You she said that she went to some seminar on abusive relationships, then followed that up with a defense of "I didn't know she didn't want to" regarding sex so I'm assuming she thinks you sexually abused her in some way? If she didn't want it but you pushed her that meets the technical definition of rape. If that happened repeatedly, that is a problem and you need to address this before you enter your next relationship, because you might end up with sexual assault charges put against you in a worst case scenario....
You mentioned other things and you guys both sound young, I'm not trying to focus on this issue per se but if she really does believe that you abused her you need to take this seriously.
Barette the Light of Dawn
Side note: It sounds like driving and what not were things you were changing for her, if those were at all involved in her decision to leave you then this was most likely not love. While compromising is a must in a relationship being abandoned for something so small would mean she at least did not love you in that sense. But! I still think the aforementioned sexual issues were the actual problem, I'd assume this 'presentation' opened her eyes and put your actions into a different light. One she disliked enough to cut ties.
It's not a nice place to be emotionally. It's been a year since my fiancee I was with for seven years left me. And the reasoning was pretty spurious as well.
Don't let her see you hurt. Move on, learn from this, and don't allow yourself to fall into the same pit again.
Everyone has different ways to deal with breakups. Hobbies, friends, work, rebound sex, partying. Find what helps you get through it.
It's always hard to be honestly introspective, but if you have the courage to believe what your friends and loved ones are telling you, you can learn from this and be all the stronger for it.
The day you'll be truly wise and have real clarity is the day you realize you don't understand.
Just remember: no means no, if she's passed out and can't say either "yes" or "no" then that is a default "no" from a legal standpoint.
I'd try to ask her more about what she learned at that seminar to find out why she may or may not think she was in an abusive relationship, because it does sound like she thinks that the two of you were in one.
Barette the Light of Dawn
About 5 years a go I was in the same problem as you. We lived in the same house hold for about 2years before one day out of no where she just told me she needs to go back home to Melbourne. She got on the next flight out of Perth WA and she told me before she left that she loved me and if I loved her I will move with her. Crazy as she never worked in her life she was 28 I worked full time I did everything for us. I was going to ask her to marry me as I loved her so much. Every one told me I was a dumb ass as she was just a leach.... I did not see it that way.
Well long story short I did not go after her I stayed back with my friends and family and I have never looked back. A year later I did find a very nice girl that loves me very much and I love her only last week we got married.
Point of the story is yes it may hurt very much but there is a good reason why she left and some times its not your doing at all.
Be strong and move on!
BTW Maybe your one of them sex addicts... (nothing wrong with it imo)
---------- Post added 2013-05-07 at 05:34 AM ----------
My woman of five years left me 2 years ago. Well, more like she fucked some lanky drug addict and then I walked away with nothing to show for those 5 years of my life.
But at least she didn't leave you in such a way that says "I would rather live in a slum apartment and date some scrub then live a well off and stable life with you."
Then I had a brief rebound relationship with this woman who had just gotten out of an abusive marriage. But she left me to get back with her husband.
So the moral of the story is, I guess if your woman thought you were being abusive, don't worry, she'll leave the next poor bastard like me to get back with you.
She probably didn't want to be in a relationship with a sex addict.
That's how you've described yourself as in this thread, my advice is you try get some help.
Last edited by Hezo; 2013-05-07 at 05:44 AM.
It's possible she has problems with physical intimacy. Or maybe you're more forceful than you realise. Without knowing either of you extremely well it's impossible for others to say. My advice would be to give her space and have some experiences with other women so you can get a more objective assessment of how much of a part you played in it. When you're young and in a relationship with the one person for a long time you can lose perspective.
What my history teacher used to say: Never run after a tram or a girl. There will always come another one.