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  1. #1
    Stood in the Fire The Real Greenbean's Avatar
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    Failed marriage proposals & breakups (america)

    So I was having this discussion with my girlfriend after our movie had finished.
    When a man proposes to a girl or the other way around and they get rejected, it automatically ends up with them having to break up.
    This is happening in about 9/10 of every romantic comedy or anything at all related to romance in American movies.
    A friend of mine described the exact same situation when he proposed to his girlfriend. They automatically came to terms with having to break up.

    Is this just something I've gathered from watching movies with my girlfriend or do you Americans actually have this as tradition?
    I'm thinking, sure, you got rejected. Perhaps it's not the perfect timing in your lives together to get engaged and then married due to your personal financial situation or career choices and all, but come on, break up? Instead of waiting for the right moment? Without even clarifying WHY they break up, they just go separate ways. I'm curious as to why this is happening over there or IF it actually is. ^^, I've seen it too many times in movies, and I've heard about it one time too many to think it's just movie culture!

  2. #2
    Titan smrund's Avatar
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    Because a lot of times a marriage proposal scares people into actually being honest, and admitting they don't want to spend their life with that other person.
    Quote Originally Posted by Masark View Post
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  3. #3
    Stood in the Fire The Real Greenbean's Avatar
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    Yes sure, but does it really have to be for that particular reason? Is it automated or do you traditionally have a discussion about it like the rest of the world? :P

  4. #4
    IMO it shows poor communication and they probably should break up. If one person misjudges the other so severely that they thought they'd say yes and they don't, or if the other person suddenly realizes (after being forced to answer) that they don't really want to be with the other person, then they should break up.

    Me and my wife knew we were going to get married before I proposed. We already knew what town we'd move to, the neighborhood we wanted to live in, already had job prospects lined up, etc. The proposal was more of a romantic thing (I decided when/how). You should already know the answer BEFORE the proposal, and just do it for fun/romance.

  5. #5
    Stood in the Fire The Real Greenbean's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maconi View Post
    IMO it shows poor communication and they probably should break up. If one person misjudges the other so severely that they thought they'd say yes and they don't, or if the other person suddenly realizes (after being forced to answer) that they don't really want to be with the other person, then they should break up.

    Me and my wife knew we were going to get married before I proposed. We already knew what town we'd move to and the neighborhood we wanted to live in. The proposal was more of a romantic thing (I decided when/how). You should already know the answer BEFORE the proposal, and just do it for fun/romance.
    So breakup due to poor judgement?

  6. #6
    The Insane Didactic's Avatar
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    Because "popping the question" is a relatively immature way of going about it glamourized by the media and society when in reality, a discussion about the possibility is more likely to gauge each other's preparedness for the commitment with less potential for backlash.
    Right, as the world goes, is only in question between equals in power, while the strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.
    - Thucydides

    There is a modern myth that people have always tended towards democracy, constitutions, electoral rights; but in truth, love of freedom has never been the predominant note of popular politics. At most times, popular demand has been for a strong government.
    - Eugen Weber

  7. #7
    Why delay the inevitable?

  8. #8
    Marriage is a big commitment, and for one reason or another someone will stick around in a relationship long after they stop "feeling it". One side will feel that they just don't want to spend their lives with the other person.
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  9. #9
    Stood in the Fire The Real Greenbean's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Didactic View Post
    Because "popping the question" is a relatively immature way of going about it glamourized by the media and society when in reality, a discussion about the possibility is more likely to gauge each other's preparedness for the commitment with less potential for backlash.
    All of my married friends have "popped the question", completely catching her off guard. It's romantic, and I have the merit to say such a thing due to all the romcoms I've been forced to endure for my girl. It's the "Leap of Faith" part that gives it that extra touch I think. Afaik in Sweden we're more relaxed when it comes to marriage. It feels as if it's the marital status that matters the most. Don't know really, I'm not married myself *yet*

  10. #10
    The Insane Didactic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Real Greenbean View Post
    All of my married friends have "popped the question", completely catching her off guard. It's romantic, and I have the merit to say such a thing due to all the romcoms I've been forced to endure for my girl. It's the "Leap of Faith" part that gives it that extra touch I think. Afaik in Sweden we're more relaxed when it comes to marriage. It feels as if it's the marital status that matters the most. Don't know really, I'm not married myself *yet*
    And I take exception to the whole romanticization of marriage given that attribute tends to result in a lot of hardship and unnecessary litigation.
    Right, as the world goes, is only in question between equals in power, while the strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.
    - Thucydides

    There is a modern myth that people have always tended towards democracy, constitutions, electoral rights; but in truth, love of freedom has never been the predominant note of popular politics. At most times, popular demand has been for a strong government.
    - Eugen Weber

  11. #11
    Titan smrund's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Didactic View Post
    And I take exception to the whole romanticization of marriage given that attribute tends to result in a lot of hardship and unnecessary litigation.
    I tend to agree. My wife and I knew we we going to get married at least a year before we actually did. Because we loved each other. Because we knew we were at that point in our lives, and because we did the one thing all failed relationships don't do: Communicate!
    Quote Originally Posted by Masark View Post
    People in cars cause accidents. Accidents in cars cause people.
    Sometimes life gives you lemons, other times life gives you boobies. Life is always better with more boobies.
    The most accurate history of the USSR ever.
    And thus I give you: MALE contraception!

  12. #12
    I find it silly when people pop the question without having to some degree discussed "future plans" with their partner.

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Didactic View Post
    And I take exception to the whole romanticization of marriage given that attribute tends to result in a lot of hardship and unnecessary litigation.
    I've never understood the logic behind getting married--beyond doing it for the financial/insurance/etc benefits it provides.

    If two people love each other, and know they love each other, why do they feel the need to confirm that love in front of other people, or say "magic words" that make that love "permanent"?
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  14. #14
    The Insane Didactic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hitei View Post
    I've never understood the logic behind getting married--beyond doing it for the financial/insurance/etc benefits it provides.

    If two people love each other, and know they love each other, why do they feel the need to confirm that love in front of other people, or say "magic words" that make that love "permanent"?
    1) The media glamourizes it, vis a vis the whole circus wedding and shows like "Say Yes to the Dress".
    2) Our culture propagates the notion that a relationship isn't "complete" until you tie the knot. Again, the media has a big hand in this - "Find your Soulmate today with eHarmony!"
    Right, as the world goes, is only in question between equals in power, while the strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.
    - Thucydides

    There is a modern myth that people have always tended towards democracy, constitutions, electoral rights; but in truth, love of freedom has never been the predominant note of popular politics. At most times, popular demand has been for a strong government.
    - Eugen Weber

  15. #15
    The Lightbringer slime's Avatar
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    I guess the ultimate goal of a romantic (lol) relationship is to eventually get married down the line, I could see how being rejected during the proposal would put a damper on things.

    Now...if things went a little more like this maybe it wouldn't have to end in a breakup:

    "My love, my darling~ will you... be my wife?"
    "I'm sorry hunny, but the answer is no. But here is a lovely blowjob for you to make it all better now."

    A short while later all is forgotten and back to normal.

  16. #16
    The Insane Didactic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by slime View Post
    I guess the ultimate goal of a romantic (lol) relationship is to eventually get married down the line, I could see how being rejected during the proposal would put a damper on things.

    Now...if things went a little more like this maybe it wouldn't have to end in a breakup:

    "My love, my darling~ will you... be my wife?"
    "I'm sorry hunny, but the answer is no. But here is a lovely blowjob for you to make it all better now."

    A short while later all is forgotten and back to normal.
    Shouldn't the romantic relationship be the goal in of itself?
    Right, as the world goes, is only in question between equals in power, while the strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.
    - Thucydides

    There is a modern myth that people have always tended towards democracy, constitutions, electoral rights; but in truth, love of freedom has never been the predominant note of popular politics. At most times, popular demand has been for a strong government.
    - Eugen Weber

  17. #17
    Proposal should never be taking a chance. If you don't know if she'll say yes, then asking her hand in marriage is definitely not a good idea, even if she does say yes. You should only marry someone you know you'll spend the rest of your life with and while knowing she _KNOWS_ the same.
    EU first PG wave 30, come at me bros.

  18. #18
    Mechagnome Perfectdark's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Real Greenbean View Post
    Yes sure, but does it really have to be for that particular reason? Is it automated or do you traditionally have a discussion about it like the rest of the world? :P
    Don't act like we're the most important country.

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  19. #19
    The Insane Didactic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Megamisama View Post
    Proposal should never be taking a chance. If you don't know if she'll say yes, then asking her hand in marriage is definitely not a good idea, even if she does say yes. You should only marry someone you know you'll spend the rest of your life with and while knowing she _KNOWS_ the same.
    Yeah, no. While I don't believe marriage should be taken lightly, saying that it's a "for life" commitment is equally detrimental.
    Right, as the world goes, is only in question between equals in power, while the strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.
    - Thucydides

    There is a modern myth that people have always tended towards democracy, constitutions, electoral rights; but in truth, love of freedom has never been the predominant note of popular politics. At most times, popular demand has been for a strong government.
    - Eugen Weber

  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by Didactic View Post
    1) The media glamourizes it, vis a vis the whole circus wedding and shows like "Say Yes to the Dress".
    2) Our culture propagates the notion that a relationship isn't "complete" until you tie the knot. Again, the media has a big hand in this - "Find your Soulmate today with eHarmony!"
    While I do agree with this - the larger problem is that our culture depicts the wedding as the "ending" - the couple go on to live happily ever after...

    ...they never tell you the rest of the story of what happens after they get married, do they? :P

    People need to figure out that marriage is not just about love, but about DAILY commitment to both person's dreams in life. And I mean that - DAILY. You have to renew that love each day. It doesn't just "happen" and stay permanent when you get married. It's not like a car or a bike where you can put all that thought into "automatic" when you master it. You got to keep renewing that commitment every day.
    "Tell them only that the Lich King is dead... and that World of Warcraft... died with him..."

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    That's the ONLY reason you would post 9600 posts over 3 years: a mission of hate.

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