like partying either which seems to be one of the more usual ways of meeting a girl. I am more of a staying home person which probably is why I haven't encountered a single girl around where I live which has shown interest in me, or maybe I just need to try more...

I know that moving like that can be a huge mistake for someone young like me but I'm just so afraid that I'll never find someone like her again. I also, still love her, of course.

But if you feel lost in America at times, how come you went to live there? And how hard was the journey? I can imagine that its more difficult than getting permit and everything to live in Canada...

Everyone feels crappy after a bad breakup or a breakup they didn't want. That feeling passes with time. Remember, you're 16, you're not even through with puberty yet. The odd of no woman every taking a shine to you ever is very, very small.

I'm 31, my fiancee left me 10 months ago due to the long distance. I'm just now starting to get back to a place where I feel like going out there and meeting new women. She was working in Thailand, while I was in Seattle, USA. It hurt, we were together for almost 8 years, since we were in college. Right now you're feeling terrible, but it'll evaporate over time. There is no "The One", there are lots of women out there whose traits would be good for your life and vice versa, it's jsut playing the numbers game and meeting women until you find one and it works out.

I live in the US because I ended up staying after I finished my university studies. The weather is different, the people are different, the food's different, there's nothing like home here. I'm used to it now, but many people who sojourn to other countries have homesickness at time.

I'm not a bar/nightclub type guy either, I prefer to stay home all things considered, but that still leaves work and school for meeting women. Try to find activities you like that could take you out of the house for a bit. A sport, maybe, a hobby. A music scene you want to see live.

Work on becoming the man you want to be now. No one is the person they want to be at 16, you're a work-in-progress. Hell, we remain a work-in-progress until we die, always learning and changing.

Besides, nothing brings the honeys like a healthy, clean-cut guy with a good job and a lot of confidence :P

[klorx]

stfu with the "you're just 16" crap. He's 16.. so what? Maybe he already found his love of his life.

Just keep contact with her and when you got the money, you go there for a week or a month.

[Kayen]

There's no way I can say this without sounding like an old person giving advice but...

Those 30 days were like... a holiday, a honeymoon period if you like. They were not really representational of what your everyday life would be like. Would you be living with her parents? Or alone? Either way would be stressful in the long term, most people wouldn't have a great time in relationships where money is very tight, or the couple lives with their parents imo. Have her parents and yours even agreed to this?

What if your relationship ends after 6 months or a year and you are stuck in a country thousands of miles from home with little money? Struggle on? Or go home and try and pick up a similar course back in Sweden? Who would foot the bill for your moving to Canada (and possibly back), and visits to see your family?

I have some perspective on this for 2 reasons:

1, I moved out of my mums when I was 16 and in with an older guy who had his own place. Even though it was not far away, it caused a LOT of drama and a huge rift in my family that took years in my dads case to heal (why I asked if your parents were cool with it). No-one could talk me out of it, and we stayed together for 5 and a half years, and although I don't view it as a "mistake", I know I mostly did it to get out of my mums house, otherwise I think it might have fizzled out sooner. In your case I would be a little concerned you are rushing things not to escape your family, but because you think it will fizzle out if you don't see each other regularly.

2, Three years ago I moved to Denmark from the UK to live with my partner who I met online. Before we made the decision to move in we spent over a year taking visits with each other and working through the practicalities both with his family, and mine, and between ourselves. Something else you might have to bear in mind is that while I can move anywhere in the EU as an EU citizen with minimal hoop-jumping... that isn't usually the case for moving to other countrys. You have to have a reason for being there, be that work (and you will get booted if you are out of work in that case), study - great but after you finish studying, you will have to find work fast to stay in the country - and I have a feeling you might be restricted as to the fields you can enter. Personally before I started out working I was almost "sponsered" by my partner - he had to prove that he had several thousand in savings so he could support me if I was out of work long term, and take care of my living expenses. Other than that, getting married or having family there is acceptable ( but not recommended xD)

Good luck whatever you decide, I know that at 16 nothing much would have changed my mind on my moving out, but maybe in your case the logistics of the move will make you think really hard about it.

Well my parents say that they'd understand if I moved to Canada, and it's not like I was planning to go there being 16, I'd stay here and get some money first to be on the safe side... And then if I was low on money when a break up would happen well maybe my parents could pay to get me back home? I'm not sure... I do know though that my future job probably will be a Network Technician so I was hoping that maybe I could get a job through that, maybe using a certificate or so.

But you do know what it's like... I hope you will keep being happy with your husband (I assume you're married)

---------- Post added 2013-02-05 at 02:02 PM ----------

Everyone feels crappy after a bad breakup or a breakup they didn't want. That feeling passes with time. Remember, you're 16, you're not even through with puberty yet. The odd of no woman every taking a shine to you ever is very, very small.

I'm 31, my fiancee left me 10 months ago due to the long distance. I'm just now starting to get back to a place where I feel like going out there and meeting new women. She was working in Thailand, while I was in Seattle, USA. It hurt, we were together for almost 8 years, since we were in college. Right now you're feeling terrible, but it'll evaporate over time. There is no "The One", there are lots of women out there whose traits would be good for your life and vice versa, it's jsut playing the numbers game and meeting women until you find one and it works out.

I live in the US because I ended up staying after I finished my university studies. The weather is different, the people are different, the food's different, there's nothing like home here. I'm used to it now, but many people who sojourn to other countries have homesickness at time.

I'm not a bar/nightclub type guy either, I prefer to stay home all things considered, but that still leaves work and school for meeting women. Try to find activities you like that could take you out of the house for a bit. A sport, maybe, a hobby. A music scene you want to see live.

Work on becoming the man you want to be now. No one is the person they want to be at 16, you're a work-in-progress. Hell, we remain a work-in-progress until we die, always learning and changing.

Besides, nothing brings the honeys like a healthy, clean-cut guy with a good job and a lot of confidence :P

Well I suppose those are also possible ways of finding women. And if you can recover from something that was for 8 years I know that I can recover from the few 1.5 I had. It gives me hope in one of the choices I have, also I wish you luck in your life and hope you'll find a new woman to spend your life with in Seattle.

[Tiili]

stfu with the "you're just 16" crap. He's 16.. so what? Maybe he already found his love of his life.

Just keep contact with her and when you got the money, you go there for a week or a month.

Probably not worth to move to another country at 16 for your "love of your life" since it's generally speaking not gonna last long enough for it to even be worth it.

[Xanjori]

stfu with the "you're just 16" crap. He's 16.. so what? Maybe he already found his love of his life.

Probably because people that are older have more experience and have been in the same situation? At 16 its unlikely he has dated many girls, what happens if he moves to Canada and suddenly falls in love with another girl? Remember the phrase "Hindsight is everything"? Well in this situation people are offering him the benefit of hindsight.

I moved to Sweden at 20, it was probably a stupid decision, I'd have been much better off completing university and then moving out with the ability to get a job. Instead I'd safely say I've wasted about 4 years of my life (6 if you want to include the uni years.) I wouldn't recommend moving to another country just yet, its a lot of hassle. Also you're talking about making a decision to apparently spend the next 70 years with the same person, not many people can achieve that, kudos to you if you can but I feel its a slightly unrealistic goal to set at that age.

[zorkuus]

You're 16. It might feel like the end of the world now but trust me, in 10 years you'll laugh at how seriously you took this adolescent crush.

[DPA]

stfu with the "you're just 16" crap. He's 16.. so what? Maybe he already found his love of his life.

Just keep contact with her and when you got the money, you go there for a week or a month.

Why shut up about the fact that he's 16 and that this relationship will last longer than majority of highschool sweethearts? Relationships like these mostly last 1-3 years, or whenever one of the parts go to college and find someone new. At least that's what I experienced when I was at that age.

And then, for a girl he only met for a month? It's highly unlikely that things will turn out the be the way they were, which is probably what he thinks it will.