I met this girl..

[bigwaffles]

This girl at subway is really cute, I always get nervous when I order there. Today I really wanted a big philly cheesesteak sandwhich so I decided to go to a different subway. Because I live near a mall theres like a subway every couple of blocks so it wasn't a big deal. I walk in and to my horror, not only is the girl here just as hot, the whole line is fille with HOT girls. I'm one of those shy, awkward guys who isn't smooth. Socially awkward.

Anyways the whole time in line I'm uncomfortable and trying my hardest not to check these girls out. Its causing me to get really hot because I'm standing so still. When its my turn to order I start to studder and I can feel my cheeks getting redder and redder. I forgot my order and after a few seconds of looking braindead I decide to pretend I'm high so I start laughing. I must've looked crazy or mental because the checkout lady was looking at me in shock. At this point I just order what the previous person ordered and answered "yes" to everything as far as options went.

I get up to the checkout and I get the feeling shes afraid of me so I just keep my head down. Now, my card is a couple years old and worn out a little. It even has some cracks, making it difficult to scan through the little thingy. She swipes it a few times and it doesn't work. I'm now panicking that in front of all these girls, the hottest girls in my town, shes going to tell me my card is declined and I'll have to do the walk of shame. She starts swiping it faster and faster, and I'm not sure what exactly happened but the card suddenly shattered. I guess the crack on the side (which has been known to get stuck on my wallet lip) caught the edge of the swiper groove. I'm in full panick mode now, even though it wasn't my fault. I check my pockets for cash which I only had about $9 and some change. She accepts it so I grab my stuff and beeline to the door.

On my way out the door I realize that I got a discounted sandwhich and didnt tip. Ultimate Jerk. I'm so embarassed and bothered that I dont even pay attention to the double doors. The kind that has 1 unlocked and the other, for some f*****g reason is locked with a little arrow drawn on a piece of paper showing which door to use. Naturally, I go towards the right door and without breaking stride I push, relieved that this awkward situation is over and I can go home and cry. OF COURSE I PICK THE WRONG DOOR. Not only do I kiss the glass, my bag of chips explodes, making a loud "POP" and causing some girls in the room to scream. To make the situation even worse, the doors have bells on them so yea it was just a clusterf**k of FML. I'm so done at this point that I just run.

Apparently the "POP" was loud enough to attract the attention of the cop standing outside, and the screams + me running out of the door in a paniced state didn't help the situation because he tackles me into the wall. At the time, I didnt know it was a cop, and I've never been into a fight so I was terrified. Needless to say, I urinated all over myself.

Out of everything that happened, the worst part was having to explain to the cop what happened as he patted me down, and pulling out my piss drenched receipt to show I didnt steal anything. All of this happened over the course of just a few minutes. In the end, I payed $9 to get beat up, humiliated, a broken card, and piss myself. I couldn't even eat my sandwich.

Never going to subway again.

[Mjumnito]

wow! ok. If this really happened, I mean who the hell would make this up?!?. I don't think I would leave the house for a while.

[ramennoodleking]

haha very funny story, don't think it really happened (or at least completely like this) but funny none the less!

[Sand Person]

cant make up my mind to see if made up or really unfortunate for you. either way, that sux.

[SvetlanaSvetlana]

Simple problems require simple solutions:

Don't put women on a pedestal, learn to handle situations properly, and test the door to see how it works.

[apepi]

Did anyone else think he was on a train at first?

[Toffie]

Funniest story i've read, god that made my mood awesome ! If that did happen to you which I doubt xD Then I'm sorry! LOL !

[Blueobelisk]

LOL there's no way that happened, but its quite entertaining.

[whathump]

I was expecting spaghetti at the end.

[Sigmatism]

Women aren't goddesses, they're people just like you. Realize this and you may be able to talk normally to them. Beelining for the door probably wasn't the smartest idea, and I imagine by beeline you were pretty much power walking if the crash had enough force to pop your chips open. And I didn't think people pissing themselves was a real thing, just something done in movies. Like Mju said, I wouldn't leave the house for a while.

Now, I'm going to go get some Subway.

[Kraenen]

If you're getting nervous and excited at the mere fact that they're hot, you need to jerk off more.

[Valedus]

If you're getting nervous and excited at the mere fact that they're hot, you need to jerk off more.

A code of wise words to live by. It helps. Lol.

[Sam the Wiser]

Wow I can't stop laughing at this. It's been 5 minutes. Tears are still pouring down my face from reading this.

[KCguy]

I don't know if you're making this up or not, but even if you were, I'm sorry, but that was very funny. It's a story to def tell people when you get older and you look back on everything. lol.

[Fitzgerald77]

LOOOOL WHAT? This story is total bullshit!

If some fucked up reason this actually happened you there must be something seriously wrong with you, especially if you are getting nervous and blushing around other girls (THAT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW) enough to make you look like a total clown. Seriously, jerk off more like someone else said and get a hold of yourself by realizing that people of the opposite sex are not better than you.

And tipping at subway? Are you serious? What is the world coming to?

[Roose]

Have to have fun with yourself.

Social anxiety is nothing uncommon. I have a horrific case of it myself and do not know what I would do without my klonopin. Of course I struggled with situations just like you before i ever got help. My anxiety was keeping me from going to class and I had to drink to do anything social.

I am guessing that you are a big dude too.

Do not go back to Subway because it is horrible. But go back there one last time and try to explain the scenario to the girl working there in a humorous way. She will remember you and this is an excuse to talk.

Obviously MMO-Champ is chock-full of winners so you will find very little sympathy/empathy here.

[K i s u]

That is horrible if its true and even if it's not, I'm sorry even your imagination would try to humiliate you so actively. That'd be a story to share and laugh at when you're older either way. I have extreme social anxiety and it'd be hard enough for me to go into a place alone and talking to strangers is even harder, so do get some support in that sense if you really do.

[Sam the Wiser]

I kinda wish we could get this sticky for OP of the year.

[Silhouette of Seraphim]

This is either fake or you are god awful at life.

[Roose]

If they are making this up, so what? Far worse than that would be a bunch of assholes making someone's hellish event even more shitty by belittling them.