Bestfriend/Girlfriend Advice Needed Please Help! :D

[Guywhoneedshelp]

Info: 17 year old male in Junior Year of High School. Never really had a girlfriend or been with a girl.

Almost 1 year and 1 month ago I met someone I'll never forget. Lets call her Kacie (placeholder name). She was amazing, wonderful, pretty, smart, funny. Pretty much anything and everything you could ask for in someone you would want to be with. I'm not talking only about this cliché stuff guys. I mean she played Halo, Star Wars: Knights of The Old Republic, played World of Warcraft, watched all the same shows and more, and read the same exact stuff, same music etc. I felt we were perfect together. So for about five months we talked and got to know each other. We had two classes together and the way the schedule was set I would see her every day. I considered her a close friend. Not until much later would her best friend tell me that Kacie talked about me all the time and that she considered me one of her closest friends.

Ever since I met Kacie I was infatuated with her. People always say that "oh, high schoolers don't know what love is, they're all just love-sick kids." While I agree with this most of the time, I knew that something was COMPLETELY different about this feeling I felt every time I thought about her, the way she smiled, talked, and when I saw her in person. I'm not calling it "love" but I've never felt this feeling. Ever.

Well anyway, after about five-six months into being friends with her and talking almost every day I couldn't hold it any longer and let her best friend know about my feelings for Kacie. Her best friend was over joyed and could not wait for us to be together. We hung out so much that a lot of my friends actually thought we were already together as a couple or "seeing each other". She said that Kacie and I would be the greatest/cutest couple. I agreed and was so happy, but I still had to tell Kacie my feelings for her.

Eventually I had the courage one night to call her up I just told her "You know I really like you THAT WAY and wanted to know if you wanted to go out sometime, you know, together." She seemed not THAT thrilled, but not upset. She said okay. I was so happy words cannot describe the feeling I felt after I got off the phone with her that night.
Well, the next two weeks we maybe talked once, MAYBE twice. Extremely awkward. I would call/text her and she would never answer/respond. In class she was "too busy to talk". Then I get a call after those two weeks from her. She said that "She didn't want to ruin our friendship and that we shouldn't date." I tried to be fine with it on the outside, but I was devastated. This was in April/May of 2013. I haven't talked to her since.

I've tried my hardest to get over her, but its near impossible. Now that I look back she was one of my closest friends, if not my closest. Her friend (the one I mentioned earlier) talked to me recently and asked me why Kacie and I were avoiding each other. I said we weren't, but the truth is I've seen her in the halls a dozen times and just walk by pretending not to see her. I feel like an asshole, and want to tell her that I'm not ignoring her because I don't like her, but because I can't stand to see, or talk to her without bringing up all these feelings. I miss her so bad as a friend though. You have no idea. Its like one of the most important people that I would spend so much time with, confide all my thoughts with, just disappeared. Please help me, I'm so lost.

[Rabian]

I am sorry to say it, but once you "go there", it is very hard to go back. I was similar to her when I was in high school, I loved WoW, Star Wars, LotR, etc etc, most of my friends and my best friend were male. But if a guy started hitting on me and I wasn't attracted to him, it was easier to drop the friendship than deal with the awkwardness of a one-way attraction. She no longer feels comfortable with you the way she did when you had not expressed interest in her.

[vizzle]

Most likely the two of you just need time. Likeliest scenario is that in two years after you two have parted and gone to different colleges one of you will message the other online and you'll talk every so often, but never to the point that you once were.

Just move on; wasn't meant to be.

[Tomservo]

pull the trigger quicker next time. women don't respond well to a guy they have known for months who is into them. they are fickle creatures.

[Mormolyce]

Okay I'm going to say something fairly harsh so up-front: I sympathise, don't listen to other people, when you're in love you're in love and being 17 doesn't mean anything. People are stupid to think you can't fall in love at that age. I fell in love with a girl younger than that and we've been married for 14 years.

But a couple of things you said:

Almost 1 year and 1 month ago I met someone I'll never forget. Lets call her Kacie (placeholder name). She was amazing, wonderful, pretty, smart, funny. Pretty much anything and everything you could ask for in someone you would want to be with. I'm not talking only about this cliché stuff guys. I mean she played Halo, Star Wars: Knights of The Old Republic, played World of Warcraft, watched all the same shows and more, and read the same exact stuff, same music etc. I felt we were perfect together.

Sounds like she's perfect alright. For a lot of guys. This is exactly why you need to get in fast.

Well anyway, after about five-six months into being friends with her

Five to six months without announcing your intentions is way too long, she's assumed you're a friend. A lot of people will probably say you got friend-zoned, which is sort of true, but think about this from her perspective: she's been close friends with you for five to six months and hasn't gotten any romantic vibes from you. She's not keen on a romantic relationship now not just because of your friendship but because she hasn't felt that romantic tension, and desire for you that you feel for her. You want her, but you haven't made her want you. Except as a friend.

A lot of guys think that starting out as friends is a good idea but actually it interferes with the kind of chemistry you need to get a girl's interest. You really need to make your intentions clear from the start. Not like, yell HEY YOU'RE HOT LET'S BANG, I mean just low-level indications of interest. Tell her she's pretty, awesome, etc. Flirt with her. Make it clear you're not just being friendly but are actually interested.

I mean, she might reject you but you have to be bold and take that risk.

[Deleted]

This is what you do or you will always go and wonder "what if?".

Go up to her and talk to her in person.
Tell her how you feel, that you love her and want to go out with her.
That friendship is not enough, its not what you want. Tell her you are sorry you have been weird the last weeks and now you have realized you needed to to do this.
And then without being an ass about ask her what she wants. Does she want to go out on a date, have realationship or "just be friends".
If she sais just be friends you just tell her that doesent work for you and wish her a good life and walk away. Don't look back.

If you do this and it goes "bad" you have given it your 100% best shot and you know where you stand.
You can then get over it and move on.

If it goes "good" you have the girl you want.

Do not play any weird games or give up without trying. That's stupid.

[vizzle]

This is what you do or you will always go and wonder "what if?".

Go up to her and talk to her in person.
Tell her how you feel, that you love her and want to go out with her.
That friendship is not enough, its not what you want. Tell her you are sorry you have been weird the last weeks and now you have realized you needed to to do this.
And then without being an ass about ask her what she wants. Does she want to go out on a date, have realationship or "just be friends".
If she sais just be friends you just tell her that doesent work for you and wish her a good life and walk away. Don't look back.

If you do this and it goes "bad" you have given it your 100% best shot and you know where you stand.
You can then get over it and move on.

If it goes "good" you have the girl you want.

Do not play any weird games or give up without trying. That's stupid.

She's already made it clear that she wants nothing more than friendship. Why end your relationship with you looking like a creep who won't let shit go? It's extremely unfair to put her in such an uncomfortable position because you can't keep your emotions in check, especially after you've already been rejected.

[Guywhoneedshelp]

This is what you do or you will always go and wonder "what if?".

Go up to her and talk to her in person.
Tell her how you feel, that you love her and want to go out with her.
That friendship is not enough, its not what you want. Tell her you are sorry you have been weird the last weeks and now you have realized you needed to to do this.
And then without being an ass about ask her what she wants. Does she want to go out on a date, have realationship or "just be friends".
If she sais just be friends you just tell her that doesent work for you and wish her a good life and walk away. Don't look back.

If you do this and it goes "bad" you have given it your 100% best shot and you know where you stand.
You can then get over it and move on.

If it goes "good" you have the girl you want.

Do not play any weird games or give up without trying. That's stupid.

The thing is though, I still want to be friends with her. Its hard to explain how close we actually were without being in a romantic relationships. I mean we talked everyday, quite literally. The last couple months without her in my life, girlfriend or not, have been hell. I just miss her so bad. I saw her today and it was so hard on me... I still have feelings for her. Maybe not exactly romantic feelings anymore. I just want to talk with her so bad but can't... :\

[Itisamuh]

There's not much to say that can actually help, unfortunately. You say you want to remain friends with her, but it'll just make you miserable until you don't feel anything for her beyond friendship. I'm not saying I'd avoid her in the sense of pretending she doesn't exist, but I wouldn't try to be close to her either. Clean breaks are the easiest, even if it didn't ever really take off to begin with.

[Deleted]

The thing is though, I still want to be friends with her. Its hard to explain how close we actually were without being in a romantic relationships. I mean we talked everyday, quite literally. The last couple months without her in my life, girlfriend or not, have been hell. I just miss her so bad. I saw her today and it was so hard on me... I still have feelings for her. Maybe not exactly romantic feelings anymore. I just want to talk with her so bad but can't... :\

The bridge is burned.
You crossed it and you cant go back, sorry.

Either give it another shot and "getting her" or move away and move on.
There is no other options that will work.

And this will sound like such dumb thing I know, but its still true:
There will be others and in time this will just be a faint memory.

- - - Updated - - -

She's already made it clear that she wants nothing more than friendship. Why end your relationship with you looking like a creep who won't let shit go? It's extremely unfair to put her in such an uncomfortable position because you can't keep your emotions in check, especially after you've already been rejected.

Why end it by being a loser that gives up without giving it your 120%?
Life aint fair, deal with it.

[Dolus]

Never burn bridges even if they're made of straw. In other words, don't be an a***ole. Don't ignore her and don't go out of your way to initiate a conversation. Be cool and courteous. Let the entire situation roll off of your back. After high school, it won't matter.

[vizzle]

Why end it by being a loser that gives up without giving it your 120%?
Life aint fair, deal with it.

Pretty sure you should be listening to your own words. Life aint fair, deal with it, move on. No matter how much you try, poking a dead bear won't bring the bear back to life. It's not giving up when she's already rejected you. You don't complain to the referee half a dozen times after the game ends; that makes you look like a loser. Handle it with class and keep your head up high and move on. Don't crawl back to her with an ultimatum like a neckbeard would do.

Ultimatums are unfair and make you an asshole, because you're giving her no choice when she's obviously avoiding you because she doesn't want to make a choice. She probably wants to continue the friendship but she doesn't want to hurt you by rejecting your feelings. Don't be the dick who forces her to be an ass.

[Mormolyce]

The thing is though, I still want to be friends with her. Its hard to explain how close we actually were without being in a romantic relationships. I mean we talked everyday, quite literally. The last couple months without her in my life, girlfriend or not, have been hell. I just miss her so bad. I saw her today and it was so hard on me... I still have feelings for her. Maybe not exactly romantic feelings anymore. I just want to talk with her so bad but can't... :\

Well that sucks but at least you can stay friends.

[Ultramonkey]

Isn't this the point in time when you approach her and tell her "I would rather have you as a friend than to not have you in my life at all"?

[Fenixdown]

I know of your situation, good sir. I had the same thing happen to me in high school. My best advice to you? No matter how you feel about her romantically, the first thing you have to do is realize that her being your best friend is more important than anything else. It's not too late for you to be best friends, but it will be if you can't get past the point of seeing your love for her as "that kind" of love. I still to this day love my best friend with all my heart and soul. I'd marry her tomorrow if she asked me to today. But we are just friends, and that's all we ever will be, and I accept that because that's more than enough.

Once you come to that conclusion, this awkward moment will just be water under the bridge you thought was burned down.

[spinner981]

Write a note, telling her everything about how you feel, everything you want to tell her, but don't send it. Instead, save it to your computer and at a later time copy paste it (without reading it) into FB or whatever and send it. It helps if you close your eyes when you hit enter and instantly close the window or alt tab to another screen. That is just how to communicate with her, get past all the jitters and rough feelings.

As far as an actual relationship goes, if it were me personally I would accept a friendship, and over time the awkwardness will go away. Show her your positive qualities, reliability, that you will always be there as a friend. Who knows what could happen once you start to get out of high school, into college and real life. Try not to get your hopes up though, and realize that being her best friend will still be great. The longer you are friends, the better it would be for a relationship. That's your best shot. If it doesn't work out then don't fear, because you will get over her eventually as time goes on. You just have to push on through.

[Crofford]

Sounds like you need to broaden your horizons just a little and make new friends, meet new girls. No girl should be so important to you that it is he'll without them in your life, except for family. Also, just because she likes the same stuff doesn't make her perfect for you. There are so many more important factors other than similar interests in video games and stuff. Also, take some of the others advice here and jump the gun sooner next time. 6mos is a long time to wait.

Now, I'm not going to say you don't know what love is because of your age. What you experienced was and is real for you. I will say that, given time, your emotions and feelings will grow and mature in more complicated and adult ways. Give yourself time and you will move on, trust the more experienced people who have been there. Give yourself time, and move on asap.

[Dtloweca]

May seem cold but in my HS days I was just like you and if I could go back in time and give myself advice it would be " She doesn't want you like that accept it own it and get over it". It sucks accepting it knowing she will probably never feel the same about you but even though I didn't say it or actively think it at the time I thought in the back of my mind there was a chance. I spent years thinking about this girl even when I got another girlfriend that actually wanted me the way I wanted her. Wanna know the real kicker? 4 years later I get in touch with her and talk to her about things maturely since we were basically teens back then and she did at least hear me out but know what? It didn't matter she never did or would like me the way I did her.

Another thing be wary of being too nice to girls. I'm not saying go full on douche bag but there are plenty of girls that keep guys around like you cuz they more or less know you'll treat them like a girlfriend for nothing in return. I am also not saying every girl is like this. A good sign to see if she's just using you like that is dial it back a little bit and just be a regular friend not a friend in love with her if she looses interest or asks why you're being mean it may indicate she is using you. Take what I say with a grain of salt I'm just passing on what I know from what I've learned and experienced.

[Deleted]

Isn't this the point in time when you approach her and tell her "I would rather have you as a friend than to not have you in my life at all"?

No.
Way way wrong.

[Ultramonkey]

No.
Way way wrong.

Because giving her an ultimatum of "date me or you'll never speak to me again" is the right way?

OP has stated that he wants her in his life, even only in the friend capacity.