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  1. #21
    Quote Originally Posted by Lenarific View Post
    i lost my best friend aka girlfriend in january and ffs it still hurts and im 37 all i can say bro is keep up your chin idk watelse 2 say
    I'm sorry to hear Thank you though, one guy to another.

  2. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by Dekay View Post
    Basically she had sex just so I would stop pestering her. She never said anything alarmingly serious. She is a playful lover with a kinky side, so anything short of total seriousness is taken with a grain of salt. I don't have a chronic problem with arousal, its simply when I am around her (I often see her only once a month), It is very hard to stop myself when I'm horny and we would have sex maybe 3-5 times over the course of a weekend.
    Okay, serious tmi. :P But since we are on the subject...

    You she said that she went to some seminar on abusive relationships, then followed that up with a defense of "I didn't know she didn't want to" regarding sex so I'm assuming she thinks you sexually abused her in some way? If she didn't want it but you pushed her that meets the technical definition of rape. If that happened repeatedly, that is a problem and you need to address this before you enter your next relationship, because you might end up with sexual assault charges put against you in a worst case scenario....

    You mentioned other things and you guys both sound young, I'm not trying to focus on this issue per se but if she really does believe that you abused her you need to take this seriously.

  3. #23
    Pit Lord Sinndra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dekay View Post
    We live in rural Pennsylvania, but I lived 30 minutes from her in Uni and 1.5 hours from her at home. Driving is somewhat of an issue, but we've gotten through it for two years before Uni
    i think she is a material girl. she had high hopes that this "issue" would get fixed quickly. after you procrastinated it made her think you might not very be ambitious. or at least not to her expectations. i understand her complaint. having a car when the distance between you is that far, its almost a necessity. if she needed you emotionally you couldnt be there. if she wanted to be surprised spontaneously that couldnt happen. its an issue that i think you should have placed more importance on.
    Quote Originally Posted by ablib View Post
    I do realize that this is an internet forum full of morons, however in real life, no one questions me, people look to me for the answer, look up to me, trust me. To have dipshits on a video game forum question me, is insulting.

  4. #24
    Quote Originally Posted by Celista View Post
    Okay, serious tmi. :P But since we are on the subject...

    You she said that she went to some seminar on abusive relationships, then followed that up with a defense of "I didn't know she didn't want to" regarding sex so I'm assuming she thinks you sexually abused her in some way? If she didn't want it but you pushed her that meets the technical definition of rape. If that happened repeatedly, that is a problem and you need to address this before you enter your next relationship, because you might end up with sexual assault charges put against you in a worst case scenario....

    You mentioned other things and you guys both sound young, I'm not trying to focus on this issue per se but if she really does believe that you abused her you need to take this seriously.
    I understand what you mean. I do take it seriously, which is why it affects me so much. Though, she isn't very descriptive so what I say may be an overstatement, but its all I have. I also apologize for the description, but it seemed mostly relevant to the explanation.

  5. #25
    Quote Originally Posted by Dekay View Post
    I'm also not your average 19 year old. I'm young and dumb, yes, but my philosophy is more complex than anything most of the YOLO-ites of my age group can comprehend.
    This, to me, shows that you are quite a bit the 'average' teenager in how you assume you alone are above the cut. Yes, being dumped sucks. We've all been there and have all, especially when young and blinded by what we consider love, have tried to rationalize what is inherently irrational. She was affected in a way that was big enough to cause this, you may ask her to better explain but shes made her mind it seems. I would also hazard a guess that this is not QUITE all there is to the story. Obviously there is more here or your sexual advances were much more forceful to her then it comes across from your account. Emotions and feelings need no rationality and I would say you will only compound your feelings of being hurt by trying to search for 'answers'.

    Side note: It sounds like driving and what not were things you were changing for her, if those were at all involved in her decision to leave you then this was most likely not love. While compromising is a must in a relationship being abandoned for something so small would mean she at least did not love you in that sense. But! I still think the aforementioned sexual issues were the actual problem, I'd assume this 'presentation' opened her eyes and put your actions into a different light. One she disliked enough to cut ties.

  6. #26
    Quote Originally Posted by Sinndra View Post
    i think she is a material girl. she had high hopes that this "issue" would get fixed quickly. after you procrastinated it made her think you might not very be ambitious. or at least not to her expectations. i understand her complaint. having a car when the distance between you is that far, its almost a necessity. if she needed you emotionally you couldnt be there. if she wanted to be surprised spontaneously that couldnt happen. its an issue that i think you should have placed more importance on.
    I understand, I really wish I had focused on it more. I can't afford a car, thought due to my family's financial status, but at least a license may have helped.

  7. #27
    It's not a nice place to be emotionally. It's been a year since my fiancee I was with for seven years left me. And the reasoning was pretty spurious as well.

    Don't let her see you hurt. Move on, learn from this, and don't allow yourself to fall into the same pit again.

    Everyone has different ways to deal with breakups. Hobbies, friends, work, rebound sex, partying. Find what helps you get through it.

  8. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by Dekay View Post
    I'm also not your average 19 year old. I'm young and dumb, yes, but my philosophy is more complex than anything most of the YOLO-ites of my age group can comprehend.
    If only every other average 19 year old didn't also think the same exact thing. Yes you are all special snowflakes. One day you'll be old and look back on it and after hearing many similar stories come to the realization that you weren't so different than everyone else.

    It's always hard to be honestly introspective, but if you have the courage to believe what your friends and loved ones are telling you, you can learn from this and be all the stronger for it.

    The day you'll be truly wise and have real clarity is the day you realize you don't understand.

  9. #29
    Quote Originally Posted by Dekay View Post
    I understand what you mean. I do take it seriously, which is why it affects me so much. Though, she isn't very descriptive so what I say may be an overstatement, but its all I have. I also apologize for the description, but it seemed mostly relevant to the explanation.
    All good.

    Just remember: no means no, if she's passed out and can't say either "yes" or "no" then that is a default "no" from a legal standpoint.

    I'd try to ask her more about what she learned at that seminar to find out why she may or may not think she was in an abusive relationship, because it does sound like she thinks that the two of you were in one.

  10. #30
    Quote Originally Posted by velren View Post
    This, to me, shows that you are quite a bit the 'average' teenager in how you assume you alone are above the cut. Yes, being dumped sucks. We've all been there and have all, especially when young and blinded by what we consider love, have tried to rationalize what is inherently irrational. She was affected in a way that was big enough to cause this, you may ask her to better explain but shes made her mind it seems. I would also hazard a guess that this is not QUITE all there is to the story. Obviously there is more here or your sexual advances were much more forceful to her then it comes across from your account. Emotions and feelings need no rationality and I would say you will only compound your feelings of being hurt by trying to search for 'answers'.

    Side note: It sounds like driving and what not were things you were changing for her, if those were at all involved in her decision to leave you then this was most likely not love. While compromising is a must in a relationship being abandoned for something so small would mean she at least did not love you in that sense. But! I still think the aforementioned sexual issues were the actual problem, I'd assume this 'presentation' opened her eyes and put your actions into a different light. One she disliked enough to cut ties.
    Valid point. I was never overly forceful with her, besides playfully, but perception is a two-way street and I just wish she had mentioned it so I could have tried to control myself and become more aware of her feelings. I don't necessarily thing I am above the cut, but some aspects of me are different and, as a writer, love and death are two things I tried for years to understand well.

  11. #31
    Pit Lord Sinndra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dekay View Post
    I understand, I really wish I had focused on it more. I can't afford a car, thought due to my family's financial status, but at least a license may have helped.
    yah having a license would be the biggest thing, you could at least borrow a car maybe? or even a rental? i dunno what the age limits are. but it gives you options at least. not having a license really restricts your options. yah its kinda tiny and insignificant. but little things add up. especially if there is a bigger, elephant in the room. (your sex issues)
    Quote Originally Posted by ablib View Post
    I do realize that this is an internet forum full of morons, however in real life, no one questions me, people look to me for the answer, look up to me, trust me. To have dipshits on a video game forum question me, is insulting.

  12. #32
    Hi Dekay

    About 5 years a go I was in the same problem as you. We lived in the same house hold for about 2years before one day out of no where she just told me she needs to go back home to Melbourne. She got on the next flight out of Perth WA and she told me before she left that she loved me and if I loved her I will move with her. Crazy as she never worked in her life she was 28 I worked full time I did everything for us. I was going to ask her to marry me as I loved her so much. Every one told me I was a dumb ass as she was just a leach.... I did not see it that way.

    Well long story short I did not go after her I stayed back with my friends and family and I have never looked back. A year later I did find a very nice girl that loves me very much and I love her only last week we got married.

    Point of the story is yes it may hurt very much but there is a good reason why she left and some times its not your doing at all.

    Be strong and move on!

    BTW Maybe your one of them sex addicts... (nothing wrong with it imo)

  13. #33
    Quote Originally Posted by Celista View Post
    All good.

    Just remember: no means no, if she's passed out and can't say either "yes" or "no" then that is a default "no" from a legal standpoint.

    I'd try to ask her more about what she learned at that seminar to find out why she may or may not think she was in an abusive relationship, because it does sound like she thinks that the two of you were in one.
    That was my thought as well. I would never take advantage of her purposefully, I care far too much about her to do such a damnable thing. I really am a nice guy. Maybe when she calms down more, I'll ask her about how she felt and maybe I can get a clearer understanding.

    ---------- Post added 2013-05-07 at 05:34 AM ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by Snow View Post
    Hi Dekay

    About 5 years a go I was in the same problem as you. We lived in the same house hold for about 2years before one day out of no where she just told me she needs to go back home to Melbourne. She got on the next flight out of Perth WA and she told me before she left that she loved me and if I loved her I will move with her. Crazy as she never worked in her life she was 28 I worked full time I did everything for us. I was going to ask her to marry me as I loved her so much. Every one told me I was a dumb ass as she was just a leach.... I did not see it that way.

    Well long story short I did not go after her I stayed back with my friends and family and I have never looked back. A year later I did find a very nice girl that loves me very much and I love her only last week we got married.

    Point of the story is yes it may hurt very much but there is a good reason why she left and some times its not your doing at all.

    Be strong and move on!

    BTW Maybe your one of them sex addicts... (nothing wrong with it imo)
    Thank you for that, Snow. I've always been told that, but never in quite a way that has affected me as yours. I am very happy for you. As for the sex addict part, maybe. I prefer to think of it as the time I don't see her being quite a good catalyst for it. As you mentioned, though, its not wrong either.

  14. #34
    Over 9000! Gheld's Avatar
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    My woman of five years left me 2 years ago. Well, more like she fucked some lanky drug addict and then I walked away with nothing to show for those 5 years of my life.

    But at least she didn't leave you in such a way that says "I would rather live in a slum apartment and date some scrub then live a well off and stable life with you."

    Then I had a brief rebound relationship with this woman who had just gotten out of an abusive marriage. But she left me to get back with her husband.

    So the moral of the story is, I guess if your woman thought you were being abusive, don't worry, she'll leave the next poor bastard like me to get back with you.

  15. #35
    Quote Originally Posted by Dekay View Post
    That was my thought as well. I would never take advantage of her purposefully, I care far too much about her to do such a damnable thing. I really am a nice guy. Maybe when she calms down more, I'll ask her about how she felt and maybe I can get a clearer understanding.
    Please forgive my boldness, but from your OP, I suspect your neediness is probably a big cause of why she left. I suspect the sexual pressure came in the form of begging and pleading. I suspect that asking her how she felt and why those feelings made her leave you will only reinforce the qualities she doesn't like.

  16. #36
    She probably didn't want to be in a relationship with a sex addict.
    That's how you've described yourself as in this thread, my advice is you try get some help.
    Last edited by Hezo; 2013-05-07 at 05:44 AM.

  17. #37
    Quote Originally Posted by Gheld View Post
    My woman of five years left me 2 years ago. Well, more like she fucked some lanky drug addict and then I walked away with nothing to show for those 5 years of my life.

    But at least she didn't leave you in such a way that says "I would rather live in a slum apartment and date some scrub then live a well off and stable life with you."

    Then I had a brief rebound relationship with this woman who had just gotten out of an abusive marriage. But she left me to get back with her husband.

    So the moral of the story is, I guess if your woman thought you were being abusive, don't worry, she'll leave the next poor bastard like me to get back with you.
    I wish you luck, friend.

  18. #38
    Quote Originally Posted by Dekay View Post
    Basically she had sex just so I would stop pestering her. She never said anything alarmingly serious. She is a playful lover with a kinky side, so anything short of total seriousness is taken with a grain of salt. I don't have a chronic problem with arousal, its simply when I am around her (I often see her only once a month), It is very hard to stop myself when I'm horny and we would have sex maybe 3-5 times over the course of a weekend.
    That is not that much really.

    It's possible she has problems with physical intimacy. Or maybe you're more forceful than you realise. Without knowing either of you extremely well it's impossible for others to say. My advice would be to give her space and have some experiences with other women so you can get a more objective assessment of how much of a part you played in it. When you're young and in a relationship with the one person for a long time you can lose perspective.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tojara View Post
    Look Batman really isn't an accurate source by any means
    Quote Originally Posted by Hooked View Post
    It is a fact, not just something I made up.

  19. #39
    What my history teacher used to say: Never run after a tram or a girl. There will always come another one.

  20. #40
    Quote Originally Posted by That Feel View Post
    What my history teacher used to say: Never run after a tram or a girl. There will always come another one.
    Have heard that quote many times. It's always never run after a "Tram/Bus" or [the subject matter being discussed] ...and it's always true.

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