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  1. #101
    The Unstoppable Force THE Bigzoman's Avatar
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    I am a wanderer that I am.

  2. #102
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grummgug View Post
    This is incorrect. Success in life is determined by how much self-discipline you have. Self-discipline is the ability to NOT be wild.

    I'm in my 40s, and I've actually seen the following happen MANY times in the workplace:

    The workplace is FILLED with people who goof off and don't try hard. They are sociable, and chatter a lot. Then there is the one quiet loner who just works. The quiet loner is self-disciplined, and focused on the task. Workplace gossip goes around that the loner is a bad worker, mostly stemming from the fact that they didn't fully socialize. The boss is just looking at production reports and sees that the loner is the BEST, most productive worker. Eventually the loner gets promoted / the other staff gets laid off or fired for sucking at their job. There is confusion and people begin to realize all the "cool" people are getting weeded out.
    Are you on a crusade against cool people?

  3. #103
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    Quote Originally Posted by JfmC View Post
    Are you on a crusade against cool people?
    No, you just think that the only way for a person to be 'cool' is to be like you. It's why introversion has such a negative connotation in society.


  4. #104
    True loners really don't care. I find solitude genuinely therapeutic, and discomfort from being around other people for extended periods of time. Also find most social circles to be a bore.

  5. #105
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grummgug View Post
    This is incorrect. Success in life is determined by how much self-discipline you have. Self-discipline is the ability to NOT be wild.

    I'm in my 40s, and I've actually seen the following happen MANY times in the workplace:

    The workplace is FILLED with people who goof off and don't try hard. They are sociable, and chatter a lot. Then there is the one quiet loner who just works. The quiet loner is self-disciplined, and focused on the task. Workplace gossip goes around that the loner is a bad worker, mostly stemming from the fact that they didn't fully socialize. The boss is just looking at production reports and sees that the loner is the BEST, most productive worker. Eventually the loner gets promoted / the other staff gets laid off or fired for sucking at their job. There is confusion and people begin to realize all the "cool" people are getting weeded out.
    Hyperthetical bullshit, I'm afraid. The person who gets the promotion is the bosses friends' son, his golfing buddy, or is an attractive and flirty mid 20's lady.

    You claim to be 40, yet seem to have a weird view of the world. I am 32 myself and worked for a number of large multi-national companies (Coca Cola being the biggest). These places like to give off the illusion that they reward hard work, however I have seen with my own eyes people get promoted over more competant staff due to being "buddies" with their line manager or by having big tits (she had been on a "break" from work for 8 months to go travelling, came back and BAM, new team leader).

    I am a hard worker and do my job damn well, yet still manage to talk shit with my staff as well as my direct managers, and even the MD. I also am a firm believer that you cannot simply sit at a computer (or what ever you do for a living) for eight hours like a robot, working. If you do not occasionally have a laugh you will become a very miserable person... I have received a promotion and pay rise every year at my current company (been here six years now). I like to chat with my colleagues and am MORE suspicious if people do not join in. If you are a loner who keeps to themselves you are forgotten about very quickly when the managers talk about who "deserves" the promotion that just came up. I do not socialise outside of work with most of my colleagues, and try to keep my personal life to myself, but spending over a third of every working day with these peeps, it has to be worthwhile talking to them occasionally?

    My anicdotal evidence against yours! Your move sir...
    Last edited by mmoc6ea4fad3c3; 2013-06-29 at 12:26 PM.

  6. #106
    Quote Originally Posted by JfmC View Post
    When was the last time you invited someone to a social event?
    I have invited people plenty of times but receiving the same old excuses (either flat out "refusal" or "I suddenly have plans come up") so decided to stop bothering with those people, as clearly they didn't want to socialize with me for whatever reason they decided upon. Doesn't really help there being absolutely nothing to do in my town so you'd have to plan an entire day somewhere (and some people apparently don't have the money but then end up doing something similarly as expensive or more so anyways), assuming it's not just a go drinking thing.

    I'm not pretentious enough to think myself of some super awesome guy who doesn't have a clue of why people wouldn't socialize with me often but when people don't even give you a chance, people are douches. I'd much rather spend my time watching my favorite shows, playing games, and doing some programming rather than attempting to plan something then people canceling and then I have literally nothing to do for the rest of the day (and possibly down some cash).
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  7. #107
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    Quote Originally Posted by Khorine View Post
    Depends.

    Well other than your grandma who keeps asking when are you gonna get married.
    Yeah seriously, what's up with that? I haven't gotten to the point of hearing about marriage but I've had numerous occasions when Granny asks about a girlfriend. Duh.

    ---------- Post added 2013-06-29 at 02:40 PM ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by Doktor Faustus View Post
    The word 'Idiot' comes from the Greek for loner/private person.

    Ripped off Wikipedia:

    'Idiot as a word derived from the Greek ἰδιώτης, idiōtēs ("person lacking professional skill", "a private citizen", "individual"), from ἴδιος, idios ("private", "one's own").[1] In Latin the word idiota ("ordinary person, layman") preceded the Late Latin meaning "uneducated or ignorant person".[2] Its modern meaning and form dates back to Middle English around the year 1300, from the Old French idiote ("uneducated or ignorant person"). The related word idiocy dates to 1487 and may have been analogously modeled on the words prophet[3] and prophecy.[4][5] The word has cognates in many other languages.'
    It's very nice that you thought of this but this is only partially correct and can be easily misinterpreted . There is no implication that whoever prefers privacy is a moron.

    In modern times, idiot does mean that someone's a moron (well, in Latin-based languages at least). And yes, that did originate from the ιδιώτης that meant 'private citizen'.

    Now, note that the wiki excerpt you posted mentions 'layman', 'professional skill' and 'citizen'. It refers to privacy from a social and political perspective in the context of the City-State. Basically, it was meant for someone who simply didn't contribute professionally and politically (and wouldn't protect his city in times of war and crisis), things which were frowned upon in the City-States (for obvious reasons). So from that perspective it makes sense that this kind of isolation was frowned upon.

    So what my point is, the Greeks did call a private person an idiot (ιδιώτης), in the sense that this person has abandoned society as an active and functional member, and considering that such a thing was frowned upon, it's easy to understand why it could be (and was) used in a derogatory manner.

    Now they still call a private person an idiot (ιδιώτης), but it's not in a derogatory manner, merely descriptive, and its meaning only relates to not being affiliated with the Government. e.g (a privately owned car, is an "idioticon autokiniton" as funny as it may sound).


    So yeah, pretty much this, lol. Sorry for going off-topic and into linguistics, but I wouldn't want anyone reading the quote thinking that there's some mighty, ominous piece of wise wisdom since antiquity according to which being a loner somehow makes you a moron. It's irrelevant and only a matter of a meaning being twisted in the passage of time and from one language into another.

  8. #108
    Legendary! Wikiy's Avatar
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    No one can really be a full loner, that would amount to total isolation and that's been proven to result in mental issues. However, anything between the lowest possible survivable degree of loneliness and the highest possible degree of loving any social interactions, is fine really because there's no objective measure of what's "bad", there's just societal prescription of something as bad but that shouldn't be worth anything.

  9. #109
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    Quote Originally Posted by jotabe View Post
    It's negative when you are a loner against your will. If you are a loner and you like it, then good for you.
    The issue is that often people like the OP convince themselves that it's a conscious choice or preference they are making, when in reality they would be loners regardless. It's a copying mechanism in many cases to say "Yeah, this is what I want. I don't talk to people because they are boring or unintelligent. That's it!"

    Not saying this is the OP's situation, but it's worth looking at very closely.

  10. #110
    Quote Originally Posted by Celltrex View Post
    We live in a society where being a loner is frowned upon. Of course he is insecure because of this and he sounds like he has a "problem".
    There's a very good reason it's frowned up. It's because it means that the person isn't willing to make the connections needed to get ahead in life. Even the most aescetic geniuses made the right connections. A loner for all intent and purpose is shooting themselves in the foot for future prospects for ANYTHING in life in the Western world.

    I'd compare being a loner to being fat personally. You might enjoy your lifestyle but you have to realize that what you're doing is for the worse for your life in the long term.
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  11. #111
    Legendary! Wikiy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flaks View Post
    There's a very good reason it's frowned up. It's because it means that the person isn't willing to make the connections needed to get ahead in life. Even the most aescetic geniuses made the right connections.
    Except those connections aren't needed. What's needed is for people to have some interactions. If they don't have any, if they're totally isolated, they go crazy. However, no loner is truly ever totally isolated so they never go crazy. Do you know what that means? It means they've got enough to survive = "go ahead in life".

    Quote Originally Posted by Flaks View Post
    A loner for all intent and purpose is shooting themselves in the foot for future prospects for ANYTHING in life in the Western world.
    Except you're projecting your own views of a perfect life onto others. That is subjective. You know what's a perfect life for me? Getting a PhD in physics and starting to work in research physics somewhere. Anywhere. It doesn't matter if my friends are there, it doesn't matter if my family is there, it doesn't matter if my boyfriend's there, it doesn't matter if I'm ever going to get any of that there, because, guess what, I simply have different priorities (not that I care for my career, I care for sating the greatest passion of my life, and that would be physics) than you. I'm not yet a loner, but you're not going to go ahead and tell me my perfect life, if it ever comes to pass, is going to be inferior than yours just because it doesn't conform to your standards.

  12. #112
    Though there is nothing fundamentally wrong with preferring your own company, science suggests that engaging with others leads to you becoming smarter. I'll find the article on this if anyone is interested. It's true that networking does open more doors for a person, but if you're smart enough and apt enough you're likely to go far regardless.

    Humans are social creatures so going against the evolutionary grain certainly can't be too beneficial.

  13. #113
    Well that really depends if you mean to include the typical features and issues of a loner.

    Most people I've met who are lonely, or like to be alone are usually upset, depressed or just suffer from mental issues or problems with society. Being a loner because of a condition, because of fear, because of anything other then your own personal choice is a bad thing.

    Choosing to be alone can often be because you've convinced yourself you deserve it, or you're fooling yourself into thinking you'll be better off. Most people tend to do far better with others at their side then they care to admit.

    However, I do love a good couple of days to myself from time to time, being able to have silence & peace, without having to look after or care for anyone else or their opinions. It gives me time to talk aloud about matters, clear my mind and refocus on the task ahead. Sometimes I need only an hour alone, sometimes, a week.

  14. #114
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hyve View Post
    Most people I've met who are lonely, or like to be alone are usually upset, depressed or just suffer from mental issues or problems with society. Being a loner because of a condition, because of fear, because of anything other then your own personal choice is a bad thing.
    What if they're depressed because people in general are awful? If they're depressed because they'd love social connections, but they've come to realize that people just aren't worth their time? How then would it be beneficial to their depression and loner behavior to force them to seek social interactions with these people?

    Hypothetical situation. I don't suffer from depression myself, although I have no need to make any new friends either.

    Point being this: when a group of people is made up of individuals who you'd rather never have to see in your life, how is it good advice to try and fit in that group of people? For example, at school, in the army, or anywhere else where it's so apparently important according to some to "fit in".

  15. #115
    Quote Originally Posted by Flaks View Post
    I'd compare being a loner to being fat personally. You might enjoy your lifestyle but you have to realize that what you're doing is for the worse for your life in the long term.
    I'd compare it (the opposite of loner) to being a suck-up. If you act like a suck-up and take advantage of other people, then of course you'll get "ahead" in life.
    Last edited by Dezerte; 2013-06-30 at 01:21 PM.
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  16. #116
    Quote Originally Posted by Sydänyö View Post
    What if they're depressed because people in general are awful?
    What is those people seem awful because they're depressed. Chicken & Egg my friend, sadly, we just don't know.

  17. #117
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hyve View Post
    What is those people seem awful because they're depressed. Chicken & Egg my friend, sadly, we just don't know.
    Well, we do know that people are awful. That's just a fact. Also, in this case it was established that they're depressed because of that, so we do know that as well.

  18. #118
    Quote Originally Posted by Sydänyö View Post
    Well, we do know that people are awful. That's just a fact. Also, in this case it was established that they're depressed because of that, so we do know that as well.
    Yeh, in this case, but we also know there are plenty of people out there who are way too sensitive for their own good, and take everything as an insult, or literally.

  19. #119
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    There is a danger with being a loner. That danger is that you will fall behind socially. For prisoners going to solitary confinement is the worst thing imaginable. Because you are alone the whole time, what happens is that the mind starts drifting off in negative paths and that can lead you down a self destructive pattern. This is not always the case with as it has been pointed out by some people here. But I recommend finding at least one "friend" to socially interact with.

    As you are an introvert already this may prove easier said then done. So "If" you are interested in finding people to interact with I would like to provide some guides.
    1. Find someone who has similar hobbies like you. For example if you like playing WoW, then this might be a guild mate or an arena team partner. Just invite him/her over to your house and you could LAN. Grab a drink or some snacks and you are set to go. You would be doing something you like, but now you are in a social environment. This is a nice way to start.
    2. At work, usually involves interacting with some people. Start off by just making compliments or asking how they are doing. This will lead people to slowly take a liking to you. Keep in mind not to overdo those things. Compliments should never be "Shallow". If you see a girl wear nice clothes don't say: "That's a nice dress". Say something in the lines of: "That shirt goes will with that dress." This is complimenting on something that the other person actually made a decision on and this makes them actually feel good about a decision. Simple as it may have been.

    Hope that helps a bit. Good luck with the entire thing!

  20. #120
    Quote Originally Posted by Hyve View Post
    Yeh, in this case, but we also know there are plenty of people out there who are way too sensitive for their own good, and take everything as an insult, or literally.
    That sounds more like an overinflated ego, than depression.
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