Fudging facts vs a lie

[lordmatthias]

a lie is a lie is a lie, regardless of if its blatant or subtle

^ What he said.

There are different degrees of lies, (ones that are inconsequential to ones that can really effect other people and yourself), but regardless if you are telling a small lie or a big lie, typically people lie to manipulate other people in some form or another to give an advantage to the lier.

You are really just deluding yourself and trying to justify your actions if are trying to make major distinctions between "fudging facts" and lieing. The intention is the same behind both regardless to what degree it is. Especially in regards to dating/relationships starting it off with a lie is really a poor choice as typically when you are looking for a strong long term relationship you want someone you can completely trust and can completely trust you. In your case you could probably get away with it, as long as you don't attempt to cover it up when the person asks what you do, but that being said if are able to see through your ruse they may not like that you were in fact trying to manipulate them from the get go.

[Lenonis]

I think the true indicator is intent.

If you say teacher because you honestly see yourself as a teacher with a subject of driving, then that isn't a lie. If you say teacher because you know it sounds better than driving instructor and you are trying to make people think you have a higher paying job than you do, then you are starting to lie.

I can go to 10 dentists that are known to be pervy and ask them if they've ever had sexual thoughts about their patents and then report "90% of dentists surveyed fantasize about patients in the chair!"

Is that statement a lie? No. But the lack of context causes the problem and it is often used to create a perception that is false. Hence the phrase "there are lies, damn lies, and statistics."

[Reeve]

I think the true indicator is intent.

If you say teacher because you honestly see yourself as a teacher with a subject of driving, then that isn't a lie. If you say teacher because you know it sounds better than driving instructor and you are trying to make people think you have a higher paying job than you do, then you are starting to lie.

I can go to 10 dentists that are known to be pervy and ask them if they've ever had sexual thoughts about their patents and then report "90% of dentists surveyed fantasize about patients in the chair!"

Is that statement a lie? No. But the lack of context causes the problem and it is often used to create a perception that is false. Hence the phrase "there are lies, damn lies, and statistics."

Right. If you're intentionally trying to deceive someone, you're being deceptive. Not mentioning things no one ever asked about isn't lying, but when someone asks what you do for a living and you tell them you're a teacher and not a driving instructor, you know damn well they aren't going to think you do for a living what you actually do. You're being deceptive intentionally. You're lying. That's not gonna go over well on a dating website.

[OzoAndIndi]

For example, I have a dating profile on a free dating site, and I recently started a job as a Driving Instructor..so do you think it would be a lie to tell people that my profession is "Teaching", or is just kinda being liberal with the definition teaching?

"Teaching" sounds appropriate enough, particularly if someone did not want to disclose their exact occupation on a dating site, I wouldn't personally consider that a lie since you are teaching something. I think the fact that you can truthfully answer "I'm an driving instructor" when a date asks "What do you teach?" makes it legit.

Big difference between purposely giving false information or distorting it, and leaving truthful info to a minimal amount for harmless reasons.

[Ashnazg]

If it's not true, by definition it's a lie.

Listen close, this will be the most important advice you ever get: Be yourself. Sure some women won't want you but you know what? F' em. There are billions of women out there. The second you start to lie about who you are your future relationship has no chance.

So what happens when the women you want, don't want you?

Its quite possible to lead double or triple lives, it just depends on how much effort you want to put into it.

And that's not even talking about situations where you just want to sleep with someone without any potential future relationship. E.g. Barney from how i met your mother.

[Forgettable]

Honesty is what I value the most in a relationship. If you don't agree with me, fine. Maybe I think you're stupid, but if you're honest with me I will at least have some respect for you. If you lie, I will not respect you. People have my respect until they do something to lose it.

[Lenonis]

So what happens when the women you want, don't want you?

Move on and have enough self respect to find one that does.