Screw relationships - Why even bother? Why are YOU in one?

[munchkin]

So yeah you all know my story so you can check my post history if you want to catch up. Anyhow, just left an unhealthy relationship and while I am over it now, right now my approach/attitude towards relationships have been tainted for the worst. I see other couples and it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I question women's motives and wonder where the manipulation may lay/occur. My heart is severely guarded now and I'm very weary of letting anyone get close to me. Fuck it - how the hell do you folks put up with your SO? What keeps you motivated through thick and thin? What is the glue that keeps you from giving up?

I'd like real answers here. Alot of my relatives and family are asking when I'm going to date again and my parents are want grandchildren soon (but I have 4 other siblings who can step up and do that) - at least I don't have to worry about Valentine's Day - I can hide and just pretend the day doesn't exist. I wish I could take back all the time, effort, energy, sacrifice, and compromisations (sp?) that I put forth. I love women but I'm not sure if I can emotionally invest in one ever again.

I have therapy sessions twice a week (Tues/Thurs) so that has helped a bit, but I'm also curious as to what the mmoc community has to offer.

Thank you and God Bless 'MURICA.

[Daelak]

Financially and socially, there is no reason to be in a monogamous relationship until your 30's. Your social life, and growing as a person should always come before the responsibility and work that comes with a committed relationship.

[Deleted]

I enjoy being in a long term relationship, I need no other reason.

[Deleted]

I'm not, don't plan to be for quite a while. Just want to have some fun now. They just end and you end up getting hurt, not worth it.

[Rukentuts]

Because I love having a companion on the bike trail of life.

[Lomak]

Someone got dumped, and is extremely salty over it.

The reason people are in relationships is probably the same reason you were in a relationship. Makes me happy to crawl in bed with a good looking girl at night and to wake up tangled up in her in the morning, and everything that goes on between.

[Itisamuh]

Why bother? Because when one DOES work out, arguably nothing in life is more fulfilling. You just have to be willing to sift through the crap to find one good for you. Of course, this is coming from a guy who has also given up dating, due to too much stress resulting from failed attempts and losing my faith in humanity. I gave up, but I still hope one day that changes.

[Bakis]

Pros and cons with having a relationship as well as screwing around however I feel really sad for people who never get to experience being totally up over your ears in love.
Suck to party with ones girlfriend though, ugh

[Deleted]

Because someone has to do the cooking/cleaning

Infracted: Please don't be offensive towards an entire gender.

[Yami]

I enjoy them as well I have given up trying to understand peoples motives and given up on trying to control things. I let people live their life as they see fit. If they choose to betray my trust it's their fault not mine. They choose to live their life and choose to live as a bad memory.

[Wynnyelle]

Relationships aren't all bad. It's just hard to find somebody worth keeping around sometimes. I've been with my boyfriend for three years now and couldn't be happier. I used to not want a relationship because I valued my independence a lot, but now I just can't imagine being by myself again. Having a healthy, stable relationship is part of what motivates me to do better all around. Nobody is perfect, of course, but when you find the person for you it doesn't really matter.

Okay, I'm done being cheesy now.

[-aiko-]

It's fun to share your time with someone. I've yet to be in a serious relationship, but I'm rarely single for long. I feel like it's too boring otherwise.

[THE Bigzoman]

Because it is incredibly difficult to strive for the best grades in a economics major, preparing to take the LSAT, and finding whatever work I can to pay months rent WITHOUT something to fuck when I get home.

[vizzle]

Who knows. I have no specific reason other than the obvious -- companionship.

[Brewce]

There is only one system to follow when thinking of a relationship with a girl, only one way of winning over her heart forever...

The D.E.N.N.I.S system :

D- Demonstrate Value
E- Engage Physically
N- Nurture Dependence
N- Neglect Emotionally
I- Inspire Hope
S- Separate Entirely

[theWocky]

Why am I in one? Basically for the odd bit of sex. I am a hedonist, so I don't place much on relationships. If you're not ready to be in one, don't be in one. Just don't waste anyone else's time if you really don't want to be with someone.

My current girlfriend is pretty much like me too. We speak maybe 2~4 hours per week. It works for us.

We have a policy of "don't ask, don't tell".

Believe it or not, I'm pretty content for now.

[gamingmuscle]

Anyhow, just left an unhealthy relationship and while I am over it now, right now my approach/attitude towards relationships have been tainted for the worst.

You are not over it. You are still quite upset about the ordeal.

What keeps you motivated through thick and thin? What is the glue that keeps you from giving up?

It's not a simple answer. Just it's something I want, and right now my SO is the one I pciture filling that role =P

[Deleted]

Well, I'm seeing a therapist and a shrink as well. After 2 months, I finally answered all their questions and it seems I'm looking at a severe case of Social Phobia. I can't meet other people, I quit school because of it, I live at night because only then I feel okay 'cause I know everyone will leave me alone, I avoid every interaction with my family. And when I do meet people or come close I observe them and keep thinking about what they are doing and why they are doing it and why they ask me or tell me things and what I should do with it, how I should behave, should I smile? Are they expecting any emotion of me? I just don't know most of the time. I have to focus so much on that that most of the time my mind randomly goes blank and I stop paying attention to the conversation. My therapist thinks it has to do with some concentration problems.

So yeah, I kind of gave up. I just can't deal with people right now. That's why I searched for help. Because I know this isn't normal behaviour (which is a huge step in phobias). I would like to be a girl without constantly asking why she asks me stuff because I'm afraid to give vulnurable information that she might use to hurt me. Go to parties without having to think about why people drink alcohol and constantly asking myself questions that I cannot answer. Or just go for a drink with friends without knowing what to say because talking happens so smooth for them.

I can't tell you what to do and how to trust women, I have never trusted women since I was 9 because every women in my life hurted me physically or mentally.

I'd advice to continue those therapy sessions. My therapist asked me yesterday if I would be able to talk to others who went through the same thing, to help me understand, to know how they got out of it. Ofcourse I said I couldn't right now, it's hard enough to talk to my therapist (I often lose concentration and I go to bed right after the session, which ends at noon, because I'm too tired). But that might help for you. Talk to other guys who have been through the same.

[Lomak]

Greened it sounds like you have a severe case of lack of sack, grow some nuts and man up, pretty much the most practical advice anyone can give you. You can either go around wallowing in all that pity you have for yourself, or just get the fuck over it.

Infracted

[Deleted]

I can't be doing with them, too much hassle and I don't like the expectations to satisfy their needs. I do what I want to do and I'm content with the life I have.