Views on punnishment for a child

[TheSerialSniper]

http://www.youtube.com/user/stefbot/videos?query=parent

Seriously watch some of this guy. I will give you what I took most from him is that when we punish our children we are essentially throwing up our hands and giving up on communicating with our children. It may stem from how we were raised but it's something we must break away from as parents today. Do not spank your children, EVER.

THERE IS NO ACCEPTABLE REASON FOR A CHILD TO BE HIT. It's not a maturity thing, it's a LACK OF COMMUNICATION skill problem. The parent that hits is saying to themselves and their child, 'I've tried a few ways to get through to you and instead of learning how to effectively communicate with you on the level you need in life and teach you that so you can have meaningful relationships in the future, I'm just going to say you're not worth it and just hit you.'

Anyone who thinks hitting a CHILD whom if they were 18 years old you'd go to jail on, fuck you. Seriously, fuck you. If you can't do it to an adult, WHY THE FUCK would you do it to your own child!?!?! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU.

Oh, because you don't know how to communicate with your child. Really?

Young children that are unable to comprehend fully yet what you are trying to communicate to them might need a little nudge. Once they are fully aware hitting is no longer needed and shouldnt be used.

[Deleted]

Punishment is good, and should be used. Just don't be abusive. Which means punishing a child for nothing or punishing them too severely. It's not all about punishment either. You have to lead your children by example. You need to talk to your children, find out what they're doing and what they need help with. Be involved with their lives.

Punishment is good and all, but a parent that is willing to teach lessons, be involved in their child's life, and helping them out will work better in the long run.

[Deleted]

Reading this thread has me believing that 95% of MMO-C is filled with Rednecks, jesus christ how can you possibly think that resorting to violence is the answer?
Now i'm not going to go all hippie on you saying that there is no situation in which it's alright to throw a punch, however they are quite rare.
If a child is used to violence as an answer and know from firsthand experience just how effective it is don't you think that's what they'll use to get things their way later in life (Read: primarily in pre-teen/teen years)
You're stacking logs all around you and throwing the match at them willingly by doing so.

[Radio]

My single mum went through many phases of punishment style throughout her life based on her mental state (Woman raised with princess complex meeting real world = disaster). The main two were:

1. Controlled physical/non physical discipline. An example of controlled physical discipline on her part would be introducing us to a painted wooden spoon. One side of the wooden spoon had a happy face and the other side had an angry face. When we ate at the dinner table it was explained to us that if we misbehaved she would turn over the wooden spoon to the angry face, if we continued to misbehave despite the angry face the wooden spoon would be applied to our hands, twice if we dodged the swing. All explained fully and completely before and after the fact and we had plenty of time and opportunity to recognise the angry face and stop misbehaving.

Examples of non physical disciplines were removals of video game power cords, grounding in the most boring room of the house, removal of toys, stern talking to, etc etc. The best example of this was when mum bought us a Playstation, my brother and I were fighting in the car over who would get to play it first, it turned into fisticuffs, and then when we got home, mum took the Playstation back to the store and we never got another one.

I felt that that time of our lives was the best in terms of results in our behaviour, whether it was physical punishment or non physical it was always controlled and moderated and my brother and I understood the cause, effect and reason.

2. Anger induced punishment. This came in the more unstable years of our lives, poverty, alcoholism and so on. If my brother and I fought, chances are mum would come raging around the corner and give us 1-2 hard whacks each, either with a wooden spoon or with her hands. This gave us fear but my brother and I were still relentless fighters in the end and we did more damage to eachother then mum could ever hope to give to us. Overall not a very positive method of raising a child.


Conclusion: At the end of the day, even though mum always used physical punishment during her controlled and uncontrolled phases of her life, that isn't what strained me and my brother's relationship with her, it was the alcohol abuse and the psychological torture that resulted from her alcohol abuse that strained our relationship with her, and most of that started when we were teenagers. And it wasn't the physical punishment that made my little brother a criminal nor me a withdrawn geek (albiet a successful withdrawn geek), it was once again, the acohol abuse, the 3 divorces we were put through, the constant changing of schools making it difficult to make friends, the living in low socioeconomic areas due to poverty leading to my brother mixing up with the kids of violent and drug addicted parents.... so on so forth.


At the end of the day, I'll always remember how funny it was when my mum broke her hand backhanding me across the face when I was 8! And it was also pretty funny when my little brother's 12 year old backside broke mums favourite wooden spoon without hurting him. Mum has always been a frail person while my brother and I are sibling-battle-hardened monsters.

[Rooflesstoofless]

Congrats on making it through the first year. That isn't easy.

Every single kid is different and what works for some discipline wise isn't going to do shit for another.


I have two kids and one of them just needs a stern look and nothing more to set them straight. The other one....well, they are pure chaos and the only thing that works is holding them down and waiting till they stop throwing a fit before you talk to them. Spanking doesn't do shit except make her angry and violent.

[Deleted]

Young children that are unable to comprehend fully yet what you are trying to communicate to them might need a little nudge. Once they are fully aware hitting is no longer needed and shouldnt be used.

True it's all about that age range, and as someone above said NEVER about pain itself. If the child feels pain more then shock then you can call it violence.

[Mormolyce]

Funny how i had the most boring childhood, never been slapped/smacked and acted proper and apply the same logic today. and read your post. emotional, impulsive (im guessing you didnt bite your child 3hours after he did) and in denial. yes i have screws loose because i don't see the need for light physical punishment....sounds funny to anyone? post #438 just reinforces this.

Well if you were never smacked you probably don't realise what a big deal it isn't.

[Deleted]

Reading this thread has me believing that 95% of MMO-C is filled with Rednecks, jesus christ how can you possibly think that resorting to violence is the answer?
Now i'm not going to go all hippie on you saying that there is no situation in which it's alright to throw a punch, however they are quite rare.
If a child is used to violence as an answer and know from firsthand experience just how effective it is don't you think that's what they'll use to get things their way later in life (Read: primarily in pre-teen/teen years)
You're stacking logs all around you and throwing the match at them willingly by doing so.

What the hell?!?!
Throw a fucking punch? Ahahahah
Jesus Christ man either brilliant shining white or pitch midnight black with you uh?

Didn't read the last few pages, but I can assure you no one has ever mentioned PUNCHING their kid. How could you come up with that idea like. There might be different view considering little doses of LIGHT physical punishment like a light slap on the hand or the bum, or a soft spank, but it's 2013 for god's sake no one in here is considering PUNCHING their kids.

[Auloria]

There is a massive difference between abuse and discipline. Trying to compare the two is just insulting to those of us who actually endured abuse.

Kids learn from pain all the time in a way that's completely healthy. Ow that's hot, I shouldn't touch that. Oh, that stings, I should leave it alone.

Small kids aren't developed enough to understand reason, so your options are limited. I'd rather spank my kid for playing with the stove than have him learn why that's a bad idea first hand. Time-outs and taking away toys are pretty temporary solutions to bad behavior. A little fear around dangerous objects is definitely called for.

[Trunksee]

Wow people only see black and white. Violence doesnt create violence. Bullies tend to come from homes with parents who either dont care or beat thier kids. No person here is talking about beating. Its a spank with an open hand once or twice. And oh by the way spanking is leagal in the US. My parents are foster parents and they were told by child protective services you are allowed to spank your own kids but nothing physical to foster kids.

All i here was i was beaten so i hate my parents. Your also antisocial because you parked your ass in front of the television not because you got hit. You never ride bikes, play sports, or spend any time its light out outside you ll get anti social. My kids not coming in the house to watch tv until its dark out in the good weather also. Ill bet some of you find that offensive too. Ill be outside playing sports, riding bikes, swings, or whatever she likes to do outside with her. We have a no tv rule in place with her unless she cant go outside. Any problem with being an attentive out going parent too? Some of you are just ablsolutely out of touch with the outside world. I hear someone talk about communicating wi th their kids and then say im anti soxial and depressed, come on how will you talk with your kids. People who call themselves depressed should never have kids as arent those the ones that out of no where drown their six kids in the tub even though they never hit them? Give me a break.

If you were beaten it seems you just cant look past the fact that not everyone is an extremist.