anybody have any good ones? I need some laughs.
anybody have any good ones? I need some laughs.
Moo ... are you happy now ? ^^
still one of my favorites.
My signature was too big, so now I use this one.
Yo mamma's so fat she is still lvl 60, because she can't fit through the dark portal.
How many Rogues does it take to kill a Paladin? 2, one to attack him and one to wait in the inn.
I have more but cba to type.
I. Like. To. Kill. Things.
Stolen from a forum mod, but its one of my favorites:
A rough and tough veteran Tauren Warrior walks into an inn. He's a scary looking customer, grizzled, scarred and mean as a bag of ravagers. His hooves thunder on the floor boards as he swaggers up to the bar and orders a drink. The rest of the patrons are silent, petrified with fear. He finishes his drink, then goes outside to leave. He returns moments later, sweeps every patron of the inn with his steely gaze, cracks his massive knuckles, and in a low, dangerous voice utters, "I'm going to sit down and have another drink. If my Kodo isn't back where I left it by the time I'm done, I'm going to have to do what I did back in the Barrens. And I really don't want have to do what I did back in the Barrens."
He sits down, and orders another drink. In time he finishes his second drink, gets up, and stalks to the door to check outside. Lo and behold, his Kodo is sitting contentedly next to the Stablemaster, right where it belongs. A satisfied sneer on his face, the Warrior prepares to leave, but before he departs the Blood Elf that was tending bar timidlly asks, "Um, mister Warrior? What did you have to do back in the Barrens?"
The grizzled veteran gets a sad, far-off look in his eyes, and rumbles "I had to walk home."
Your momma is so fat, when a rogue shadow stepped her, he got a loading screen.
Stolen from a MVP on US Forums
Last edited by Criiz; 2013-07-26 at 10:00 PM.
Only remember this one, not sure who made it.
Three wives are having tea and talking.
The first wife says : "My husband is a Rogue and he likes to do it from behind."
The second wife says : "My husband is a Warrior, and he has the stamina to go all night."
The first and second wives look at the third wife who immediately turns flustered, red, and finally manages :
"My husband is a Mage, and I really hate Polymorph."
A Panderan drinks at the pub until they close.
He stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time and falls again. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Outside, he tries to stand up and falls flat again. He gives up and crawls the four blocks to his house, crawls up the stairs and pulls himself into bed.
The next morning, his wife stands over him shouting, "So, you've been out boozing again!"
"What makes you say that?" he asks, putting on an innocent face.
"The pub called - you left your wheelchair there again."
... A dwarf walks out of a bar.
Stuff can be fixed, just get enough glue or duct tape!
Roses are red, mana is blue. Suramar Guards, Will always find you!
Three expansions in dust; Cata: 1-2 hrs, MoP: 40-60 min, WoD: 60 min (own experience).
A tauren, a troll, and a gnome walk into the Azeroth World Records building, each hoping to get into the Azeroth Book of Records.
The tauren says, "What's up boys. I have the biggest muscles in all of Azeroth."
The troll says, "Pleasure be mine, mon. I have the longest tusks in all of Azeroth."
The gnome says, "Well met lads. I have the smallest penis in all of Azeroth."
The goblin receptionist calls each of the three upstairs to verify their claim.
The tauren returns some time later with a smug smile on his face. "By the Earthmother, it's true. I have the biggest muscles in ALL of Azeroth!"
The troll descends the staircase rubbing his tusks affectionately. "I told ya, mon. Longest tusks in ALL of Azeroth!"
The gnome sulks back into the foyer, his brows furrowed in irritation. "Who the hell is Garrosh Hellscream?"
-How many players does it take to change a lightbulb?
You know you're addicted to WoW when the microwave dings and you say "Gratz!".
You know you're addicted to WoW when your sister asks you to kill a spider for her and you ask her what level it is.
On-topic: A Darkspear troll, a Warsong orc, and a Forsaken are riding a troop transport through Gilneas when the transport breaks down near a farming community that had kept out of the faction war. The farm was run by an old farmer, his wife, and his smoking hot daughter. The three Horde troops ask to be given lodging for the night, and the farmer, having no interest in the faction war, allows them to camp in the barn while they fix the transport, provided they a) help with some chores in the morning and b) don't 'harass' his daughter.
Come morning, the three are roughly woken up by the farmer, and led out to the Blackwald at gunpoint. Confused, the troll asks why they're there; the farmer explains that his daughter had been 'harassed' in the middle of the night. The troll begged for his life, because even by goblin standards he was kind of a wuss. The farmer said, "I ain't gonna kill ya, son. The three of you are gonna do me a favor and go pick one fruit each, an' bring it back to me."
The Forsaken returned first, with an apple (don't ask me how apples grow in Gilneas. The farmer's probably some freaky druid-farmer). The farmer gestured with his gun, "Shove it up your back end, boy." After asking the farmer to repeat himself, the Forsaken went for it. It's not like he had any pain reception, after all.
The troll returned second, with a cantaloupe (definitely some freaky druid-farmer. Crazy Gilneans). Again, the farmer orders him to shove it where the Light don't shine. At this, the troll fell to the ground, holding his sides and laughing. The farmer asked what was so funny, and between gasps, the troll responded:
"Dat orc, 'e be out dere gettin' him a pumpkin. Say 'e gonna show us all how dis be done, mon!"
Whats the difference between Death Knights and hookers?
None, they're both cheap, easy, and spread diseases.