Children and today's society.

[Korrawi]

Kids, hm question would be why? I don't get it. I mean, where I live people ask me "when you're getting married? don't you want kids?" And if I asked them why are those such mandatory actions, they say that it's "how it's supposed to be".
Well, I don't agree.At least not now. First of all, I would have to own my own house/apartment, that means getting a bank loan for 30 (!) year from now, which means i'll be paying until I retire for it, that's assuming I have a job which can support that (which, atm I do have).
Then, I'd have to find some woman that I would actually consider marrying, and she marrying me, which has not happened yet, not even close. If all those things happen, maybe. But most people here make kids "to have someone to give them a cup of water when they're old", literal translation.
I find that is a very weird motivation to have children. It's like you're making slaves tbh, that's what it sounds to me.
Then there's the educating them and taking care of them part. I can barely take care of myself, I smoke heavily, occasionally consume alcohol and I'm not sure I'd be a proper parent. Screaming, crying, diaper changing and so on, constantly looking out for them.
Edit: just for reference, I'm 30 years old.

TLDR: I would rather not have kids than having kids and screwing up their life, assuming I have a wife that I get along with and sufficient material resources (house, cash, etc).

[Wiyld]

When i was young we didn't do drugs nor did we do sexual things at the age of 12. The ones that did so were usually seen as sluts where today they get seen as "cool" .

Most kids aren't doing those things today either.

What you are seeing is a vocal minority doing their best to assure everyone that their questionable life choices are in fact acceptable.

People who are confident in their choices don't need to tell everyone they meet what they have done in order to get a reaction. They are comfortable enough with themselves to simply keep it to themselves. They don't need to walk around trying to convince everyone how comfortable they are with themselves, it just belies the fact that the opposite it true.

[Dezerte]

Perhaps if we could spend less time at our workplace, and spend more time with our children.

[Wiyld]

Kids, hm question would be why? I don't get it. I mean, where I live people ask me "when you're getting married? don't you want kids?" And if I asked them why are those such mandatory actions, they say that it's "how it's supposed to be".
Well, I don't agree.At least not now. First of all, I would have to own my own house/apartment, that means getting a bank loan for 30 (!) year from now, which means i'll be paying until I retire for it, that's assuming I have a job which can support that (which, atm I do have).
Then, I'd have to find some woman that I would actually consider marrying, and she marrying me, which has not happened yet, not even close. If all those things happen, maybe. But most people here make kids "to have someone to give them a cup of water when they're old", literal translation.
I find that is a very weird motivation to have children. It's like you're making slaves tbh, that's what it sounds to me.
Then there's the educating them and taking care of them part. I can barely take care of myself, I smoke heavily, occasionally consume alcohol and I'm not sure I'd be a proper parent. Screaming, crying, diaper changing and so on, constantly looking out for them.
Edit: just for reference, I'm 30 years old.

TLDR: I would rather not have kids than having kids and screwing up their life, assuming I have a wife that I get along with and sufficient material resources (house, cash, etc).

I was very similar to you earlier in my life.

What I can tell you, is that you will NEVER be 'ready'. Not completely, nothing can prepare you for parenthood.

However, that said, you are wise to want to be in a stable home and relationship. Kids thrive in a home where there is as little stress as possible. Stress between parents, stress about money, things like that. Having those things mostly sorted out ahead of time is a good idea.

It's not as bad as it seems, but you have the right approach.

[Televators]

I'm going to be 37 this summer and I have no desire to have children and while I never say never, I seriously doubt I ever will. I don't enjoy being around children for the most part, but mostly, I hate being around adults that worship children. Children are like any other segment of the population in that most of them are anywhere from insipid to average. Everyone thinks their child is a special snowflake, but most of my friend's kids suck.

On top of that, I'm simply too selfish. I love my transient lifestyle, traveling the world and doing what I want when I want. Kids simply don't fit my plans. There are WAY too many people on this planet as it is, so I'll do my part to keep the population down.

[Felya]

Why would you not want children based on their future? I don't want children because I want to enjoy my future.

[Deleted]

Society isn't going down the crapper, the media's portrayal of society is.



That's all I have to say about that.

[Deleted]

Don't want any kids right now, no. In the future, yes. When I've dealt with some problems and things are more stable for me.

[Roose]

I would like a child some day. If nothing else just to see how shitty of a parent I would be, or hopefully the opposite.

[mindbomb]

Glad they didn't stop having children in the middle ages when it was real tough to get by. Thankfully most people aren't this pessimistic. These Type A's are the "doers" and have always been around. The pessimistic "Debbie downers" have always been around as well. (It's nice for parity/checks and balances) We just hear them more now with social media. Ridicule and punishment for such views are far less than ever now too.

Lets do simple examples:
When gasoline stations were introduced, NOOOOOO! GONNA BURN ALL HUMANS TO DEFF.
When AC power and power lines were introduced, NOOOOOO! GONNA BURN ALL HUMANS TO DEFF.
So..... people freaked out. But the advantages of a modern life outweighed the dangers and most of us moved on and didn't die. But clearly, both of these can and will burn you to death if no care is taken. Personal responsibility! Your son or daughter may be the one that takes it on. Some introverted and depressed minds cannot even fathom a small challenge. THIS IS NOT NEW. Its called personalities. Look at old literature from almost any culture. Roles are played.

Now.... advantages of having children IS ummmm.... life itself. REALLY? I knew the 70's generation were called the "me" generation and they've labeled generations "X" and "Y" and everything in between since to try and describe a fast, advancing society dripping with affluence. We are so ego-centric now, if our child cannot live in Utopia, then "I" must not bother with it?

"I mean.... c'mon how would that look on me? ...and sheesh all that work for what? A cracked out, depressed, video game addict, pregnant teen, my lil pony watcher? Seems like too much work"

In the animal kingdom or in human society, having a child was always a risk. But having children is one of the only universally accepted and praised goals in all denominations of religions and evolutionists alike.

My belief is indeed that people are way too sensitive. period! Does this mean I would dare say depression doesn't exist. Nope. But trust me, Every MD and Pharma in the world wants you to have some kind of diagnosis.

[Korrawi]

May I give you an example? Where I live, poor families have like 5-6 children, mostly because they're not educated or they can't afford birth control. You can argue abstinence, let's leave that out for now. Now, these kids don't have a happy life, they're either forced to become beggars or to steal stuff; no education, not fed well, no decent place for basic hygiene or sleeping.
I mean, why would you do that to anyone, especially your blood?
You would not want that for your child now would you? It is an extreme example perhaps, but I will not procreate someone unless I'm 100% sure I can provide at least what I had as a child, or more, and I'm not sure I can at this point. I would rather not bring anyone misery just because I can't keep it in my pants, or I don't know about birth control, or I just want someone to help me when I'm old (this is the strangest one to me really, this is like creating life for you, which is pretty selfish imo).
We are not in the Middle Ages anymore, back then people died a lot more (wars, disease, hunger) than they do nowadays, at least in the "civilized" countries.

[Woeful]

The main point of this thread to me is whether some one today, would want to have children, and if so why?

Similar to many of you, I was young and looking to live "my" life, and get started with "my career" and find "my partner (wife)." Children did not fit any where in my plans. I had too many other things in my life that felt important. I wanted to drink and party. I wanted to attend social events and drive somewhere over the weekend on the spur of the moment. I wanted my life to be an exciting thrill ride. I wanted to . . . it doesn't matter, because at the ripe old age of 28, someone happened along the way.

A child was born.

Everything people say about how it changes your life is completely and utterly true. The life you had before becomes trivial. Your desire to grab everything life has and suck the marrow from the bones becomes utterly and completely self center bull. Your life changes, you become a family. You become a part of an organization the sum of which is greater than its parts.

How you raise your kids and how you handle the challenges that are presented to you, is up to you and your partner. No matter what you might think, control is illusion. One of my kids has a tumor in her brain. We watch it, have it scanned and agonize over what will happen if it grows. I have a son with no hair. I agonize over him and how society treats people who by appearances look different. We take those challenges and we as a family and me as a member of that family have no choice. We can't give up, we won't give up, our resolve is complete.

Yes it changes, you.

I can't really remember how my life was before. It doesn't matter. Its of no consequence. I am here now with responsibilities and doing everything in my power to raise kids, with all of the challenges that soceity and life in general put in our way.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Sorrior]

Yes very much so. At least if i can find the right woman.

As for why i dunno i just do have for most of my life as well.

[Kraenen]

So people that use facebook are less happy, oh noez. "The gras is greener in the neighbours yard" is an old thing, guess the mass media let it more out. Still no source on the 1:3 ratio for depression, like I said, from all my classmates only 2 got into one, and both while getting education at a bank. (but that was like 13 or so years ago, so anyway )



There are more teenager with mental health problems, but we can treat them and even see them more that in the past. (We probably ignored them in the past, as it was more of a "do or die" mentality a few decades ago)



Yeah, I declared my sister in-law an official badass to raise 3 kids without going insane. (I guess my mother did that too, so I declare her an official badass too!)

Why would you take a sociologist's word on mental health problems?

[stuartj1992]

*Less bigoted : Are you serious? The problems with multiculturality have never been worse.

Let me get this straight...are you trying to say that right now is the absolute worst time for multiculturality? That racial intolerance has never been worse?

Slavery says hi. Oh and look, is that...apartheid, over there?

*Apartheid gives Grimfrost a wave*

[Deleted]

I was wondering if any of you wants a child and if so why?

Today's society has more depressions than ever before ( 1 out of 3 students will have a depression during his/her schoolyears). The media tells us to be perfect, Sex and drugs becomes cooler at a younger age (I see alot of 12 year olds bragging about what sexual activities they have preformed and bragging about having weed in their pocket [Weed here is legal from the age of 18]). Teen pregnancies get portrayed by the media as cute (see : teen mom, 16 and pregnant, tiener moeders), the economic crisis just gets worse, they probably wont get retirement ever, alot of influence of the multiculturality and being forced to think multicultural [If you have a complete black flemish lion flag here instead of one with red claws and tongue, you can get called a racist]. Teen suicides (a 10 year old hanging himself for example), Kids cyberbullying eachother to the death, and the list goes on and on.

If you look at all these things how does your child have a future and would it be fair to the child to let it live in a world that is just getting worse?

So in essence, maybe polarized(?), raising kids comes to:

Will you let TV/Shit magazines influence your kids life all the time
Yes [ ]
No [ ]

For "baby boomers" TV was easy way to make kids stfu and sit down. For them TV is important still, thats why they dont see many problems with it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeyKojNj19c

Who tells you to have perfect sex? Magazines or some tv shows. Cosmopolitan, womens magazines, mens magazines. Why do kids need to read those and not "Its ok to learn and talk about sex with your partner"

Who tells your life is not perfect if you are not amazing at school and get best job-.. career possible and pressures you to it? Tv and magazines - or your parents if they believe that (and pressure you to)

Who tells you that you are the reason of recession (and companies, bank and wallstreet havent done anything)? TV or magazines.


Kids have hugely different world, sure. But it certainly wasnt "easier" on 50's or something now.. Just need to actually grow them different and not just let TV control what they believe or sub them magazines which tell "10 ways to lose body fat and look nice"/"Be master of your bedroom" when they are freaking 13.

[Deleted]

Raising a child is something I hope to do sometime in my lifetime. I think I'd regret it on my deathbed if I don't.

I'm in my mid twenties, so no rush for me.

[Gemini Sunrise]

No desire to have some. Though my parents are anxiously waiting for me to get off my dead ass and knock up some woman (not quite those words, but the result is the same).

[Deleted]

Teen pregnancies get portrayed by the media as cute

Teen suicides (a 10 year old hanging himself for example)

Kids cyberbullying eachother to the death, and the list goes on and on.

-What country are you from? Cute to who? Teen pregnancy is considered a big issue and worry in the UK.

-Teen suicides have been going on for thousands of years. Very VERY high rates in certain countries.

-How is cyberbullying any worse than real life bullying? Because as far as I'm aware that's been going on since the dawn of time.

[Theodon]

-How is cyberbullying any worse than real life bullying? Because as far as I'm aware that's been going on since the dawn of time.

If you bully in RL generally people step in when things get out of hand, but the same can't be said for cyberbullying at least. There is also the accessibility offered by cyber communication, and the lack of methods to actually fight back against cyberbullying. If you stand up to a cyberbully by being a bigger bully, you don't really fix the problem.