Cheating in a relationship, story-questions-answers

[Adamas102]

But she wasted my time.. If she wanted to know the answer to that question, then she didnt have to wait until "the end", she could have asked me on friday instead.

So you hung out with this girl, had a "great time", and made out a bit, but it was a waste because she didn't sleep with you? I guess that's the most mature way to look at it...

Sure, people make mistakes. Like accidentally leaving a piece of colored laundry in with the whites. Or forgetting to buy eggs with the rest of the groceries. Cheating, on the other hand, is a pretty good indication of a lack of maturity, respect, and trustworthiness. Can a cheater change? Unlikely. It's just a matter of temptation and opportunity. Everybody lies, but betraying the trust of someone you supposedly care about and who I assume cares about you is a transgression I find particularly egregious.

In answer to your questions:
1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband? No
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more? N/A
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you? N/A
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it? N/A
5: Has someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them? Yes. In a way I've forgiven her, but it was in order for me to move on not to repair any type of friendship. I'm not angry with her anymore and don't bear her any ill will, but I certainly lost a lot of respect for her.
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them? Probably would not continue that relationship.
7: If you know a person who has cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain) Forgive, but not forget.

[Korrawi]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)

1: No. I like to think that I'll prolly never do it, but never say never.
2: see point 1.
3: there was nothing to tell.

4: There's no excuse.

5: about 60% of them did(that I know of), forgive as in don't hold a grudge ye, forgive as in continuing the relationship, no, that's something that destroys trust, for me. I could never trust that person again. Keep in mind that I am not constantly thinking about my GF cheating on me, giving them the benefit of the doubt, a clean slate. Truth has an ugly way of coming out eventually, so you would think that telling me that they like someone and want to break up was the logical solution.That's what I would do, if I was in a relationship and I met someone I was reaaaallly attracted to, break-up first, then do whatever I want.

6: This is a tricky one, if I knew beforehand that she cheated on others, I would simply prefer to not get involved. If I found out after we already were in a relationship, I'd still wait for solid proof before drawing any conclusions. However, chances are very high that it will happen again, in my experience.

7: Yes, I prolly will. Cause most of my male friends have cheated on their GF/wives and continue to do so. And I assume women are prolly the same. It's not a mistake, it's a choice, and choices have consequences. You chose another person. have fun with them then and do not come back to me. Why not just tell me straight that she likes someone else, we break up, it may hurt but it's a lot better than cheating imo.

[Muis]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)

1. No
2. -
3. -
4. If I would, I would be honest and hiding behind "I was drunk" is a lame excuse which I wouldn't accept either.
5. My ex. No I didn't and never would either.
6. Depends on why she cheated I guess, if he was a bastard or if it was in some form of revenge (he cheated, so now I'll cheat!) maybe.
7. One of my former best friends pretty much showed that once a cheater, always a cheater. He's had several relations and he's (maybe untill now, not sure) always been cheating. At one point he had 3 girls at the same time and they all didn't know.

[Deleted]

Why would anyone want to answer questions such as these, especially if you're not anonymous on this forum..

Why not? unless you have an agenda here on this forum i don't see why one would truly care. I also don't think people would come here in directly shame you.

[Deleted]

I'd never date someone that has cheated either. (Kissing another while in a relationship is cheating as well, FYI.)

It amazes me at the pathetic self-control people must have if they cheat. If you're cheating on someone, you obviously don't give a shit about them... At least have enough back bone to break it off before you start seeing other people.

I'll always view people that have cheated as trash. If they don't understand the basic principles of honour and respect, they're not someone I want to associate myself.

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband? No.
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more? I never have cheated and I never will.
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you? See above.
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it? There's no excuse for poor self-control. It happened because you let it happened and you wanted it to happen.
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them? Yes. No - I walked out and never spoke to them again.
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them? Yes, immediately.
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? Because there's no excuse. It happened because you wanted it to happen and let it happen. Alcohol is not a valid reason for poor self-control.

[Kalis]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband? I have never cheated on a boyfriend, wife or husband
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more? More, or it would have been pointless.
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you? No, never. I've cheated on a few girlfriends and ended the relationship soon after. I wouldn't cheat to 'punish' a girlfriend, nor spread the information to publicly humiliate them, any cheating I have done is due to being a bit of a pussy on my part and not ending the relationship earlier.
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it? No excuses, I have done it. I don't particularly regret it.
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them? Yes, and no(ish). I ended the one relationship where I knew a girl cheated on me, but we then went into the sex only relationship with each other that we had been in originally. Neither of us were in love with each other at any point. We found each other physically attractive, but drifted into the relationship as friends would automatically assume we were a couple and so we became one.
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them? No, what they've done in their past is no concern of mine and I never ask, or have any interest in listening to people that want to gossip. I'll make up my own mind about a person, based on how I see them treat myself and others.
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain) No, people do things for any number of different reasons. As above, I base my opinion of people on how they treat me and those close to me.

Answers in bold.

[Daerio]

Dont know, i think i would feel worse personally if someone decided to "replace me", instead of they "ops slept with some random guy".

Anyway update about the girl who asked me the question, she texted me and said sorry and asked if i wanted to meet^^ So she is coming over tonight. And i suppose she changed her mind, wich is good because she is a really sweet girl o/

I don't think you're going to change. This is why people think, "Once a cheater always a cheater." You've rationalized your behavior while at the same time saying, "Oh well I wouldn't do it again" even though you would.

[Tommy T]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
No
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
N/A
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
N/A
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
N/A
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
I don't think so
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
No. Why judge someone on the past?
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)
No, this 'once a cheater, always a cheater' is bullshit.

[Raiju]

1. No
2. N/A
3. N/A
4. N/A
5. Not that I'm aware of
6. Entirely depends on what I know about them. If it's the main thing I know about them I won't go out with them. If I know them to be different now I'd give them a chance.
7. No, but I will think of that until I feel they are different, or regretful of the way they handled that relationship, etc.

I answered poll with I believe people can change, but you're a cheater to me until I see you in a different light.

[Deleted]

Side Fact: Humans aren't made for monogamous Relationships. It's an Invention of Human Society.

And a totally awesome invention, because monogamy reduces crime and violence.

[melodramocracy]

1. Yes.
2. More.
3. Not directly, but she was / is aware.. and yes she did.
4. Not really. I clearly had reasons, and handled the whole thing poorly. There's no excuses really.
5. Yes. And yes.
6. No, it would be on my mind, but wouldn't deter me. I wouldn't want have that same sort of judgement passed on me.
7. Depends on the person. I know people who have a history of very repetitive behavior, and I don't feel that type of personality would change, simply because their moral compass views what they do as acceptable.

Side Fact: Humans aren't made for monogamous Relationships. It's an Invention of Human Society.

It is, as it's deemed good for the assurance of extension of the species, among other things. That doesn't make the idea of monogamy any less legitimate.

[Deleted]

People don't change.

[Daerio]

Side Fact: Humans aren't made for monogamous Relationships. It's an Invention of Human Society.

Not eating the children of other males to give your own children a higher chance of survival is also an invention of human society.

[Ayarea]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
Nope, as loyal as a dog. If I would ever get feelings for someone else (it did happen), I walk away from it rather then hurting someone for my own pleasures.

2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
All three questions not available...

5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
Yes one of my boyfriends did cheat on me and no I dumped his sorry ass.

6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
I would be very hesitant to go out with them, though I would appreciate their honesty.

7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)
Personal experience is usually a cheater keeps cheating, for some reason they're very weak when it comes to resisting people they feel attracted to. Not sure if that's the case with everyone obviously, but I don't think I want to end up being hurt even more by giving them a chance and they not able to keep their pants up.

[Deleted]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
I wouldn't say cheated but i did fell for someone else while being in a relationship.

2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
Nothing physical or verbally sexual. It was more like a distant crush.

3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
Yes i did, And yes he did.

4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
Excuse no, We however did have problems in our relationship and he was aware of it.

5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
If my puppylove boyfriend from when i was 12 counts yes! And no.

6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
I would give him a chance and hope he wouldn't cheat again. If he decides to tell me straight up i think there's hope he's serious about this.

7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)
No, I do believe people can change and mistakes like this can happen just once.

[Kilperch]

1. No, never cheated.
2. N/A
3. N/A
4. N/A
5. Yes, my girlfriend cheated on me.
6. I'd probably break up with them if they cheated.
7. People don't change. I've never seen hard evidence of it.

I have close friends who have cheated on their girlfriends/boyfriends. Some people don't have much self control. Others don't see it as a huge deal. Most think they can get away with it.

[Claymore]

I've never cheated, but I know a lot of guys who have. Frankly, none of them have ever changed. I'm not saying cheaters are incapable of changing, merely that I've never seen it. I definitely don't view them the same, though. If a guy is willing to cheat on a girl he's in a relationship with, I'm personally of the believe they're willing to "cheat" everyone else, as well.

That's not to say that cheaters are just "irredeemable human beings" or anything like that, though. For example, I know a guy who is probably the most devoted father I've ever seen. He and the mother broke-up over his cheating, and he has cheated many times since, which definitely makes him a bit of an asshole. Yet, he shows a level of devotion to his daughter that he's willing to spend three days in a car driving to see her, sometimes only for a few hours at a time.

So, cheating is definitely a pretty serious character-flaw, and it's something I personally wouldn't want to take a risk on a girl if I knew she had cheated. But I certainly don't think you should just immediately discount all of their positives, either.

[Sorshen]

1: No.
2:
3:
4:
5: Yes. I've tried to forgive her, but can't honestly say I have.
6: Yes. Trust is a major thing for me.
7: Yes, multiple acquaintances. They're not helping their case (actually feeling sorry for their behaviour), so I can't imagine they'll ever change.

[King Shark]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband? No.
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more? N/A.
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you? N/A
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it? N/A
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them? Yes. And sort of. I came to terms- not necessarily forgiveness; merely acceptance and the need for us to go our separate ways.
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them? Wouldn't waste my time.
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain) Yes. I don't forgive; I simply forget. First impressions are lasting impressions. And trust is exceedingly hard to regain once lost.

[RenegadeXan]

very few can change in most case dont, so i voted for no.