Why do people want to have children?

[RicardoZ]

Perpetuation of the species?

[Ghul]

they dont stay kids forever, if you do your job as a parent right, they will become an important part of your family and they will enrich your life as much as you will enrich theirs.

there is nobody closer to you than your own blood, even your best friend will never share this with you, unless ofc your best friend happens to be from your family

i am 28 years old, maybe because of this i see past the "risk - gain" scheme that you are trying to apply here. children are not just some kind of object that you get and expect your moneys worth back from it... they give you something that money cannot buy.

i love the time that i spend with my parent when we are having a family meeting every now and again, and i think they enjoy it too, since i am not a "problem"-child :P
that probably sounds stupid, even problem-childs are loved by their parents so nevermind that.

[Itisamuh]

I don't like children, after seeing films such as shining, ring,grudge,pet sematary they all pretty much creep me out :S Would much prefer to have a couple of cute fluffy cats/ dogs to keep me happy than a little kid that snots, screams, poops and throws up constantly >.<

I can't imagine why anyone would willingly choose this


over this

While I agree with you, that was hardly a fair comparison hahaha.

- - - Updated - - -

I would be a terrible parent, I always treat kids just like adults and it doesn't always work out well.

I have this problem as well. I tend to expect people to behave like I feel people should, no matter their age. Meanwhile a dog or cat can do just about anything and I instantly forgive it.

[Coolascancer]

It is baked into our being to want to reproduce.

You probably want a kid because that is what you've been shown all your life, people having kids and being absolutely thrilled about it. In our short lives its very logical we want to secure a continuation of us. Also I think some people have kids because they don't have anything else like a sense of purpose, hobbies, people around them to perpetuate secure living with oneself. Kids are a reflection of the parent, if you sucked but you can have a kid and make it better than you were then maybe you were better than you were and that gives a person a sense of accomplishment and maybe that they did not waste their lives.

[Deleted]

Why ? I just cant understantd it. If you die and there is nothing after then everything you have done doesnt really matter (for you) - if there is some life after death then i dont expect you really care about "legacy behind". So whats the point for leaving legacy ?

Some people obsess over a legacy. They really want to leave something behind. A monument perhaps or, better yet, a dinasty. Obviously 99% of people will have neither and the memory of their passing through life will be lost to oblivion in just 2 generations. Doesn't stop people from wanting it.

Some people are satisfied with writing "Jimbo was here" on a tree with a knife to mark their existence, others want much more.

[jimlow]

I ponder this question sometimes and I think it is good to reflect upon it yourself as well from time to time.

You are the results of people continually screwing throughout the centuries.

Think about that the genetic code that runs through your blood has existed back to the time man first stepped out of the caves. I think that is pretty damn cool.

[Itisamuh]

You are the results of people continually screwing throughout the centuries.

Maybe that's the secret. Maybe it's a subconscious way of us wanting to have evidence that we've had ample amounts of sex.

[Torq]

Do parrots wish they were other animals?

Well, something tells me no, given that they're hardly capable of grasping the concept of animals, much less self-identifying as a particular animal, much less even having the capacity for imagining being another animal

Anyway... a philosophy professor I had made a very interesting point. If things like morals and ethics are largely passed down by your family and society, then it stands to reason that the group or groups with the larger number of representatives in either is going to have the most pronounced influence on future members. And if a group becomes smaller and smaller, (in this case, because they don't have children) then they, and their mindset, begins to disappear from society, just as the individual do. Think of it as... moral darwinism.

I've recently held to a theory that most things in the universe can be described in terms of fractals. Society is no different; it's a self-evident, macro-scale version of the selective processes that govern individual biological evolution. There's selectiveness of traits, there's competition for resources, etc, etc, all of which drive the evolution of competing societies. There are a surprising number of direct parallels that arise merely from substituting the word "species" with "society" when referring to biological evolution.

hi! i always wanted to meet an alien!

Yeah, nope, not one of them. Sorry to disappoint.

My wife and I are choosing not to have kids. Far to expensive and responsibility required. I'd like to retire early and go on vacation when and where I'd like.

-snip-

I've always liked that sticker. Except, honestly... I'd probably even leave out the wife part.

I'm having a good life in a nice country without war, hunger, plagues or other serious problems. The population is decreasing, the unemployment rate the lowest in the EU and the already low risk of being a crime victim is mostly limited to property offenses. In the end, I don't see something ahead that would make life unworthy here anytime soon.

So why not give this chance to someone else too? Just because it's work or costs money? If everyone here just did what brings instant benefit, it would not be such a nice place to live.

Because I'd rather invest that same amount of time and energy into something that will have a broader impact than just whatever social circles that child would have grown up into. And because, honestly... "why not?" is never a good reason to do anything.

Immortality, continuing the bloodline

That's not immortality, that's just genetics. Odds are you're not even passing on any genetics that are unique to you; so really, you're just persisting some combination of your parents' genetics, and theirs, and so forth.

they dont stay kids forever, if you do your job as a parent right, they will become an important part of your family and they will enrich your life as much as you will enrich theirs.

there is nobody closer to you than your own blood, even your best friend will never share this with you, unless ofc your best friend happens to be from your family

i am 28 years old, maybe because of this i see past the "risk - gain" scheme that you are trying to apply here. children are not just some kind of object that you get and expect your moneys worth back from it... they give you something that money cannot buy.

i love the time that i spend with my parent when we are having a family meeting every now and again, and i think they enjoy it too, since i am not a "problem"-child :P
that probably sounds stupid, even problem-childs are loved by their parents so nevermind that.

See, I keep seeing that whole "enrich your life" thing people keep throwing around... To me, that's just a buzz-phrase. No one has backed it up with any meaning that actually extends beyond their own personal experiences. It just seems to be one of those things people throw around because they heard it before, then had kids, and have then retroactively justified their decision to have kids because they love them now.

I'm not saying that people shouldn't have kids if they want them... I'm just encouraging people to actually know why they want kids, beyond the genetic need to procreate, and the reasons that have been rationalized from it. I'd say "most people that have kids" are wonderful people, but some days, I wonder about the "most" bit. Going back to my whole "societal evolution" point, I see more and more terrible people having terrible children who will persist their terrible societal values... And sometimes, they're the more numerous children. The whole "victory through numbers" bit.

Perhaps I'm just being cynical about that. There are lots of wonderful parents, with wonderful children; they just tend to get lost in the noise, sometimes. And honestly, that makes me even more sad for the future of humanity than all the terrible people and their terrible children.

[Teroseth]

Well, for me, it's down to wanting a real family...I was (and I guess, still am) a bastard child, never knew my dad, always been looked down on by my half siblings (even though I'm older than them >_>) and it's quite depressing at times. I guess, in a way, I want children to prove that I'm a better person than my own absentee father and negligent mother, I don't know if it's pride or ego whatever driving it, it could be, it'd be pretty cool to see a "me" out there without my neuroses...of course they'd probably have their own, but yeah....I doubt I want anything more than that.

[Torq]

Well, for me, it's down to wanting a real family...I was (and I guess, still am) a bastard child, never knew my dad, always been looked down on by my half siblings (even though I'm older than them >_>) and it's quite depressing at times. I guess, in a way, I want children to prove that I'm a better person than my own absentee father and negligent mother, I don't know if it's pride or ego whatever driving it, it could be, it'd be pretty cool to see a "me" out there without my neuroses...of course they'd probably have their own, but yeah....I doubt I want anything more than that.

See, I can understand that in light of your background. And yeah, if I were in your shoes, my biggest question would be answering whether or not it's just pride or ego driving me to want children. I don't think either of those is a good enough reason to have children; and sadly, those the reasons I hear most often from people, for wanting children.

I guess, to me... Choosing to have a child isn't about myself, it's about the child. If I can't be absolutely confident it's not about me, I'm doing the child a disservice by bringing it into a world where I might be exerting more influence than I should over its development, in some weird, unconscious bid to live vicariously through it.

The longer I go, the more I think it's impossible for me to reach that. I'm unwilling to bring a child into this world if it's even in part to satisfy my own ego or pride.

I think choosing to have children should be a far more difficult decision than most people seem to be willing to make it.

[Issalice]

I never wanted to have kids until about 3 or 4 years ago. Now it is something my fiancee and I working towards. We don't want to try til we are permanently settled though.

I don't know how to explain it to be honest. I just feel it, I want to have the experience of carrying a life inside me, of giving birth. And then raising that child, being there for them. Sounds very cliche but I can't word it any better.

[Hooked]

Just curious, honestly. Why do people want to have children?

What's the incentive or motivation? The risks and costs, from my perspective, far outweigh the "reward" of carrying on your genetic lineage.

Someone who wants kids: explain this phenomenon to me.

[E] It seems my original question is a bit more broad than I intended. From the responses in this thread, it looks like most people are in agreement that people want to have children because it's a biological imperative.

I think what I was really wanting to know was "what are peoples' reasons for having children?" Assume that most people want children; the question then becomes why they decide to pursue that desire, and/or what the rationale is behind actually fulfilling that desire.

I guess I'm mostly just curious as to how people have rationalized that biological imperative in light of having the ability to think ahead in life.

And no, "why not?" is never a valid answer

[E2] And no, I'm not trying to bash anyone who wants children or who have had them. This is pure curiosity, seeing as how I have no such desires of my own, and thus can't really even begin to comprehend that viewpoint on my own.

There are a great number of stories from parents in this thread that are rather inspiring. Helps to remind me that all the negative shit we get inundated with--all those stories of terrible parenting and the like--are the exceptions, and not the rule.

Its nice to have someone in your life that truly loves you and cares about what happens to you. The bond between a parent and child is a very honest one.

[Deleted]

Well, for me, it's down to wanting a real family...I was (and I guess, still am) a bastard child, never knew my dad, always been looked down on by my half siblings (even though I'm older than them >_>) and it's quite depressing at times. I guess, in a way, I want children to prove that I'm a better person than my own absentee father and negligent mother, I don't know if it's pride or ego whatever driving it, it could be, it'd be pretty cool to see a "me" out there without my neuroses...of course they'd probably have their own, but yeah....I doubt I want anything more than that.

I don't think wanting to prove a point is a good reason to have a kid.