Master Crane (BIO)

[Nekrotix]

Name: Baelerin Nightwind
Age: 277
Race: Night Elf
Gender: Male
Class: Master Monk

Languages: Common, Darnassian

Faction: Alliance

Personality: He is a lighthearted elf with an iron fist. He won't let anyone get away with anything he doesn't agree with. He enjoys a good fight, but doesn't go out searching for one. He is very hard to get really angry, he is a peaceful, and yet strict, elf.

Likes/Dislikes: He dislikes being a leader, and enjoys more being a fighter. He hates armor and weaponry, he thinks it's "Just the Turtle's Shield from vulnerability, requiring no real skill or effort to use." Though he usually finds himself in situations where he cannot change whether or not the opponent has armor or weaponry, he usually just makes do and fights anyway. He will not back down from a fight.

Appearance: He wears a hat similar to that of a Shado-Pan, without the mask, and with a white color, and black rim. He wears a white vest that is held together by three straps, all hand-stitched. He wears white leather Shoulderpads, that are simple in design, but have two transparent chi orbs hovering in a hole in the middle of the Shoulderpads. His cape was made by the skin of a serpent, already deceased, of course, and is still hard and flaky from when it was alive. Despite it's hard feel, it is moderately light, and doesn't weigh down Master Crane. His staff, made of metal, is just for show. It has an upside-down V-shaped tip, and in the middle of it's opening is a oval artifact, which glows in some strange, unknown language.

Strengths/Weaknesses: He uses his fists and his pure strength to determine the battle. One of his most commonly used attacks is a disarming hit, that will get rid of any weapon you might posses. Other attacks include a knockdown, a spin kick, an uppercut, and many, many more. He has learned many attacks, most resonating from his practice as a young elf. Against armored foes, he can usually find a weak spot in about 5-8 seconds, assuming the armored fellow is standing still. Moving around, it might take around 15-20. He has timed himself and trained to find the weak spot as fast as he can, and, so far, that's it.

History: *And it's done! Enjoy* Baelerin Nightwind, at a young age, was always fascinated at the art of martial fighting. His father was a Druid, a Protector of Darnassus, and his mother was killed by a raging Wind Elemental that was summoned by a Furbolg Shaman. Baelerin was only 23 at this time, so he was scarred by this. As he grew older, his father was angry at Baelerin, because he didn't want to be a Druid like he was. His father did everything he could to remove anything that even mentioned Martial Arts, but this didn't stop Baelerin. His father trained with him every day for 5 hours, casting spells, healing the wounded, but Baelerin didn't want to do any of this. But after his lessons, he would take out a book he never told his father about, and practiced far away from his home. For 100 years, he did this. His father was confused as to why Baelerin wasn't getting any better, when he finally noticed Baelerin leave the house and go out into the forest. His father followed, quietly. When he saw Baelerin practicing Martial Arts from a book, he was outraged. He interrupted the practicing, and told Baelerin that he wasn't going to let him back in until he was willing to follow his footsteps and become a druid. After a long argument, Baelerin just gave up and ran off into the forest without the book on Martial Arts, and stopped after 10 minutes, lied down near a tree, and cried underneath the moon. He fell asleep after a while, and wolves picked up the stench of sweat and flesh. They were nearly about to rip him asunder, when a voice called out and they all froze, their jaws ajar for a bit before snapping shut. They walk back from Baelerin, who had awoken from his sleep, and saw a female Night Elf, carrying a long, wooden bow and wearing chain armor. She helped up Baelerin, who thanked the stranger. He asked the elf her name, and she replied "Saelryn". Baelerin told her his name, and she mentioned that the three wolves were her pets, and they just caught your scent and thought he was food. They talked for a bit, strangely not once questioning what they were doing out this late, and Saelryn offered Baelerin to stay the night at her place. Baelerin agreed, noting his father kicking him out. Saelryn mentioned how her parents abandoned her when she was young, so she was left to her own devices. She found the three wolves as children, also abandoned. She trained them, fed them, and kept them safe from harm. When they got to Saelryn's place, it wasn't much different from his fathers house, so it was easy to get used to the new surroundings. Saelryn fed her wolves, and they both sat down on separate chairs. Baelerin explained what happened, and Saelryn listened to it all, thinking as the story continued. She told Baelerin he could practice in the backyard, where there were self-made Training Dummies, punching bags, and he could find some spare wood or stone to break if he wanted. Baelerin stayed at Saelryn's house until he reached the age of 180, where he would move to Stormwind, and make a life there. He knew quite a lot about Martial Arts, and, by permission of Stormwind, created Master Nightwind's Dojo, where anyone who wanted to become a Monk like him, could. It didn't do so well at first, only about 5 people came, but it soon grew in popularity, and many people joined. Saelryn also helped Baelerin, she had a friend in Stormwind who could get them a building to build the Dojo. This lasted for 70 more years, at that point, not many more people wanted to be monks. Baelerin went bankrupt and had to sell his Dojo. With the money he got left over from the Dojo, he bought a home in Darnassus, and became a Protector. One day, he met up with his Father, who apologized for not letting him follow his passion. Baelerin accepted his apology, and he let his father move in with him, for his father had lost all his money and his house after the Third War. 10 years later, he marries Saelryn. They have a child, and they name her Verilian, Veril for short. Baelerin and Saelryn are both sent out into war through the Dark Portal, and stay there for 5 months. They manage to make it over to Shadowmoon before Saerlyn is kidnapped by a group of imps. Baelerin follows the imps to a lair, where there are nearly a dozen Felgaurds, waiting to slay any intruders. He begs the Alliance Commander to help him save her, but they refuse. So he just ran in there himself and killed each and every felgaurd. To state the obvious, he was heavily wounded, but he didn't care. He just wanted to save Saelryn. But, to his dismay, he was too late. Saelryn was already killed and had the life sucked out of her. He didn't know where those Imps went, and he didn't really care. It was a long walk back to the Dark Portal, but that gave him time to think. He thought of what would happen to Veril. But then he realized... he was Veril at one point. His mother was taken away from him, and since Saelryn was gone...
For 2 years Baelerin kept Veril safe, and didn't let her out of his sights. When Pandaria was discovered, he thought it'd be the perfect place to go. So he took a portal from Stormwind to the Vale of Eternal Blossoms, and walked from there to Binan Village, and made a home at the inn for a short while, until he could find a suitable home for him and Veril. So, this is where he is today. He lives at Binan Village, finding a place in Pandaria to live, and possibly re-opening his old Dojo.

OOC Notes:
- Shit changes. Shit goes through my mind, and shit changes. So I did a total remake of my previous character, which might make him a bit more believable. Happy?

- (Last change I swear) Upcoming Bio: A Blind Witchdoctor. (Maybe a story to go along with it if it works well.)

[Mengucekli]

Hi, and welcome to the RP forums!

I will try to comment on your Bio, but please keep in mind that i am no expert in this stuff so anything i say may need correction by a mod or veteran member of the community.

First of all, a character that is "a very powerful monk, with nearly limitless power." is boring above all else, in my opinion. I believe it is also not very liked among the other RP'ers, especially because it makes way to godmoding, which is boring as well. RP depends on interaction between people, sometimes things go awry and people clash at each other. A character with limitless power is not something i would clash at, to be honest So i don't think godmoding is okay, there must be a sticky somewhere in the forums that explains "why"s and "how"s of RP etiquette, i strongly suggest you to take a look at there.

Another point is, your character contradicts with itself by using a staff himself yet considering using a stick cowardly.

Main point that made me think that your character is OP is in the strengths/weaknesses part. A percentage of dodge is not something you should be able to give away in that certainty. Also, you described him in such a way that "he is not invincible, but he is invincible". There are no real weaknesses on his part, which makes him lack depth.

There are some major points in history section, which i think is the real gamebreaker, so an overhaul in this part may be needed. Primarily, it seems that you missed the correct timeline that should be applied to a characters history. People in these forums tend to use wowpedia.org 's unofficial timeline. According to that, by the time your character was 67 years old, he could not have heard of Stormwind. Nightelves of Kalimdor learned of Eastern Kingdoms by the end of Third War, which dates a few years back of current WoW time. So there is no way your character could have passed ~130 years in Stormwind.

Also, i don't think your character, like any of our RP characters here, could have participated in the killing of some named major lore figure, e.g. Deathwing. That is also something the community frowns upon, as much as i know. For example, one of my RP characters hates Twilight's Hammer but he never could participate in the killing of Cho'gal, because that is forbidden for us forum RPers.

Finally, you have no explanation on how he earned his nicknames. I believe it has been only 2-3 months in-game (which is also current timeline) since the Pandaria was explored, and your character had no time to achieve such feats. He could not even build up a training camp in Mount Neverest, considering building such a construction at such a high and hard-to-reach locale would require moving a lot of materials and man-power. It would be impossible if he does not have an army of Mogu doing the job for him

All in all, a night elven monk is already a hard-to-believe concept for me (yet i have no idea about their lore so someone more knowledgable should comment on their probability, instead of me), and there are some major timeline issues that you should definitely spend time fixing. I hope i could be of help, and good luck with that.

Regards,

-Meng

[Nekrotix]

This is what happens when you try to make a Night Elf and have little to no knowledge of the current lore.

I'll edit the History later (seeing as it needs an overhaul) but everything else can be changed right now. Thank you, and I'll edit as much as I can now.

[The Madgod]

Finally, you have no explanation on how he earned his nicknames. I believe it has been only 2-3 months in-game (which is also current timeline) since the Pandaria was explored, and your character had no time to achieve such feats. He could not even build up a training camp in Mount Neverest, considering building such a construction at such a high and hard-to-reach locale would require moving a lot of materials and man-power. It would be impossible if he does not have an army of Mogu doing the job for him

All in all, a night elven monk is already a hard-to-believe concept for me (yet i have no idea about their lore so someone more knowledgable should comment on their probability, instead of me), and there are some major timeline issues that you should definitely spend time fixing. I hope i could be of help, and good luck with that.

Regards,

-Meng

Just wanted to poke in and clarify a couple things on these two points (all the others are fine and I do agree with them).

Firstly if we are going by real life time = vidjer gahm time, then Pandaria was discovered and subsequently invaded and explored around... what, late September of last year? So it's not been 2-3 months, it's been slightly less than 8 months.

Using my super secret mod powers to look at your original history (bwa. ha. ha.) I'd say that calling him a "Master" might be a bit overconfident. Sure, he's got some self-taught martial arts in him but in terms of the true monk-style of martial art, that was only discovered by non-pandaren roughly 8 months prior to the present (I.E. when the events of Mists of Pandaria began). Otherwise though, I do agree with Meng on this. If you are intent on him becoming an instructor I'd definitely put a good bit of effort into showing how he was trained, both in the martial arts of his people and those of the pandaren. As for his academy, perhaps you should write that he is currently attempting to create it, but needs labor or money to fund the construction, which gives him a good incentive to participate in RP's, especially those that pay adventurers to do stuff.

Again though I'd like to see you focus on his training and I'd like to see him struggle a bit. Learning something new, even if you have a bit of periphery experience already, is never truly easy. There'll always be something you struggle with even a little. It's the same way for RP characters.

Last but not least, welcome to the RP forums!

[Mengucekli]

Yo!

I found the unofficial (but largely accepted) timeline i was talking about. Here is the link: http://www.wowpedia.org/Timeline_%28unofficial%29 This should greatly improve your lore consistency.

I see you fixed a lot of stuff already, keep on going! You are doing a fine job, shaping the character into something much better. Just a friendly reminder, as i see you fixed the issue about him using his staff for combat purposes, you should also remove the last two sentences of "Appearence" tab. They are not needed there, and they contradict with both in itself and with the rest of the bio. You'd be better off without them.

See you!

[MOEEEE]

Interesting character you have there. Really interesting!