How to deal with a break up =(

[superbotje]

First few days i was like wtf is happening!

Now 12 years happily divorced and wondering why i ever started a relationship. Being alone is so much better.

[Deleted]

Ive been through that, felt exactly like that, only seeing the good sides, how amazing he was, how much I miss him. None of the advice I got from friends and strangers seemed to work as it just seemed they didn't know what they were talking about as they werent feeling the same way. What I did was taking every opportunity I could to talk about it. To my friends.. when I was alone during evenings, to random people on forums. I even registered on a break up site and told my story there.

I think it helped. I started having fun and being able to focus on other things after a few weeks already and it only got better after. And now, a year later, when I think about it, it's just embarrassing. I was too young and stupid, I guess.. he was a complete jerk, rude, very selfish, used me to vent when he was upset by yelling at me or calling me names. And on top of that, he cheated to break up with me, he couldnt just do it like normal people would. Oh and he was ugly and overweight too.

Feelings are weird things.. well, best of luck to you, the only good news I can give is that it will only get better

[Dengir]

Hi..so this morning when I woke up I got a message saying my BF needed to talk to me about our relationship...needless to say it came to an end...

I'm taking it somewhat (ok very) hard...he is someone I would do anything for in a second. I feel like I failed at keeping him happy and content...

It doesn't help that I have been very ill the past month...I'm just not sure how to go about dealing with it =/. Even logging into WoW hurts because it all reminds me of him..and makes me think of the things we would do together..

Are you seriously asking a forum for help on a break up? If this is affecting you this bad, go get some real help.

[Deleted]

haha just what i went through. Except with a girl.

Time and talking about does help. Even tho i hate talking about relationships with other people, cuz it's private and all, but It sure as hell help. A lot too.

[Deleted]

Imho it's best not to use any sort of recourse like that as a defense mechanism against these kinds of things. If you make it a habit things will only get worse.

The thought that anyone could ever push me to the point where I would fling myself onto this unhealthy emotional rollercoaster to keep that hurt at bay just has me feeling so unwarrantably indignant. I know in my heart of hearts that I'm far better than that. So I steel myself, suck it the hell up, and trudge on, and later on I look back and take away the fact that I barely let affect me what many others find so crippling as a kind of proud trophy. It's feelings of accomplishment and demonstrations of solidarity like that which add validation to your sense of self-worth in a way that is deep and meaningful. When every fibre of your being just knows on a visceral level that you are strong - that's powerful.

Yes, it will hurt and suck and what not, but even if you can't completely see it, the decision to let that affect your life is entirely up to you? What's going to make the hurt go away? Well, time. And carrying on with life. What won't make the pain go away, and will eventually make things harder for you at some point, is making radical changes to your lifestyle that you wouldn't let happen otherwise.

That is honestly the same advise I'd give to OP, and others in her situation. I know lot of people probably aren't fans of tough love, but yeah, it boils down to "Move the fuck on, and don't let it affect you that much. You'll turn out all the better for it."

Don't wanna die alone though. Hence the never steeling myself up.
Was in a relationship with this girl for two years, she cheated on me and I was literally fucked up for the first 3 months then I got all greedy and drank a shit ton of alcohol and having lovely meaningless sex, it worked yo. I'm in a healthy relationship now and have been for a year and two months (touch wood)

[Velaniz]

Are you seriously asking a forum for help on a break up?

She's asking people. You know, other humans like her. The sort you see when you go out, all of whom may have valuable insights or experiences to share.

[Tacotruck]

Go have fun. Go get laid. Remember the fun times but think about the stuff that should have pissed you off but you put up with because you were 'in love'. Do things for yourself for a while.

Romantic love is really more of a short term mental illness than anything else, it never lasts, and the come down usually sucks. Sure some few are lucky in that the flush of romantic love turns into something different and longer lasting, but that is the exception, not the rule, so don't let it make you feel bad that it did not happen. It might in the future, it might not.

If you learn to be happy with just yourself, then it won't matter.

[spelle]

man up and get over it (well woman up in your case)

[Deleted]

Deal with it.

And I'm not saying this in the silly, internet sunglasses-on, meme-way, but in the sincere, life-goes-on sense.

What else can you do? Find solace in the things that are yours. Your friends, your family, etc. Find things to do that feel rewarding without his presence.
It sucks for a while but then it stops and you're ready to move on in life.

Get rid of all the shit that reminds you of him, reorganize your living space and get some new habits. Make it about you and nothing else.

[Spectral]

The only two cures to feel better about a breakup are time and sleeping with new people.

[dahri]

I would just look for a new guild on wowprogress... It sucks when your guild breaks up.

Or did i misunderstand OP?

[Deleted]

I'm in my first relationship now, so I haven't had a breakup (and I hope I never will D. In the beginning when I first met her (but we weren't together yet) some shit happened though (not gonna bore you with the entire story) and I felt bad a lot of the time. The things that helped me then were hanging out with friends, listening to a LOT of music and going to bed early (if you don't already, I used to go to bed around 1:30, during that period I went to bed like 4 hours earlier, it helped me a lot). I never stopped listening so much music actually since then, lol :P

[Spectral]

I haven't had a breakup (and I hope I never will D.

This seems like a bad approach to life.

[Phanuel]

This seems like a bad approach to life.

Oh boy are you in for a world of hurt.

[God8010]

Never take the man you think is the best. Take the man who brings the best out of you.

The one leaving you, obviously isn't that guy.

[aevitas]

I'm taking it somewhat (ok very) hard...he is someone I would do anything for in a second. I feel like I failed at keeping him happy and content...

Just wanted to reply on this, I ofcourse have no idea about you personall but if he is someone you'd do anything for then I assume you really have done a lot for this guy.

My first relationship which lasted 3 years is a good example, I'd litteraly run from my house to her house if need be (18 km or so) and I've done everything for her. Riding on my bike through the rain/snow whatever to see her, bring her anywhere on my scooter at the time, pick her up on my scooter, drive to my house TWICE a day 2 times a week (when I had days off from work) because I was not allowed to enter her house (her parents claimed I was a loverboy... yeah right) and so on. We ate in a michelen star restaurant twice which cost me a fortune, you get the drill.

Still she set me aside and was eating here and there, I found out she cheated on me with atleast 6 guys and she still does such things even tho she has a new bf for like 2 years now. I've no regrets that we broke up, I would have ended as an alcoholic or drug addict otherwise.

I also blamed it on myself but I later on figured out I had done more than enough for her, the other way around she did nearly nothing for me except for the torture she gave me. Don't blame it on yourself!

Aside from this, don't jump in a new relationship too fast. I got a new gf like a month after I broke up while I was still in my drinking spree, basically partying and going to bars 6 days a week and stuff. Eventually I figured out I didn't even love that girl and quickly broke up because I met someone else (and also, because that gf cheated on me atleast once... yeah i'm cursed). Now I'm happier than ever and got a gf I truely will spent my life with.

Moral of the story; give yourself time, you will eventually end up with someone FAR better than you could ever dream of.

Are you seriously asking a forum for help on a break up? If this is affecting you this bad, go get some real help.

I've done the same as the time, I litteraly typed a book and full explaination on the situation. I imagine you've never had a breakup that really hurt, because no matter what you do the best advice is that of strangers who don't know neither of you personally as they are completely neutral in the matter. So your statement absolutely makes no sense at all...

[Gheld]

Time heals all wounds. But alcohol and binge eating were specifically designed to treat heart break.

[Mavecryst]

Imho it's best not to use any sort of recourse like that as a defense mechanism against these kinds of things. If you make it a habit things will only get worse.

The thought that anyone could ever push me to the point where I would fling myself onto this unhealthy emotional rollercoaster to keep that hurt at bay just has me feeling so unwarrantably indignant. I know in my heart of hearts that I'm far better than that. So I steel myself, suck it the hell up, and trudge on, and later on I look back and take away the fact that I barely let affect me what many others find so crippling as a kind of proud trophy. It's feelings of accomplishment and demonstrations of solidarity like that which add validation to your sense of self-worth in a way that is deep and meaningful. When every fibre of your being just knows on a visceral level that you are strong - that's powerful.

Yes, it will hurt and suck and what not, but even if you can't completely see it, the decision to let that affect your life is entirely up to you. What's going to make the hurt go away? Well, time. And carrying on with life. What won't make the pain go away, and will eventually make things harder for you at some point, is making radical changes to your lifestyle that you wouldn't let happen otherwise.

That is honestly the same advise I'd give to OP, and others in her situation. I know lot of people probably aren't fans of tough love, but yeah, it boils down to "Move the fuck on, and don't let it affect you that much. You'll turn out all the better for it."

Agreed. Disgusted with the amount of weak people I see here recommending sex and heavy drinking as a solution. Running away alittle is fine, when the pain is unbearable, but that's just stupid. You're just transferring the endorphin rush you got from being with a loved one (the ex) to mindless sex and drinking, cos you can't handle not feeling good for awhile.

Breaking up sucks, I know. I'd advise flinging yourself into a new physical activity, even something as simple as swimming/running. When I went through e worst breakup of my life, I took up a dance class, because I suck at dancing and had to try really hard to keep up, thus at least partially keeping my mind off things. Don't overthink about what you did wrong or right at this point, save it for when the pain is less raw. Take care of yourself now, you'll thank yourself later.