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  1. #1

    Is it wrong that I cut off all contact with my muslim family?

    Today was my 18th birthday and it was also the day I moved out and decided to cut all contact from my ultra-conservative muslim family. My parents made me pray 5 times a day, they made me read the quran every single day. They were always rude to my non-muslim friends and they believed that homosexuals should be put to death. They were sympathetic towards the taliban and hated western culture (despite living in Canada). Overall, they were the most disgusting and horrible people. I hate them to the point where if they died, I wouldn't even care.

    I have been working and saving money since I was 13 just so I could have enough money to move out. I made $43,000, which should be enough to put me through university. I left today and I am currently staying at a friend's house until I find my own place. I went up to my parents today and told them that I stopped believing in their stupid religion a long time ago and that I was an atheist now. I told them that I always hated them and wanted them out of my life. My parents were shocked upon hearing this. My mom actually started crying instantly. My siblings were too scared to say anything.

    As I tried to leave the house, my dad tried to stop me. He grabbed me and I instantly punched him. He fell on the ground with a bloody face and I told him to go die in a fire. My mom then tried to stop and I pushed her away. My little sister was crying as well. I bolted out of the house and didn't even look back. My cousin (who is an atheist in secret) called me and said I was being an unbelievable jerk.

    Am I really being a jerk here? My parents have always made my life a living hell. I've had to pretend to be a muslim since I was a kid. I finally feel free now. Am I still a jerk for doing this?

  2. #2
    As a british white male, i find that the muslim culture can be really cruel and infact a bit too harsh at times, in fact i sometimes find it offensive that people can do as they like in a country which isnt born of muslim culture.

    Even if you hate it, you live with it, and altough you hate your parents for doing what they did, disowning them is NOT the way to go.

    If i was you, i would move out, and i would move on, but i would NOT and i mean NEVER disown my family, no matter how much you dislike their views, i strongly recommend you go back to your family, talk to them, tell them whats what and how its going to go if they want to keep contact with you, otherwise you can't be around them anymore, give them a chance before doing a complete dissapearing act.

    I do think you was being a bit of a jerk in the sense that you punched your dad and left your family in a shock, they might have made your life terrible, but the reason they tried to stop you is because they love you.

    My opinion =/.

  3. #3
    Brewmaster Klingers's Avatar
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    No, you're not a jerk.

    We lack context so I can't judge it punching your Dad was an over-reaction.

    Long term, cutting off contact might not be something you won't regret in 15 years time... But right now? Probably good to stay away from them. Even if you've stopped believing, a family can have a very profound effect on your general state of mind, and emotional health. Nobody is better than family members at psychological manipulation.

    Also, this might be a bit extreme... But watch out for yourself. You occasionally read about these assimilated Hindu and Muslim families attempting honor killings on their "wayward" familiy members, so be careful. Stay with friends, and cover your tracks.
    Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

  4. #4
    Herald of the Titans Ave07's Avatar
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    Is there really no one in your family that you like? Im an ex-muslim myself and I guess im fortunate that my family is from a country where Islam is heavily secular so they never forced me to read the Quran or pray (I don't even know how to pray and forgot all the surahs that I learned as a kid).

    After all you're 18, so you are old enough to make decisions yourself and I personally don't think its a bad choice to cut ties if they made your life a living hell.

  5. #5
    I admire you bro!!


    something kinda happened with my family too, all of them catholic, they sent me to catholic school, so I had to do a lot of catholic homework too rofl, in all the damn elementary school, blah blah, now I'm 19 and told them I'm atheist, well I'm in uni also, still living with them and they didn't reacted too bad when I told them I was atheist and I thought that catholic'ism is bullshit, they were like "ok" believe in whatever you want
    Last edited by EqualWin; 2013-02-25 at 04:33 AM.
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  6. #6
    You know, the posts: 1 sets of a warning bell to me, but it's a serious topic so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt here.

    They may have made your life a living hell, but they gave you that life to live and still looked after you. At the end of the day, everything they imposed on you was done because they honestly thought it was best. As wrong as it might have been, it was the best way for them to show you that they loved you.

    If you don't want anything to do with conservative Islam, or your family, then that's your choice to make however much it upsets them. HOWEVER, I think that the violent and dramatic nature in which you left was totally unnecessary, and does indeed make you a jerk. I can understand that it was due to years of built up tension, but that doesn't change things. Maybe you should have talked things out with them earlier rather than letting things get this far.

    I don't think you should go back home, not if you don't want that life. I do however think you should at least apologise to your family to whom you do owe a lot, even if you don't appreciate that. You would all probably benefit a lot from talking it over, even if you disagree on everything in the end, just for their own piece of mind as well as your own.

    Just my view on the situation, given what you said.
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  7. #7
    Dreadlord Anthoren's Avatar
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    I'm going to have to say yes.

    Mostly because regardless of the actions of your family, you should of at least talked to them like an adult and express yourself in a rational matter. Otherwise it makes you look incredibly childish in the whole (atheism is really hip and cool and anti society) kind of way that has cropped up more and more. Now I'm not saying that the very conservative and religious views of your family is in the right, that I cannot say. What I can say is that you were being a jerk and I hope you grow from this by someone giving you an honest response. Also it should note, if ever in your life you act in a way that after the fact you can't help but think "Did I do something wrong ?" you likely at least handled the situation in a terrible way.

    Lastly even if you hate them for everything they stand for, they likely still love you.

    Honestly the fact that I even have to explain these things makes me laugh, people should learn emotional intelligence.

  8. #8
    No, run away and decide for yourself what you want to be.

    Not all parents deserve automatic respect, some people are unfortunate enough to have had bad parents. If you feel they are trying to control you do what is best for you.

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  9. #9
    You sound way over confrontational. I understand that you don't believe in your family's ideologies and I personally know it can be tough having Muslim relatives but you went a little far.

    Eh on the other hand I actually understand wanting to cut off ties, but still.

  10. #10
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    Your post seems structured to just incite Muslim bashing and just doesn't really seem all that legitimate.

    You got a couple responses so 4/10 troll score.

  11. #11
    You're a human being, you do what you need to do to be a better human being. Stick to your guns, do what will help you be happy and grow as a person. My best wishes to you, and I hope that most of your future choices don't have to be met with such difficulty.

    Edit: There will be a few folks saying you are trolling, there always will be. try not to let that get you down.

    I am giving the benefit of the doubt though, and again best of luck to your future.
    Last edited by Gizmoe; 2013-02-25 at 04:41 AM.

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  12. #12
    Honestly... I don't believe this story actually happened.

    It just sounds too much like the "perfect storm" of events and too well-thought out of a short narrative to seem real...

    Either way, regardless of it being truthful or not - the point is still true that any family who pushes massive agendas should be rebelled against.
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  13. #13
    The Patient KayossZero's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by latif View Post
    Today was my 18th birthday and it was also the day I moved out and decided to cut all contact from my ultra-conservative muslim family. My parents made me pray 5 times a day, they made me read the quran every single day. They were always rude to my non-muslim friends and they believed that homosexuals should be put to death. They were sympathetic towards the taliban and hated western culture (despite living in Canada). Overall, they were the most disgusting and horrible people. I hate them to the point where if they died, I wouldn't even care.

    I have been working and saving money since I was 13 just so I could have enough money to move out. I made $43,000, which should be enough to put me through university. I left today and I am currently staying at a friend's house until I find my own place. I went up to my parents today and told them that I stopped believing in their stupid religion a long time ago and that I was an atheist now. I told them that I always hated them and wanted them out of my life. My parents were shocked upon hearing this. My mom actually started crying instantly. My siblings were too scared to say anything.

    As I tried to leave the house, my dad tried to stop me. He grabbed me and I instantly punched him. He fell on the ground with a bloody face and I told him to go die in a fire. My mom then tried to stop and I pushed her away. My little sister was crying as well. I bolted out of the house and didn't even look back. My cousin (who is an atheist in secret) called me and said I was being an unbelievable jerk.

    Am I really being a jerk here? My parents have always made my life a living hell. I've had to pretend to be a muslim since I was a kid. I finally feel free now. Am I still a jerk for doing this?
    You sound like a man after my own heart. If anyone in my family said to me what I *have* to believe in and that gay people should be killed I'd instantly write them off that second.

    I don't care if you're my blood parent(s) or that crazy low IQ uncle I only see once a year. Whether I've known you for 5 seconds inside McD's or 10 years off and on, it simply doesn't matter. I don't associate with stupid/ignorant/bigoted people and never will no matter who they are and no matter if they threaten to cut me out of their will or worse.

  14. #14
    Herald of the Titans zephid's Avatar
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    The OP sound very much like a troll post.

    But if not: No you are not a jerk for not wanting to have contact with hateful, ignorant fools, doesn't matter if they are you parents .

  15. #15
    Wow im proud of you.

    Dude , you did the best decision you could, honestly if people had that courage and motivation you got, this world would be in such a better place, please teach other people to do the same. Im not saying to push their father, im saving to go for their own live and not let their sibling screw with their mind.

    Dont ever let someone else convince you that you made the wrong choice.

    In a way it sounds too awesome to be true, gj.
    Last edited by RenegadeXan; 2013-02-25 at 04:55 AM.

  16. #16
    Field Marshal buddhapunch09's Avatar
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    Yeah you are a jerk what you did is a very selfish thing. How do you think your younger siblings feel? especially after seeing you hit their father? There is now a death in a family... If you insist on acting like a selfish asshole they will NEVER see their brother again. You're mother and father lost their child, tell me how do you think they feel? Your "issues" with them are nothing compared to what they are feeling RIGHT NOW...

    You know allot of people dont have families... I dont care what they taught you or how you feel about them, they are your family AND YES THEY LOVE YOU. Dont believe me? why did your mother cry?
    Shit man, all your problems... just an illusion you created. You handled the situation very immaturely.
    The sad part is that you know all this because you made this thread for justification.

    As stated above me: "They may have made your life a living hell, but they gave you that life to live and still looked after you. At the end of the day, everything they imposed on you was done because they honestly thought it was best. As wrong as it might have been, it was the best way for them to show you that they loved you."
    Last edited by buddhapunch09; 2013-02-25 at 04:54 AM.

  17. #17
    no, you're not a jerk. in fact, you should try and get your little sister taken away from them too. they sound like monsters.

  18. #18
    a few things to the OP
    1) ultra-religious people in my view are the worst, and you are right to head out in your own direction. nobody can tell you want to believe except yourself.

    2) you probably could have handled that a little better, heat of the moment i know. Still, your father had no right to put his hands on you, you're a man now, and you have the right to forge your own path.

    3) $43,000 dollars is enough to put yourself through college??? Damn this is the first time I wish America was a little bit more like canada... just a little.

    P.S. you should probably get your younger siblings away from them. From what I understand women don't fair well among the ultra-religious no mater what religion it is. I'd rather not quote the long list of horrible things done to sisters and daughters in the name of "family honor" that have been in the papers over the years.

  19. #19
    The Lightbringer Toffie's Avatar
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    Although I come from a muslim family also, I'm very happy with my own family when I hear about yours OP. You did the right thing, although punching your dad from my pov seems abit extreme. Religious nuts in whatever religion are just sick people.
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  20. #20
    I don't believe for a second that the story is true. It makes absolutely no sense. What you are intending is Muslim bashing.
    Also I doubt very much that a Middle Eastern Male or south European male would ever punch one of your parents in the face. That is one of the ugliest things you can every do.
    And if anyone did, lets say out of self defense, they would be ashamed by it and would NOT talk about it on a forum.
    I have middle eastern acquaintances who are gay, and who had (have) a very difficult time, they are in permanent internal conflict with themselves and their family.

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