Online dating, age old topic

[Gamdwelf]

She had a baby with him, but he was an absolute clusterf**k of an ass. No job, unemployed, you get the picture.
she is a very smart,

No shes not

[Sorrior]

I have a friend who a year ago got out of an abusive relationship. She had a baby with him, but he was an absolute clusterf**k of an ass. No job, unemployed, you get the picture.
Now, she is a very smart, beautiful lovely girl, but her confidence was absolutely shot to pieces. She joined a dating website to maybe get some self-belief back, and has actually met a shy guy who absolutely worships the ground she walks on (and dotes on her daughter also). They are now getting married, and she has gotten her life back on track.
So yes, dating websites *do* work, and to call them "pathetic" is a bit nasty don't you think?

Lucky friend...Ironically i'm the type of guy that you're describing.

Guys like me and your friends fiancee often have a hard time meeting people IRL.

[Gamdwelf]

Actually, she is, she is studying for her MAsters now, but because she made some bad decisions, she is obviously a dumbass?

How about stop whining, posting comments like "I am ugly" for sympathy before openly mocking others and their decisions. You just look like a very bitter, lonely person.

Smart people don't get knocked up by unemployed assholes.

[Highmoon7]

Smart people don't get knocked up by unemployed assholes.


/agree

10char

[Sorrior]

No shes not

You be be VERY intelligent but just have issues. Also not everyone is cut out for schooling either.

I think you need to start to look past things like degrees(or as i like to call them Dolphin Papers) and similar things such as life circumstances or choices made in ones past.

[Itisamuh]

Smart people don't get knocked up by unemployed assholes.

A bit too blunt, but I'd have to say this good sir has a point. People who stick around in abusive or otherwise miserable relationships can't be too brilliant. Book smarts and common sense aren't the same thing. But in any case it doesn't really matter, if the girl found someone good through online dating, then that's worth mentioning.

[Deleted]

I know you mention not having anywhere to go and that you're shy, but no matter whether you go with the site route or not you're going to have to get out and lose some of the shyness.

I am pretty confident to meet someone after having a chance to talk a bit. My shyness is more that I cant just start randomly talking to someone with the possibility of it developing further in that way.

[Sorrior]

Yeh, he is a very shy guy. His hobbies are Warhammer model painting, and gaming. She just made a bad decision and fell for a guy who whilst people said he was a dirtbag, she was too blinded by her love for him to see otherwise. Took a long time for her to get out of that abusive relationship, but am glad she did.

But there is hope, as I said. Heck, there are lots of very intelligent, wonderful gals on the 'net, who just don;t feel they have the confidence or self-belief anymore to "Put themselves out there" or feel they may be hurt. Just as peeps have said, take it slow, build a rapport, and take it day by day. Also, may sound silly, but don't get obsessive. Sometimes, you can have a great rapport with a gal, then she just stops all of a sudden messaging, whilst it may be tempting to do the whole "are you ok?" bombard thing, it just comes across as stalky and possessive.

But seriously, wish you all the best mate. It is a minefield even for peeps who have confidence up the wazoo, so I dread to think how hardit must be if your a shy person.
Am rooting for you, so keep in touch and keep us updated here! Good luck!

Pretty hard but getting better..I actually fell in love recently but it was unrequited..Threw me into a spiral and trying to get out there again now.

And thanks things tend to work out well for me in the long run so we'll see how it goes LOL.

[Dasffion]

No shes not

Are you just trying to insult as many people as you can in this thread? First you call everyone who does online dating pathetic and now you're saying someone you don't know from Eve is stupid?

[Sorrior]

I am pretty confident to meet someone after having a chance to talk a bit. My shyness is more that I cant just start randomly talking to someone with the possibility of it developing further in that way.

Similar for me..When comfortable i can be super gregarious(at least for a time) but if not familiar with the place or people i'm a damn high grade wallflower.

[Gamdwelf]

Are you just trying to insult as many people as you can in this thread? First you call everyone who does online dating pathetic and now you're saying someone you don't know from Eve is stupid?

OP asks what people think about online dating, imo pathetic. Where did I call everyone who does online dating pathetic?

[Sorrior]

yeh, she is only getting her Masters now simply so she can say she has "done it". She used to run a bar, and has also been in a few other mid-level management positions, but just got to know a bad guy who was quite manipulative. He could be the sweetest guy ever, but he would always twist and turn events to suit him.
When your head over heels with someone, its easy to miss their faults, and instead look to the positive side, even if it means blinding yourself to the reality. There is a reason women and men stay in abusive relationships after all sadly.

But she is out of it now, thank God, btut anyways it is irrelevant and a complete derailing of the thread


Will get back on track now :P

I've actually considered opening a club/bar where i live....One designed for the shy/nerdy to have a place to meet people.

[Dys]

Considering it's the internet and the nature of it, I would do everything in my power to stay away from any sort of "free" dating sites. That's how you wake up in a strange motel in Arizona, missing a kidney and maybe a few other choice pieces.

If you're dead set on trying it out, pay for it. At least there will be some form of regulation and protection involved.

Edit:
I've never actually used an online dating site, so I don't really have a clue of how they work. I'm just speaking from the common sense side of things here.

[Dasffion]

OP asks what people think about online dating, imo pathetic. Where did I call everyone who does online dating pathetic?

How can you say online dating is pathetic without implying that those who participate in it aren't pathetic as well?

[Deleted]

I think I may try a free one first, just to see. I'm not exactly sure where to start though. Has anyone tried multiple of them and can give a decent recommendation?

[Deleted]

Plenty of Fish (pof.com) is the "best" of the free ones, but it is full of a lot of attention whores/horny guys, so it will take a LOT of "fishing" to get anywhere.

Just stay the f**k away from Adultfriendfinder....for the love of Christ...

hah thanks, yeh i will. It sounds more appealing to the ones who you describe to fish through!

[Deleted]

I haven't really used any paid sites myself, just a few free ones. As I said in the other thread, experience varies quite a bit, I've had everything from gaining a stalker to a few year relationship which I still consider my best so far, despite having ended. It's more convenient of course than "real life", but then again nothing beats old fashioned courting, oldschool.

[Reeve]

At 18, you shouldn't be using eHarmony. eHarmony is really intended for people who are super serious about meeting "the one." Honestly I think 18 is too young for online dating in general, but if you're going to be doing that, go for OKCupid or one of the other free services. They're often better anyway.

[Seirith]

I would say try it. I met my husband online, not on a dating site but though a profile which he listed things he liked. I emailed him because he seemed intresting, found out we lived near each other and started to date a few weeks later. We have been together almost 15 years now and married for 7.

[anyaka21]

nothing inherently wrong with online dating. The world the way it is is a busy place. People work 50+ hours a week, there really isn't a lot of time to find someone. Online dating gives you the chance to pre-screen people. It gives everyone a chance to be somewhat selective.

Another notion, how would/do you go about meeting women/men? In a bar? At the gym? How much money do you spend at a bar every week/month? How much does eharmony or match.com cost? Add that are you successful at meeting people in a bar? Is that the main goal? If going to a bar to meet people and hook up or find someone is what you want, are you at all successful at it? if not, maybe funnel some of that cash into an online dating site.