Superficiality, is it wrong?

[Preston Garvey]

It’s a girl that I know at my job that I feel is very bitter with me. She had recently lost 250 pounds. She flirted with me today and I flirted back. She made a comment saying, I find it really funny that you want to talk to me now but when I was fat you didn't. I told her I'm not attracted to bigger women. She then told me that it's more to a woman in her physical attraction. I told her, Politically correct answer, but at the end of the day a person must like the way you look, period. She then proceeded to call me a loser and now she's mad at me but yet she stares at me all day. I just don't get it. Hell I go to the gym all the time. I don't like it but I keep my physical appearance up. I don't see why she can't do the same.

do you think i was wrong for this?

[Rukentuts]

No, everyone has their criteria for what's attractive.

[Ayarea]

Everyone is superficial. Next time ask her if she would date you if you were 250 pounds overweight. Big chance she might say no.

[Reeve]

What, like morally wrong? No. You kind of need to be attracted to someone before developing a deeper connection with them. It's part of being human.

[Spectral]

Not at all, no. You're under no obligation to date someone. By the way, I'll note that people misuse superficial regularly. Here's the relevant definition:

concerned only with the obvious or apparent

[emphasis mine]

Here's the thing - I'm quite concerned about appearance, but I'm not only concerned with appearance. Yes, I'll only date a woman that's thin and fit, but she has to be a person that I'm actually compatible with mentally and emotionally as well.

[Keristrasza]

Way I see it, it is your opinion but if I was in her shoes I would treat you the same way. If someone can't like me if I was over weight (even to try and get to know me as a friend) then I wouldn't give them the time of day once I lost weight. I would want someone who isn't JUST about "Appearance" because imo what makes a person ugly is their attitude and if they have a piss poor one, then that person is truly ugly.

[Stir]

No, you're not wrong.

Now go back to those 'five women you've got on the side.'

[Slummish]

If you only talk to women once they've gone from 'not' to 'hot,' don't expect any different reaction than the one you got from the girl at work... You should have just complimented her on the weight loss and left it at that; now she simply has proof that you're a shallow pig. Bad move.

[RoKPaNda]

If you only talk to women once they've gone from 'not' to 'hot,' don't expect any different reaction than the one you got from the girl at work... You should have just complimented her on the weight loss and left it at that; now she simply has proof that you're a shallow pig. Bad move.

Pretty much. There's nothing wrong with not finding someone attractive, you have no control over who/what you find attractive ... but that's the response that you're going to get in those situations. If, however, you refused to even interact with her in any decent way while she was overweight, that would be wrong. I'm getting that's how she feels about it since she said you didn't want to talk to her before, not "you weren't attracted to me before."

So what I'm getting out of it is that she feels that while she was overweight you slighted her in someway.

[Ethes]

I think it's good that you've been honest. Shame for her she didn't like it. Her loss as far as I care

[PtrPiper]

I don't think you are wrong at all. I take care of myself work out several times a week watch what I eat and so on. I choose not to date someone who is overweight or obese not only because of how they look but because it also tells me several things about them. It tells me they don't really care about their appearance that much because if they did they would do something about it. I do care about mine which is immediately something we don't have in common. I enjoy working out and physical activity them being overweight tells me they obviously don't and even if they do they aren't capable of it on the level that I am. I also enjoy just being active in general not just sitting around all the time watching tv or on the computer. Yes I play wow as a hobby when I am at home but it is by no means my life. Again the fact they are overweight is again an indicator that they aren't as active as I am. All of these things tell me that while there may be a few things in common between us there are several very important ones to me that we don't. And that tells me that even before how they may look overweight we don't have enough in common for a relationship to work. Because I will admit I have seen overweight women who are actually very attractive and some who are even beautiful but there are far more things being overweight tells you about a person than just that they aren't physically appealing.

[apepi]

The women her self is a hypocrite, she herself noticed that she herself did not like herself fat so she fixed it. But then when a guy himself likes non fat women she gets mad? Women, can't understand um.

[Preston Garvey]

Way I see it, it is your opinion but if I was in her shoes I would treat you the same way. If someone can't like me if I was over weight (even to try and get to know me as a friend) then I wouldn't give them the time of day once I lost weight. I would want someone who isn't JUST about "Appearance" because imo what makes a person ugly is their attitude and if they have a piss poor one, then that person is truly ugly.

I respect your opinion but I think you fail to understand a few things. All what you say is politically correct but, I think when it comes to a relationship look shouldn't matter as much. But when it comes to the bedroom it matters a lot. How can u bed anyone if you don't like the way they look, physically?

[Kraenen]

No, everyone has their criteria for what's attractive.

moral est max popularus?

[reef]

"but at the end of the day a person must like the way you look, period." was a rude thing to say and certainly doesn't suit everyone's opinion. You should have said "but at the end of the day, I must like the way you look, period." Yes, I do think you were in the wrong for what you said and how you acted. You certainly showed her that you are inconsiderate and shallow.

[Preston Garvey]

The women her self is a hypocrite, she herself noticed that she herself did not like herself fat so she fixed it. But then when a guy himself likes non fat women she gets mad? Women, can't understand um.

And you know what I hate about this woman? I remember one day I was in the office and I told her that this guy name Jasper likes her (and note he is big himself.) And you know what she told me? She doesn't date big guys. I cannot make this up.

[Deleted]

And you know what she told me? She doesn't date big guys.

And it's come full circle. Nothing else needs to be said.

[ArMeD_SuRvIvOr]

Hypocrite woman at 12 o'clock! Gunners, open fire!

Rude? Naw. You told her what everybody else thinks but are never courageous to say so face to face; all that politically correct stuff. Truth hurts, ma'am.

Dr. House would marry you.

[Reg]

I have a plan. Convince her to date you even though she is being a hypocritical bitch. Take her out, give her the time of her life. Wine her, dine her, marry her and get her pregnant. Then when she gets fat, dump her and say "I don't date big women."

[Cthulhu 2020]

And you know what I hate about this woman? I remember one day I was in the office and I told her that this guy name Jasper likes her (and note he is big himself.) And you know what she told me? She doesn't date big guys. I cannot make this up.

I think that's all you really need to point out to her.