How should I confront my thieving cousin?

[Claymore]

I've suspected my 17 year-old cousin was stealing from me, but tonight, I found absolutely irrefutable proof. He used to steal a few bucks here and there when it was much younger, but after I caught him and gave him a solid yelling-at, I wanted to believe that it was all behind us.

Now, the item that I know 100% he stole (and subsequently pawned-off) was Halo Reach; not a bad game by any means, but clearly not worth a ton of money. I'm angry, though, for two reasons.

First is the obvious; the fact that the motherfucker stole from me. My sister and I have basically raised him and his sister, as his dad's in jail and his mom has some other kinds of issues. While he doesn't live with us, we've always made sure that they were taken care of, and constantly went out of our way to try and feel like "family". The fact that he is still comfortable stealing from me is simply unforgivable -- I've already given him a second and third change.

Then there's the other issue; I think he may have broken-into my mother's house last year, when her HDTV and my PS3 were stolen. He's one of a few people who would have known the place was vulnerable in the few days after mom had traveled out-of-town, and while I have no hard evidence to prove it, I've long suspected it anyways. As well, I've often been made fun of in my family for having a notoriously bad memory, and I've seen him frequently play things off as "Oh yeah, I gave that thing back to you already". Case in point; I loaned him a case of tools about two weeks ago, and he claims he returned them last week.

I've grown up with a pretty shitty family, I've been bullied by my older cousins, beat the hell up, all kinds of shit -- but this is just a new low. This is someone that, even when I was a kid, I was taking care of, trying to be good enough family that I never even had, despite only being about 8 years older. I've tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, hoping if I treat him well that he would turn out a good person, but I really just feel gutted. How should I confront him about this, and is there some kind of repercussion I should be suggesting for him to his mother? Or is it better that I simply cut him out of my life completely?

[Spectral]

I'd report him to the police.

[Selvari7]

Why don't you try being nice about it and see why he is doing so? As you said, he has not had the easiest life and some sympathy and caring could go a long way.

[breadisfunny]

report him to the authorities.

[Shink]

Don't confront, turn him in immediately with the evidence, talking to him is just a waste of time

[mogulkhan]

Why don't you try being nice about it and see why he is doing so? As you said, he has not had the easiest life and some sympathy and caring could go a long way.

O yes, be nice to this garbage sure, surely is gonna help a lot.

limp wrist.

Just go to the police OP, and cut off all contact with this perosn, he does not deserve any help from you, NOTHING would justify this behaviour with you, if your story is true.

Police it is.

[Hurwyn]

Wow. A lot of people here raised on the "Let big bad police man protect me" mentality. Lol, so much for survival of the fittest or any kind of personal backbone.

Try to handle him yourself, warn him you have considered going to the police but want to handle this in family without having to stoop to that, but let him know if it doesn't stop you will do what is necessary.

Sickening that people don't even care enough about their own family to try to settle things man to man and just automatically go straight to the government to handle shit for them...

[vizzle]

MMO-C is full of wolves today... but I don't think wolves turn on their pack as quickly as you guys do, though.

I wouldn't report a family member (cousin is pretty close in my books) to the authorities so quickly. Talk to him, scream at him, scare him to death and tell him that you're going to report him to the police, convince him that he's fucked, but don't report him to the police. I know what a lot of people are going to say -- "It's better that you report him now before he starts stealing from other places." That does make sense, but you could also be ruining this guy's life; it's less of a thing to steal from family members than it is to steal from strangers (imo); it feels less like a crime because you're more comfortable around family members and you don't really think of it the same way as nabbing shit from a store. Just scare him straight first before you report.

[Deleted]

Report him, no saving this guy.

---------- Post added 2013-03-22 at 03:50 AM ----------

MMO-C is full of wolves today... but I don't think wolves turn on their pack as quickly as you guys do, though.

I wouldn't report a family member (cousin is pretty close in my books) to the authorities so quickly. Talk to him, scream at him, scare him to death and tell him that you're going to report him to the police, convince him that he's fucked, but don't report him to the police. I know what a lot of people are going to say -- "It's better that you report him now before he starts stealing from other places." That does make sense, but you could also be ruining this guy's life; it's less of a thing to steal from family members than it is to steal from strangers (imo). Just scare him straight first before you report.

He already did that. It didn't help obviously.

[vizzle]

Report him, no saving this guy.

---------- Post added 2013-03-22 at 03:50 AM ----------


He already did that. It didn't help obviously.

Quote the first two parts of my four part suggestion. So he didn't "already do that".

Not going to report a family member to the police until I know without a doubt that I can't stop him myself.

[Deleted]

Wow. A lot of people here raised on the "Let big bad police man protect me" mentality. Lol, so much for survival of the fittest or any kind of personal backbone.

Try to handle him yourself, warn him you have considered going to the police but want to handle this in family without having to stoop to that, but let him know if it doesn't stop you will do what is necessary.

That doesn't make sense. Backbone doesn't have anything to do with this.

You can arrest him if you want as a civilian who is not a police officer but it will be hard.

He already talked to this guy, and OP did him great favours. Then he just backstabs him.

I say he is hopeless.

[poser765]

Invite him into your study. as he comes in you need to be sitting in a large chair facing a burning fire. As he enters you turn to face him with your fingers steepled under your chin.

"So, Steve, it comes to this."

"Bill, I..."

"No, Steve. Sit down"

You two then go back and forth in a witty verbal sparring match. At the end of which you snap your fingers and a good looking man in an italian suit enters the room.

"Steve, this is my associate. He is going to instruct you on how to Honor your family. Go with him."

The world never sees Steve again. Lessons are learned and you are never messed with again.

[MaximusRex]

Sometimes tough love is the best kind, since its been recurring despite confronting him before, I think turning him in is the best way to deal with it.

[Deleted]

Quote the first two parts of my four part suggestion. So he didn't "already do that".

Not going to report a family member to the police until I know without a doubt that I can't stop him myself.

Then again he already tried that and it didn't fucking work, yes I am quoting part of your post again.

It doesn't matter if he didn't go to extremes when he talked to him the first time to me. He raised him and then the cousin backstabs him, in my book that's game over.

It is very opinion based obviously because people have different limits and relations with their family, it depends on how OP wants to handle this.

[LilSaihah]

I'd just report him to the police. Theft of something of that value is ridiculous.

[vizzle]

Then again he already tried that and it didn't fucking work, yes I am quoting part of your post again.

It doesn't matter if he didn't go to extremes when he talked to him the first time to me. He raised him and then the cousin backstabs him, in my book that's game over.

It is very opinion based obviously, it depends on how OP wants to handle this.

If you honestly believed that you wouldn't have just bolded the first two sections of my sentence. But you did, so now you're just backpedaling. Screaming at him once when he was "much younger" isn't justification enough for me to say "okay it's hopeless". I have an obligation to help my family members more than strangers, because you don't turn on people you should be caring about as if they're nobodies. The 17 year old's parents are trash and he's obviously gone through hard times. If I talk with him once when he was "much younger", I still owe a bit more of an effort before ruining his life and giving him a criminal record. Why? Because I'm the better man and I should know better; don't be a bitter asshole.

[Zardi]

Wait till his 18th birthday, then give him a proper punching in the face. That way, he can't acuse you of child abuse...

On a more serious note (not like the beating wasn't a serious alternative, just... arguable), your past yelling failed, but feel free to sit him down, and give him a long, serious, and tedious talk; in hopes of inciting a guilt-trip. If that doesn't work either, then the guy probably has no morals or respect for his own people; so... yeah, actual police might be the sort of scare he needs.

[Abysal]

First is the obvious; the fact that the motherfucker stole from me. My sister and I have basically raised him and his sister, as his dad's in jail and his mom has some other kinds of issues. While he doesn't live with us, we've always made sure that they were taken care of, and constantly went out of our way to try and feel like "family". The fact that he is still comfortable stealing from me is simply unforgivable -- I've already given him a second and third change.

Based on this, I'd say there's 1 of 2 reasons he's stealing.

1. He has drug problems.
2. His parents are such trash that he's affected by it.

I think it's important to figure out which and come up with a way to get him the help he needs. In the mean time, keep him out of your house. These people saying "kick has ass" and what not...That's viable but chances are he's headed down the path to jail if you go that route.

Get him in rehab if he's got drug problems. If he's just messed up in the head, he needs to live somewhere else but perhaps you should try to find out if there's a way to get him professional help.

[Deleted]

If you honestly believed that you wouldn't have just bolded the first two sections of my sentence. But you did, so now you're just backpedaling. Screaming at him once when he was "much younger" isn't justification enough for me to say "okay it's hopeless". I have an obligation to help my family members more than strangers, because you don't turn on people you should be caring about as if they're nobodies. The 17 year old's parents are trash and he's obviously gone through hard times. If I talk with him once when he was "much younger", I still owe a bit more of an effort before ruining his life and giving him a criminal record. Why/ Because I'm the better man and I should know better; don't be a bitter asshole.

I do honestly believe that.

It is justification enough for me. The man raised him, accompanied him through hard times, gave him a chance and yet he steals at the age of 17.

That you do not share that opinion with me is fine, because at the end of the day people have different relationships with their family and different tolerations for actions. That does not make me an asshole, that makes you clueless about my family. It all comes down on what kind of family OP was raised in and what he wants to do: Give him a chance or or quit on him.

Because in my family stealing is really low, we say fuck it.

Don't share that opinion, fine, just agree to disagree.

[smartguy16]

I can guarantee that if you turn him into the police he will lead a life of crime for his entire life.
Now I'm not sure what you should do instead...
Perhaps create some incredibly creative plot that I haven't the time to come up with that will scare him so badly that he will never steal again.