Perception of success?

[Rooflesstoofless]

When you look at another person, how do you decide if the person is a success or a loser/failure/etc?

I was raised to be frugal with my money and never 'show off' what you really have and as a result my wife has to put up with comments from her family every time she sees them and comes home upset as a result. On her last visit her father went so far as to advocate me getting a viscectomy because we were too poor to have any more kids.

I long ago stopped going with my wife to visit them because of the comments they make and the fact that they worship the ground other family members walk on because those individuals like to pretend they're rich (many of these same people are drowning in debt and a paycheck or two from financial collapse).

There are obvious signs that my wife and I aren't hurting if you look beyond the superficial shit but comments of applying for food stamps has come up more than once.

As much as I'd like to, it feels wrong to tell my wife not to see her family and I don't think telling my kids they can't see their grandparents any more is the right choice. I refuse to change my principles and spend money on shit I don't care about to impress others.

[NPEC]

Not all people have the same idea of that means to be succcessful, i belive that even the same person will have diferents ideas of what is to be successfull depnding on on the time and matter on hand.

To me to be successfull, in general, is to be happy with your life.

In your case, assuming you have no bills you cant aford, since you have a family and a job, again suposing you like your job, and as such you are happy with your life you are successfull.

[v2prwsmb45yhuq3wj23vpjk]

If you are needing to apply for food stamps, you probably shouldn't be having kids. Assuming you meant they were commenting on your having applied for them.

Other than that, some numbers would be helpful.

[Cthulhu 2020]

If you are needing to apply for food stamps, you probably shouldn't be having kids. Assuming you meant they were commenting on your having applied for them.

Other than that, some numbers would be helpful.

From what I understood he didn't have to apply for food stamps and it was his family making sarcastic comments that they should since they live frugally and not extravagantly.

To me living successfully is not having any kind of outstanding credit card/loan debt.

Mortgage and car loans are kind of an exception, but if you're racking up credit card debt, you're living beyond your means. Extenuating circumstances being yet another obvious exception, but even then you should have a "rainy day fund".

[Dezerte]

For me, success means starting a family & raising children that you can be proud of.

[Strah]

A well-paid and respectable job and a good-looking body.

[Pull My Finger]

For me, success is very much about sincerely not giving a damn about anyone and their stupid and useless drivel. The moment you mastered that, you already won 65% of life, trust me.

[Rooflesstoofless]

If you are needing to apply for food stamps, you probably shouldn't be having kids. Assuming you meant they were commenting on your having applied for them.

Other than that, some numbers would be helpful.

I left numbers out intentionally, I didn't want it to come off like a veiled epeen stroking. I don't need food stamps...and as far as I know I/we don't come anywhere near the income level that qualifies for them.

I started my own company a while back after working in healthcare and scraping and saving for a decade. It's small, but its profitable and I love what I do and it allows me to spend time with my kids. I have zero debt other than what it takes to keep the stove, lights, and water on. Money is less of an issue for me than the family members who think I don't have any. I usually don't care what people think of me but since these are people that interact with my wife and kids i feel a little stuck.

[Woebegone]

I think people are unsuccesful if they smell bad.

EDIT: And by this I mean I've met people with dreadful clothes, crappy cars, etc. that still have a lot of money in the bank. But I've never met anyone succesful with a poor personal hygiene. That's how I tell the hobos and the ascetics apart.

[zerocoolhack]

What I would do OP is take a bank statement and go visit your in-laws, then slam it on the table and leave. Should shut them up for good.

[vizzle]

Writing in the mornings, ice skating in the afternoons, free time in the evenings.

I love ice skating.

[PvPisthelifeforme]

My idea of success (for MYSELF) is...


- No Debt
- Married
- A few kids
- Healthy lifestyle (no drugs, excessive alcohol, being taller on your back than standing..etc)
- A career I am proud to be in

That said, I am almost done paying off my car, still going strong with my current gf, always wearing protection!, living healthy, and am working towards my ideal career!

[Cthulhu 2020]

From what I understood he didn't have to apply for food stamps and it was his family making sarcastic comments that they should since they live frugally and not extravagantly.

To me living successfully is not having any kind of outstanding credit card/loan debt.

Mortgage and car loans are kind of an exception, but if you're racking up credit card debt, you're living beyond your means. Extenuating circumstances being yet another obvious exception, but even then you should have a "rainy day fund".

This was my definition of monetary success, but seeing some of the other answers, I think I'll tack on traveling, eating good food, adventure in places that are often not traversed.

[Deleted]

To me, being successful means living a balanced life. You know, just feeling well with everything that's going on.

I have a good job, but I could do better in it, so I have a loose end there. I'm in a wonderful loving relationship. I have friends who I can count on and a lot of pals who I can party with. Most people like me, some people don't, and I don't care. I've cut ties with people who're not good for me. I work out and am overall pretty healthy.

So, what I'm trying to say is: I don't strive for perfection. Things go wrong sometimes. But as long as I can live with myself without feeling bad every day for missing out on something, I perceive myself as successful. In numbers I'd say I've reached my goal (for now) for about 75%. That's plenty in my book, as long as I always strive for more.

Balanced = Successful. Fuck the haters

[Asics]

Success is, in my opinion, being in a career where you are paid well but also relatively happy with what you do. I don't mean to say you must be absolutely thrilled on going to work every single day but you don't despise it either. Making a gratuitous amount of money isn't necessary; whatever you need to live comfortably and pay bills.

You would have someone special to spend your time with. Personally, that person is my fiance. Obviously marriage (or domestic partnership if you live in an area that unfortunately discriminates non-heterosexual unions) would be the top tier of this portion of success.

Possibly the most important aspect for my definition of success is the ability to "expand your horizons." By that I mean the ability to do different things, go to different places, see different things and explore other cultures. For example when I was young I spent the first 11 years of my life in Small Town USA where the demographics were 95% white, 5% everything else in a town of 19,000. When I was 12 I moved to San Francisco with my father and experienced numerous life changing events. That drastic move from basically the least to most diverse places on Earth really stuck with me and made me realize how important expanding your horizons really is.

Oh, and drink good beer. That is good too.

[Terahertz]

If you are needing to apply for food stamps, you probably shouldn't be having kids. Assuming you meant they were commenting on your having applied for them.

Other than that, some numbers would be helpful.

My father had to apply for food stamps because we didn't have any money at the time, does that mean my parents shouldn't of gotten me? Sounds pretty stupid. Sure, if said couple already has to apply for food stamps before they have kids, then yeah, they shouldn't have them yet. But to say people who are applying for food stamps shouldn't be having kids at all is a pretty stupid thing to say.

Success is a subjective-kind of topic IMO. You could be financially succesful, or socially succesful, or all around succesful. Either ways people define their own succession IMO. If you're happy with everything you got, I'd say that's succesful. :P

[Elegiac]

This talk about the food stamps and money as a sign of success reminds me of a nice quote:

As soon as wealth became a mark of distinction and an easy way to honor and military commands, virtue declined; poverty was now looked on as a disgrace, and a blameless life as a sign of ill-nature. Riches made the youth a prey to luxury, avarice, and pride: at once grasping and prodigal, they valued lightly their own property, while they coveted that of others; all modesty and purity, all laws human and divine, were alike disregarded in a spirit of recklessness and intemperance.

- Sallust

[lordmatthias]

I left numbers out intentionally, I didn't want it to come off like a veiled epeen stroking. I don't need food stamps...and as far as I know I/we don't come anywhere near the income level that qualifies for them.

I started my own company a while back after working in healthcare and scraping and saving for a decade. It's small, but its profitable and I love what I do and it allows me to spend time with my kids. I have zero debt other than what it takes to keep the stove, lights, and water on. Money is less of an issue for me than the family members who think I don't have any. I usually don't care what people think of me but since these are people that interact with my wife and kids i feel a little stuck.

Coming from a similar family background I can somewhat relate to your problem. I also tend to be very frugal with money, and I don't like to show it off. My Fiance's family tend to shovel money out very quickly, ie new cars fairly often etc... even if they really don't have the money to truly "afford" it. I personally hate living pay check to pay check, and like the fact that even if both my fiance and I lost our jobs we would just fine fine quite some time.

If you are uncomfortable talking numbers with them and show that you are absolutely fiscally sound. If you are happy with where you are at and proud of what you do and aren't having problems putting food on the table you need to tell them to get out of your shit and that your family is doing fine!

[Deletedaccount1]

Good financially and have a solid career with a good education to back it up and just enjoy life. Having kids doesn't factor into success for me.

[Deleted]

Success is being happy with your OWN life, fuck what anyone else thinks. There are Hobo's in the USA that do nothing but travel the country on trains, they claim to be very happy and do not want to change their lives. On the other hand you get high paying jobs like Lawyers that need therapy due to all the stress.