Relationship advice

[Liax]

Girl I'm in a relationship with hangs out with other guys often. We rarely hang out. Like, the only time we actually hang out is when we do things we've always done together (ie watch a TV show). We talk all the time though. She texts me when she wakes up, when she's at work. But it ends there. We Haven't been intimate for a while (and it sucks cause we used to do it frequently) I know her schedule pretty much, and she has guy friends she always hangs out with.

This is a long distant relationship, but I used to see her every weekend. We don't watch movies together, we don't play games together much anymore. Its pretty much all texting, and she tells me she loves me, but it doesn't feel like it.

Ive confronted her twice about this. The first time she told me that she's sorry, but in her last relationship she completely ignored her friends cause of her boyfriend and she doesn't want to do that again. I told her that I don't want to keep her from them, I want to meet them. The second time, I basically said that we never hang out. we just text or talk, and that she hangs out with a specific guy all the time and it makes me feel pretty much ignored. That it doesn't feel like were even together anymore, and she called crying thinking I hate her, saying she's sorry,and that she talks to me more than any of her friends. Then told me someone was calling her a whore (it was her ex) and that's why she's been distant.

But then next day, low and behold, she's hanging out with this guy again, and ignoring me to a point. I love this girl. I can see us geting married. But I don't want to kid myself and end up getting hurt in the long run

Am I wasting my time here? Is this relqtionship salvageable? Advice thoroughly appreciated.

[Liax]

Except ive tried to do that twice and it hasn't worked. I'm assuming you'll just tell us to go our separate ways then. I think i've become a little too attached, tbh. She was there when i absolutely needed it, and i've kinda started depending on it. Sucks.

[Ayarea]

If you've done it twice and she doesn't change her ways I'm afraid this is a sinking ship. I find her reasoning of being called a whore by an ex as an excuse not to be intimate/ distant not very convincing, especially not when she's hanging out with the other guy again.

Sorry to say but it seems to be one of these cases "holding on to the old shoes, before fitting the new ones".

[Liax]

I don't mean to sound rude, but if the person she wants to spend time with when she is upset is not you, I don't really see it going anywhere unless you can talk this through and come up with solution.

She wasnt talking to anyone, period, when this happened. But i learned about this days after it happened. She got off the phone with me when it happened instead of telling me about it. i honestly have been so insecure over this shit and its really driving me nuts, affecting my every day life. She wants me to move up there, saying things will be better if we were actually together and we'd spend more time together. But it feels like horse shit, cause if you dont wanna be around me when i'm right here twiddling my thumbs, what makes me think it'll change irl?

[Silhouette of Seraphim]

I had a long distance girlfriend once. She had that one guy friend that she hung out with "who liked her but they were just friends."

NNNOOOPPPEEE.

In a day of hilarity after that was all over, we actually ended up talking and comparing notes. She was telling both of us the exact same shit, while she was off getting fucked by a 3rd guy.

I would just abort. As they say, ain't no one got time for that.

And just as some general lessons: Never become dependent. Ever.

If you want to engage in some general mindfuckery for the trouble she's caused you, mostly ignore your phone today. Only look at it about every 3 hours or so, and if she's texted you, after each 3 hours, just respond back with one or two words. Just tell her you're busy. Tomorrow, don't answer her for a few days. Go cold turkey on that shit. See if she even notices you're gone. You'll start to feel better, either way.

[Beeflord]

Relationship dynamics are actually pretty simple in theory. Last poster seems pretty close to the truth. Actions speak MUCH louder than words especially in case of women She is obviously playing with you. Just learn the game and play with her as well. She already showed you how its done.

[Deleted]

Sounds like a waste of time to me.

Sounds to me like she's got the lovey dovey stuff on demand when she wants, it doesn't interfere with her personal life and it lets her dream grand ideas. Seen it plenty of times before and it rarely ends well.

[Seirith]

Girl I'm in a relationship with hangs out with other guys often. We rarely hang out. Like, the only time we actually hang out is when we do things we've always done together (ie watch a TV show). We talk all the time though. She texts me when she wakes up, when she's at work. But it ends there. We Haven't been intimate for a while (and it sucks cause we used to do it frequently) I know her schedule pretty much, and she has guy friends she always hangs out with.

This is a long distant relationship, but I used to see her every weekend. We don't watch movies together, we don't play games together much anymore. Its pretty much all texting, and she tells me she loves me, but it doesn't feel like it.

Ive confronted her twice about this. The first time she told me that she's sorry, but in her last relationship she completely ignored her friends cause of her boyfriend and she doesn't want to do that again. I told her that I don't want to keep her from them, I want to meet them. The second time, I basically said that we never hang out. we just text or talk, and that she hangs out with a specific guy all the time and it makes me feel pretty much ignored. That it doesn't feel like were even together anymore, and she called crying thinking I hate her, saying she's sorry,and that she talks to me more than any of her friends. Then told me someone was calling her a whore (it was her ex) and that's why she's been distant.

But then next day, low and behold, she's hanging out with this guy again, and ignoring me to a point. I love this girl. I can see us geting married. But I don't want to kid myself and end up getting hurt in the long run

Am I wasting my time here? Is this relqtionship salvageable? Advice thoroughly appreciated.

You can see yourself marrying a girl that doesn't want to hang out with you and instead hangs out with other guys all the time, even after you tell her it upsets you/makes you feel uncomfortable? Doesn't sound like a very good relationship to want to marry.

[God8010]

You focus far too much on what's being said and hardly at all on what's being done. I could tell you I'm a good person all day while i stab you in the face with a sword. Which are you going to believe? 80% of everything said is unspoken. Words are flawed by desire and ambition.

You already know this though, I can see it as you fumble back on your own claims in some weak logic attempt to reinforce your emotion. I have nothing to tell you, you already know what's going on. I'm more interested in why you're ignoring your inner voice and fighting for this? Is this your first real girlfriend? Only girl you've trusted enough that wasnt blood related? Do you fear without her, you will somehow remain alone? Are you a shy person and felt you could live life never confronting that while hiding behind someone who made the moves easy for you/pushed them on you? Now that part to me is far more interesting.

[Liax]

I don't know. i really don't. Its not my first girlfriend, but its my first one in a while. I keep second guessing myself around her. Honestly feel i deserve to be happy. I am plagued by my shyness. i grew up in a bad home where i was abused constantly, physically and verbally.

Maybe I'm scared of being alone. I don't know. But i'm gonna end it today. i'd rather be alone than constantly second guessing myself and thinking the wrong things. And being unhappy. Thanks for the advice, guys.

[God8010]

I don't know. i really don't. Its not my first girlfriend, but its my first one in a while. I keep second guessing myself around her. Honestly feel i deserve to be happy. I am plagued by my shyness. i grew up in a bad home where i was abused constantly, physically and verbally.

Maybe I'm scared of being alone. I don't know. But i'm gonna end it today. i'd rather be alone than constantly second guessing myself and thinking the wrong things. And being unhappy. Thanks for the advice, guys.

At least now everything fits. I will say in what you left unsaid, you prove to be a very decent person. A lesser man would use his pain as his excuse to cause pain on others. You, are troubled by your pain. You can feel another who suffers what you know because of what you've been though. In this you find confusion because even if you feel disrespected you also worry for her thoughts. It's a lack of self confidence in yourself that you begin to think is natural for everyone because it's all you know. You feel it, so she must feel it too. That's a lie.

What happened to you does not happen to everyone. It was in no way your fault, I could care less if you burnt a home down it was the failure on the adults for how to handle you. She might very well be sooo-confident that her confidence has soured and become nothing more than self-serving pride.

All things in moderation, though just being who you are and maybe giving yourself a break for the past and stand up straight with your shoulders back for once, what you seek will find you. Smile, you're a good guy.

[OzoAndIndi]

Hate to say it, but imo it sounds like maybe the interest has decreased but she's still enjoying the attention...

Friends is one thing, and I can understand hanging out with male friends still if she's the sort that was always "just one of the guys" and it's purely platonic, but to ignore you though... yeah, that sucks. :\ If it was worth it I would think that maybe she'd actually want to introduce you to them and include you in that circle.

[Theinquisition]

I'd recommend going your separate ways, why delay the inevitable that's is already slowing happening?

Typically unless a guy is gay, or very married, it's unusual for a dude to be friends with a chick unless he has some sort of attraction to her. It's just how we're wired.

[Deleted]

Girl I'm in a relationship with hangs out with other guys often. We rarely hang out. Like, the only time we actually hang out is when we do things we've always done together (ie watch a TV show). We talk all the time though. She texts me when she wakes up, when she's at work. But it ends there. We Haven't been intimate for a while (and it sucks cause we used to do it frequently) I know her schedule pretty much, and she has guy friends she always hangs out with.

This is a long distant relationship, but I used to see her every weekend. We don't watch movies together, we don't play games together much anymore. Its pretty much all texting, and she tells me she loves me, but it doesn't feel like it.

Ive confronted her twice about this. The first time she told me that she's sorry, but in her last relationship she completely ignored her friends cause of her boyfriend and she doesn't want to do that again. I told her that I don't want to keep her from them, I want to meet them. The second time, I basically said that we never hang out. we just text or talk, and that she hangs out with a specific guy all the time and it makes me feel pretty much ignored. That it doesn't feel like were even together anymore, and she called crying thinking I hate her, saying she's sorry,and that she talks to me more than any of her friends. Then told me someone was calling her a whore (it was her ex) and that's why she's been distant.

But then next day, low and behold, she's hanging out with this guy again, and ignoring me to a point. I love this girl. I can see us geting married. But I don't want to kid myself and end up getting hurt in the long run

Am I wasting my time here? Is this relqtionship salvageable? Advice thoroughly appreciated.

Long distance relationships... Whilst I can't provide you a definite figure, I am fairly certain over 95% end over few years. Having been in one myself for over 2 years I can honestly say that now thinking back on it, really wasn't worth the time and effort.

If you really really REALLY want to spend more time with her, maybe you should try to avoid making yourself look needy. From what I gather you are posing issues you have with your gf but haven't proposed any concrete solutions. How about you say something along the lines of "Hey babe I've figured out a way we can meet every saturday. How about we see each other next weekend?". At least here you are giving her options and not a blunt "moan" about your situation. Proceed from here. If she keeps giving excuses (4-5 times would be my sweet spot, your giving her chances and you are not letting yourself be dicked around), then you can make a decision as to whether or not you should be in this relationship.

[Deleted]

Typically unless a guy is gay, or very married, it's unusual for a dude to be friends with a chick unless he has some sort of attraction to her. It's just how we're wired.

Pff, I don't believe that at all.

[Theinquisition]

Pff, I don't believe that at all.

Sorry sweetie, but generally speaking its true. Why do you think you have dudes whining about getting "friendzoned" all the time.

That dude that hangs out with you all the time and is a good friend, more than likely, has a huge crush on you.

[Liax]

Thanks for the advice, all. She wasn't even broken up about me ending it. It hurts, but shit happens.

[Silhouette of Seraphim]

Thanks for the advice, all. She wasn't even broken up about me ending it. It hurts, but shit happens.

I suspected as much.

It's a good thing though. At least you can get on with your life, don't have to keep pandering to some bitch who was just using you for... who knows what, and was getting piped by someone else the entire time you were "together."

[Mavecryst]

Good on you Liax, for ending it. It wasn't going to make things any better the longer you dragged that out, so kudos for having the guts to just end it straight off now. You'll thank yourself repeatedly later when you find someone willing to respond in terms of effort. Give yourself alittle time to heal from the hurt of this one, but at least know you did the right thing