Girlfriend seems unreasonably pissed off at me

[DieFichte]

Yeah, although you need to keep in mind that weekly crap which needs to be done (cleaning, cooking, etc...) doesn't really count towards time spent together.

cleaning, laundry and do groceries can be easy done by one person during the time only one has time. I always do that when I'm on morning shift, and if I'm not, my girlfriend does it, because she is finished with work at noon.

[announced]

i agree with Grym.. you should chuck her out.. since shes controlling right now and unreasonable, theres no telling how much worse she'll be if u guys get married or engaged.

[Deleted]

I'd put the problem in a different light if I were you. She'll either get 1 day a week to see you for a few months or she'll never see you again. Ask her how she feels about that. I'm horrible in relationships, don't take my advice seriously :>

[Deleted]

It's fine that you have a few hobbies. Everybody has. But obviously 1 day isn't that much, so the question is, would you sacrifice your relationship for your hobbies, or the other way? It's just that simple. If your hobbies > her, dump her. If not, well, you have to live without them.

[Reeve]

Ask her to do a show with you. If she doesn't want to do it, you tried to spend that time with her and she was the one against it.

---------- Post added 2013-04-10 at 07:54 PM ----------

It's fine that you have a few hobbies. Everybody has. But obviously 1 day isn't that much, so the question is, would you sacrifice your relationship for your hobbies, or the other way? It's just that simple. If your hobbies > her, dump her. If not, well, you have to live without them.

We're talking about 8 weeks here, not the rest of their relationship.

[Arngrim310]

It's fine that you have a few hobbies. Everybody has. But obviously 1 day isn't that much, so the question is, would you sacrifice your relationship for your hobbies, or the other way? It's just that simple. If your hobbies > her, dump her. If not, well, you have to live without them.

It's not just one day left together though. We have a few hours together Tuesday, Friday and Saturday in between our jobs, all day Wednesdays, Thursdays from 2pm to when we go to bed and Sundays will be from 5 till we go to bed. Also by the time rehearsals start I will be done with classes for the semester and we will have a few hours together Monday between work as well. Acting isn't just a hobby for me either, it's my passion. I originally went to school for it and also lived in NYC for a few years doing it professionally (nothing big, but a few jobs over the course of two years). I moved back because my mother was sick and decided to take classes again so I could have a degree in something more stable. So it's not just a simple hobby for me.

[Paladin885]

This is a problem most women have when it comes to communicating with men, and it hurts "us" because it sends "us" mixed signals when they deny love and affection.

I assume you're post high school, in your 20s, trying to "make it" and that means moving, working, doing anything at any given point in time... it's natural for our age, but she doesn't get that. You have to be thinking about you in order to get anywhere in life in your 20s or you fall behind or end up at a fork in the road.

Bottom line, she's being selfish for holding you back and further enhancing it by denying you time spent together.... which for you ladies out there is a big no-no to do to men.

Don't worry too much, a heart to heart talk will settle things if you explain it all right. God knows I've had to pull my sister off to the side and tell her to get over it when she and her BF were having the same exact selfish fight.

[Deleted]

I keep trying but she is refusing to talk to me about it.

then the one day your looking to go do your amateur dramatics with is not the cause of the problem.
Tell her straight that your not a mind reader, and unless she tells you what the problem is then there is no way that you can work it out.

[mmines]

It sounds like she's being incredibly selfish herself. Doesn't she have any friends or some sort of an activity she could get into? It's a bit demanding that she expects you to spend all your free time with her until she's satisfied (you only gaming while she's not around or otherwise spending time with her instead of her maybe keeping an open mind and maybe trying something with you, finding stuff you both could enjoy).

[Arngrim310]

This is a problem most women have when it comes to communicating with men, and it hurts "us" because it sends "us" mixed signals when they deny love and affection.

I assume you're post high school, in your 20s, trying to "make it" and that means moving, working, doing anything at any given point in time... it's natural for our age, but she doesn't get that. You have to be thinking about you in order to get anywhere in life in your 20s or you fall behind or end up at a fork in the road.

Bottom line, she's being selfish for holding you back and further enhancing it by denying you time spent together.... which for you ladies out there is a big no-no to do to men.

Don't worry too much, a heart to heart talk will settle things if you explain it all right. God knows I've had to pull my sister off to the side and tell her to get over it when she and her BF were having the same exact selfish fight.

Yes, I am 27 and she is 21. My friends say it is her age, which may contribute, she just really seems to want to make me feel bad at this point for wanting to do one show in the last year.

[Hyve]

Relationships are about give & take, and there is a fine line. You need to get it just right, without allowing either partner to be selfish.

For example, my Girlfriend knows I love to play World of Warcraft, along with doing Archery, and I sometimes work obscene hours that mean for weeks I might not spend much time with her. I do however make a point of spending time with her, and she makes a point of spending time with me, but she is also free to go off and spend a few nights with her friends, enjoy the things she likes to do, and such.

I've never really been annoyed at her going off to do her thing, or visa versa. It is just a balance you need to find. If she doesn't like you doing what you enjoy, then tell her you're not about to sacrifice something you are passionate about, because of her, and no respectable partner would, as long as you're not complete neglecting them of course!

[Dasffion]

I think you're both being a bit selfish and you need to come to a compromise here. That's what relationships are all about. I'd agree with everyone else who's saying try to get her to participate in the show with you. If she doesn't want to act maybe she can work on the sets? At the very least she can come watch you rehearse/perform.

I'm curious though how many of the people who think she's being unreasonable have actually been in a situation like this with someone they love. I had a situation like this, actually a little worse, a year ago when my wife was working from 5 am to 2 PM Thurs-Monday and I was working 9-7 M-F. Since she had to go to bed at 9 PM I normally only got to see her from 7 to 9 on weekdays and from 2 to 9 on weekends. It's hard to spend that little time with someone that you're deeply committed to. It's really rough when they want to spend a portion of that little time you have together away from you.

[mmines]

It's fine that you have a few hobbies. Everybody has. But obviously 1 day isn't that much, so the question is, would you sacrifice your relationship for your hobbies, or the other way? It's just that simple. If your hobbies > her, dump her. If not, well, you have to live without them.

A good relationship isn't about sacrificing everything to appease the other, it's about finding common ground on both sides. Both sacrificing to meet each others needs.

[Limulsuis]

I might be a bit crazy now, but maybe you could try to convert the thing that's separating you (acting) into something that you could do together. Maybe invite her to the rehearsals, practise the scripts with her, there are many possibilities.

Otherwise, she's the one who's being selfish and possessive.

[Theodoxus]

Just do it - she'll get over it and grow up, or she'll leave. Either way, you're better off - though one is painful and sucks, that's just part of life. Trust me, you do NOT need anyone in your life that isn't at least supportive of your dreams - and right now, she's being detrimental. I know it's cliche, but YOLO - don't let anyone else decide that their life is more important than yours. Equal, sure - but never more!

[Neurodilation]

She's being ridiculous in both her selfish demand that you not do the show and in her reaction to you wanting to work it out.

Do what you need to do. Don't sacrifice everything for her. It'll go one of two ways. She'll wake up and quit being stupid. In that case, your relationship can move forward, and maybe she'll learn not to be so selfish. Or she'll continue being a child and leave you. In that case, nothing of value is lost. Because realistically, if she can treat you this way over something not even remotely worth fighting over, you only have a world of hurt waiting for you in the future.

[~Valen~]

Dump her.

If she is like that now, she will have a lot more control and restriction on you if the relationship goes further (or married).

WoW... you seem a stable one!

[lordmatthias]

As others have said I can really see it both ways. Honestly it really sucks that both of you have such shitty worth schedules, that you only have 2 days that you can really see one another. Have you thought about looking for another theater group that practices and times that fit your schedule better? While I was in school I had similar limitations that you do now, and it was REALLY hard for my wife and I (at the time girl friend), in this case we only had Saturday and most of Sunday together. There were times we had other commitments come up, but generally we kept those days off limits for other regular activities, unless they can be done together. If there was something that came up we would talk about it.

If you do decide to proceed with the Sunday commitment it doesn't really matter if it is fair or not, all that ends up mattering is if you can live with her being pissed at you, or if she can get over it.

[Deleted]

If I was her, I'd be upset too.. it would only leave 1 day for you to be together and that's not enough for a serious relationship to work. It is selfish.. you work late and then you want more time for your hobbies which don't involve her. Why not compromise instead? Get a 9-5 job or try to find more time from other activities to spend with her.

People should do what makes them happy, there's no arguing with that but a relationship is also a compromise. If you taking up that hobby leaves her with less she bargained for, then obviously she cant do what makes her happy if she wants to stay with you because you changed something.

[Thorngrove]

One: She had the chance to work the same shift as you, but would be working for a potential asshole.
Two: Her job is less then four months old.
Three: She knew you were an actor before you got serious. (I expect)
Four: She's asking you to do something you do not enjoy. (Basically giving up acting.)

Frankly, She knew your shifts,(you've been working there for four years, I doubt you swung a different shift) she COULD have taken one for the team and worked nights, but refused to do that. She's now asking YOU to do what she wouldn't, while refusing to compromise, or even discuss anything, pouting and acting like a four year old until you cave in... Again.

Yeah. This is hard to figure out man.