How Do I Stop Myself From Being In Love? WTH?

[AssimilateTruthx]

Allow me to preface my problems with a little bit about myself:

I have always prided myself in being neurologically resilient and tempered, as it, coupled with discipline, is what has gotten me through my life. My parents were not very wealthy growing up, and so going to university was particularly tough for me. Despite that, I still got through it via a hybrid regime of student loans and working side jobs with all of my spare time. Thankfully, after I graduated, I was successfully inducted into med school, and I was able to start to pull my life together. I have always wanted to join the military out of med school, not only because I want to contribute to the welfare of the world, but also because it would pay off my school debts, which would be convenient.

But, now, I find myself in a broken state. I'm attracted to someone I know, in love it could be said, and the attraction is probably mutual, but knowing the nature of working in the military, and also realizing that I've never wanted to "settle down" and have a boring life, I'm facing a dilemma. I've never been in this position, I have never been unable to pacify emotions like this.

I find this to be affecting me psychologically as well as the fact that my motivation to serve has waned in the face of this. Sometimes, it feels as though the best option is to just forgo joining the service, and just work a normal, relatively comfortable job in the civilian sphere of medicine- but this violates every conscionable impulse that I have ever had. Why should I settle down and have a comfortable life when the service, and the world in general, particularly the poorer regions to which we administer humanitarian aid to, needs my help and expertise? The logical and rational part of me wants to resist falling into this evolutionary-biological trap of falling in love, but it's incredibly tough. I'm torn and I really want my passions to, essentially, shut up and allow me to carry on.

How do I stop this feeling? It's tearing the being I knew as "myself" apart. Has anyone been in a similar position?

[Darkis]

Why should I settle down and have a comfortable life when the service, and the world in general, particularly the poorer regions to which we administer humanitarian aid to, needs my help and expertise?

Because you live only once. That's both pro and contra settling down. Just have a good think about what you really, really want. It's all good and noble about helping the world and stuff, but at the end of the line - you gotta decide if it's worth a personal sacrifice. Being a bit selfish isn't really bad.

[Thelxi]

Look in the mirror, and with determination tell yourself: stop

[AssimilateTruthx]

Look in the mirror, and with determination tell yourself: stop

I already have, and continue to do so, but it doesn't work as well as it has in the past. I've never bothered with relationships/girlfriends and all of that social banter in the past as not only have I not had an interest in it seeing how I'm an introvert, but also because I've been too busy with academia. This person is different, and I know that it would be a successful relationship, but it would be at the cost of what I have been innately psychologically conditioned to believe I was. The thought of serving has propelled and motivated me through school for the past 7 or so years, and now it's experiencing emotional turbulence.

[Hooked]

Maybe visit a place you are dreaming about first. It may not be all of what you hope it is. I wouldnt let a good woman get away though.

[Demec]

start playing WoW

[AssimilateTruthx]

Maybe visit a place you are dreaming about first. It may not be all of what you hope it is. I wouldnt let a good woman get away though.

Dreaming about? What? I'm not dreaming about anything relevant to this, figuratively or literally. I objectively know what to expect with life in the service. Recurring 1-year deployments, which translates into a non-existent civilian/domestic life.

[Stelio Kontos]

People often create mental constructs of the "type of person they will be".

However, this isn't always what's true about us, it's more what we've chosen and worked towards. People change as life goes on.

For example, my younger brother is very bright, he was always grades ahead of the other children in mathematics. He started college early, finished early, and was offered a very well-paying computer research job before he even had his degree.

And he is miserable. He's 28 now and realizing he made this construct of himself as a scientist and followed it fanatically through school, he put aside friendships, never dated, and now he realizes more than anything he wants to do something creative instead of just programming and crunching numbers all day. Any interest he has in science is in theoretical issues, and weird mathematical arcana rather than practical science. Beyond that he's realized he wants to write, wants to tell stories.

Sometimes the you you create isn't always the you that's under there.

[AssimilateTruthx]

People often create mental constructs of the "type of person they will be".

However, this isn't always what's true about us, it's more what we've chosen and worked towards. People change as life goes on.

For example, my younger brother is very bright, he was always grades ahead of the other children in mathematics. He started college early, finished early, and was offered a very well-paying computer research job before he even had his degree.

And he is miserable. He's 28 now and realizing he made this construct of himself as a scientist and followed it fanatically through school, he put aside friendships, never dated, and now he realizes more than anything he wants to do something creative instead of just programming and crunching numbers all day. Any interest he has in science is in theoretical issues, and weird mathematical arcana rather than practical science. Beyond that he's realized he wants to write, wants to tell stories.

Sometimes the you you create isn't always the you that's under there.

I think it is me in my case, but I think an equivalent part of me wants it to not be me. This dilemma bisects my identity, and what's left is a state of perpetual internal turmoil regarding what to do.

[Deleted]

have you ever considered that you might have changed? i mean, people do that. a lot. even that which motivated you to get through school can seem less attractive then something else, like that special person.

dreaming = living. more or less at least. if you don't have any goals or dreams life will become so boring. when i was growing up i had the idea that i would become a famous artist or run of to paris and paint for the rest of my life. that dream slowely faded away when i found more interesting things and love and bonds to people.

if you still want to go into the military just be sure you find out if there's a future with that person. who knows, maybe you'll have a hard time leaving that person or maybe you'll even start to dislike him / her when you start talking in a different way. the way of loooove <3

[Thelxi]

start playing WoW

win !

[Deleted]

View MMO-Champion on a daily basis but I have only signed up to reply to this.

I have felt the same way you did. I already had a job but was in love with someone from another city and it was time for us both to go in to uni etc. I was faced with a dilemma: leave everything I had behind and go to the same city or follow each of our dreams and do what we need to in life or take the other path and settle down together.

I did the hardest thing I could. We broke up and haven't spoken since... A year on, I still love her hate not been with her but at the end of the say, I know what I did was right.

You only live once so do what you feel is right. You know that there are 'plenty of fish in the sea' so I would recommend you do what you have always wanted and go and join the military.

If you go with them now, and things go tits up you are going to regret following your heart.

Best of luck,

Hope this helps
Chris

[Deleted]

I ain't got no good advice or any knowledge about it, but I would only say relax, you're a human, no one expects you to be God or to do his job. We're all just these fallible, amusing humans that are relatively prone to accident. . No one is more human than the other and no one is less. We all do the same little, silly acts and we all have the same, basic human needs and drives.

[IRunSoFarAway]

You don't know if the attraction is mutual, or if she'd even want to be in that kind of relationship with you. You also can't know if the relationship will be successful or not, things change.

There are plenty of people who are married and in the military, it all depends on how their spouse deals with them being away. Just because you're in a relationship with someone, it doesn't mean you'll have an incredibly boring life. I don't know if you plan to join and be overseas whenever they need you to be, or if it's going to be a permanent thing.

It sounds like you're in a "what if" kind of dilemma and can't make a choice. As long as you're in contact with this person, looking at pictures of them, thinking about them, you're going to have these feelings. Think about what will make you happier in the long run, that's about all I can tell you.

[AssimilateTruthx]

Well, this is ridiculously coincidental. See the other thread I've posted: if we're going into Syria, then I guess my decision is made. It's time to join the service.

[Pull My Finger]

I often find it shocking that people are capable of making such an absurd mess out of themselves just because they're sensible and insecure. Neurologically resilient, my god. Keeping a straight face while saying stuff like that is already an accomplishment.

[theburned]

Keeping a straight face while saying stuff like that is already an accomplishment.

Keeping a straight face over the internet is in no way an accomplishment....


Also to OP get distracted, find something or someone you put higher, or just someone who fits better... it's not a solution, but it is getting your head away from the thought, and time will eventually solve the issue

[Usako]

You can still be in love and join the military. My dad came back from Vietnam, and married my mom but was still in the army. They traveled all over the world. I'm not saying you have to jump up and marry her. Even if you go to remotes part of the world, IF you are married by then you can probably move her to a near by base, unless you know you get shipped off to Iraq or something of the sort then I'm fairly certain she would have to wait in the states.

But if it is causing such an issue with your identity then ignore her, put space between you and her and do what you have set yourself out to do.

Or you can choose love, and still do what you want to do! You don't even have to join the military to be a doctor in other parts of the world.

Honestly, there is so much you could do about the situation. Just forgoing the military doesn't mean your life will be boring and meaningless.

[Zangeiti]

Because you live only once. That's both pro and contra settling down. Just have a good think about what you really, really want. It's all good and noble about helping the world and stuff, but at the end of the line - you gotta decide if it's worth a personal sacrifice. Being a bit selfish isn't really bad.

Oh god I really hope you were not using a YOLO reference.

[Darkis]

Oh god I really hope you were not using a YOLO reference.

Honestly, don't even have an idea what a YOLO reference is =)