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  1. #41
    She should see a shrink. Could be that she's "just not so into you" but could very well be, that she has some phobia of going deeper into relationship with a man both emotionally and physically. But you can't "fix" her by just being patient and nice, neither "girl talk" with friends will help for PTSD or similar serious problem. If she refuses to see a specialist, then she doesn't want to be helped and she won't improve. Fear or shame of "going to the shrink" is a bad advisor when you have severe trauma like rape in the past. Hoping that she will get cured "by the power of the love" will only bring you disappointment, it won't happen and you'll both keep suffering in a situation where both of you can't go forward and keep running in circles.

  2. #42
    Thats a major problem not because you can't go in there but if you can't ever pent her then you can never have kids ext if you get that far later on that is.

  3. #43
    Bloodsail Admiral sugarlily's Avatar
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    *hugs *comfort to you both :)

    As all others have said doctors are the way, especially specialists. Not your usual OB/GYN. She needs intense therapy with a kind & compassionate EXPERT that she feels confident sharing with, maybe a woman who has experienced rape/sexual battery. We have all had an issue @ one time or another & some have suffered through some real shit in the saddest & most damaging way possible; silently. Our untold stories & dark secrets will rot us from the inside out if we don't find an EXPERT to help us deal with it.

    Even though she sometimes says that she's "fine" or anything similar she is actually hurting herself & those who love her & want to see her freed of this nightmare. It will continue to pop its ugly head up until dealt with. When somebody who obviously needs medical/psychological intervention we have to be as kind & compassionate as possible but not allow them to go untreated. If she had a physical disease her friends, Family & you wouldn't let her go without help so try to look at it that way & maybe explain it to her that way too. maybe show her this thread? She will see how much you truly care & want to help & she should not be upset b/c none of us will ever know who she is but maybe she'll take some comfort in knowing a bunch of us want to help <3

    So far you've been a wonderful, understanding & compassionate BF. I doubt she has lost any feelings of caring & love for you, it's just that the point to which this monster in her mind can be held back has come & gone. Strengthening your relationship outside of the physical (sex) is what you both need to concentrate on atm & she needs to concentrate on healing from this instead of pretending a gaping wound can be overlooked & ignored out of existence. How's that working so far? Exactly. It isn't.
    You need an EXPERT to help her. Possibly more than one. She is not alone & you could do some research together to see that & to see that there are positive outcomes if only she gets treatment.

    Also, BCP (birth control pills/patches/shots etc) can wreak havoc on a woman's hormonal health & thus effect her emotionally as well. Hormones are not to be considered as lightly as they are these days. Birth control is actually fooling the women's bodies into thinking they are ALREADY PREGNANT & thus won't allow a fertilized egg to implant. Every fucking month these meds & hormones are lying to her body's actions/reactions & then switching back off for her to have her period. Doesn't matter if they are the 4 periods/yr type or shots or patches etc. They all are hard on the body. They aren't like a fucking aspirin, they can change the entire workings of your body & almost always have some emotional symptoms as well which are zero fault of her or her feelings etc. It could possibly be making her feel worse physically & emotionally. Do research & find specialists, not regular OB/GYN. (I know I repeated that but I think it's serious in this case~ I want to help her too <3)

    I wish you both luck & start searching for a therapist she can be comfy with. You go until you find one you are happy with. Same for ANY sort of dr. Have her make a list for both physical & emotional wants & needs & troubles she wants to look into & take that to the dr. If they don't have time for your questions you find a new dr. WE hire THEM. They work for us, stop pussyfooting around them & acting like you've been sent to the principle's office & get all quiet & head nods & zero communication. Use that dr. for what you hired them for!
    Last edited by sugarlily; 2013-10-20 at 07:01 PM.
    kintsukuroi
    ‘golden repair’, is the Japanese art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer. The aesthetic philosophy focuses on imperfections rather than attempting to disguise them, with the intention that the piece becomes both more valuable and more beautiful because of its history and for having been broken.

  4. #44
    Deleted
    My girlfriend says you're adorable and amazing, that any girl would be lucky to have you, just remind her how much you love her, women go through these phases, they're nobheads. You shouldn't give up, she probably has these same feelings for you but is just running rampant with hormones.

  5. #45
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    Maybe she has an Iron deficiency.

    Alternately, use a bigger magnet.

  6. #46
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    Women.. She can't even give you what you need yet you stick by her. Then she goes "omg, i dont feel the fysical click" Sounds selfish.
    Friend of ours also has vaginism. It can be both mental and physical, and both are treatable. So get to work.

  7. #47
    This relationship will not end well, no matter what you do. Walk away and find another person.

  8. #48
    Mechagnome Miley's Avatar
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    A girl who can only give oral how do you let her slip away

  9. #49
    Quote Originally Posted by Karl View Post
    Hey everyone,

    I need to get something off of my chest and I hope to get some insights from your views. I know this is a gaming website, but it's the only good forum I know with a lot of different people. It's ok to be hard in your reactions, I just want to ask not to reply if you don't aim on helping me.

    I've been together with my girlfriend for 6 months. She's 22, I'm 28. She has vaginism, a condition where unvoluntary muscle-contractions prevent her from being penetrated. This is a result of being sexually assaulted when she was fourteen years old. Without writing walls of text about how amazing she is: I love her. There are other ways to be intimate and while her condition has scared nearly every potential partner away, I'm willing to work on this, or live with this. So we've always been intimate with only clitoral stimulation. She reaches orgasms every time, something she never experienced with anyone else. We're trying to 'fix' her condition by doing gentle well-timed finger insertion. When she's arroused it seems to help her to handle the pain. It's hard for me to do something that hurts her, but she really wants to reach the point of being able to have sex.

    About a month ago, in the heat of a discussion, she told me she hasn't had 'the feeling' down there since before she met me. She told me I need to be more passionate. Now it's true I have been very careful with her, because of what happened to her and because I want to be gentle with her. I've tried to adapt my approach and on first glance it worked. We've had some very passionate nights since then.

    Now yesterday she told me that the physical click has disappeared. It's the most painful thing anyone has ever told me. She immediatly added that she loves me and that she thinks it might have something to do with her hormones or her birth control pill. I feel terrible and depressed. She tells me she thought the problem was in my approach, but that she's now convinced that that's not the case. That there is nothing I can do. Which closes the door of this dark place I'm in.

    Please talk to me, I've never been in so much pain. I'm terrified of losing her. Anything that can help, thoughts, views, similar experiences, are extremely welcome. If you don't feel comfortable replying in this thread, please PM me, you can count on my discretion.
    You may not want to hear this, but it's probably close to the mark. You're codependent. Your happiness is dependent on her. Don't hound her. Don't keep trying to keep her from breaking up with you if that's what she wants to do. She's probably telling you things like that she still loves you and "It could be the horomones or the birth control pills" because you probably lost your mind when she told you that she isn't attracted to you anymore. Nobody wants to see somebody grovel.

    What you need to do is just realize that it's probably over. It's okay to feel like shit when stuff like this happens. It's not okay to think that your world is coming to an end. Do you want to be around someone who is just staying with you so that you don't fall to pieces? There are other girls out there. Plus, you've only been together for 6 months. At your age, that isn't very long. Go do things. Don't sit there and think only about her.

  10. #50
    Legendary! Airwaves's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VoodooGaming View Post
    If you genuinely love her, you'll take her to a therapist, you'll deal with this as a mature couple, not here on MMO-Champion. Until you do something about this, you don't care enough.
    Pretty much sums it up. I can never understand why people ask important life choices on an internet fourm.
    Aye mate

  11. #51
    Quote Originally Posted by Airwaves View Post
    I can never understand why people ask important life choices on an internet fourm.
    They're looking for blunt honesty rather than the coddling bullshit they know they'll receive from people that are too close to something. Hopefully, they know enough to take what they hear here with a grain of salt.

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