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  1. #21
    The Lightbringer starkey's Avatar
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    Id simply move out, he aint no friend if you cant talk too him about these issues.
    I'm gonna let 'em know that Dolemite is back on the scene! I'm gonna let 'em know that Dolemite is my name, and fuckin' up motherfuckers is my game!

  2. #22
    I Don't Work Here Endus's Avatar
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    1> If he's paying 80% of the rent and you're paying for food, then the food isn't your food, it's food for the both of you. Same for the utilities. If the arrangement bothers you, try to go 50/50 on everything, and each buy your own food.

    2> Are both of your names on the lease? Because if he's paying 80% of the rent, and it's his name on the lease, it isn't your apartment. It's his apartment, and he's letting you crash there.

    3> If you're worried about him hurting you, he's not "a friend".


  3. #23
    I don't know what people don't understand when OP says that even though he only pays 20% of the rent, he pays all of the utilities and that is dollar wise equal to the 80% of the rent. He doesn't owe him all of his food as well.

    OP, stop asking or trying to have a conversation, he knows you are just blowing smoke, that is why he decided to nitpick back. Tell him you aren't going to clean up after him, and then don't clean up after him. If he leaves everything dirty just clean what you need to use at the time. If he is leaving dirty laundry out and its in your way, dump it in his room. Don't buy so much food that he can eat it all, I know this might put more of a burden on you, but until he sees you are serious about a more equitable deal you need to do what you need to do. If people come over and its a sty, totally tell them its because he doesn't clean up after himself.

    If he feels you owe him because of the rent arrangement, then offer to split all the bills down the middle. If you don't mind shopping for food, or cooking, maybe you can make a deal on that as well, where he pitches in on cost and you leave him leftovers. In my household I don't mind cooking, but I really hate doing dishes, so I cook and someone else cleans up after.

    I know when you first started living with him you were in a situation where you were grateful for his help, you didn't seem to set any ground rules, and certainly tell him how grateful you were, but that doesn't make you his housekeeper now and for all eternity. When he is ready to actually talk about it be willing to negotiate or trade off chores for each other, but certainly don't cave in.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by MaximusRex View Post
    I don't know what people don't understand when OP says that even though he only pays 20% of the rent, he pays all of the utilities and that is dollar wise equal to the 80% of the rent. He doesn't owe him all of his food as well.
    Obviously it's not equal to 80% of the rent. The OP is complaining that because his "friend" has a job that pays twice as much as his that he should willingly pay for more than half of the expenses and not expect anything in return.

    Sounds like OP is still getting a very favorable deal even if his so called friend eats a large part of his food, or he would have suggested that they split the rent 50/50 but he doesn't, he can't afford living anywhere else, but keeps afloat with the financial situation he is in right now = he is cheaper off paying utilities but not pay full rent (probably a much smaller burden than the OP makes it out to be).

    If your friend is financially supporting you in his house only expecting you to chip in with what you have, i would also see it as extremely disrespectful if you told me what to do in my own house as well, and when you say he brings up any small flaws you have when you argue isn't that exactly the same thing you are doing with him right now really?

  5. #25
    Quote Originally Posted by joesept View Post
    80% he pays, 20% I pay+ultilities IE water, electricity, food etc In the end, I am paying an equal part to keep the house afloat.
    so. your cost of food is part of the equalizing factor in the rent payment and you're mad that you have to pay for food?

    fine, pay a bigger share of the rent and he's got no rights to your food. it all amounts to "who'd you rather pay, the landlord in cash or your roommate in food?"

  6. #26
    High Overlord
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    At the end of the summer I lost my cool college roommates and they were replaced with new, shitty ones. One of them, on the first day there, pissed all over the toilet seat and didn't clean it up. This guy must've pissed only while wearing a blindfold and stubs for hands, because it was everywhere. Back of the toilet, floor, splatter on the wall. This was a regular thing. I mentioned to him to clean it, and he got mad at me. I left a note above the toilet telling him to wipe the seat, so he banged on my door and yelled at me telling me I wasn't his mom. He was already nasty enough (leaving garbage everywhere, growing black mold around his sink) that the RA's told him if his shit wasn't cleaned they'd kick him out in a week. He cleaned up, but didn't stop pissing on the toilet seat.

    He usually left his shirt for the day hanging on the towel rack in the bathroom. I decided to use his shirt to wipe up the piss on a regular basis. My irritation went away, because I knew that every fucking morning, that guy was putting on a shirt that was literally covered in his piss. I would use the collar and sleeves of his shirt to wipe the piss off of everything, and then a bit later he would come out of the bathroom wearing the shirt.

    So if he makes you mad, make him wear his own piss like its deodorant.

  7. #27
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    It might be some male thing I don't understand but if anyone threatened me physically, I'd call the police. Animals belong in a cage.

    To be honest, the solutions in your situation seem very simple.

    If it's your apartment and talking wont help, just give him a notice to vacate it a month up front. If you're concerned that he might not respect it or tear it up and claim he never got it, call the police and have them witness you giving the note. Then when the month is up and hes still there, they just come and toss him and hes things out. (It could be a bit longer than a month, but it should be easy to look up, assuming you live in US of course).

    If it's not that serious or you don't own the place, just tell him not to touch your stuff, buy some dishes for your own use and put them behind a lock or just eat outside. And DONT clean up after him. Just leave the dishes where they are and eventually he has to clean them himself. Im also pretty sure if you tell him he cant take your food, it would be called stealing if he did it anyway.

    Alternatively, especially if you dont own the apartment you can just move out and if you cant afford to rent a place on your own, you could get a better roommate at least.

  8. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by Endus View Post
    1> If he's paying 80% of the rent and you're paying for food, then the food isn't your food, it's food for the both of you. Same for the utilities. If the arrangement bothers you, try to go 50/50 on everything, and each buy your own food.

    2> Are both of your names on the lease? Because if he's paying 80% of the rent, and it's his name on the lease, it isn't your apartment. It's his apartment, and he's letting you crash there.

    3> If you're worried about him hurting you, he's not "a friend".
    This is all you need to worry about. Add it up and see if what you pay is equal or more than what he pays. If so, tell him you want to pay half the rent and separate the food and utility bills. Also, is your name on the Lease, or is it His, or is a co-lease? That matters quite a bit regarding what options you have.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by joesept View Post
    80% he pays, 20% I pay+ultilities IE water, electricity, food etc In the end, I am paying an equal part to keep the house afloat.
    Which is the exact reason you should get the fouck out of this shithole.

    Because in the end you're doing more for the house than he does.

    Now let me ask you an hypothetical question:

    What if tomorrow he suddenly can't pay 80% of the rent anymore?

    Will you still live under the fear of being beaten up?

    ...

    Best advice: move out. You can't on your own? Hell, that's what room mates are for. Based on your story, i'm pretty sure there are plenty of people out there who would be very happy to have someone trustworthy like you to live with.

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by joesept View Post
    80% he pays, 20% I pay+ultilities IE water, electricity, food etc In the end, I am paying an equal part to keep the house afloat.
    Don't you see something wrong here? Heck, I'd eat your food with that sort of rent arrangement as well and I'm as jovial motherhugger as they come. Until you start paying equal share in the rent, he should be able to eat whatever he wants from the fridge. And unless your rent is way lower than the western average I highly doubt you end up paying the same amount monthly with that kind of division.
    Also you call this person a friend and at the same time are afraid of getting beaten up, that sounds quite dubious.

  11. #31
    Herald of the Titans Kuniku's Avatar
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    some options:

    - Hire the mafia to take a hit out on him

    - swap his shampoo with hair dye

    - shank him

    - hide in your room and live in there with your own mini fridge

    - crumple up a bag of crisps and pour the contents onto his bed

    - stop flushing the toilet

    - swap all of his protein powder milkshakes with nesquik milkshake powder

    - cut one of his fingers off in his sleep


    hope this helps

    seriously, first thing i'd do is stop cleaning up after him, had a simliar problem at uni where one housemate got anoyed at the mess in the kitchen so cleaned everything, and one of the other girls then expected her to always do her washing up etc. be very specific about washing the stuff you've used, always leave his stuff dirty.

  12. #32
    Herald of the Titans Drunkenfinn's Avatar
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    What kind of friend would beat you up?

    Just cause he looks like he could beat you up doesnt really mean he will, unless you're the one whos tempted to get physical during your arguments :P
    Or does he have a history of violence or something?

    I'd just ask him to contribute at least a little bit for the groceries unless his part of the rent is more than what you're paying for them... If his rent is equal or greater it's only fair that he gets to eat your food.
    As far as cleaning up goes... just dont clean up his mess. And as for the dishes... it would be only fair that if you're the one to cook he should do the dishes... or at least take turns in doing them. Though IMO it's only fair that if you're the one doing the cooking he should do the damn dishes at the very least... this is what me and my ex-roommate did at least since he liked to cook (which I was quite grateful for!).

    Honestly you just need to talk about it. I doubt he will REALLY assault you for it. I'd say that financially you are using an equal amount of money or very close to that... it's just that your contribution to the different household chores seems differ a bit too much :P Give him your arguments and if he replies with "you're not mr. perfect either" dont just get angry but try to compromise... it is needed when dealing with stubborn people.
    Last edited by Drunkenfinn; 2013-03-26 at 09:21 AM.

  13. #33
    Fluffy Kitten Taurenburger's Avatar
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    Discuss this with him, he might understand how you feel about it. If he doesn't and keep on doing these annoying things, you could look for another appartment.

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