What about your dreams?

[God8010]

Ok, so you remember my last poll. This poll in my head is directly related to the last poll and I'll explain how I see that. I can try to say why I avoided relationships and never quite got the interest in sex but to me that end is my forest in the fog. It's easier for me to explain what I did know and that being my dreams.

See, I'm no fool. Having children is a ton of work and a huge commitment. I was telling my friends from day 1 it's a horrible idea. Not because I hated the idea but because I knew my friends. A child can be-bop around, have your kitchen sprawled across the floor and flood half the house before you get back from the mailbox. I know the weakness, the need to get angry for a loss of control. I would say, "Any kid is a guaranteed 4 major accidents, 1 with fire. At best you can catch it before someone dies and try to smile if you're successful." Still, a decade later and you see the old friend who resorts to yelling first. He's going to pretend to be so confused later when his child brings major issues as questions to someone not so quick to judge him, but who am I to tell my friend he's caught in a catch 22 between life and the strings in his head? "WTF do I know, do you have kids?" No, but I was one and I remember everything.

For me, the dream was fixing things. I was damn good at fixing things too, be it machines or people. I could just look at whatever and begin to rip it apart to pieces in my head and just see the flow. This mindset made me the guy who never held punches back or played with my words. Mama told me I'd say the wrong thing to the wrong person and that would be the end of me and yet I feel I've been lied to. In my need to fix things I've head-on confronted every taboo in this current generation has and honestly felt I did good. I could tell you about this narcissistic girl just abusing this other girl stuck in chance and situation. Trying to smile and play nice, yeah that's fine you do that and I'll be that anger and chaos you seem to fear. I can never say it was all me but it was easy for another to see something if you expanded the view on what they could watch. I could tell you about bad business practice and talks in a back room. Seriously, for a long time I just loved to argue and to me that was just part of fixing things.

Still this only works in small douses and you reach a point where you find the beauty in broken design. I mean think, without my idea of problems I would deny myself my own subjected purpose. Still with that lie time will make a fool of me and you begin to feel less like a fix-it guy and more like a person playing your role. Soon as I shut up, now you see the bad business trying to create revenue for 10 jobs when it really can only support 6 of those families on honesty. You see the girl who's slightly masochist and who am I to know better? It's all random examples from my life but it boils down to right and wrong being very subjective and almost pointless.

Still, for all that time I knew all the work it would take to raise a child and how I couldn't explore the world and argue what I felt was wrong. Even in hindsight I would do it all the same. I gave up on the idea of making love and the huge job it can contain to have my life for me and my fixing. Even now I might debate a child but anything forced just seems stupid and I still enjoy having my time.

I think my new dream will be....


Anyway, now the poll. Seeing the huge response to the title "love making" and not sex, it should have been natural to see sex in a real relationship. Kids and responsibility being possibilities and all. Do you feel in obtaining that goal, you had to give up on any of your dreams? If so, what was it you wish you had done? If not, what was it you accomplished? Do you feel a relationship was what made your dream possible? Teach me your wisdom.

[Duronos]

I'm an avid fan of that "I just get laid man" option.

[Itisamuh]

Yeah, I'm thoroughly confused on what I'm supposed to be answering.

[The Casualty]

Losing my dreams? No. A dream deferred perhaps. I was set to begin my MSW program but decided to put it off when I found out I was going to have a second son. I'm glad I did, he was colicky as hell, and there were weeks where I lived on the amount of sleep a person is supposed to get in one night. I couldn't have hacked going to work, being a father, and then having class and an internship/clinical rotation.
I fully intend on returning to the program once both of my boys are in an all day school program, so...3.5 more years give or take a few months. Heaven forbid I don't get my degree until I'm 35.

I already have the girl, the 2 kids, the house, and a flexible/interesting job. If I had to cash in my chips now and take a grade for where I'm at, I gotta say:

[God8010]

I still say if females had more control over that biological clock crap, we'd have a far lower divorce rate.

[Garnier Fructis]

Last answer is the right answer.

[Deleted]

I still say if females had more control over that biological clock crap, we'd have a far lower divorce rate.

I'm "only" 21 so I'm not getting any messages from that clock and hopefully never will but I see your point. I want children too one day because no family is complete without them but I don't exactly want them(now or any time soon). They seem to be so much trouble and Im way too selfish and want to live for myself, not others for that.

[Archaeon]

Im 26 and in a relationship with no long term plan. Just having fun together and living our lives. I have no plans to get married or have kids. I can see what you mean about relationships and family being a big commitment that can interfere with your personal dreams but it doesn't have to.

[God8010]

They say females mature faster than males, I say it's comparing apples to oranges. In my numbers, a females clock takes over her head between 25-30 where a male who rushes into a family freaks out around 40-45 with crap he wish he did. Biological clock vs midlife crisis. It's bias opinion for sure but it's my opinion, hence the poll.

[Velaniz]

Some of my ambitions were met because of my relationship, and others changed to better suit my new circumstances. In retrospect, those I had to relinquish weren't particularly important. For instance, I'll likely never get to sleep with the step-mother of this friend of mine. I'll just have to live with that, I suppose.

[Velaniz]

Shoot for her moon.

Doesn't do my fantasies justice. I don't think there's anything I've ever been crazier about. Don't even know what drew me to her, but it was irrational as fuck. I thought she was a straight cunt too, so it certainly wasn't her personality. Fucking hormones I guess. This was in mid-uni so I was 22 too. Glad that phase is over.

[Falu]

I think, you're not always in the right, and you're not a fixer, and that there isn't purpose in life, there is no such thing as a purpose.
It is your self-imposed purpose to feel like you're here for a reason, and not the pathetic reason biology dictates upon the human race to reproduce by having sex and babies, but for a superior reason.
Truth is, no reason to live is superior to anything, it is all subjective, you should stop caring or trying to "fix" the lives of people around you.
I don't give a shit about strangers around me, I express my views and opinions to my friends and family, but ultimately it's their choice to do what they want with their lives, I wouldn't consider it a failed attempt if my friends didn't take my advice.
I live, because I live, happy or not, it makes no difference.
There is no universal meaning to life, just what you give them, so... everyone should do (or not do) w/e.
I choose to try and be happy, and occupy myself with things that interest me, arguing for the sake of arguing is all good, aslong as you don't make it your mission.
You opinions aren't important, even if you're x10 times more intelligent and observant than the average person, you're equals.

Anyhow, I'm not sure I got your question, but I'll try and answering it:

If somebody chooses to "give up" their dreams to have a family and children, doesn't that mean that having a family and children was more important than that dream ? aka, that person fulfilled his true greatest dream, and deserted a lesser dream.
In a case were the person finds out later in life he made a mistake, and that it wasn't what he/she truly wanted, tough luck... your life isn't the best.... but like anything in life, puting in some effort, can help changing things...
Pursuing your dreams is never too late, I guess that's what I'm saying...

Personally, I'm not sure yet if I want a family or children (I'm 22), but I definelty have other goals to achieve before I even consider that seriously.
I sleep around sometimes, but not too often, and only with women I like as people, I don't go in a relationship just for 1 night stands, every girl I'm with, is potentially a future girlfriend, I just can't stand being with somebody I don't really like or know, just because of their bodies... I dislike stupid people and cannot and will not fake emotional attraction for the physical benefits.

I voted "Avoided relationship to have my dreams", although I assume if I ever become inlove with somebody, I won't avoid that relationship.

Hope that answers your question/s?

P.S, One could have a relationship whilst achieving his dreams... they don't come on the expense of the other at times...
The question is about timing, I think most dreams are easier to achieve before you make a family.

- - - Updated - - -

Doesn't do my fantasies justice. I don't think there's anything I've ever been crazier about. Don't even know what drew me to her, but it was irrational as fuck. I thought she was a straight cunt too, so it certainly wasn't her personality. Fucking hormones I guess. This was in mid-uni so I was 22 too. Glad that phase is over.

I was infatuated with my friend's mother for years... looking back, I think she was my biggest crush ever... she was just sexy, and nice, and... I don't know.. soft? :P

It happens to alot of us growing up, you're not alone... hormones indeed.... embrace it, we are males.. doesn't mean we have to forsake logic or common sense though.

[Deleted]

1. Gigantic wall of text of overdramatizing everything and acting as if you're the perfect being sent to fix everyone else. Yeah... couldn't you have shortened this to say, 5 to 10 lines of text that actually had a point?

2. Why should I give up my dream for a relationship or the other way around? Why can't I have both? Right now I'm actually doing pretty good in both.

I still say if females had more control over that biological clock crap, we'd have a far lower divorce rate.

Wow, aren't you the hypocrit? You don't accept women for acting the way they do, and in the meantime you act like the stereotypical man and feel unaccepted. Men are known to have the mentality to 'fix' everything, while women have the mentality to care for one another.

If you want to be accepted for who you are, you should also accept women for who they are.

[God8010]

Last two posts are perfect examples of people who think they listen and yet are too busy getting a reply ready before grasping what they see. Both seem stuck in the first 2 paragraphs and never quite made it to where the dream self destructs. Delete half the post and I would look pretty arrogant.

I thank you for your opinions and really there is no wrong answer but I do wish you could understand me.

- - - Updated - - -

Well, before Nixx anyway.

[Velaniz]

The chance to sexually degrade her and get revenge for being a bitch?

I like to think it was something more cosmic than that. Think it could've been something to do with genetics/pheromones/what-have-you. Like we might've been perfectly contoured toward each other to have the most perfect babies this Earth has seen. I actually think she thought the same too. Seemed to have a soft spot for me. Repeatedly put me on a pedestal for probably that reason.

Too bad I'd seen her displays of racism and general bitchiness (to everyone but me, naturally). I'm convinced I'd have made a move otherwise (and destroyed a family or two in the process, but it would've been totally worth it).

[Deleted]

What should I pick if I have a relationship but no dreams? I'm not much of a dreamer.

[God8010]

Lol!

Wait.....are you serious?

Am I serious? no, never. To be serious means to act with logic and logic alone is far too cold.

Now are my friends serious when I hear these things and form my bias opinion? They seem to be, the skin around the eyes moves with the emotional expression on the faces, which makes me assume it's genuine to what they understand. I still accept a certain level of madness with my friends, otherwise this whole deal would be dull.