Has Cheating Ever NOT Ruined A Relationship?

[THE Bigzoman]

Just like in the last thread...and the thread before that...nothing does excuse it. People that want to...REALLY want to salvage their relationship don't try and excuse it.

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if you are just trying to get it wet, there are far easier ways. Ways with far less potential baggage.

This is very true as well

[Siri]

Do you guys know of any personal stories or experiences where you cheated on your partner (or someone you know cheated on their partner) and it didn't ruin the relationship, and in fact was pushed under the dirt and never addressed?

Yes, it wasn't pushed under the dirt though.
It was a confession kind of deal and neither of the involved really considers sex as an important expression as love, but rather as something fun.

[oplawlz]

Interesting. I don't know why divorce needs an alternative. If you don't want to be married to someone, then don't be married to them.

Divorce is ridiculously expensive, at least for the man in the relationship if you live in the US. I am actually more understanding of men cheating in a marriage than I am in a non legally binding relationship . . . if you're not happy enough to stay loyal just leave.

[shadowboxer123]

Great input. Currently Ive just started dating this woman and I recently cheated on her, I dont feel any remorse considering I know I love my current girlfriend. I feel like that "If you love her you wouldnt cheat" point is really untrue.

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Well I have known people that love their partner and have cheated on them. But it is because they love them that they feel remorse and try to work on the relationship. Cheating doesn't mean a relationship is over, but probably indicates that a relationship needs work.

I wonder how much you "really" love her if you don't feel any remorse. I mean are you saying that because you know you love her, you would cheat on her again without remorse? Because you know you love her?

I mean its kinda like saying that it is ok to steal from a person you love, and not feel remorse, because you know you love them.

If she cheated on you, and you found out, and she had no remorse, would that bother you? And I'm not talking about "open" relationships.

[Lovecrafts]

My what is with all the cheating threads the last couple of days.

I can say with certainty that my marriage is well on it's way to being stronger than it was before my affair came out. My cheating opened my eyes as well as my wife's to certain problems we had in our relationship and has allowed us to begin fixing them

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False. Well, ok I'll grant you true SOME of the time. MOST of the time cheating is what happens when a relationship has issues but neither party either a) sees them or b) fails to address them.

Cheating is NOT the result of a failed relationship but a relationship in need of repair.

This is what a man, who is terrified of losing 1/2 of his stuff + alimony for life, sounds like.

[poser765]

Divorce is ridiculously expensive, at least for the man in the relationship if you live in the US. I am actually more understanding of men cheating in a marriage than I am in a non legally binding relationship . . . if you're not happy enough to stay loyal just leave.

lol yeah if you want a super expensive at fault divorce then cheat. Divorce is not ALWAYS something that screws the man. Take for instance my anecdotal evidence...I know a guy who recently got a divorce. lol I left town for a couple of weeks and he was married. I came back and he wasn't. It was quick and relatively painless. Well painless in a legal sense. I think the hardest part was deciding who got the car...that was worth maybe $3k.

[melodramocracy]

Yes, relationships can, on occasion, get past infidelity. Things are rarely the same as they were, but it can be repairable. It simply depends on the people involved.

[poser765]

This is what a man, who is terrified of losing 1/2 of his stuff + alimony for life, sounds like.

Really? Tell me again that I am terrified of losing all of my VAST assets and having to pay alimony to support my wive's luxurious lifestyle she currently has.

[Lovecrafts]

Really? Tell me again that I am terrified of losing all of my VAST assets and having to pay alimony to support my wive's luxurious lifestyle she currently has.

If you insist

This is what a man, who is terrified of losing 1/2 of his stuff + alimony for life, sounds like.

You're just lucky she didn't take the jackpot.

[poser765]

If you insist

This is what a man, who is terrified of losing 1/2 of his stuff + alimony for life, sounds like.

You're just lucky she didn't take the jackpot.

meh, Ok. If it's all the same to you I think I'll go ahead and continue to be the expert on the opinions, motivations, and emotion of Poser since...lol you know...I AM poser. I think I am infinitely more qualified to pontificate on my reasons for doing shit than you are. So yeah, I do insist. mainly because I'm right...and you're wrong.

Also, there is no jackpot. Did you pick up on the sarcasm with our VAST possessions? Also, i'm pretty sure alimony would be a hard sell in our case. I'm not supporting my wife financially.

Edit for some clarification. Alimony is NOT a penalty for being a dick. He cheated and I left him so I get a payday. I guess it CAN be, but in my state whether it's ordered or not is largely dependent on debt, income, and the spouses ability to support their self. We have very little debt. My income is pretty abysmal, and my wife could support herself just fine considering the debt we do have. Alimony for her would be a hard sell.

Also, when we were talking about divorce I think we learned that the hard part for us would be not who gets what but has to take what. Neither of us would want the house or cars, and that's pretty much it for assets. Short of that what half of my stuff could she take that I have to have. My clothes? Ok, here's 3 shirts...wear them proudly.

So again I assure you...your assumption of my motivations is wrong.

[Soulrender]

Well I have known people that love their partner and have cheated on them. But it is because they love them that they feel remorse and try to work on the relationship. Cheating doesn't mean a relationship is over, but probably indicates that a relationship needs work.

I wonder how much you "really" love her if you don't feel any remorse. I mean are you saying that because you know you love her, you would cheat on her again without remorse? Because you know you love her?

I mean its kinda like saying that it is ok to steal from a person you love, and not feel remorse, because you know you love them.

If she cheated on you, and you found out, and she had no remorse, would that bother you? And I'm not talking about "open" relationships.

Honestly? I dont think I would get upset, because I would rather he do it now while it wont ruin anything we have built together than to do it later on (god-willing) if we get married and have children some day. I think getting these urges out of the way is actually healthy. I would hate to be married to someone for 10 years THEN be cheated on, rather than be cheated on way in the beginning before anything incredible was built.

[Afrospinach]

Cheating doesn't ruin a relationship. Cheating is what you do once the relationship has already been ruined and you haven't gotten around to ending it yet.

That s pretty narrow minded. For some people sex is quite a far cry from "relationship".

[Duronos]

I know that my partner cheated on me, but I'm committed to keeping our relationship working. It hasn't been easy and it definitely didn't improve it.

Sorry to hear that man, I have no idea how it feels to get cheated on but I'm sure it's not good. Hope everything works out because you're an amazing person, I'm not being sarcastic either.

[Lefeng]

Cheating on me worked wonders for my girlfriend's relationship with her new girlfriend. Now they couldn't be happier!

[geewhiz80]

My grandfather slept with another woman when married to my grandmother when they were in their 30's. They were married another 52 years after that until they day they died, 6 months apart.

[Cephilia]

My grandfather has three kids and grandma two; they're still together, but looking at them, the relationship isn't that happy. They sleep in separate rooms (have for over 20 years), never, ever hug/kiss or even touch each other. They take separate vacations and fight most of the time. It seems like they're only together because they can't be bothered to break up and my grandfather will most likely die of a heart attack in next five years.

[Deleted]

Friends girlfriend cheated him and they had crisis in the relationship but it didn't broke it. I've heard that surviving such thing means stronger relationship, i don't know if its true. If trust can be repaired then why not?

[Wildtree]

Do you guys know of any personal stories or experiences where you cheated on your partner (or someone you know cheated on their partner) and it didn't ruin the relationship, and in fact was pushed under the dirt and never addressed?

Im curious, because I feel a relationship is very different from a marriage, and although it shows bad character, I dont think it should be considered as horrible as it would for marriage. Keep in mind, I am not religious, so that isn't a factor to why I feel this way.

Im definitely sure there has been a few cases where a boyfriend has cheating on their girlfriend (or vice versa), it was never let out or expressed, and they eventually married and lived happily because they had this perspective or another.

Thoughts?

Times and again actually.
The key here is how people need to realize how all people are different from one another. For one person cheating can be as devastating and destructive as it possibly gets. It can turn them into an "animal" that has nothing else than revenge in mind, going as far as murdering another human being (the cheater/the object of the cheat). That's one extreme of the scale.
Others however getting a total kick out of it. They getting sexually high stimulated by the thought alone how their partner has sex with another individual.

And then, we also have the hypocrites camp.. Consistent of guys..
They would go rampant if their wife/girlfriend dared to cheat on them with another guy.. But at the same time, they'd like nothing more than their woman banging another woman. And if they can join in for a threesome, their world would be a dream.

And there's so much more, since we all are different... Approx 7 billion differences.. Exactly the amount of Earth population.

At the end of the day, many relationships hitting roadblocks over time. Especially real long time relationships of 10, 20 or more years are vulnerable to this. One partner cheating, or even both, can (and sometimes does) trigger a refreshing element. Kickstarting the otherwise bland grown relationship. Whether the partners talk about it or not, is rather secondary. The important part is the positive outcome. And that definitely exists. Exists more than some in here may want to realize.

[Itisamuh]

Not in my experience. As far as I'm concerned, cheating ends a relationship as immediately as if one of us died. What's the point afterward? Why would I stay with a girl who's so loose that she needs other dudes? Why would I respect a girl who's so obsessed and desperate (or warped) that she'd overlook me bang other girls? It wouldn't matter how much I loved the girl. If she cheats on me, all interest is lost. And I don't cheat so there's no need to address that.

[Deleted]

Not in my experience. As far as I'm concerned, cheating ends a relationship as immediately as if one of us died. What's the point afterward? Why would I stay with a girl who's so loose that she needs other dudes? Why would I respect a girl who's so obsessed and desperate (or warped) that she'd overlook me bang other girls? It wouldn't matter how much I loved the girl. If she cheats on me, all interest is lost. And I don't cheat so there's no need to address that.

As far as I'm concerned, cheating ends a relationship as immediately as if one of us died.

Seconded.

Unless it was agreed beforehand it was an open relationship or the like, it's not excusable - i'd cut all ties immediately, the trust invested will never come back to it's former strength.