Do you think this was rape?

[Deleted]

It's an interesting situation, even if it might be a troll post on Reddit - but i think it can spark some valid debate here. However if the mods disagree, please feel free to delete/ lock.

Without further ado - time to jump into the tale.

After 2 and a half years of court cases it finally happened.

I don't mind. It still hurts, but it does feel better to let it out after holding it in for such a long time. I won't be using real names or locations other than it was in West Virginia.

A friend (Sam) was just proposed to by her at the time boyfriend so we took her out for drinks. It was only meant to be us, but another friend (Drew), asked if she could bring another friend (Mat) along as at the time he wasn't getting out much. He had depression and BL-PD so he was a bit of a shut in. I had met him once before a year before this happened and he was from what I remembered he was very overweight.

We agree, as he seemed nice enough. We all meet up and Mat and Drew arrive. Mat had lost all of his weight and he seemed a lot happier than he use to be. I complimented him on his change, he seemed to get a bit shy over this. It was obvious that he was uncomfortable and socially awkward.

We go inside the club, we are dancing, Mat just wanted to sit at the table and wouldn't come up with us. Over the night we ordered drinks, Mat ended up drinking the most. As he became drunker he gained far more confidence. He ended up dancing with us, chatting and even flirting with me.

The night nears it's end and it was only Mat and I left. Sam and Drew wanted to go home early so Sam drove Drew home. Mat and I talked and drank until closing. We were both to drunk to drive so I was going to call a taxi. Mat said his aparment is a 5 minute walk away, and I could sleep there for the night, then come get my car in the morning. I accepted his offer, which is something I still regret.

At his we drank some more. He had vodka and gin at his, so we shared a bottle and talked some more. Mat was getting more flirty as the night went on. He put on a movie and we snuggled up and watched it. I have no idea why I did that, I hadn't been with a guy for a long time and I guess I was loving the attention.

One thing lead to another and we ended up having sex. I wasn't into it from the start, and about 5 minutes in I ask him to stop. He didn't. This went on for about a minute until I started crying and freaking out. He stopped. Apologized for what had happened. I got dressed and left crying. Took a cab home and was crying for the next day.

I talked to my dad about it after he came to visit and say me so upset. He told me to go to the police, so I did. 2 and a half years later, it is all over, and I would say I am a stronger person because of it. It's still a horrible thought, thinking back to it all.

The best advice I can give is, don't trust someone you hardly know, trust your gut and stay with friends.


Source to the tale/ story.

http://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceAnimal...ses_it/ca2bnv5

Personally my view to this, was that the OP expressed terrible judgement on whom she slept with. From what i gathered, she wasn't forced - threatened, or physically restrained in any way.

But 5 minutes into the sex she regretted it, and then asked for the male to stop - for whatever reason he didn't, this could be attributed to many different reasons but i won't go into them in great depth.

When she started to panic/ cry he stopped - and felt incredibly shitty apologized profusely and and she left.

This is where im split, she told him to stop having sexual intercourse with her and it took him just under a minute to realize it - that and her panicking/ crying influenced it most likely i think.

Please feel free to post your response, but don't derail - or bash others.

(P.S, If this isn't appropriate or relevant mods - or it devolves into a circle-jerk over rape lock it please!)

[Rukentuts]

But 5 minutes into the sex she regretted it, and then asked for the male to stop - for whatever reason he didn't, this could be attributed to many different reasons but i won't go into them in great depth.

That's called rape dude.

[Deleted]

That's called rape dude.

I'm not saying it isn't, if you felt intelligent enough to read further - but alas you didn't.

(I view it as rape the moment either partner doesn't want to continue in said activity but the response on Reddit was so diverse i wished to post it here, and see the reactions/ views.)

[Rukentuts]

I'm not saying it isn't, if you felt intelligent enough to read further - but alas you didn't.

(I view it as rape the moment either partner doesn't want to continue in said activity but the response on Reddit was so diverse i wished to post it here, and see the reactions/ views.)

So her only raped her for a minute. This can be taken into account later on. Is it really that fucking hard to stop when asked? Jesus fucking Christ.

[vindicatorx]

Yeah as soon as she says stop that means stop.

[Nillah]

She told him to stop, and he didn't. That's rape. Not much else to it.

[Deleted]

That woman is such an idiot...

If he seriously got accused of rape that's just unfair. He stopped, he didn't want to rape her, she has extremely poor judgement skills, that is not his fault.

That one minute? Maybe he was too drunk, maybe he thought she wasn't being serious.

There are so many things that could have happened which made him not hear it or not realize it.

[Thedoja]

I'll need a video to really confirm whether it was rape or not

[Adam Jensen]

She said stop, he didn't. That's rape. Maybe not the most horrible form of rape, but still falling under the definition.

[Deleted]

So her only raped her for a minute. This can be taken into account later on. Is it really that fucking hard to stop when asked? Jesus fucking Christ.

Are you really angry with me? Or just shouting your frustration to the sky?

Because im not disagreeing with anything you're posting, but it feels incredibly hostile to me when your posting here.

[Deleted]

Consent is a fluid thing which can be given or withdrawn whenever either party sees fit. She withdrew her consent and he continued anyway.

We're all guilty of choosing the wrong partner, lord knows I have. I've never gone home crying or distressed because, evidently, I've never gone home with a beast. You are looking at it from the position of blaming the woman for picking the wrong guy, not the wrong guy for being the wrong guy, and that alone is going to get both sides stirred up.

[Art3x]

So he "raped" her for less than a minute while they were both hammered and now he is in jail and will always be a sex offender.

It was bad judgment on both of them, but definitely not jail worthy.

[Deleted]

Also yes, technically, that one minute was rape, yes.

But she agreed to have sex up until that point and for whatever unknown reason we will never know why he didn't stop for a moment.

[Deleted]

Mainly it's the 1 minute or less point people are being extremely feisty over, i view it as a transgression of trust - that if you continue to force yourself upon a partner when they say no - it should be enough shouldn't it?

Others are attempting to pin contributing factors that the man not stopping quickly enough, but it's pretty murky - even if it is clear cut since she said stop (that's not even including her panicking)

[Cruor]

I hate reading these stories of men being screwed over. She drinks with him, flirst with him, goes over to his house, cuddles with him, starts having sex with him, then suddenly its all his fualt, and because shes a girl and hes a guy hes automaticly a sex criminal. He stopped, and she left unhurt. Not rape, shes an idiot with no sense of responceablity for her own actions.

[kakihara]

That isnt rape. I dont think he took her seriously as she said it first. As he realized he was serious he stopped and even apologized.
he might even have thought, that she was jokingly saying no but meant more...
also: she might got the time wrong.

[Rapti]

That's called rape dude.

After 5 minutes? She changed her mind... seriously.
NOT A RAPE. Stupid bitch made the guys life a nuisance for 2.5 years.
Its such bitches who should be locked up in jail.

ps. If its true... I hope she does really get raped one day.

Infracted.

[Anowyn]

I wasn't into it from the start, and about 5 minutes in I ask him to stop. He didn't. This went on for about a minute until I started crying and freaking out. He stopped. Apologized for what had happened.

When she asked him to stop and he didn't, it became rape. I wonder from the wording if the "this went on for about a minute" means they continued for about a minute, or she continued asking him to stop for a minute. With two people being drunk (and the story makes it sound like they were pretty drunk), if she just said "stop" once it is entirely possible he didn't hear her or misinterpreted.

Now, that is simply based on him stopping and apologizing after the fact. If it was in fact a minute of her continuing to ask stopping, he probably only apologized because he was afraid of rape charges.

Either way, it is legally rape.

[Grumash]

It was rape, she is also fucking retarded and a big fucking asshole.

[Adam Jensen]

So he "raped" her for less than a minute while they were both hammered and now he is in jail and will always be a sex offender.

It was bad judgment on both of them, but definitely not rape or jail worthy.

So it's okay to rape a woman for a minute?

Where do you draw the line? If she says "stop" is it okay to continue for another 30 seconds? 1 minute? 2 minutes? 5 minutes? This is why it's called "rape" if you don't stop when the other says "stop."

Both made bad decisions, yes. But when a woman says stop, just stop.