If anyone is familiar with children/social services I need help please.

[bulldog0256]

hello all, First off ill try to keep this short and sweet. I'm 17 my girlfriends 16 we've been together for 3 years shes lived with me for 2 1/2 years and she has 4 other siblings. One week ago we woke up to a phonecall telling me and her to pack all her stuff they're getting taken away. Her pos mom can't keep a clean house and dcs has been on their ass for years so finally they took them all away. including my girlfriend that wasn't apart of that i can't sleep,eat, or freakin go out and have fun because i miss and feel bad for her. Does anyone know if there is any way i can get her back like if children services would let me marry her so her mom doesn't have her rights then? For some unknown reason i have a no contact order with her and i'm not supposed to know the location she's at but i do anyway.

[stabetha]

I think she will have to go to court and become emancipated but of course that could take longer then waiting till shes 18 dcs can be be so backwards some times. where do you live?

[bulldog0256]

Also, I know I can't say your not in love with her, but do you really want to marry this young, just because you miss her? I mean, she's gonna be 18 in a year or less, so why not just wait and continue being GF and BF. I don't think getting married is the solution here.

I would have no problem getting married to her even if this wouldn't of happened. shes lived with me for almost 3 years it's not just because i miss her. You can't say just wait a year and 6 months with absolutely no contact with her until shes 18 to then find her again

---------- Post added 2013-06-10 at 01:03 PM ----------

I think she will have to go to court and become emancipated but of course that could take longer then waiting till shes 18 dcs can be be so backwards some times. where do you live?

I live in Tn. Yeah emancipation wouldn't be a option because this is something i have to try to do myself to get her. since i have no way to contact her because we have a no contact order

[stabetha]

did the two of you live with your family? there might be some way to for them to get guardianship of her, or perhaps another one of her family members, do you have contact with a Aunt or Grandparent?

[bulldog0256]

Do you have a home of your own?-- parents own 2 could easily get one. if not my brother owns multiple apartment complexes.
do you have a stable job? ----yes
Does that job have a stable paycheck? ---yes
Can you support you and your spouse with that paycheck?-- more than likely
Can you pay rent and utilities with that paycheck? yes
Do you have means of transportation for you and your spouse?-- just bought a new mustang and i still have my previous truck, so yes
Have you both finished school?-- i have and she is close.
If one of you hasnt finished school, are one of you prepared to take on a possible second job or longer hours, in order to make sure that person finishes school?--- easily willing.
Do you have an account or even a savings account?--- yes
Do you have any money saved up? --i did until i bought my car. money isn't really a big problem

But none of these are really the question at hand. I'm not just trying to get my girlfriend back.. im trying to get my best friend back hard going from spending 700+ days 24 hours a day sleeping in the same bed to randomly being alone..

I know i'm still underage but I'm not your typical stupid teenager as most people would like to think.

[Windfury]

You've lived with her since she was 13? o.O

[Deleted]

I'm not familiar with US laws, but I really don't see how you could even hope to do something about it with you being 17 and her 16? I'm pretty sure things would be different if at least you would be 18 years old?

Or what am I missing here? I'm just curious, not trying to be rude.

[wickedbastard]

I'm 17 my girlfriends 16 we've been together for 3 years shes lived with me for 2 1/2 years

Im sorry.. eh.. what?

You guys been living together since u were 14/13? wtf

[bulldog0256]

I don't want you to think that I think you're just a typical naive teenager with puppy love. Getting married is a HUGE thing. Do you have plans of going to college? Or do you just want to work shitty jobs for the rest of your life? You have the opportunity, at such a young age, to truly make something out of yourself. You go to college, graduate, and then can have a great paying job. Getting married so young has some really bad statics that go along with it.

You say you love each other. So why not just continue the relationship long distant. If you love each so much, since you say you want to marry her, then waiting it out until the time is right should be no problem. Get your life going first, before you end it all by getting married so young.

Go to college. If she loves you, she'll wait for you to better yourself. She should want that for you.

In all honesty In my current job fiend which won't ever fall apart being an independent contractor I wouldn't have to go to college or wait to make something of myself. not gloating but i make more than most people with 4+ year degrees. My whole goal of coming here is for some helpful information about getting someone out of protective custody.

---------- Post added 2013-06-10 at 01:42 PM ----------

Im sorry.. eh.. what?

You guys been living together since u were 14/13? wtf

Her coming from an abusive family that don't give a damn and my parents being very caring they took her in.

[sugarlily]

*hugs *comfort

Before you go shouting to any state/govt regulated offices over this, look up some info~ its important! I looked up the age of consent for Tennessee & found this; http://www.sexlaws.org/answer_board_...age_of_consent

Everything else I saw looks like you could/would get hit with a statutory rape charge. You yourself would not be able to get custody of her, but maybe the possibility is there for your parents to foster her through a foster care program, but no mentioning of your previous relationship or they won't allow her to move into your family's house.

Is her bio father interested in getting the kids? Are there other extended family members trying to get custody? In regards to you having a no-contact order, I think that is under public record so you should be able to see what it is & why/who ordered it. If her mom claims statutory rape against you I'd be looking into some advise from lawyers~ many will give you a free 1st visit or at least work with you on cost etc.

This sucks & I am so sorry that your gf & her siblings & you are all going through this b/c of one shittyass mother can't do the right things in taking care of her kids. She should be held accountable for her daughter not even living with her for the 3 yrs she was with your family.

Look up all the info you can & print it out/take notes & get some legal advice from a knowledgeable attorney.

I sincerely wish you & all involved the best <3

[wickedbastard]

ohh like that, i see.
And you 2 were in a (sexual) relationship? Im lost here.

My only advice, just stay in contact till you both are 18+ and go for it.

[Windfury]

Her coming from an abusive family that don't give a damn and my parents being very caring they took her in.

It's still seriously underage.

Between that and her family life I can kind of see why she's in care :/

[fengosa]

In all honesty In my current job fiend which won't ever fall apart being an independent contractor I wouldn't have to go to college or wait to make something of myself. not gloating but i make more than most people with 4+ year degrees. My whole goal of coming here is for some helpful information about getting someone out of protective custody.

---------- Post added 2013-06-10 at 01:42 PM ----------



Her coming from an abusive family that don't give a damn and my parents being very caring they took her in.

If your parents have been supporting her perhaps they could apply for custody although the no contact order on your part is odd. Might want to figure out why a judge would order that. Typically you would have to be in court date for it to be issued against you.

[stabetha]

you need to contact a Lawyer, one that specializes in family law, they very often will sit down and talk to you for free or maybe a minor consultation fee I have a friend that does that but she is in AZ and laws differ greatly from state to state but I just spoke to her and she says in most cases there are things you can do

---------- Post added 2013-06-10 at 06:53 AM ----------

If your parents have been supporting her perhaps they could apply for custody although the no contact order on your part is odd. Might want to figure out why a judge would order that. Typically you would have to be in court date for it to be issued against you.

no not when it comes to cases like this all the state sees is a minor in a sexual relationship. since the state is now technically her guardian it is mainly to protect them from lawsuits from the parents for negligence in allowing her to be the victim of statutory rape.

[bulldog0256]

*hugs *comfort

Before you go shouting to any state/govt regulated offices over this, look up some info~ its important! I looked up the age of consent for Tennessee & found this

Everything else I saw looks like you could/would get hit with a statutory rape charge. You yourself would not be able to get custody of her, but maybe the possibility is there for your parents to foster her through a foster care program, but no mentioning of your previous relationship or they won't allow her to move into your family's house.

Is her bio father interested in getting the kids? Are there other extended family members trying to get custody? In regards to you having a no-contact order, I think that is under public record so you should be able to see what it is & why/who ordered it. If her mom claims statutory rape against you I'd be looking into some advise from lawyers~ many will give you a free 1st visit or at least work with you on cost etc.

This sucks & I am so sorry that your gf & her siblings & you are all going through this b/c of one shittyass mother can't do the right things in taking care of her kids. She should be held accountable for her daughter not even living with her for the 3 yrs she was with your family.

Look up all the info you can & print it out/take notes & get some legal advice from a knowledgeable attorney.

I sincerely wish you & all involved the best <3

Her bio father has been in prison for 7 years and he's in there for life. 4 counts of child molestation, 1 count of rape, and beating his wife. Shes very sensitive which is another reason i want her back. shes been through alot and i don't really want her to go through this too =/ being under 18 everything is private apparently. I had no notice what so ever about the no contact order I was told by her mom. An aunt has them currently that's all i know it makes me feel better but it doesnt because i still cant talk to her. I don't know why i would possibly get hit with any charge since none of this has anything to do with me and i'm still underage myself. Thanks for the support

[Skippy88]

If I was in your shoes my first step would be to go to your parents and ask for their help with this. Your next step would be to have them contact your girlfriend's case worker and see what your options are and go from there. Getting married seems drastic and maybe the case worker has other options for you. Don't forget most case workers have too many case files so he/she should be receptive to "taking one off their hands".

[bulldog0256]

you need to contact a Lawyer, one that specializes in family law, they very often will sit down and talk to you for free or maybe a minor consultation fee I have a friend that does that but she is in AZ and laws differ greatly from state to state but I just spoke to her and she says in most cases there are things you can do

---------- Post added 2013-06-10 at 06:53 AM ----------

no not when it comes to cases like this all the state sees is a minor in a sexual relationship. since the state is now technically her guardian it is mainly to protect them from lawsuits from the parents for negligence in allowing her to be the victim of statutory rape.

Thank you. I'll get with my parents and try to contact our family lawyer if not actually go to children services/social services and get more information on anything i could do also.

[stabetha]

If I was in your shoes my first step would be to go to your parents and ask for their help with this. Your next step would be to have them contact your girlfriend's case worker and see what your options are and go from there. Getting married seems drastic and maybe the case worker has other options for you. Don't forget most case workers have too many case files so he/she should be receptive to "taking one off their hands".

unfortunately the opposite is true this is making more paperwork for the caseworker and while in most cases the best outcome for the child is what matters sometimes the massive bureaucracy involved allows some to slip through the cracks

O.P. whatever you do don't get caught violating that court order but maybe have one of your parents contact her guardian, having them on your side could help a lot.

[bulldog0256]

unfortunately the opposite is true this is making more paperwork for the caseworker and while in most cases the best outcome for the child is what matters sometimes the massive bureaucracy involved allows some to slip through the cracks

O.P. whatever you do don't get caught violating that court order but maybe have one of your parents contact her guardian, having them on your side could help a lot.

I know it's one of her aunts I have met all of them and all of her family apparently like me so I have that on my side. That's the thing it would violate the court order for me or my parents to know the exact whereabouts of her. *apparently*

[torment3d]

First of all, in regard to TN law and statutory rape, TN has a "Cinderella" law that allows a minor older than 15 to consent to a sexual relationship if the partner is less than 4 years older. In this case, the OP is only a year older and would never be subjected to any criminal charges. The only slightly related exception comes when the OP turns 18 and his girlfriend is still 17, and that charge is "corruption of a minor" and this could stem from a number of things (smoking, providing gf with cigarettes/porn/etc) but usually if the guardian of the gf wants to screw the bf's life up, they can almost always find a way to cite corruption.

Second of all, regarding the "no contact" order in place, this is typical in any situation where a minor is put under protective custody. While there may not be a specific person listed, there is at least usually a blanket order where certain people can be listed as exceptions rather than try to prevent contact with a number of (possibly unknown) people.

Good luck OP, this happened to me in the past, although it was just with a friend, not a gf. It was hard not being able to talk to my friend for 2 years...